It was spring.

The sun was shining above but it didn’t make your heart feel warm anymore.

The grass was of a nice green and it danced gracefully with the breeze. It was weekend so there were a lot of people passing by, some of them chasing after their children that ran happily around. You sat on the floor and remembered all the sunny days you had; your youth had been full of happy memories and each one of them was living vividly in your mind.

It could have been winter and the sky could have been falling apart with the rain but in his company everyday was a sunny day. You missed the days which he would lift your mood with the simplest and silliest things and that’s why you loved him. That’s why you still love him.

But life was different now, without him. The days were gloomy no matter how colorful the flowers in your garden were. The flowers he chose for that garden.

That day you had woken up earlier because he was excited to go out. You hid your face on the pillow, still sleepy, and he took the blankets and threw them to the foot of the bed. As he saw you didn’t move he started to tickle you and soon you were laughing uncontrollably.

“Okay, okay! I give up!! Please stop now I’ll- I will get up!!!” you were squirming trying to get his hands off and he stopped, still laughing. “Gosh, you’re such a kid!” you told him and he gave you a wide smile before kissing you.

“Alright, wash up now because we have a long day ahead, I’ve planned a lot of things!” You laughed at his excitement. He was so adorable.

You have decided to move in together after 2 years of relationship and so far things were working fine. You had thought it was going to take you some time to get used to live with someone else but Daehyun made things so much easier, it felt like you’d always been living with him.

You got dressed, had a hurried breakfast, stepped out your home and followed him as he didn’t want to tell you where you two were going. It was a warm sunny spring day and you walked hand in hand. The breeze felt nice against your face.

“Please don’t laugh at me, it’s just that I’m too excited to have moved in with you that I want it to be perfect,” he said when you had arrived in downtown. He was the cutest. You didn’t know how, but you fell in love with him each single day; you must have done something good in your past life to have him as your boyfriend now. He led you into a flower shop and you were welcomed by its fresh smell. For a moment you forgot you were with him and walked around to see all the different colors and shapes each one had, all of them with its singular scent. Daehyun surprised you by putting a lily of an orange shade in front of you: your favorite flower.

“I ordered lilies of all colors, so you have to choose the other ones,” you looked at him and thanked him with a smile. “And for what? What are you planning in that head of yours?” you asked playfully.

“What is a house without a pretty garden? And ours has to be just as pretty as you are,” he sheepishly smiled and your cheeks turned a soft pink at his compliment. “Then you choose the others, I’m already happy with this one!” you kissed his cheek and followed him to pick the ones he wanted.

It turned out that he did very well. Your front yard looked very pleasant to look at with those vivid colors at each side of the footpath and near the front door were the purple and yellow lilies. You put your arms around his waist from behind and hugged him. You were seeing a new side of Daehyun and you were excited to know that there was more of him to find out about; you were already loving it.

You removed a lock of hair from your face and sighed. You missed living with him; now every night after a long day at work you got home only to find there was no one waiting for you, the first months after he left you slept on your right side to avoid looking at the empty side of the bed he used to lie on. You had thought things were going to work out this time, after all those awful previous experiences you had thought you finally were going to be better and with him, but destiny –which you didn’t believe in before- had different plans for you two.

It still amazed you how Daehyun had a different point of view for everything and how he opened your eyes to other perspectives and ways to see life.

It was one of those nights that you two would sit outside to look at the stars when the sky was clear and you would talk about random things. What was good about dating someone who was also your best friend was that you never had time to get bored. And that night he brought up the topic of how you two met.

“I remember you were pretty reluctant at first, you even were getting ready to call the police,” he commented and you chuckled while nodding with your head. “That’s because I don’t trust strangers, what if you were a psycho and kidnapped me?” Daehyun laughed again and your heart rejoiced with the echo of his laughter. His kitty smile was always nice to see and the little wrinkles around his eyes made you have that urge to squeeze his face and kiss it all over.

“But you were so persistent that I had to trust your good intentions and let you walk me to the station before I ended up totally soaked with the rain,” you took a sip from your mug and rested your head on his shoulder. He was looking up to the dark sky, deep in thought and his head resting against the wall.

“You know, I have always believed in destiny, and having you here just proves that it exists,” you heard him say in a soft voice, almost like a whisper. You looked at him, doubting a little and he directed his eyes at you. “What? Don’t you believe in fate?” His expression was a bit embarrassed but he deceived it with a confident one, waiting for your answer. “I think those are just things that happen in fairytales. Why do you think I was part of your destiny?” This was getting interesting because Daehyun used to have a different mindset from others and that’s one of the many things that attracted you.

“I don’t know… I guess it’s because I was walking in the rain trying to clear my mind and I see a girl soaking wet without her umbrella and asked her if she wanted me to give her mine and now she’s my girlfriend.” He drank more of his coffee.

“Yeah, so?”

“So, what if I went in the other direction instead? What if I decided to stay at home and watch a movie? Or what if you had brought your umbrella or if someone else helped you out?” He took your hand in his. ”It was meant to be.”

He had a point. You had never stopped to think about it that way and now that he mentioned it, it made sense. You gave him a smile and kissed him on the lips.

“Then I’m glad the rain has caught me that day.”

Of course there were times you two quarreled and fought, who doesn’t? You had fought over the smallest things and also there were the times you two had fought about some unwanted friendships and about missing spending time together when work took up most of your time. But the best part about it was the making-up afterwards. Those quarrels never lasted long and soon you two were in good terms again.

Your heart felt heavy again. It seemed a good idea to go out and have some fresh air but all these memories were making you sad. Although you had promised him you would never feel sad whenever you thought of him, it was a difficult promise to keep on a day like this.

A ray of light reflected in the ring on your left hand and you fidgeted with it for a while. You two would have been so happy if your family could have had the chance to grow, especially him since he loved kids. He even mentioned something about having a baby but you weren’t ready by then. You were now. But although you couldn’t give him that, your mind was still in peace because you did everything you could to make him happy, you gave him the best years of your youth and you didn’t regret about it, you gave him all the love you had and cherished everything he did for you, too.

You hoped that, wherever he was, he was happy. You were still trying to be, you had a big reason now to do so.

That day your whole world collapsed. How were you supposed to go on without him? There wasn’t any reason for you to keep living and you hated everything. You hated destiny, you hated your life, and you hated the idea of him no longer next to you. You were totally lost. The house felt cold, hostile and its silence was like a stab in your chest. You cried for who knows how many days, hoping that he would come back and knock on the door but he never did. His remaining clothes still smelt like him but Daehyun was gone. He was gone and you had to learn how to stand up and keep on with your life because you were alone now. Your paths weren’t connected from now on.

What he didn’t know before leaving was that he was going to be a father, but you couldn’t tell him because you got the news a few weeks later. You swore for the sake of the love you had for Daehyun that you were going to take care of that child with your life as it was now the only tangible memory you had of him.

It was getting chilly so you took your sweater from your bag and put it on. You did the same with your son and your heart skipped a beat as it did every time you looked at him; he looked so much like his dad.

A butterfly landed on the grave that read his name and you smiled. Maybe it was a silly and naïve thought but maybe he was there and he was that butterfly. Then it flew away and you wiped the tear that had escaped from your eyes while your kid went running after it trying to catch it with his little hands. You played with the ribbon of the flower bouquet in your arms, smiling at the memory of Jung Daehyun, and then placed the flowers down. The flowers he had chosen.

~~~