“Hello, can I speak to Nana?” I was calling Nana at the public phone, hoping that she will explain to me about the pregnant thing. I know that she really loves Junho, but I didn’t know she loves him that much to give away her ity to him.

“Who are you? Are you Junho’s friend? Don’t call her anymore!! And ask Junho to stop calling Nana or us! I will abort this baby!” Nana’s father shouted.

“No, I’m not Jun-“Before I could explain, his father hang up the phone. I sighed dejectedly.

So I called Eunhee. I want to say sorry even though I do nothing wrong.

“Hello, who is this?” I heard her voice at the other line.

“Hello, Eunhee. This is Subin. Can we mee-“She hang up on me. Then I feel something wet sliding down my cheeks. My tears.

 

 

 

 

 

I went to the bakery shop where my mother works. Her boss was scolding her.  I sighed worriedly as I looked at her tired face.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Umma, you don’t have to wash the dishes. I’ll do it. You can go to sleep. You look tired.” I said, worried.

“No, it’s okay. You can go study.” My mom smiled warmly at me.

“Umma, it’s not okay. You are working two jobs a day. I want to at least help you clean the house.” I protested, pouting.

“No, it’s alright. You can go study for your exam. All I want to see is my baby girl’s success in her life. I’m sorry because I can’t give you what you need for a teen your age.” My mom said, my head softly.

“I don’t want anything, Umma.” My tears began to well up on my eyelids. Suddenly, somebody knocks on our door.

My mom opened the door.

“Mrs. Ahn, I come here to collect the house rent.”

“Oh, I’m really sorry. Can I pay later? My boss hasn’t paid my salary yet.” My mom bowed as she apologized.

“When can you pay?”

“I promise that I will pay you next week.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I’ll come back next week.”

“I’m really sorry.” My mom bowed again. I wiped away my tears and locked myself in my bedroom. I can’t even help my mom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

L.Joe wanted to hand me the small packets of drugs but he retreated it back when he saw my slightly nervous face. “You know what to do, right?” He asked, smirking as he leaned on his motorcycle.

“Whatever happens, don’t panics like a chicken,” I said back what he said to me when he taught me how to deliver the drugs to the people who ordered it.  

“Hmm, clever girl,” He snickered and patted my head “Gosh, take a deep breath, Subin. You look so pale.” He snickered and hand me the packets.  I quickly shoved it inside my bag. “You never did something like this?”

“What? Sells drugs? Of course I always do this thing. That’s why I’m so nervous!” I answered sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

“No, I mean, doing something bad like this?” He asked, still amused and ignored my sarcastic remark. Gosh, why he is so amused all the time?

“The most bad thing I ever done is broke my neighbor’s Barbie doll when I was five because she’s so damn annoying.” I retorted.

“Hmm, that’s badass enough.” He nodded, chuckling. I laughed and rolled my eyes.

“So, anything else you want to say?” I asked.

“No, but I want to give you this.” He took my hand and put a hand phone on my palm.

“What is this?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

“A hand phone. The thing that we use to call or text people.” He explained seriously.

“Pfttt. I know that. But why are you giving me this?” I rolled my eyes. Geez, I’m not that lame or old school to not know what a hand phone is.

“So I can text you “good night baby” and “good morning baby” every day” He teased me, leaning closer to my face.

“Stop it.” I pushed his face away, blushing. Then, I fumbled around with the new gadget.

“Do you know how to use that thing?” He asked.

“No.” I shook my head timidly. Ok I admit, I’m quite lame because I don’t know how to use this phone.

“Aigoo~ Come here, I’ll show you.” He chuckled and took the phone. “When you want to save someone’s number, click this book thingy looking. When you want to talk with your friends or whatever, you click down their number’s phone and press the green button. Then, you talk, gossip, talk and bla bla bla. When you’ve finished talking, press the red button.” As he talked, I stared at his face. Oh, he has two moles under his eyes. How cute!

“Stop staring at me, look at the phone.” He chuckled and continued to talk “Then, when you want to snap pictures or record videos-“I snatched the phone away from him.

“This phone can record videos?! Oh my god, seriously cool!” I looked at it in amazement.

He chuckled, amused. “You are so cute.” He pinched my cheek. I slapped his hand away, annoyed with his endless teasing.

“Stop it, will you?” I frowned and continued to play around with the new phone. Suddenly, L.Joe took the tip of my hair and twirled it around with his fingers.

“What are you doing?” I mumbled, staring into his intense gaze. He kissed the tip of my hair. He then leaned in slowly “Can I kiss you?” He murmured. My heart beats like crazy.

“You don’t have to ask.” I mumbled back, dazed. He smirked and our lips met. The kiss was sweet and innocent, contrasting with his bad boy image. He pulled back after slightly nibbling with my lower lips. I blushed a dark shade of red. My first kiss.

He kissed my cheek and whispered “Vanilla, my favorite flavor.”

