part 2
just the two of us, mister (im)perfect
BEGINNING NOTES:
bAcK inSidE jOngDae's hEad.
There will be a prominent (I say it’s prominent but it’s only a couple of months) time skip between part 1 and part 2.
Content Warning:
Graphic depictions of multiple panic attacks and mental spirals.
Before he knew it, it was the middle of May. School was coming to a close and Jongdae, oddly enough, was nervous. He embraced the apathy he held for this school. He had nothing to attach himself to: no pack, no friends, nothing. His only motivation was the anticipation of graduating and leaving this place behind. (But then Baekhyun walked into his life, surrounded by a halo of rightness.) As time approached, the sense of dread and apprehension grew heavier with each passing day.
He was just stressed about the outside world.
He was just stressed about finals.
He was just stressed about his family.
Excuse upon excuse, nothing seemed to soothe the weight on his shoulders. He thought that time would cure it, but the looming presence and the rush of assignments only proved to worsen the situation. It didn’t help that the increase in schoolwork caused both Jongdae and Baekhyun to be busy. While yes, they saw each other during class and lunch, they didn’t have much time for anything else other than schoolwork. A majority of conversations revolved around upcoming finals. They didn’t even have the time nor the energy to just talk.
Everything spiralled downward.
::민형::Fri, May 10, 21:18(From: 민형) Jongdae? Where are you? 21:18(From: 민형) Father called me. 21:18(From: 민형) You ran out of the restaurant? 21:19(From: 민형) I told you to call me if you wanted to bail. 21:19(From: 민형) Kim Jongdae. Answer me. Where are you. 21:20(From: 민형) If you don’t answer me, I will call the police. Where are you 21:22(From: 민형) Jongdae please. Just answer me 21:29(From: 민형) I’m leaving the office. Where are you 21:30민형 is typing…(To: 민형) hyung 21:35(To: 민형) sry phone died 21:35(To: 민형) am fine. took bus 21:36(To: 민형) dont wanna see anyone rn. but im ok 21:36(From: 민형) Okay. I’ll tell Father that you’re safe. Are you back in your dorm? 21:37(To: 민형) yep 21:38You are typing…(To: 민형) im sorry for scaring you 21:42민형 is typing…(From: 민형) As long as you’re okay, alright? Father didn’t tell me much about what happened. 21:50(From: 민형) Do you want to talk about it? 21:52
CONTACTS Search: ㅎㅎㄱ경ㅇㅇ Did you mean 큥이~? 큥이~ “Baekmeong ૮ • ﻌ - ა” message call video call 큥이~ calling...
CALL TRANSCRIPT Friday, May 10, 2019 21:53:09 나: (unintelligible noise) H-Hyung I can’t ing do this anymore. (unintelligible noise) ! 큥이~: Jongdae? 나: O-Oh . Baekhyun? (unintelligible cursing) . Sorry, I thought you were someone else. Sorry. I’ll just- 큥이~: No! (clothes rustling) Stay on the line. What’s wrong? 나: It’s fine, Baek. (unintelligible noise) I’m fine. 큥이~: Is that rain? Are you outside? Wait, didn't you have that dinner with your parents? 나: (heavy breathing) I’m getting off the bus right now. And yeah. I did. 큥이~: That bad? 나: Bad. 큥이~: Do you wanna talk about it? 나: (unintelligible noise) It’s nothing… 큥이~: It’s not ‘nothing’ if you are this upset. If you don’t want to talk about it, we can have a Netflix watch party and watch Umbrella Academy? (computer booting up) 나: (unintelligible noise) ... Don’t you have a physics final project? 큥이~: Ehh. That isn’t important right now. So… Netflix? (typing sound) 나: Yeah. (door closing shut) I’m almost at my dorm. 큥이~: Okay… If- 나: Please. Stay. Until I’m on my floor. (door opening sound) 큥이~: (shuffling noise) I’ll stay as long as you need, Dae. 나: (echoing footsteps) Really? 큥이~: Of course. Even if we are apart because of life and duties and whatnot, I’ll be here for you. You and me. 나: (door opening/closing sound) ... Baek? 큥이~: Hmm? 나: (unintelligible whisper) Nevermind. I’m outside my door. 큥이~: Oh okay. (mouse clicking sound) I’ll get the Netflix watch party code ready- 나: (wooden door creaks) Wait. Before you go, can you answer me something? Out of curiosity. 큥이~: Yes? 나: If you had to choose between what you want and what is safe, what would you choose? 큥이~: Well that depends… 나: Just choose one. 큥이~: Well what’s safe I suppose. 나: I see. Thank you. 큥이~: Is that it? 나: Yeah. (whispers) That’s all I needed. (returns to normal level) But for my own sake, would you still choose safety if it means losing yourself to ‘omegaly duties?’ Is a life of comfort worth being unhappy for the rest of your life? Is a life of safety worth pushing away your feelings? Even if it’s someone you can’t have? 큥이~: ... 나: Nevermind. I’m just talking nonsense right now. Actually, we can watch Umbrella Academy another night. I think I need to sleep. 나 has ended the telephone discussion. END - Duration: 5:03
