A groan escaped her pale lips as she turned. Why were the sheets so cold this morning? Her tired eyes slowly opened themselves, meeting the view of the darkened snowy sky that her window provided. Pulling the covers higher and snuggling into them she decided it felt much like cold daggers piercing at her skin. This time last year it was warm. It was so warm and she pulled the memory before her in hopes that it could share it’s warmth with her this cold morning but quickly pulled to and banished such thoughts. Stop that, ___. Don’t you dare start so early in the morning this way, you’re cold enough and the emptiness you’re going to feel in an hour or so will be much colder. Don’t harm yourself in such a way. The warmth was enticing though, it called to her tugging heart, pleading. She wanted nothing more than to forget her cold sheets if only for a minute and run into those warm arms again. Even if it was just another dream to her she’d gladly accept it with both hands, reaching out to grasp the fond thought. Don’t you dare, ___. “It’s…so cold though.” she mumbled to herself, closing her eyes before the tears could form. The house smelled like Vanilla and the silence was consuming her. This time last year it had smelled like Apple Cinnamon and those soft breaths beside her eased her heart as she snuggled into a warm chest. No, ___. You can’t. She rolled over, feeling as if she was in a sea of ice. The whole bed was her own now. It’d been a year and the space still felt as though it wasn’t hers. Just because she’d paid for it herself didn’t make it hers. Not really, she thought. This bed had been too big for her and another memory crashed into her mind as she let out a sad giggle. This bed had been too big for her but it seemed too small for the warmth. “It’s so cold…” she mused softly, reaching her hand to trace shapes on the ice mattress. This time last year the space had occupied a warm heart that embraced her comfortably. It had mumbled her name in its sleep and she’d smiled as if she’d won a prize but to her, she did. He’d been the best prize she’d ever won, her warmth. ____ you’re going to regret this. She sighed and opened her eyes, examining the small space with those tired eyes. “Yongguk-ah…it’s cold.”

The snow fell lazily outside in such a quiet way that it hadn’t been noticed until much later in the afternoon. Outside the wind blew gently, people bundled themselves tightly to defend against oncoming shivers as the temperature slowly dropped but inside it was warm. The scented candle on the kitchen table had burned out hours ago but the sweet smell lingered in the apartment, much to the girls delight as she let out a yawn before rolling over. “___-ah..” the blonde whispered, eyes still closed and breathing steady as he called out gently to her. She smiled at the beds other occupant and moved to snuggle into his chest as his arms wrapped around her protectively. She was even warmer now than she had been when she’d awoken and she hoped she could feel such warmth for all of her days. “It’s almost Christmas, Oppa.” she whispered happily, words that matched the wintery holiday skipping around her mind. Hot Chocolate, Snowmen, Carols, Mistletoe… “What would you like most from Santa?” he asked, finally opening his eyes to see her. She put a finger to her pink lips in thought and nodded, another smile escaping. “The thing I want most is a morning just like this. If this was to be the last perfect morning surely I’d regret asking for something silly like new shoes or a new sweater.” He smiled, his gums showing as he let out a laugh and ruffled her hair. “We haven’t even had breakfast yet and this is already perfect to you? Don’t you like Oppa’s cooking?” She rolled her eyes and leaned forward to give his lips a quick kiss. “I love your cooking. It’s just so nice at this moment, I wish I could have it every morning.” “And why can’t you?” he asked, tracing her jaw line with his index finger.

In The Snow Queen, Kay’s heart had turned to ice. A similar cold pain seemed to shoot through her chest as she let out a whine, her eyes shut tightly, balled sheets held in her small fists. The snow continued it’s merciless fall outside, blanketing the apartment in white icing. I told you, ___. All the warmth from the memory vanished and the Vanilla scent invaded her senses as she kicked at the sheets in frustration. “She’s just a friend, ___!” The words screamed to her and she turned in the uneasiness. “She kissed me! What could I have done?!” No, no. She seemed to be getting colder and the quiet wasn’t bringing any comfort to her thrashing mind. “Just because I didn’t pull away that means I liked it? I didn’t want to be rude, it didn’t mean anything! I didn’t kiss her back!” He honestly hadn’t. She’d known that, she’d known and she couldn’t forgive him anyways. Calm down, ___. Her war edged on and she let out another whine, pulling her pillow to her chest and clutching it tightly.

