Work. It was always work.

Work on this. Work on that.

Work harder.

Jungkook’s life was an endless repetition of the same phrase. Get off your lazy , you ungrateful child. It came in different forms, but it was always essentially the same expectation. His father always wanted more. He wanted a vicarious sort of greatness.

At only nineteen years old, Jungkook found himself without the will left to argue. And so he worked. He studied until he fell asleep on his desk. Until he dreamed of the mistakes he made on papers and tests, ones he could have easily corrected. Until the ceaseless cups of coffee were what kept him tangible.

There were nights when Jungkook couldn’t sleep. He knew this would only lead to further exhaustion, but his father’s voice tormented him. He wanted to do well. He had to do well. When he grew up, when he got just a bit older and a bit more satisfactory, he would take his father’s place at the head of the company. He would sit on his father’s ornate, corporate throne; he would get a wife that he didn’t love, and he would have kids, and he would be trapped; he would spend the rest of his life pleasing one set of people and ordering the other set around to do his bidding. On nights like this, he called Jimin.

Jimin was different from anyone else in Jungkook’s world. He was, essentially, out of his world. He was separate from the parties and the fake smiles. From the need to be charming and impressive. From the school work and the repeating sleepless nights. Jimin was safety.

He was Jungkook’s oldest friend. His best friend. His only friend. Jimin would pat Jungkook on the back and tell him it was okay. He would do silly, teenage things with him that Jungkook knew weren’t really allowed. He told Jungkook stories about his parents and his baby cousin he adored, about his girlfriend who he said was his whole world. He assured Jungkook that some day his dad would understand. Jungkook had met all these people in Jimin’s life, and he couldn’t help but wonder why he and his friend were so different. Why couldn’t the people in Jungkook’s life be like Jimin’s family? Why did he have to go through this alone? Why couldn’t it just be easier?

Jimin was safety. But Jimin couldn’t offer him comfort. Jungkook didn’t know how to get the comfort he needed. He couldn’t. Couldn’t get what he needed.

-

Jungkook sat before his father with his head bowed. He found it ironic, so, so ridiculous, that the same father who taught Jungkook to never let anyone humble him, this same man, expected Jungkook to bow to him and be humbled. It was all so absurd. Jungkook just kept his eyes on his father’s desk.

“There is no doubt in my mind that you know why you are here. Am I right, boy?”

Jungkook’s eyes didn’t dare to lift from the desk, they didn’t dare to show disrespect. Because Jungkook knew he was wrong. “Yes, sir. I know.”

The tight smile on his father’s face was something Jungkook had seen too often to need to lift his eyes. He knew it was there without looking his father in the face. His father spoke slowly, and Jungkook couldn’t help but think this slow speech was somewhat cruel. “Good. Then I need not elaborate. Your recent marks have been unacceptable.” His father rose from his seat. Tall and intimidating, “Whatever you have been doing in your free time, it hasn’t been improving your abilities at math. Fix it.”

Jungkook nodded his head quickly. “Yes, sir. I will work harder.”

“You are dismissed. I expect more of you, Jungkook.”

-

Jungkook hated the looks that the women at the desk gave him when he left his father’s building. Their eyes glimmered in pity as they followed his path from the building’s door to his car. Jungkook knew that a B was unacceptable, but his father didn’t have to be so mean about it.

Jimin tried to comfort him later, rubbing a hand up and down Jungkook’s back slowly. “It’s okay, dude. Everyone gets a B sometimes. Everyone does.”

“I don’t, Jimin.” Yoongi was even there, and she brought Jungkook’s favorite food.

“Here you go, kid.” She said as she dropped the takeout bag down on the table. “I paid a lot of money for this, so you better stop moping now.”

Jungkook smiled. “Thanks, noona. You know me. I would never reject free food.” He felt better for a while, while they were still at his apartment. Jimin even promised that he would help Jungkook with his math. But after they left, he realized he couldn’t shake the disappointment he had with himself off so quickly.

Jungkook decided to visit the library. That was what he needed. He knew it.