It was a couple of weeks before graduation. To be specific, three. The assignment load had lessened slightly, yet it seemed that the universe had not decided to be on his side today. During class, Jongdae received a text from Baekhyun, the first text ever since the former’s misdial. Fumbling with his trembling hands, he grabs his Donald Duck-cased phone (courtesy of the brunet) from his backpack, he glanced at the notifications popping on his screen.
::큥이~::Fri, May 17, 14:32(From: 큥이~) Meet me @ my dorm at 5 14:32(From: 큥이~) I need to tell you something 14:34
They were simple messages, yet Jongdae felt on edge. He spent the rest of the day clicking his pen impatiently, letting his mind drift elsewhere. In hindsight, it was not wise to not pay attention in class, especially this close to graduation, but his mind was too distracted with questions and possibilities.
After school ended, Jongdae did not see Baekhyun waiting for him by the entrance like normal. It was one of the joys that Jongdae treasured despite their busy schedules. They would walk together in the general vicinity of the dorms as Jongdae goes back to study while Baekhyun goes back to his room to change for Hapkido. It was Jongdae’s constant. A routine.
But.
Baekhyun left without him. He didn’t even leave a text saying he’d be late or gone. Jongdae checked.
He tried not to let that particular thought leave daggers in his heart. No need to be clingy. Baekhyun had his own life that did not revolve around Jongdae after all. They were just friends.
Confusion and hurt aside, Jongdae headed straight for his dorm room like usual. Without Baekhyun beside him talking his ear off, he found himself watching the crowds of people milling around the campus as he trekked back to his “abode.” Yes, they were in high school, but you couldn’t tell from the campus. Not only was it relatively large considering its location in Los Angeles, but there was also a sense of classic academia that emanated from the grounds. Maybe it was the huge- pillars with the school’s motto. The only thing that pointed to its demographic was the student body. There was nothing mature-like with their specific uniform and the baby faces of the freshmen (well most freshmen.)
In his dorm room, Jongdae set his backpack aside and changed into something more comfortable. He then sat on his bed, pondering away the afternoon. He contemplated texting his brother, for moral support at the least, but he was probably busy adulting, being twenty-three and all.
Instead, he left his phone face-up and let his mind drift. Different possibilities as to why Baekhyun wanted to speak to him took up his mind. The more he thought about it, the more strange the situation became. Like how it appeared as though the brunet was avoiding him for the entire afternoon. He was vague in his text…
Oh god. Did he mess up again? Did he—
Stop it.
There had to be a logical explanation.
He pondered away until it was twenty minutes ‘til five. The walk toward the brunet’s room felt longer than usual, tense. Fifteen minutes later, Jongdae found himself hesitating in front of Baekhyun’s door. He stood there for a couple of minutes to just calm his nerves. A deep breath later, he knocked on the door.
Nothing.
He knocked again. Finally, the door opened to reveal Baekhyun.
To put it kindly, he looked like . Unlike his normal self, the brunet looked more ragged. Sections of his caramel locks splayed out of place, his fingers twitching every so often. His eyes glanced at everything but Jongdae’s face.
