He knew it always came down to this, a hero is a hero no matter what anybody else says.
So he straightened himself as he pressed his lips together.
He looked straight ahead, through the sea of bodies and the flashing lights, past the tall and wide glass windows.

They asked questions about how and why and what happened and all he could do was lie.
Because he didn't know how, what and why it all started and if he were to be honest with himself, neither did he care.
He was lost in a maze and he waited for so long to be found and when he finally was, he felt himself slipping through thin and small cracks in the floor, melting to liquid and then falling through an endless abyss only he was familiar with.

He flashed his oh-so-lovely gummy smile as he waved the crowed of questions away and stepped down from the hangman's stand.
He was led to a car and was driven away and that's all it was, just a charade.

"Are you fine sir?" A voice beamed from the front and he looked up and smiled, nodding his head and then turning to the window.
"Just drive..." He muttered more to himself than the driver.

He was a hero.
He was respected.
He was loved by all.
And he returned.
From the hellish grounds where the devil resides, from the emptiness in which he was forced to lose his mind, he returned.
But all he could think of, after being captive for so long, is that he should've died there as well, and that he wasn't a hero at all.

It's always that voice that rings through his head, "will you miss me?" It repeats the question over and over again.
And what drives him crazy are not the words, it's the voice that speaks them, the voice of a traitor, a scum to be stoned.

"Why wouldn't I miss you?" He said and Daehyun looked up and frowned.
"Cause they will come and rescue you! You would leave me behind, I'd probably even be killed when they'd come!" Yongguk frowned at the thought of being rescued and it just seemed so far away and out of reach, but he liked it that way, he liked holding Daehyun and if being rescued meant that he would have to let go then he wished he'd be forever imprisoned.

"Daehyun look at me" he tried to meet his gaze but the younger shifted his eyes away.
He sighed and then slightly slumped, feeling suddenly emotionally drained.
"I'm not going to miss you cause I won't be leaving, I'm not going to be rescued, they think I'm dead! I'm here with you and that's how it's going to stay!"

He sadly smiled at how wrong he was, he was rescued, and it hurt him to know that he won't be captive anymore.
He stepped out of the car and looked at his familiar house.
It seemed cold.

How come he missed it's warmth when there's so much lacking of it.
In Daehyun's arms it's as if you're on the sun and you're burning to death.

He sighed and then wore on that smile.
That damned smile he knew will no longer reach his eyes, like it did before.
When he was with Daehyun.

"Yongguk!" He heard a shriek of joy and arms folded and wrapped around him in an embrace he felt was so foreign to him.
"I'm home" he said and he almost choked on the words.

His grandma looked at him with love in her eyes but it was so distant and different, he remembers her looking entirely different, was he really home?

"Yes you are...you're home!" 
He followed the small lady in and swallowed the growing need to answer that damned voice in his head, "if I need you, would you come to my rescue?"

He wants to say 'yes' with confidence yet he feels he cant, war is war, even if it was dividing two lovers. 

But he chokes on his logic and nods his head, "I'll come and save you, all you need to do is to call my name!" 
The words liar and deceiving bastard swarm in his head.
Daehyun can scream all he wants He wasn't going to be there.

Daehyun cuddled closer at those words, enjoying the warmth of Yongguk's body.
He looked up and brushed his finger softly against the bruises on his face.
A black eye, a dislocated nose, a red eye(due to a tiny blood vessel in it that just popped),dried lips with a deep cut.
A cut across his forehead and others across his entire face and arms and probably more hidden under his shirt.

"I'm sorry..." He apologized and Yongguk just smiled softly then grabbed his hand and kissed his palm gently.
"I know...you were just doing what you were told, I'm not mad" He wasn't, he loved him too much to be angry because of such small and insignificant scars, sure it hurt when they were being inflicted upon him(some of them more then he could bare), but that was minor damage that he was willing to greet his teeth and take.

"They want to have another go at you tomorrow..." The wary tone of his voice told Yongguk that Daehyun, much like him, was worried.
"I thought they gave up a long long time ago..." He muttered softly and squeezed his eyes shut.

He would bare it, because if he were to give up when Daehyun was the one inflicting his pain, torturing him under command, then he knew who would be the one to get more hurt.

"They did...I think something happened in the south, that's all..."

Times and times he and Daehyun imagined a bigger bed, where they could both fit in.
He imagined how amazing it would feel to sleep on new sheets and better mattress.
Now that he was sleeping in one, a better bed that is, he couldn't fall asleep.

He sat there staring, through the darkness, at the cold dark of the ceiling because he was afraid.
He was afraid of the faces that will hunt him once he closes his eyes, the voices that will trap him in oblivion, he was afraid of the answers he would give and of the questions he would ask.
Because they would scratch at the surface of his mask and slowly reveal what he's been hiding from all, a secret he would take with him to the grave and if there is one, then also the beyond.