Jungkook’s favorite place to get some semblance of peace was the library. It was tranquil there. Nobody bothered him there. Except Jimin, because he had a habit of pestering Jungkook anywhere he went. The library was his sanctuary, and it was really one of the only things keeping Jungkook sane.

His father couldn’t get him there.

Jungkook knew everyone in the library. He had a friend at the little cafe that was on the first floor, and a friend at the front desk who always commented on the books he checked out. He knew the people that cycled through shifts at the help desk, and even the people that smiled warmly in the children’s section. Most of them were at least ten years older than him, but they gave him good advice and a respite from his life.

This was his real home. He knew what his father’s house was, what his own small apartment was, and they weren’t home. Jungkook knew it for himself; it didn’t matter if anyone else knew. Anyone in the business world, who he had to be perfect for. It didn’t concern anyone else. Jungkook had a little family there. That was what mattered. The library wasn’t just a building, it was the people inside. The people were the library and the library was the people. A metonymy that was fundamental to his life. The people working in the building made sure he ate and reminded him to get enough sleep.

It was like he had an army of mothers. Taking care of him.

This made it all the more shocking when Jungkook noticed a boy, a boy he had never seen before, replacing books on the shelves.

A boy in his sanctuary.

Jimin was talking about something that was most likely annoying, but Jungkook had stopped listening.

The boy had a badge on, so he clearly worked there. Of course, of course he did, he wouldn’t be putting the returned books on the shelves for fun. His badge was yellow, so he worked on the first floor. It was so strange to see someone his age working there. Perhaps he was an intern of some sort.

Jungkook was staring. He realized it with mild discomfort. But he was just so… perplexed? How could he not stare?

The boy turned to the side to reach for another book, and Jungkook’s felt his breath catch hard in his throat. He couldn’t draw breath, he couldn’t panic, he couldn’t think.

The boy was beautiful.

So beautiful. His hair was dyed blonde, but it didn’t look strange or out of place. His eyes were large and inquisitive, and he looked curious. He looked determined. A little shy, but with fight in him. Not necessarily happy. But determined and pretty and alive.

He wanted to talk to him. But Jungkook thought that in and of itself was a bit strange. Because when, when had the last time that he wanted to talk to someone been? Jungkook didn’t know. But the boy was just so pretty.

A sharp elbow to his side side snapped him out of his daze. “You checking that guy out? Oh my God, you totally where!”

“What?” Jungkook inhaled slowly. Breath in. Breath out. “What do you mean?” Breathe. Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Jimin looked amused. Too amused. “Let me say this slowly so your inexperienced mind understands. Were you. Checking that guy. Out?” Checking him out? Was Jungkook checking someone out? When had he ever checked someone out?

Just breathe. In. Out.

Jungkook couldn’t just breathe. His face flared red. “No. No. I wasn’t. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. You’re a . I don’t even know why I’m friends with you.” Jimin was laughing at him. He thought that it was kind of unfair. Jimin knew that Jungkook couldn’t like boys. He knew that.

“You were staring.”

“I was staring.” Jungkook glared as hard as he could, but no, Jimin wouldn’t stop.

“That automatically means you were checking him out.”

“I wasn’t. . So stop talking about it.”

When Jungkook returned to his apartment that night, he wondered how someone’s eyes could look so interested. Interested in everything. Simply put, the boy looked tenacious. It seemed odd, even to Jungkook himself, but there was something about the boy that forced Jungkook to associate him with a sort of unorthodox bravery. Sui generis. The kind that made Jungkook himself wish he had such a strong will to live as this unfamiliar face.

He shook his head. He was making rash judgements before he even understood; before he knew the person. His father would be proud.

-

Jungkook avoided the library for a few days. He wasn’t sure if he could handle seeing the boy again. Eventually, though, it all became too much. His father called and scolded him for the pathetic A minus that he received on a report at school. Jungkook couldn’t help but agree with him; he hadn’t done as well as he’d wanted to. At least it was better than that B in math. How was Jungkook ever supposed to take over the company if he couldn’t pass Business Calculus? That was important, after all, really important. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t be able it take over the company at all. He’d be disowned and be forced to live under a bridge. Jungkook could see it all now.