 

 

 

 

Days passed. Surprisingly, I do a good job on delivering the drugs. I never got busted or NEARLY got busted. After I delivered them to the buyers, I’ll meet L.Joe and give him the money. He then will give 15% of the profits. Yup, 15%, it’s still a lot of money though. I secretly buy the groceries using this money. The thought of eating the food that I bought using the dirty money never crossed my mind.

I got greedy and addicted with the thought of money in my hands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Like usual, I went to the bakery shop to study there because I was lonely staying alone at home.

“Umm, where’s my mom?” I asked at my mom’s co-worker behind the counter.

“She’s at the back.”

“Oh, okay. Thank you.” I smiled and went to the back. Before I opened the door to the kitchen, I heard someone said.

“So, why are you still here? I thought you want to move to Seoul?”

“No, I have decided to stay here.” It was my mom.

“Why? If you live at Seoul, you can enroll Subin to a better school.”

“I believe in my Subin. Wherever she is, she’s still good in her study. She’s a good girl. She never caused me any trouble. I believe in my baby girl.” I peeked through the creak of the door. My mom was smiling, proud of her baby girl. Proud of me..

I covered my mouth with both my hands, crying like crazy. I’m sorry mom. I broke your trust. I quickly ran out from the bakery shop.

 

 

 

 

 

 

L.Joe saw me crying as I walked home. He said nothing and hugged me.

“Aren’t you going to ask me what happened?” I hiccupped, still sobbing. He softened and wiped away my tears.

“If you’ll feel better, you can tell me.” He said with a soft voice, putting his chin on my head.

“L.Joe..”

“Hmm?”

“I want to stop doing this thing.”

“What do you mean?”

“I want to stop selling drugs.”

“WHAT? WHY??”

“I just want to stop okay? I feel guilty to my mom. She believes in me so much.”

He sighed and pushed me away.

“Okay then. I understand.” He said a bit coldly.

“Are you mad?”

“No. So next week is your last week okay?” He said and get on his motorcycle, speeding off with saying goodbye. I sighed, feeling like I’m losing another friend to lean on. Nana didn’t go to school. And Eunhee just ignored me at school.

 

 

 

 

 

It was Sunday. My last week. I’m determined to stop doing this thing. I was relieved when L.Joe called me after he stood me off that day. He apologized and things went back to what they’re used to.

“L.Joe, can I deliver the drugs tomorrow after school?” I called L.Joe using the phone that he gave me.

“Why?”

“I just found a new gig place at the city. My favorite band is performing today.”

“Okay, do you want me to drive you there?” He asked.

“No, it’s okay. I will take the bus.” I shook my head even though L.Joe can’t see me.

“If you say so. Take care, babe.”

“I’m not your babe!”

“Hahaha, ok byee!” He hangs up on me, laughing like a kid. I shook my head, laughing too and put the inside my bag. I accidentally grab something in my bag. I pulled the thing out; it was the packet of drugs and weeds.

“Where to hide it..Where to hide it…” I mumbled to myself as I paced around my room. I opened my one of clothes’ cupboard and put it under my stack of clothes messily. I looked at the clock and gasped.

“Oh my god! I’m late! I’m going to miss the bus!!” I squeaked out, quickly grabbing my back and ran to the bus stop.

 

 

 

 

Nobody’s POV

 

 

The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children. – Jessica Lange

 

 

Mrs. Ahn’s boss gives her a day off today because she was having a slight fever. She told him that she was alright but her boss insisted. So she went back to her house. But she was not going to rest. She just got her salary. She should spend it at least a little bit for herself too, but no, she spent most of it to buy the ingredients and groceries to cook her only daughter’s favorite meal.

 

As she was waiting for the soup to boil completely, she went to her daughter’s room.

She chuckled softly; her daughter’s room is really messy. Yeobo, our daughter is not the neatest or the girliest girl I’ve ever met but she’s the most lovely girl I always love and have.

She picked up the dirty clothes on the bed and put it in the laundry basket. She went to the kitchen and stirred the soup. When she’s sure that the soup taste good, she turned off the stove. I can’t wait for Subin to come home. She must be excited to eat all of her favorite foods today.

As she was waiting for her daughter, she continued to clean her daughter’s room. She opened the clothes’ cupboard and shook her head as she the clothes were folded messily.

She pulled out all of the clothes to fold it neatly. Some packets dropped. She picked it up and choked back her gasp in shock. Subin is doing drugs??   

 

“Children are knives, my mother once said. They don’t mean to, but they cut. And yet we cling to them, don’t we, we clasp them until the blood flows.”
― Joanne Haris, The Girl with No Shadow

 

 

 

 

Hi guys! Sorry for the late update! I was busy editing my other story, "He's Just Not That Into You" featuring Key, You, Jessica and Taemin. Check it out if you want to ^^

The next chapter will be the last chapter about Subin. Then, I will write about Kris's or Chen's life.