Because he was more then tortured, more then kidnapped.
He was a murderer of innocents and they were hunting him endlessly.

"Kill him.." The voice of Daehyun said calmly in his head so he covered his ears with his hands and whispered a soft 'go away'

"I-I can't! He's my friend!" He panicked as he threw the wooden bat away.
Refusing to hit the man who stood by him and protected him, his friend in battle, a friend from his brigade.

"Kill him Yongguk or you'd be killed instead." 

Yongguk thickly swallowed and looked at his comrade, the man softly smiled as he curtly nodded, "do it man...I won't be mad I promise" but his voice shook.

Daehyun placed the wooden bat in his hands once again and with shaky hands he landed the first blow.
It was quite weak and he cursed himself for not making him black out.

An hour worth of beating when in fact the man in his unit died after half an hour, but he just continued to hit him none stop-until his own pain and guilt would pass.
Daehyun squeezed his shoulder gently and left the room, locking the door behind him for this was his cell for the night and he now had to stay with what he feared to face the most- his weakness displayed on his friends body, a friend now only he could recognize.

He sat up with a sigh as gunshots and words he never wanted to hear again replayed in his head.
Scarring him further more.

But he wasn't the one at fault...
He was forced to do everything he did, the screaming of children, the slaughter of women, they were all done under command or else he would've been killed as well.

He surveyed himself into the stuffy living room and then into the kitchen, he opened the fridge and frowned at the food he knew was probably tasteless then decided to go with a bottle of water- the safest choice of them all.
He gulped down the almost ice cold water, ignoring the need to breath or the cold burn it gave his teeth and throat.

It calmed him, he got addicted to any sort of pain because it made him feel so much closer to Daehyun.
All the while he listened to the record of moans playing in his head, stuck on a never ending repeat.

He ed his hips forward, hitting the same spot over and over again, drawing lewd and sinful moans.
"Oh god! Faster!" Daehyun moaned loudly and Yongguk complied, his movements controlled and steady.

He pulled out then turned Daehyun on his back, "I want to see your face" he said then penetrated the tight ring of muscles once again.
Daehyun's breath hitched and his eyes rolled back as he tipped his head back into the pillow.

Yongguk grabbed his and pressed the slit on the tip of it, smearing the huge amounts of precum with his thumb.
"D-don't!" He breathed out and Yongguk stopped moving.
"W-what the hell?! Why did you stop moving?!" Daehyun slightly straightened up, leaning on his elbows.
Yongguk smirked and leaned down, he brushed his lips against the younger's, "beg for it!" He then straightened back up and looked down at him, proud that he was the one to make him so crazy.

Daehyun blushed and looked away, mumbling the word please.
"What?"
The mumbling got louder but it wasn't enough for Yongguk.
"Louder Daehyun."
"Please!" He finally yelled, begging for the friction he so desperately needed at the moment.
"Please what?" This was fun, Yongguk decided.
"Please me..." He said quietly but loud enough.

Yongguk bent down and kissed him as he started to move his hips again, getting blissful moans as a response to continue.
His moves became erratic at some point and as everything seemed more blurred and out of reach, he heard Daehyun scream in pleasure then he threw himself beside him, hugging the younger tightly, just to feel him against his skin.

He swallowed thickly, feeling the hot cursed pressure in his lower abdomen as his stood loud and proud in his pants.
'A cold shower, a cold shower would do.' 

He sat down the empty bottle on the counter and walked up the stairs, to the bathroom.
All the while he felt familiar arms wrap around him, hug him tightly then loosely again, pinching him, punching him, cutting him and scratching him and he just wanted time to stop.
Time to forget and time to recover.

He took off his clothes, revealing the scarred back and chest he oh-so cherished.
The scars Daehyun gave him, the little piece that remained and forever will.

He entered the ice cold stream of water and moaned quietly, both because of the cold and his .
He pressed his palms against the wall and let his head hang low then sighed, listening to the sound of the gushing water, staring at the weak stream of it flowing on the floor and into the drain.

He felt those same warm arms wrapping around him and hugging him tightly, pressing bodies together.
But the arms tightened around him too much and it started to hurt.

"What are you doing?" He asked quietly and hissed.
"Daehyun let go!" He raised his voice a little as he managed to turn around.
No one was there and he should've expected that but somehow it still hurt.

He sighed and closed the water, feeling the nightmare forming and becoming reality.
He was hunted by his mistakes and they were slowly driving him off the edge, and it was a long and scary way down.

Yongguk woke up at the sound of gunshots and screams, screams of a man to stay in defense formation and to not back down.
What disturbed him though was that Daehyun wasn't there.

