June 2010

I cursed under my breath when I heard my phone ring, effectively waking me up from the peaceful slumber I was in. This had better be important, I thought. A decent sleep was something I rarely had, especially recently. “Yeoboseyo,” I said, trying so hard to not show my annoyance.

“Noona,” the person at the other end said. You recognize the voice immediately, it was KyuJong, and his voice didn't sound right. I had known him since before his debut with his group and I had never heard him like that before. My dongsaeng was hurting so much and my heart broke for him. My sleepiness went away in an instant and was replaced by worry.

“KyuJong? What happened? Why are you-”

“Noona, I…” KyuJong couldn't finish his sentence. You heard a sob just before a light shuffle. Then, someone else was on the phone. “Yeoboseyo? Noona? It’s HyunJoong.”

“Yes,HyunJoong. What happened? Why is KyuJong being like that?” I asked him. Something was completely off.

“We received a bad news-"

“Where are you?” I didn't let him finish his sentence. His mentioning a bad news, combined with hearing KyuJong, was enough to make me panic. I launched myself out of the bed and started making my way to my closet.

“KyuJong’s place. All 5 of us are here.”

“Arasseo. Wait for about 30 minutes. I’ll go there.” I randomly chose an outfit and brought it back toward my bed.

“Arasseo. Be careful.”

“Sure,” I said then hung up.

I tossed my phone onto the bed and went straight to take a quick shower. Ten minutes later, I was already dressed and called a taxi. I grabbed my things and put all of them in my purse.

When the taxi arrived, I hopped on and did my make up hastily. There wasn't much need for it, but I didn't feel comfortable without at least a little bit of makeup on.

---

Arriving at KyuJong’s apartment building, I got off the taxi and started toward the door. I impatiently waited for the elevator to arrive at the ground floor and, after getting on it, to take me to his floor. I didn't bother waiting for the elevator door to open completely before hurrying to KyuJong’s door. I rang the bell and waited a few seconds until someone opened it for me. I looked at the person to see it was JungMin, which did not ease my worry at all. KyuJong almost always opened the door for his guests, unless he was in the bathroom or something. I was convinced he wasn't in the bathroom.

I hurried into the apartment and kicked my shoes off. Before I even entered the living room, I was greeted by the sight of KyuJong sitting on the floor hugging HyungJun, his face buried in the maknae’s neck. YoungSaeng had a hand on his back, rubbing slightly.

My eyes travelled to the direction of the kitchen and saw HyunJoong emerging, he was carrying a bottle of water. “Oh, you’re here,” he said. There wasn't the usual high-pitched greeting he gave me. His shoulder was slumped. He looked exhausted and frustrated.

He walked past me toward KyuJong. He crouched down and placed a hand on the center’s shoulder and whispered something. KyuJong pulled away from YoungSaeng and took the water bottle. He finally looked up at me, his gaze meeting mine. That was when I realised something really big must have happened. His eyes said it all. It was full of pain; they were full of hatred, but not toward anyone else but himself. Seeing all this, I dropped my purse and hastily made my way over.

Seeing me come over, HyungJun moved to the side so I could sit directly in front of KyuJong. Sitting down, I reached out to wipe the tears on his face. His eyes had gone really red and puffy. He must have been crying for hours. He leaned in to my touch and started crying again.

“KyuJong-ah, what happened? Why are you crying like this?” I took his hand to find it shaking. Still holding KyuJong’s hand, I looked up at HyunJoong, “What happened?”

“We just came home from the label office, Noona. We decided to not renew our contract,” explained the leader. “They…” he hesitated for a moment, “didn't want to renew all our contracts.”

My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. I couldn’t believe they really did them dirty. But then, realisation hit me. Did they not want to renew the contracts for all five or was there a member they wanted to get rid of?

“Wait,” I said, looking at them one by one. I noticed all their eyes were really red, just like KyuJong’s. They had been crying, too. I looked back at KyuJong and found him looking down. “The person whose contract they didn't want to renew-"

“It’s me. They said I'm holding the others back,” KyuJong said in his shaky voice.

“Oh my God, KyuJong. I'm so sorry it happened to you." I leaned forward and hugged him. I could feel his pain through the way his body was shaking in my arms. He was really hurt and the other members also shared his pain. The room was suddenly filled with sobs as everyone started crying. Well, everyone except me. I wanted to cry, I really wanted to, but I needed to be strong for them. I had to.

A few minutes had passed before I finally pulled away from KyuJong. “All of you, listen to me,” I said. I looked around to find all of them looking at me, ready to hear me out. “What they're doing to you all, it's bull. KyuJong, you are not holding the others back. You need to understand that. I know that you believe what they said to you, but I'm here to tell you that they're wrong. Ask the others,” I pointed at the other members with one hand, “I'm sure they will tell you the exact same thing I did.”

“Noona is right, KyuJong. You’re our eternal center. If there is no you, there will be no SS501. We won’t do without you,” HyunJoong said.

“Yes. It’s not your fault. They didn't know what they just lost,” YoungSaeng said, rubbing KyuJong’s back.

“That's right,” added JungMin, “they should have known better than to do that. We will never be a group without you. We're SS501, we will