You wake up to the chirping of the birds and the sun shining above you. Normally people would feel blessed to wake up to this but to you, each day passing reminds you of the life where you wake up by yourself. No job, no skills, no boyfriend...nothing. You get up from where you are sleeping and quickly pack up your tarp and begin to get ready to forage for food in the forests. Then you remember that you don’t have any tools to capture animals so you have to depend on mushrooms and berries. You pull your sweater a bit out and use it as a makeshift basket and begin to look for your breakfast.

    “Ffff tree roots WHY YOU GET IN MY WAY” for seriously the FIFTEEN-MILLIONTH time, you trip over the large and blue tree root that seems to be EVERYWHERE on this stinkin planet. “Hate tropical planets. Just absolutely HATE them.”

    An interlude on where you’re at and why you’re there (which probably also ties into a bit of who you are). First of all, you are not on earth. Where you are is faaaaar from the tiny planet humans used to call home. But the climate is curiously close to the Amazon rain forests, though, so just imagine it as such. This is the year 2091, and humans have finally innovated enough to start exploring space. Pretty exciting stuff, except you are not excited. Because you are a hobo. And you are stuck on this godforsaken planet whom other Earthlings have come to call “Pig Planet”. Yes, we are being racist here, because all humans are naturally bigoted. But you are not. Because you are, as a freak of nature, naturally compassionate, and kind, and beautiful, with long black tresses that reach your and wide, baby-blue eyes decorated by your full lashes. The natives, also called “Pig People,” think you are quite ugly. But you think they’re ugly too, so it’s ok.

    Thinking back to it, you being on this planet was just an inconceivable incident. Unnaturally, you had been pregnant and happy even if you didn’t know where the baby had come from. With your social skills and current relationship status it was strange to have any signs of life in you at all and the thought of having a child to take care of and dote on was enough to make you dance around even though it was kind of a freak event.

While you were out on a bingo night, you had gotten overly ecstatic about winning the jackpot bingo that you abruptly stood up and hit your stomach on the edge of the table. That was it. Everything was gone. All the anticipation and hope to not be alone anymore had disappeared. The baby had just vanished, the doctors said it wasn’t even possible, but everything in your life seemed to have to do with the impossible. Feeling like you deserved a break and not wanting to see your wide-eyed and awkward bingo ‘buddies’ you decided to splurge on one of those ‘Fantastical Tropical and Exotic Adventure’ ads you kept seeing on the telly. They promised everything you could ever hope for, from amazing food, fun and games to companionship. So you spent all your money and boarded a suspiciously banged up and empty spaceship to your tropical island.

However, 20 minutes and one light year in distance away, you felt a shaking throughout the whole ship. Some crazy loud alarm sounded all through the ship and the emergency red lights that you always see on movies meaning “RED ALERT” are blinking urgently, the way that college kids are when they flash passerbies in their drunken frenzy. There was barely any time to react. One second you were covering your ears against the horrendous noise. The next second there were hands, lots of them, grabbing and shoving and somehow you’re suddenly inside an enclosed space and then, boom. Hard impact. Ow.

The encasement around you broke away and you slowly opened your eyes to a foreign planet. Hundreds of pig-like humans crowded around you cautiously. Staring at the somewhat purple tinted sky and blue trees with the horrendous looking creatures around you, it dawned on you that no. This was not earth. And also, you forgot to go to the washroom before you left.

“Oh, crap.”