Hyejoo knew something was up the moment Yerim dropped her bag on the ground and got out her notebooks to do her homework in silence. It was evident something was eating at her because one, Yerim would do anything in her power to avoid doing homework as soon as they got home from school and two, Yerim didn’t know silence. The girl was constantly blabbering 24/7 without so much of a breath in between her words.

Hyejoo, however, wasn’t going to push her. She would cave in soon because again, Yerim would do everything she could to avoid solving math equations with more than one answer. Yerim had situated herself on Hyejoo’s bed while the owner was comfortable at her desk typing away on her gray laptop. She had this reflection for Human Health she wanted to get out of the way, unlike Yerim who always left things last minute.

Hyejoo did throw her side glances once in a while though, until finally the older of the two cracked from the avoidance. Yerim huffed in frustration and closed her books loudly. She then made a scene and got up to pace around Hyejoo’s room like she was debating to reveal some top secret information that could get her killed. Again, Hyejoo kept mum and continued to type, not wanting to push her. 

If she asked Yerim what was bothering her, the girl would pretend like she was okay and keep her feelings bottled up. Hyejoo had to act disinterested even though she was dying of curiosity on the inside. Still, that didn’t mean Hyejoo couldn’t do anything to speed up the process of Yerim talking. Hyejoo was sure it’s not just her, but Yerim opens up a lot easier when their surrounding are comfortable and they’re huddled close together.

Hyejoo paused her typing and looked over at a spaced out Yerim, still mindlessly pacing back and forth, about to wear out her carpet from the imprints. 

“If you’re not gonna be on the bed I’m taking your spot,” Hyejoo called.

Yerim snapped her head up and looked at her, realizing that she had been spoken to and taking a few seconds to process the younger girl’s words. “Huh? Oh. Yeah sure. Go for it.”

Hyejoo brought her laptop over (to pretend like she was still focusing on her short answer prompt) and got cozy on the bed. Her back was against the headboard and legs stretched out in front of her comfortably. She continued to type like nothing but honestly, her sentences weren’t making any sense anymore. She would have to do some major revisions and editing to this before she turned it in because yikes.

“Come sit with me,” Hyejoo spoke up without looking away from her screen.

Yerim never had it in her to deny a request from her best friend. Carefully, she joined Hyejoo, sitting opposite of her, legs crossed like a pretzel. She was playing with her fingers and sighing every few seconds. She was a fidgeting mess, not knowing what to do with her limbs awkwardly in the way.

Any day now, Hyejoo actually stopped typing altogether knowing it wouldn’t be long until—

“I kissed him.”

Hyejoo looked up immediately (almost giving herself whiplash in the process) and trying so hard to keep a straight face and not show her shock. Yerim looked like she had been holding that secret inside for years when in reality it probably happened today.

“Hojin?” Hyejoo furrowed her brows.

Yerim gave her a lifeless nod as she adverted her gaze down to her lap.

And unsure “Oh” was all Hyejoo said, because to be honest she had nothing else to tell her. What was she going to say?

“Yeah...”

Hojin was an upperclassman. Not Yerim’s boyfriend per se, but he was interested in her as he had confessed to her multiple times. Hyejoo thought Yerim’s attraction for him was mutual since they would go on dates at least once a week and they would eat lunch together everyday. They had been doing so for almost two weeks. But seeing Yerim so hesitant now as she talked about him made Hyejoo rethink that. If you liked someone you shouldn't be looking like you wanted the earth to swallow you up.

Hyejoo tried not to dwell too hard on the fact that that she knew he had been Yerim’s first kiss. And although she knew the firework-like experience people always associated it with was just one big elaborate ploy to enhance cheesy romance movies, Hyejoo wished Yerim's first kiss did go like that because she deserved the entire world served to her on a silver platter. Hyejoo also tried not to see Hojin in a bad light due to the new information and call him names out loud like she did in her head (such as tool, dork, loser, four eyes, quack, etc.), because the dude was not bad at all, it was just her jealousy bubbling inside that clouded her judgement.

“How was it?” Hyejoo really didn’t want to know but she knew Yerim needed someone to talk about it with.

