Phew. I've made my decision. I have to leave. To get far away. I love my unnies, my oppas and YG sajangnim but I couldn't just sit here.

I've been going to school a lot regularly these days. Some days I've wondered whats it like to do something alone.

I don't want to sound very rude and overly jealous but with the unnies running around with a lot on their plates I can't help but wonder what am I doing here? Even iKon and Winner members are getting solos and they've just debuted!

Do I even exist to them anymore? I've been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting for my time to shine but all I got was nothing.

Call me selfish and stupid but is it really worth my time? To be idle for so long, not doing anything.

I wanted to talk to Chaerin unnie if I was making the right choice but knowing her she'd just tell me something like " Minji-ah if that is what you want and if it makes you happy then go for it."

Then there's Bom unnie and Dara unnie, Haaa I don't even wanna know what they'd do if they knew what I am thinking of doing.

The day I was supposed to have a conference with sajangnim alone was interrupted when Chaerin unnie came fast to the office relaying the good news.

She was Invited to perform on MAMA2015 and wanted us to perform with her, but before she stormed in and told the news she heard bits of the conversation of me leaving.

I could see tears forming in her eyes, shaking but not falling. And as I thought she said the same thing I had thought she'd say but with the request of not telling the unnies of my decision until after the MAMA performance.

Many doubtss were running through my mind. Is this what I really want? Is this what's going to make me happy? Could I survive