He holed up in the library between the shelves.

He bypassed the first floor; it was too noisy there anyway. The second floor was quieter. He could study there.

Slowly, Jungkook became surrounded by books. Finances. Economics. Business. Calculus. Binders filled with his notes. Notebooks decorated with neat writing. There were highlighters and pens. Pencils. Paper. And Jungkook was in the middle. The papers made something of a flower shape around Jungkook, spreading out around him in a way that reminded him of petals. He thought it was kind of beautiful. He was the center. The center, the important part of the flower where all the pollen was.

Jungkook had never asked to be important.

Jungkook worked until Seokjin caught him with his eyelids drooping and his pencil falling from his hand. Seokjin, the fiercest library mother of all.

Seokjin was hard to argue with. When he cared about something, he made it clear that he did. And right now, he refused to let Jungkook continue working without food and coffee.

Jungkook was pulled from the ground and led away from his flower petal textbooks. He was pulled down the hall and to the elevator, the colors around him blurring a bit as though he were in a dream. He hadn’t really noticed how tired he was. “You need to take better care of yourself! How many times have I told you to eat while you study? I get it that you have to study so long, but for God’s sake, eat some food!”

Jungkook giggled. His own laugh sounded far away to him; he felt disjointed. “Hyung, you’re not allowed to eat on the second floor. You should know that. You work here.” Seokjin was one of the only young people who worked at the library, but he still acted like Jungkook’s mother. It was nice.

Seokjin scowled as he shoved Jungkook into the elevator, pressing the buttons with more force than necessary. “Don’t give me that sass! I’ve given you permission to eat up there, haven’t I? Kids these days, trying to kill their elders. I’m just trying to look after you, brat.”

Jungkook leaned into the railing in the elevator, trying to feel the moving elevator cables straight through the walls and into his back. “Yes, library eomma-nim. I’ll eat.” Jungkook had said that many times, but he never really followed through. “I promise.”

“This kid. Trying to make me feel old. I’m not even old enough to be your mother!”

They walked into the cafe in silence. Seokjin ordered Jungkook an excessive amount of pastries and a coffee that would probably be too sweet, but Jungkook didn’t mind. Seokjin fussed over Jungkook as he ate, asking if he was getting enough food and sleep these days. Jungkook said of course he was, even though he wasn’t. Jungkook wished that he could just live at the library. He wished he could just make his problems disappear, that he could snap his fingers and everything that worried him would fade away. No more papers, no more company, no more social gatherings, no more flirting women, no more father. Jungkook’s eyes drooped further, and he only heard the warm tone of Seokjin’s voice; he couldn’t really register words- he was tired.

“Seokjin hyung!” In the corner of Jungkook’s eye he saw a figure moving towards their table. There was a deep voice. But it didn’t quite penetrate the haze. He was so tired. No more father, that was quite a thought. A laughable thought. The coffee hadn’t quite kicked in and everything was still a bit fuzzy and sleepy. “Hyung, can you help me with something? I don’t know where these books go.” Deep voice. There was a giggle. Cute.

Jungkook lifted his eye from the table to which they had been glued; there was an angel in front of him. He was tall and slim, and he looked friendlier than Jungkook had learned was appropriate when dealing with strangers. His eyes. They were guarded but alive. The recognition slowly sank in. The boy from before. He was talking to Seokjin about books and there was a yellow name tag around his neck. It was the boy from before.

He was even more beautiful up close.

There were fingers snapping in front of his face. He jerked back in his seat. “Jeon Jungkook, are you even listening.” Oh, it was just his hyung.

He blinked slowly. He shook his head slightly. “Sorry.” Tried to wake himself up. “Sorry, I didn’t think you were talking to me.”

