Doesn't Hurt At All
Before You Go“I don’t do relationships.”
Minjeong whispers when Jimin pulls away from their abrupt kiss. The amount of will power Minjeong had to withhold from chasing after ruddy lips was immense. She wasn’t expecting the kiss in the first place, but she would be lying to herself if she said she hadn’t been wanting it to happen.
Round eyes look up at her lovingly, before Jimin’s lips curl subtly. “That’s okay.” She whispers her reassurance to Minjeong.
It wasn’t okay. The last thing Minjeong wanted to do was hurt Jimin.
“Hey,” Jimin’s hushed voice brings her out of her thoughts. Minjeong’s eyebrows were furrowed in deep thought, eyes slightly glassy from conflicting emotions. “Look at me.”
Minjeong holds her gaze.
“We can just… be.”
Hands cradle Minjeong’s face, “this doesn’t have to be something you’re afraid of.”
Heaving a sigh, Minjeong shakes her head. She raises her uncasted hand and grips Jimin’s wrist softly. “That’s not fair to you. I… can’t be the person you need, Jimin. Even if I want to, I can’t.”
“And what exactly is it that I need, Minjeong?” Jimin asks her, voice remains as soft as her gaze.
Minjeong clenches her jaw, “you need someone who can bravely love you without doubting themselves. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“And if I say that I believe in you?” Jimin sees the way Minjeong’s gaze lowers to her lips as she speaks, “I know you won’t, but I give you permission to hurt me if it ever comes to that.”
Shaking her head, Minjeong drops her forehead against Jimin’s. She inhales deeply, Jimin’s sweet perfume making her a little dizzy and slightly addicted.
“Don’t haggle your heart for someone like me, Jimin.”
“You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do with my heart.” Jimin gives her a look, smile still on her lips. “It’s my heart, Kim Minjeong.”
Minjeong heaves a sigh, shaking her head. “Jimin.” Her voice was firm. She had always been stubborn. Especially with the rules she had set in order to protect herself from being hurt or hurting others. It seems Jimin was just as hard headed as she was, which didn’t necessarily make this any easier. Not when Jimin tested all aspects of Minjeong’s self control and boundaries.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” Minjeong repeats.
Jimin’s eyes drop to ruddy lips, “then kiss me.”
“What?” A surprised look wipes Minjeong’s face.
Fingers softly tickle Minjeong’s cheek, gliding against the plump of her cheek until they tuck tenderly under her jaw. “You can’t hurt me when you’re kissing me… so kiss me, Kim Minjeong.”
“Jimin—,”
Her words are ended by the soft press of Jimin’s lips, taking her breath away. Minjeong’s wide eyes slowly soften, half-lidded, as the kiss deepens. She feels Jimin rise to her feet, angling Minjeong’s chin up to keep their lips connected. Minjeong’s eyes shut close, reveling in the way Jimin’s lips felt against hers.
Jimin pulls back slightly, looking down at the hazy expression on Minjeong’s face. She smiles to herself when it takes a few seconds for the younger woman to open her eyes. When Minjeong finally opens her eyes and meets Jimin’s gaze, her smile widens.
“See?” Jimin’s thumb lines Minjeong’s bottom lip, “It doesn’t hurt at all.”
_
“You’re tenth on the list.”
Irene grins as she announces Jimin’s new spot on the transplant list. Like usual, Jimin doesn’t react as enthusiastically as expected. She simply nods her head, taking off the cuff around her bicep after it reads her blood pressure.
“Your blood pressure is higher than usual, but not enough to cause any concern.”
“Cool.”
Irene gives her a look. “Have you been taking your medication well?”
Jimin snorts, “of course. I have a nurse for a mom, and a doctor for an aunt.”
That earns Jimin a pat on the head from Irene. She swings her feet as she watches Irene look at her chart that she personally updates every time Jimin comes in for an appointment. Irene usually does everything when it comes to Jimin’s check ups, including charting and prescribing. She worked together with Jimin’s actual Cardiologist when it came to her health. There was a blurred line between what Irene could and couldn’t do considering she wasn’t technically related to Jimin yet. Of course, Irene knew her boundaries and the fact that she was emotionally and personally involved and this wasn’t just a professional relationship.
But again, it was a thin, blurry line.
“How’s Kim Minjeong?”
Jimin purses her lips at the mention of her favorite name. Her cheeks warm to a red shade, puffing out her cheeks like a puffer fish.
Irene glances at her upon the silence, and when she sees the expression on Jimin’s face, she snorts. “Good, I’m guessing?”
Looking down at her swinging legs, Jimin giggles to herself.
“How’s her arm?”
Head snapping up, Jimin frowns. “How do you know about her arm?”
“I wrapped it.”
Irene closes all the tabs on the computer, pushing it back against the wall. She raises her eyebrows at Jimin’s surprised look. “She didn’t tell you?”
Jimin shakes her head, no.
“Hm, figured. She said she didn’t want you to worry.”
A frown falls on her lips. She wasn’t surprised that Minjeong didn’t say much about how she broke her arm, even though she had poked at it. What was surprising though, is that her aunt Irene failed to mention that she had already met Minjeong.
“She asked about you, you know.” Irene doesn’t suppress the smile on her lips. “Well, after formalities and introductions, of course. She asked if you moved up on the list or not.”
Jimin’s eyebrows slightly rise in interest.
“You should’ve seen her face.” Irene chuckles.
“Minjeong doesn’t make exaggerated expressions.” Jimin deadpans.
Tilting her head, Irene raises a brow. “I can tell.” She narrows her eyes, and the corner of her lips curl slightly. “But I didn’t miss the relief in her eyes when I told her just how close you were to getting your new heart. Even if it was subtle. I saw it.”
Jimin softens, heart clenching. She puts her hand to her chest, feeling her own heartbeat that surely beats for Kim Minjeong.
Irene analyzes her quietly. Obviously this was no symptom of Jimin's frail heart.
Just a girl in love.
“It’s the kind of reaction I would expect you to have after moving up on the list.” Irene points out, nudging Jimin’s knee with her hand. “Talk to me, Jimin.”
Her hand drops back from her chest to her lap. Jimin heaves a sigh and shrugs her shoulders. “Why does it matter how I react to the list anyway?”
Irene mimics her shrug, “I just want to know what’s in that precious head of yours.” She taps Jimin’s forehead with a finger, giggling when the girl swats it away. Another sigh leaves Jimin’s lips, and it’s no wonder why her aunt Irene is so worried.
“There’s many things up here.” Jimin points to her own head, and Irene withholds the urge to pinch her cheek from how adorable she was being. Now was not the time to dote.
“I’m here to listen, sweetheart.”
Jimin looks up at her aunt Irene with glassy eyes. “I’m scared.”
Irene ruffles her bangs softly. “I know, baby.”
“Everytime I move up on that list…” A stray tear escapes Jimin’s eye, “Is it because someone got to live, or is it because someone had to die?”
Tears start to sting at Irene’s eyes too.
“How am I supposed to celebrate that, aunt Irene?”
I
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