The other girl still wasn’t meeting her gaze, entertaining herself by chipping off her purple nail polish with her own nails. “I don’t know how to describe it.” 

Yerim sounded so confused and unsure. Her voice was small and it almost sounded fearful. Hyejoo was starting to worry. She decided to be careful with her next words.

“Did he force you or...?”

Yerim snapped her head up. “No! No, definitely not,” she responded frantic. “I– It was me.”

Okay, Hyejoo believed her, but there was definitely something more she was hiding. And although Yerim wasn’t one to like being under pressure, Hyejoo had to resort to it if she wanted to help Yerim with whatever she was struggling with. The nervous girl had gone back to staring at anything but her.

“What’s the problem then? Did you not like it?” At this point Hyejoo had closed her laptop and pushed it off her lap, giving Yerim her full attention.

That statement seemed to trigger something by the way Yerim visibly stiffened. So she had hit the bullseye.

“Yerim look at me,” Hyejoo called, her voice not too loud but still firm.

The other girl took a deep breath before doing so. Her eyes were a bit shaky and glossy.

“What’s wrong?” Hyejoo’s tone was soft and gentle.

Yerim didn’t know why she was hesitating so much. She knew Hyejoo wouldn’t judge her and she knew she could tell her everything and anything. But for some reason, talking about Hojin with Hyejoo felt wrong. It was like... she was cheating or something. Yerim didn’t know how to explain the weird feeling of guilt in her chest whenever she went out with Hojin and Hyejoo stayed back and waved them goodbye from a distance. She didn't know why she would rather if Hyejoo traded places with Hojin and she were the one she went on dates with instead.

“I don’t know what’s wrong,” Yerim finally confessed. “I really don’t know, Hyejoo. I don’t understand,” she shook her head. “We’ve been going out on dates for so long yet... I don’t feel anything.”

Yerim was truly at a loss. Was there something wrong with her? Was she just heartless and incapable of love? Was she broken?

“I told him about it and he said it’s fine. He doesn’t rush me into anything. He’s very sweet and patient and understanding, and he’s just such an amazing guy. He’s smart and he’s cute and he’s everything any girl could ask for.”

Yerim didn’t notice the way Hyejoo’s jaw tightened or the way her fists clenched hearing the endless praises coming from her. Hyejoo knew she had no right though so she forced herself to relax and be a good friend, because right now this wasn’t about her. This wasn't about her feelings for Yerim.

“He has all those amazing qualities yet... nothing. Yes I’m happy to spend time with him because he’s still my friend, but I don’t get excited or those butterflies people always talk about. I kissed him to see if it would change anything but still nothing.”

Hyejoo really didn’t know. For the longest time she thought Yerim liked him back. How long had this been going on for? What kind of friend was she to not have noticed sooner that Yerim had been struggling so much?

“Maybe you just don’t click, Yerim and that’s okay. There’s other guys out there.” Hyejoo felt a bitter taste in with that last statement leaving her lips. She didn’t think she could bear seeing Yerim going out with other guys. Her heart wouldn't be able to take it. 

Yerim had finally opened up which meant she was getting more comfortable in sharing everything that was on her mind. That also reflected in the way she carried herself. She no longer was seated far away but had gotten a little bit closer, her legs now stretched as well and draped over Hyejoo’s own.

“That’s just it though. Maybe it’s not just Hojin... maybe I just don’t click with guys in general.” It's not like the thought hadn't ran across her mind before but lately she was just having more frequent suspicion. 

Hyejoo felt like she had an auditory hallucination. She wasn't hearing things though because Yerim lips had moved and those words matched their shape. Did Yerim just say what she thinks she just said? She blinked back her obvious surprise.

“Are you saying you’re–“

“Hyejoo what if I don’t like guys?” Yerim interrupted her.

Okay. So Hyejoo hadn’t been getting ahead of herself. Yerim really was pondering on the possibility of liking girls instead of guys. Holy .

“What do you mean what if you don’t like guys? Yerim, that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Hyejoo reached for her hand and held it tight. “Yerim, it’s okay for you to question your uality. It’s okay for you to be unsure.”