“Right, because you were too busy staring.” Staring? “I understand. You’re a hormonal teenager. Who could resist Tae’s pretty face?” Jungkook could feel his face grow warm, but he didn’t know how to answer. Because he was right. The boy was gorgeous. It didn’t help that Seokjin was saying the exact same thing Jimin had said a few days ago. Seokjin was just kidding, he didn’t know Jungkook’s secret, he didn’t know how Jungkook thought about boys, Jungkook knew that. Seokjin was just kidding. Either way, he thought he could trust Seokjin not to embarrass him; embarrassing him was Jimin’s job. But then again, isn’t that what moms do?

Jungkook almost missed the boy talking, slipping back into sleepiness. “Hyung, I’m not pretty… stop saying stuff like that! Let’s just go put the books away.” A nervous laugh. The boy’s face was red, too. Why would he say that? Was he shy? How could someone so attractive be shy? Jungkook wasn’t supposed to think boys were attractive. .

Jungkook cleared his throat. “Um, hi. Hello.” A pause. “I’m Jungkook. J-Jeon Jungkook.” He should shake his hand right? That was polite; he was forgetting all his manners. He stood up. Stuck his hand out. “So, hello, nice to meet you.” The boy’s hand was soft and warm when they shook hands.

Another giggle. Still cute. “Nice to meet you, too. I’m Taehyung! I don’t usually encounter library patrons at such a late hour. Do you frequent these facilities? I suppose you don’t want to return books with us. It errs on the side of boring. Or maybe you do. It is quite doleful, but I don’t read minds. How unfortunate is that?”

Jin smacked Taehyung over the head and Jungkook flinched. He looked too delicate to be hit. “What have I told you about ‘practicing your vocabulary’ in conversation. It doesn’t make you sound smarter, it’s just annoying! You almost made that little girl cry today using the word saxicolous. You need to stop. Speak normal.”

“Jungkook doesn’t look like a little girl to me, hyung.” Jungkook’s cheeks reddened.

Seokjin grabbed the boy, Taehyung, by the shoulders and shook him. “Speak. Normal.”

He cleared his throat again- he must get rid of these nervous habits. “Saxicolous is a good word. ‘One who lives under a rock,’ right? I think that’s right. But unless you were talking about algae I don’t see why you’d be using it. Unless you were throwing highbrow scientific shade at a little girl.” Jungkook shouldn’t have opened his mouth; he knew he didn’t talk like a normal person his age. He should have just kept quiet.

Taehyung’s laugh wasn’t musical or majestic. It was sweet and endearing. Jungkook was kind of captivated. “Hey, in my defense she stole a book from my cart before I could put it back on the shelf. No respect! Coincidentally, the book was about algae. What little kid reads about freshwater algae? One with no social life who lives under a rock, that’s who.”

He was smart, too. Wow.

Jungkook had forgotten that Seokjin was standing there for a moment, until he announced his presence with a laugh. “Alright kids, I understand the appeal of weird nerd jokes but we have books to put away.”

“Hey, are you making fun of us?”

“Of course not.”

It was only later that Jungkook realized how foolish he was being before. What was he doing being so enthralled by Taehyung? It was entirely ridiculous that he let himself admire so much. He was a boy. He had his father’s company to think of.

What would his father say if he knew he neglected his homework to spend time with a boy who worked at the small local library?

He was being stupid. He wouldn’t let himself have thoughts like that again. He couldn’t let himself act in such a foolish way, act on his deepest desires and secrets.

Jungkook once again avoided the library for a few days. He did his work in his apartment, where it was too cramped and a bad atmosphere for working. But Jungkook knew it would have to do. Because ultimately, he thought, there was nothing that would make his father more angry than him liking a boy. Not even bad grades.

Eventually though, when a week of endless tests and papers had come to an end, Jungkook needed his library to let himself relax. He resolved to avoid the beautiful librarian. He just needed to see his library mothers again.

Seokjin attacked him as soon as he entered the doors. Jungkook had never been one for hugs, but there was something comforting about Seokjin’s hugs. They were somehow warmer and safer than other hugs.

His hyung rocked Jungkook from side to side a bit, and Jungkook thought it was kind of nice even though he was a little embarrassed. “Where the hell have you been? I haven’t seen you for a week! We thought you died or something.”

