Apologies for the slow updates...
hey guys, i feel like i talk about this all the time on my twitter and facebook, and i'm sure to those friends who share those social networks with me, i probably sound like a broken record.
but i've had people coming up to me concerned or bummed out about my lack of updates or slow updating and i think i owe you guys who don't follow me on twitter or facebook an explanation
i'm in a transitional period in my life.
as some of you already know, two things have happened recently:
the first - i got a new job. jumped companies, jumped industries, huge salary and title boost, but with that also comes lots of new responsibilities. i've been going in earlier, going home later, working over the weekends just to make sure my first year i'm making a good impression.
the second - i'm going to be married sometime within the next year. (in case yall don't know, i'm old)
i say 'sometime' because i'm having really bad family problems surrounding the wedding. i could go into it more and more, but it's been dragging me down to a bad place and i've been crying about it every night and don't particularly want to relive it. brief version is that my mom is upset at me for her perception that I've not been including her in my wedding planning. among the many things she's done to demonstrate her disappointment in me, the biggest include cutting off contact with me, forbidding me to go back home to taiwan to get my rings and visit my aging grandfather, and forbidding me from discussing anything with my family. my dad's been emotionally unavailable.
i have a hard time dealing with emotions. things get jumbled in my head somehow and i can't process them very well, so when i'm upset i tend to just shut down, lose motivation, and just get real damn sad. it feels as if i've been screaming into a void.
i know i've condensed things down to two paragraphs, but i need you all to understand for me that this is my every day life. i wake up early, go to work for 9 hours in a corporate office where i'm expected to smile and be friendly to everyone, and then when i go home mentally exhausted, my dad has called me every day of every week to tell me how i'm lacking as a person and how i need to do better in my life.
let me first say that i know i'll be alright. i'm admittedly a bit depressed right now, but i've always been a glass half full person. i know i'll bounce back, it'll just take some time.
that being said, i'm just emotionally drained, and the impact of that means that while the desire to write is still there, i just haven't had the time nor the mental capacity to write sometimes, especially since i tend to write about the things that are currently affecting me. i don't want to give you guys poorly written chapters that are emotional hot messes, haha.
anyway, tl;dr, i'm sorry for all this. i wish i could update as frequently as i used to before. it's not that i don't have the inspiration! i love taoris, will always love taoris, will go down with this ship. i just ask you please to be a little patient with me while i navigate this part of my adult life.
and thank you so much for all those of you kind souls who leave long comments and well wishes and wall messages. i read them all. i'll always read them all. i treasure every one of them. your words and support mean everything to me. i know my replies are sporadic at best, and i know i have habits of disappearing out of conversations for weeks on end, but that's a combination of my real life life and my own social anxiety. i'm sorry, i'm lacking in some ways. i'll always try to do better. sorry this was rambling!
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