He got up and pulled out the gun from one of the dressers drawers, he always knew Daehyun hid it there.
The gun in his hand felt so foreign, it's been so long since he used one and he was sure he could no longer remember how to.

Suddenly the younger ran in and closed and locked the door behind him.
"What's going on?!" He panicked and Daehyun looked up at him and snatched the gun away.
"You're being rescued."

The gunshots grew louder as the troop neared their room, he couldn't help but doubt if they were really there for him.
He knew how the special forces of the republic worked, they were discreet, careful, strong.
A rescue mission was a piece of cake for them.
But what was going on out there seemed more like a raid then a rescue attempt.
"We both know that if they were here to rescue me then I would be long gone..." He said as he put on a shirt, to at least look a bit decent.

The door was breached at that moment and Daehyun was thrown to the opposite side.
The unit entered the room and blocked its entrance as two of the soldiers pointed their guns at Yongguk and Daehyun.

"Guys..." Said one of them as he stared at Yongguk in disbelief.
Daehyun bitterly smiled and the other soldiers turned to look at the living miracle in front of them.
"Guess you're going to be saved either way..." Daehyun said and got up, the special forces unit reaction to that was to raise their guns and point them towards the younger.

Yongguk eyed the gun Daehyun held before, it was now on the floor not too far from him.
He reached for it and pointed it at the soldier in front of him.
"You're...turned?" The soldier asked in disbelief and immediately everyone in the room tensed.
"I don't even know how they recruited you when you can't even use a gun! Have you become an idiot from the hits you suffered to your head?! Load it first!" Daehyun laughed at Yongguk and got an angry 'shut up' from one of the soldiers.

Daehyun smirked at the said soldier and spat on the floor, "damn republicans!"
"Sergeant Bang Yongguk!answer!are you turned?!" 
Yongguk was shaking, he was scared, he hoped it was all a nightmare.
"Ye-" 
"No!" He cut Daehyun off and threw the gun to the floor, "I'm not turned!" 
He glanced over at Daehyun who seemed unfazed.
"Are you captive here?" The soldier still had a fierce tone but it wasn't as loud as it was a few seconds ago.
Daehyun now looked at Yongguk, not showing it, but hoping he would say the truth.

Because he wasn't captive he could've ran away a long long time ago, he just chose to stay.
He chose to stay with the man he fell in love with.

Yongguk gave a hesitant nod and the sound of a gun being loaded rang in his ears.
"Damn republicans...can never trust a word they say..." Daehyun bitterly scoffed as a pained smile distorted every beautiful feature on his face.
"Guess that promise was nothing but empty words..." 

He walked into the room and threw himself, face down, into the cotton sheets, basking in the softness of the fabric.
Although everything was perfect it was still lacking.

He couldn't sleep as the same sound, same voice, same face, same eyes continued to hunt him both in his dreamland and in his reality.
Before he knew it the sun was up and he spent his first sleepless night, the first of many he was sure were to come sooner rather then later.

"You seem tired, did you sleep well?" His grandmother asked him and he just nodded with a forced smile.
She sighed as a sad smile spread on her lips, "I know it's hard, but try to move on...I'm here for you and will always be." 
It sounded like a familiar promise, a broken one.
"I know grandma...I just need to get used to it, that's all" she nodded and continued to eat.

He stared at the plate and then shoved it to the side, he wasn't hungry, not anymore.
He shouldn't blame himself, Daehyun was a trained soldier, he should have been able to distinguish between truth and lies.
He wasn't stupid.

He got up, tightening his grip around the cold metal as it smoked.
He walked up the stairs, letting the tips of his fingers softly scrape the wooden rail then he dug and dragged his nails across it, letting the stinging pain spread from his fingers to his palm.
When he was finally in his room he looked at his hand and saw the blood dripping down, it seemed almost artistic to him.

He looked up and smiled softly, "I missed you..." He caressed his cheek, smearing the blood across on it.
"You're hurt" oh his voice, daggers in a guilty mind, guilty conscience.
"Yes, what of it?" Yongguk asked and frowned.
"Nothing...and I thought you didn't care about me..."
"Never" he was slightly hurt.
"Then why did you betray me?" Yongguk swallowed thickly, saying that he was afraid was such a poor reason, the truth, but still.
"I didn't want to betray you..." Half a lie, he didn't want to but he knew he would.

Anyone wants to be called a hero, especially a murderer.
It was his other hand that started to suddenly shake and he dropped the smoking metal to the floor.

He wasn't a hero.

He was the one who didn't protect him, he was the one to fire the gun and then abandon him.
He told those soldiers lies, like he always does, but this time his lies gave more pain then comfort.
His lies pulled the trigger, his lies held the smoking gun.
His lies were the ones who killed Daehyun.