“It was only a week, hyung. I just had a lot of work to do.”

Seokjin pulled back from the hug to scrutinize Jungkook. He felt far too analyzed, and he became inexplicably worried that Seokjin knew the real reason that Jungkook hadn’t been present. So what if he did? Would he care? “You always do your work here. What’s wrong, Jungkook?”

Jungkook shook his head. “There’s nothing wrong. Don’t worry about me, okay?”

He heard a sigh come from the man before him. “How can I not worry about you? You don’t even have the sense to take care of yourself properly. Without me you probably wouldn’t even eat food.”

Jungkook smiled. Seokjin always made him feel better, even when he was yelling at him. “Though that is not untrue, I maintain that I can survive solely off of the intake of knowledge that studying gives me. If I took a break to eat, I wouldn’t get to study as much, would I?”

“Just a question. What turned you into a such a little douchebag?”

“Probably my father.”

Seokjin just sighed. “What am I going to do with you?”

Jungkook giggled. “You could buy me food. Just a suggestion, but paying for my lunch is something you could do.”

Jungkook watched as Seokjin just silently grabbed his wallet from beneath the desk he had been working at. “I’m calling your father Douchebag Senior from now on, just so you know.”

“Believe it or not, I’m okay with that actually.”

-

Lunch didn’t last long, and even though Jungkook enjoyed his time with Seokjin he was eventually launched back into the vortex of his homework. He turned his phone on silent so that he could effectively shut Jimin up, hiding himself in his favorite corner of the second floor of the library.

Jungkook’s whole life really was working. He knew that he still wasn’t good enough for his father’s taste, so the only way he could get better is to work harder. And he had to start with Calculas. There was the most room for improvement there.

At some point Jungkook looked at his phone and realized that it was two am. He had a text from his father inviting him to some sort of social gathering that weekend. Jungkook slowly slumped back in his chair, leaning his head back until it hung limp from his neck. An invitation from his father was not refusable. So like usual, Jungkook would be forced to dress up nicely, and act nice, and charm a nice girl at the party until she asked him to come home with her. And then after all that, he would have to say no, because a gentleman doesn’t sleep around or some . Why be charming if it wouldn’t get him anywhere? Not that he wanted to get anywhere with a girl.

God, he really needed a break.

Jungkook packed up his books robotically, placing his Calc book in upside-down, despite the annoyance such a thing would normally cause him. God he hated the parties his father made him attend.

He said hello to one of the janitors as he walked past, knowing her name like he did all the people that worked in the library. His second home. If things were different, Jungkook could just get a simple job that didn’t require so much stress and social finesse, but then, also, maybe he wouldn’t have found his library- wouldn’t need it. Would an easier life be worth not having these people that he loved in it? Maybe not. But probably yes. Yes it might be worth it because would he really need a support system at all in the other scenario? Jungkook’s thoughts were all jumbled. People with simple lives didn’t need a support system. He really just needed sleep.

“Hey, Jungkook! That is you isn’t it? I’m not just embarrassing myself by addressing a stranger?” And just when Jungkook’s mood couldn’t get any worse, there was an angel in front of him.

Taehyung looked especially adorable tonight. “Yeah, I’m Jungkook. I believe we met the other night.” Even at two in the morning he looked amazing.

Taehyung fiddled with the badge around his neck. “Yep, Seokjin introduced us, remember? Well, of course you remember, it was only, like, a week ago? Anyway, hi! Isn’t it kind of late to be at the library? If I were given the choice, I’d definitely be at home right now sleeping.”

“Yeah, it is getting a bit late, isn’t it?” Taehyung liked to talk a lot. He rambled on about the books he had been reading and all the ones on his book list that he had yet to start. Jungkook didn’t know how he could think of so many things to say that seemed truly genuine. Small talk was usually so fake, something that everyone hated, but with Taehyung everything he had to say was honest and interesting.

“Tell me something about yourself, Jungkook. I know it’s late. Oh, geez, we’ve just kind of been standing here awkwardly, haven’t we? Sorry about that!”