Mainly the reason why Hyejoo sounded so wise was because of personal experience. She’d been there before, almost a year back actually, but Yerim didn’t have a clue. Hyejoo opted out from telling her based on the fact that she was the reason for Hyejoo’s whole “awakening” in the first place. It felt wrong to dump something so big on her like that so Hyejoo confided in others when it came to her uality. She was starting to regret that decision now.

“You’re not... weirded out?” Yerim bit her lip nervously.

Hyejoo rolled her eyes. “Yerim, you’re an idiot if you think I would have a problem with you being gay.”

It was like the official word was a trigger that completely sent Yerim into panic mode. “Shh! Not so loud! Oh my God, don’t say it like that! We don’t know yet!”

Hyejoo‘s lips formed a thin line. Okay, so maybe try to ease her into the possibility and not push her head first into the lion's den. “Sorry, geez. How are you planning on finding out then?”

Seriously, how were they supposed to know? Was there some kind of official test for things like this? Because that would save millions of people so much trouble. Like, Hyejoo could open her laptop back up and have Yerim do some of those “how gay are you" quizzes from Google but that was stupid (although Hyejoo had done countless of those herself too).

“Do you want to help me?” Yerim looked hesitant again.

Hyejoo thought they were past being unsure. She would do anything for her best friend. “Of course I’ll help you, stupid. Do you want me to like introduce you to some people to talk to? Do you want me to help you find a cute girl to flirt with you and see if you turn into a gay mess in front of her?”

Yerim smacked her on the arm. “Stop! I swear to God, you’re unbelievable.” She hid her face behind her hands in embarrassment.

Hyejoo simply laughed at her. She figured that if she acted like it was no big deal then Yerim could start getting used to the idea quicker. Besides, she loved teasing the girl so right now Hyejoo was having the time of her life. And just then,she got an idea. Hyejoo's smile dropped and she turned serious. Yerim had removed her hands from her face and was a bit taken aback by Hyejoo’s drastic change of mood.

“You said you kissed Hojin to find out if you liked him,” Hyejoo stated.

Yerim nodded. It seemed like Hyejoo got an idea and for some reason Yerim’s heart began to speed up slightly in nervous anticipation. Whenever Hyejoo got an idea they were either destined for greatness or bound to crash and burn up in flames.

“What if you kiss a girl to find out if you like girls?”

Yerim felt something in her stomach stir. Just the thought of kissing a girl made Yerim feel dizzy. She could never. Who would even want to kiss her? Who would be crazy enough to accept Yerim going up to them and asking “hey wanna kiss?” as a test. That was just not realistic.

“And who in the world am I going to kiss? What girl is going to agree to such a crazy idea?” Yerim huffed.

Hyejoo didn’t say anything for a while and just stared. Yerim was not understanding the silent message until something in Hyejoo’s eyes made everything click. Her. Hyejoo was referring to herself.

“Oh,” Yerim let out awkwardly.

She couldn’t find it in her to keep her eyes on her best friend anymore, opting to look at anything else once again. She chose the window which gave her a perfect view of the beautiful setting sky outside. Yerim looked back at her once she felt ready.

Kiss Hyejoo? Yerim had so many fears attached to that suggestion. Once they crossed that line, they would never be able to go back to how they were now. And what if something went wrong? What if Hyejoo stopped being her friend because she felt disgusted? There were so many doubts in her mind that Yerim settled for the only answer. She couldn't do it. She couldn't risk it.

“No, that’s weird,” she tried to sound convincing but she wasn't even sure of her own words.

Hyejoo shook her head. “Not really. We’re close and we trust each other. Plus, I’m a girl that’s obviously crazy enough to go with this plan,” she joked.

Yerim had to let out a chuckle at that. “True.” 

The taller girl didn't seem to have a problem and it made Yerim sigh in relief. On the contrary, Hyejoo felt like she was about to pass out as her lungs seemed to have forgotten how to function.

Why was she slowly turning into a nervous wreck? She had to be the experienced one here!

Hyejoo tried to not have her heart jump up . “Also, I have a lot more kissing experience than you.”

Yerim scoffed. “Oh really now? Since when?”

The light atmosphere between them was back.

Hyejoo flipped her hair playfully. “Since always. Now come on.”

Yerim wasn’t sure if she liked or hated how Hyejoo seemed way too comfortable an