“Ah, you’re home?” the blonde asked in amusement as he returned to the apartment from his shopping trip. She looked over blankly and nodded before going back to staring her coffee mug down. “Aish, it’s so cold outside!” he complained as he shed his many layers until only a white t-shirt was left. She shrugged, knowing full well just how cold it was. She’d been out herself not too long ago. “You’re awfully quiet, ___-ah.” he pointed out, moving to lean on the counter and poke her cheek softly. “How was your trip?” she asked in a monotone, not even bothering to fake a smile as she peered up at the taller one. “Eh? It was cold~” he complained before a smile replaced the pout. “I did get new headphones though! You’re really going-“ “That’s all? It was cold?” she interrupted him, blinking. Already her tears wanted to come but she banished the thoughts away. She had to stay strong through this, she had to be fierce like all those girls in the music videos were in these situations. “W-What do you mean?” he asked tentatively, tilting his head at her question. The atmosphere began to grow tense and she knew he noticed as he leaned away from the counter, running a hand through his hair. “Is she your girlfriend then?” the girl asked, running her finger around the edge of the mug, refusing to meet his eyes. “Yah, what are you talking about?” His voice was firm but there was no denying the hint of panic behind it and she looked up to meet his eyes, searching them. “I went shopping too, Yongguk.” She knew dropping the honorific would irritate him but it wasn’t much of a concern at the moment. She studied his expression as fear etched itself there, further confirming what she’d witnessed earlier. “Listen ___-ah, you really misunderstood-“ “I misunderstood your lips on hers? I misunderstood you not pushing her away? What am I to you, Yongguk?” she asked, raising her tone as she pushed the mug away, crossing her arms. His eyes seemed to plead as he moved around the counter to stand beside her, taking her hands in his. “I know how it seems, but she’s just a friend, ____-ah! I swear!” She pushed him away and shook her head. She knew he’d react this way, she knew what was coming and though she’d been prepared it still hurt to be lied to. “Don’t tell me things like that, she was more than a friend. You didn’t even pull away, Yongguk!” “She kissed me! What could I have done?! If I’d pushed her away she might’ve fallen, she was drunk!” Had the girl really been drunk? Was it ___ who was being unreasonable right now? No, no she couldn’t be fed such nonsense. He knew he’d done wrong and now that he was caught he’d say anything to get out of it. “You’re a liar! You liked it didn’t you? That’s why you didn’t pull away, you liked her kissing you!” He was getting frustrated now, his earlier shame pushed aside as he growled. “Just because I didn’t pull away that means I liked it? I didn’t want to be rude, it didn’t mean anything! I didn’t kiss her back!” She pointed to the door as her tears slipped out, trailing down her cheeks as she tried to steady her voice. “Go. I’m not listening to your lies anymore. You were kissing another girl, Yongguk. I saw you with my own eyes. I deserve much better than this and I won’t let it happen again! Just go!” He laughed incredulously, shaking his head. “You can’t be serious, ____. Are you really going to kick me out because of such a misunderstanding?” “I’m not kicking you out, we’re through.” she announced boldly, getting up and heading to her room. The door closed behind her and she leaned her back against it as more tears pooled out. She’d done what she needed to do. She was strong just like those girls in the videos, so why did it hurt so much? Why was her heart screaming that she’d done the wrong thing? No, she wouldn’t be one of those girls who turned a blind eye to their boyfriends extra activites. She never imagined she’d have to be, Yongguk had always taken care of her so well. He’d never once looked another girl and when asked if he thought someone was pretty he only shrugged. She’d done the wrong thing, hadn’t she? It was a misunderstanding, just like he said. That’s what it was, she knew he didn’t kiss that girl back. She knew he’d wagged his finger at the girl when she pulled away and she knew the girl had stumbled when she tried to move away. She probably had been drunk, Yongguk had never lied to her. Where had this doubt come from, this panic in her mind that drove her to such a horrible conclusion? She moved and quickly opened the door to apologize and wrap her arms around her warm counterpart but the only thing that greeted her was the sweet Apple Cinnamon scent from the candle that had blown out an hour ago. “Y-Yongguk-ah?” she called carefully, moving around the area, praying to God he was here. His things were gone, each layer he’d previously peeled off, his shoes, his shopping bags. Gone. He really had left like she’d told him to, despite the fact that it was her who was in the wrong. Would she be able to catch him if she ran? The cold couldn’t compare to the guilt that racked her body so just shoving her shoes on was all she could handle before rushing out the apartment door, down the steps and outside into the blustery wind. She looked both ways, the street lights giving faint illumination to the dark streets that were covered in slush and newly fallen snow. He wasn’t anywhere she could see, and the falling snow was already covering the tracks left behind making it almost impossible to see in the faint light. He was gone. He left like she’d told him to. Her breath caught in as she let out a sob, the reality of the situation consuming her. Yongguk was gone. Her warm mornings were gone. Santa hadn’t heard her wish.

Her chest was so heavy she honestly believed a demon to be sitting on it as she opened her eyes and peered at the ceiling. Why had she done this to herself? It was always the same, every morning she was haunted with this coldness and every morning she only increased her pain. She was foolish. “It’s almost Christmas.” She mused to the apartment softly, finally sitting up and looking about the room. The walls were as white as the snow falling outside and brought no comfort but she pulled herself from bed anyways and moved to make a cup of tea in the living room. Maybe Santa didn’t grant wishes, maybe material things were all he could bring. This year, she thought. This year Santa, bring me my warmth.