“It’s fine.” He didn’t really know why Taehyung would say sorry about something like that. “There isn’t really much to tell about myself though.”

A scoff. “Lies! I’m sorry, but everything has something to tell, Jungkook. I like to learn one new thing about someone every time I talk to them. Can you do this for me? Tell me your favorite mythical creature.”

Jungkook felt himself smile. “Fine then. I don’t know that I completely understand your logic, but fine.”

Jungkook was a bit mesmerized when Taehyung brought his hands up and clapped cutely. “Yay! I knew you’d come around!”

“A dragon. I guess I like dragons.”

Taehyung rested his face on his now stilled hands. “But why? Do you have a reason.”

“There’s a reason for every decision we make.”

The side of his lips quirked up, and Jungkook didn’t know what to do. “Fair enough. But if you acknowledge that you have a reason, you might as well tell it to me. I’m still curious you know! I don’t feel like I’ve learned enough about you to let you leave quite yet.”

“I don’t know Taehyung. I like them because... they are easy to draw?”

“You like to draw?” His eyes got this odd sparkle to them, a product of his apparent newfound interest in Jungkook’s hobbies.

Jungkook could almost feel his brain shut down. “I haven’t drawn anything in awhile. But yes. I used to like to draw dragons.”

“That’s so cool, Jungkook! I always wish that I could draw! You’ll have to show me your dragons sometime!”

The thought of Taehyung seeing his drawings was somehow too much for Jungkook, but he nodded in spite of himself. “Okay. I’ll show you sometime.”

Taehyung’s giggle came back in full force and Jungkook looked at the ceiling. “Alright, Jungkookie. You are now dismissed.” He made a shooing motion with his hands. “I’ve gotten enough out of you. You are now free to return to your bed and sleep.”

Jungkook felt a bit dumb when he nodded slowly in response. “Thanks, I guess. But, hey, you should get some sleep, too. We’ve already established that it’s late.” He wished he had something witty to say, but instead he just felt lost.

“Alright, Jungkook, I’ll make sure to sleep as soon as my shift ends. Now shoo! You look half dead from fatigue!”

Jungkook was herded out the door by the overly enthusiastic librarian; he didn’t understand how Taehyung could look so cheerful at such an hour.

With his hand to the door, Jungkook turned around to face the librarian- responding to a sudden recollection. “But you never told me your favorite. What is your favorite mythical creature Taehyung?”

Taehyung bit his lip, smiling through the action. “I guess you’re allowed to ask questions, too, huh. Mine is the Fenghuang. It’s Chinese, and it’s two creatures, birds, actually! Feng is male and Huang is female. But it is also depicted as just one bird sometimes, and then it is supposed to show the joining of male and female together.”

Jungkook gripped the handle of the door tighter. “I’ve never heard of it. It sounds interesting though. It sounds kind of like Yin and Yang.”

“Kind of, yes!” Taehyung smiled wider. “Actually, it’s funny! I read somewhere that it also came to be seen as the symbol of the Empress. And the Emperor was the dragon! There are a lot of images of the dragon chasing after the Fenghuang.”

Jungkook nodded slowly. “Yeah, that’s kind of funny. Because dragons are my favorite and the fenghuang is your’s.” His head was spinning.

Taehyung’s smile was so bright. “Yep! The two were depicted together a lot! They were shown as either lovers or enemies.” Jungkook didn’t know what to do with his hands. He lifted the other one up to the door.

“Oh, but you probably want to go home now! I’m sorry for talking so long, I get a bit overexcited sometimes! Got to stop drinking so much coffee, you know?”

Jungkook tried to smile, worried that he seemed annoyed by the blonde’s behavior. “It’s okay, Taehyung, really. And believe me, I’ve had some horror stories with caffeine, so I understand.”

“Well that’s reassuring. You know, I’ve been looking for someone to start Caffeine Addicts Anonymous with!”

Jungkook seemed to hear his own laugh from miles away. “I’ll pass. I’m not read