I would like be loved, I would like to be the one that you like, you are far from me now and my heart feels him every day, say to me that our break was only an error  say  you want only me and only me, say to me that your heart jumps when he sees me, say to me what you have never said to me. Come back  even with  all his errors, I am weak because I cannot resist my feelings, no matter what I know,  I prefer not to believe in it and to be near you. Say to me, have you  liked me one day?  My life is not worth being lived without you, I have no more taste in anything without my unique love, I always lived near you, when that I am a child, or adolescent, you made me  become a  woman, you were my first one for everything.... By love I gave up the marriage which my family organized with a rich family to be near you,  do you imagine that I wasted my future for you? Do you imagine the sadness in eyes from my parents ?  All this for a young man who did not raise eyes only once for their daughter? And I made him, I have no regret, I lived a small moment of hapiness with you but I am happy,  maybe that with my husband I would not have lived it,  I shall have become a mom, I shall have lived the everyday life in the permanent happiness. In only 18 years,  I lived love with a big a, the one who gives you butterflies in the stomach, the one who incredibly aches when you know that the person that you love does not share its feelings. I shall have made everything for you, but you shall have kept silent made something for me. By thinking of it, you had no feeling for me, I was only your toy, something which makes spend time, something useless after all. I cannot imagine that you had no love for me, but I cannot imagine  you had love for me . I cry because all moments for me, magic spent together, are only moments useless, boring for you. Say to me you went out with me because you wanted to play or simply because I made you pity? Do not lie ! I have never counted for you. We broke the day before my birthday,  and do you  Know  how many times my heart hurt me when I saw you with a girl hand in hand, laughing? While  I was badly. How many times I retained my tears because there were a lot of people around me? How many times I ran  to at my home,   because  I you ais seen and I did not want that you see me? when I locked myself in my bedroom all the rest of the weekend to cry, I felt bad to have broken with you not to have known how to give you of the happiness. So much I cried, I fell asleep on the ground by fatigue, I had pain, so badly. I stayed 1 week in the hospital because of stress crisis. You would not once have come, while your best friend,  Bobby is come, every day taking new flowers . I shall have been able to die, you shall not have come not really? After all we weren't together! I became aware while you were not really happy with me. My heart still hurts me and my feelings did not weaken. You know that I thought of the suicide when I saw you happy while I, I was plunged into a sadness, I lost weight, too much weight, I lost the appetite, we forced me to eat. My mother shouted me above so that I eat, she begged me to pay attention on me, I felt bad, but as soon as I ate, I had his feelings of the evil in me which needed that his kind. I was often confronted with my devils, with cuts here and there, with medicine swallowed discreetly, I did not want to go to class any more, I more wanted to live what I lived before,, and I hurt because i don't want to break with you, how many times my mother cried after the meals because I had almost eaten nothing, how much begged me to such to forget you.... I wanted to make only that, but you are in my veins, you are anchored in me as a tattoo. You are anchored in me as a tattoo. She was near me when I wanted to leave, she often return to me on earth,  she brought me the happiness, she never cried in front of me, she tried to cure herself my misfortune. She was there when I woke up in a room of hospital, she was there when the doctor fed me by machine. I wanted to change, really, I wanted to be of happy again, I promised to my mother to get better, she held me the hand and made me relive, her took me in the places where I did not want to put back  feet, she comforted me when I was afraid, she prevented me from crying, she wanted that I can live again she helped me to get better. My body is not more than a heap of bones, I do not have any more of encircle on the face, and my smile and returned, but my heart is always the same I just decided to pass in other thing, I decided to live to show you that you hurt me, to show you all that I lived and this letter is a part of it! Hanbin I hope that you understood your errors, I hope that you felt the evil which I lived!