I pulled the sheets over my head as I lie awake. It was 2.45 AM and I had school that morning. I tossed and turned in bed, trying to shake off his last words. I tell myself I don't miss him, but I do; I really do.

It’s been a week since we broke up; A week since he declared that he wanted to spend time building his career, that working was more important than our relationship, that he would stop loving me. It’s been a week since my entire life became a huge melancholic mess. I should have gotten used to it, since he was barely involved in our relationship to begin with.

I remember the time he wrote me an essay of the things he loved about me, and not to forget the beautiful bouquet of flowers he gifted me. But, there was also that time where he left me in the lurch during Valentine's Day. That fateful day that changed everything.

“Hello? Chanyeol? I’m waiting in front of the train sta-”

“ Hey, baby,” He paused, “I can’t make it tonight. I’m still at work. Just go on without me alright? I’ll make it up to you next time.”

“O-Oh, sure. I lov-” He hung up before I could finish,

I wandered the streets of Seoul alone, in the freezing weather, with a box of chocolates I made specially for him. Feeling disappointed, I shoved the heart-shaped box into the nearest trash can. Tears started to crystallise in my eyes as I wandered aimlessly. I looked around at the couples around me holding bouquets of flowers with bright smiles across their faces.

‘When will I ever be like them?’ I questioned internally, before making my way to the convenience store.

With a few bottles of soju, I trudged home. I threw my padded coat on the floor and kicked my ferragamo heels aside. I pulled the black turtleneck over my head and tied my hair into a messy ponytail. I then threw myself onto the bed. With tears cascading down my face, I buried my face in my freezing cold hands. I laid in bed, in the fetal position, weeping.

After that day, everything seemed to have changed. Chanyeol was busier than ever, rarely making time for one to one conversation. We went from talking and laughing everyday, to barely uttering a word. He would often come home after I’m asleep and leave before I wake up. I started to ponder. I became paranoid. I wondered if he was having an affair. I wondered if he still loved me.

Then, that phonecall came.

“I want you to know that you’ve done nothing wrong, it’s me. I’d like to focus on one thing at a time,” He said before heaving a sigh.

“So, you’re leaving me?” I bit my bottom lip.

“I’m sorry. I love you. I love you more than you would ever know, but this isn’t the right time for us.”

that was the last of Chanyeol. He moved out and I’m still sobbing over him...