“You wanted to talk?” Jongdae asked, concern filtering through his voice. If he knew that Baekhyun would have been this worn out, he should have at least brought a water bottle.
Baekhyun looked around the hallway. Deeming it safe, the taller stepped aside from the doorway and said, “It’s better if we talked inside.”
Baekhyun’s roommate was out, as usual, leaving the two omegas by their lonesome. While their school had policies against outside visitors, there was nothing prohibiting members of the school from meeting together. Well, apart from the school-wide curfew at 23:00 of course. Wordlessly, Jongdae took a seat on the brunet’s bed and snagged a pillow to distract himself. The brunet, on the other hand, found himself sitting on his desk chair. For a moment, Jongdae thought he saw Baekhyun glance at him with a fond, yet sad look from the corner of his eye. Oh great. Now he’s seeing things too.
To break the silence, Jongdae asked, “Where were you earlier?”
“I had to deal with something and I got sidetracked. Sorry about not telling you.” Jongdae would have to be dense to not feel the genuine guilt that the other’s voice emulated. His stomach churned.
“Don’t be sorry. Really.” He cleared his throat. “So you want to talk?”
“Right…” Baekhyun trailed off. His eyes still refused to meet Jongdae’s. On that day, they had reverted to their old selves. The tension between the two was stifling. Whatever Baekhyun had to say, it was serious.
Slightly losing his patience, Jongdae eyed Baekhyun expectantly—waiting for the brunet to say something, anything. Then, the latter finally found the will to meet his eyes. At last, Jongdae saw all the internal torment and conflict pooling within those dark eyes of his. The anguish stabbed him. Jongdae could feel the burden the other omega felt, although not completely understanding why.
“What’s wrong?”
Jongdae’s sole attention was on the brunet. His arms squeezed around the pillow tighter.
Upon glancing at Jongdae’s arms around the pillow, Baekhyun’s expression softened. “Before I say anything else. I need you to hear the entire story, okay? Please just give me this,” he practically pleaded.
A nod.
“I'm ending my arrangement with Chanyeol.”
For a moment, Jongdae felt a wave of relief. Relief then confusion then utter disgust. What kind of friend was he to be happy over a tragedy like this?
"Oh?” He finally said, keeping his gaze on the pillow in front of him. Softly, he whispered, “You told me he wasn't a bad guy…"
A scoff snapped Jongdae’s attention. "Well, that was before I found my soulmate."
Time stopped. Blood rushed to his ears. All he could hear was Baekhyun’s voice echoing, I found my soulmate I found my soulmate Ifoundmysoulmate.
"S-Soulmate?" Say congrats, Jongdae. That’s the right thing to do. He found his happiness. But why does it hurt so much?
"Chanyeol and I are friends. We never loved each other, but we got along. I was fine with that. Until I met the half my heart has been searching for.”
Oh right. Baekhyun was still talking, still gushing about his newfound soulmate. Were they an alpha? A beta, even? No, someone of Baekhyun’s pedigree would be matched to an alpha by the heavens. Did Jongdae even want to know? Of course! They’re best friends. Friends support friends and their love interests, within reason. Yet, the more he thought about it, the more Jongdae wanted to throw up. If Chanyeol wasn’t the perfect one for Baekhyun, who possibly could? What-
“Jongdae,” Baekhyun’s honey voice called, snapping him to reality, “That was until I met you.”
Wait. What.
The brunet continued, not noticing the younger omega’s confusion. "It's not fair to either of you to keep this going. I should have said something earlier… And I’m sorry for not being clearer earlier. But I’ve made my choice now.”
Okay, Baekhyun. I think we missed a few steps here! Jongdae mentally screamed.
“You were right. I took the coward’s way out in choosing safety over us, over you. Why should we do our ‘duty’ as omegas for the family if it hurts? I knew you were hurting, but I thought what we had was enough, and I didn’t want to push you for something you were clearly uncomfortable with. But it’s not and I see that now. And I’m sorry for not discovering that sooner.”
Wait. Wait. Wait. Why the was Baekhyun apologizing?
“What the hell are you talking about, Baek?” Jongdae blurted, regaining control of his mental facilities.
Baekhyun looked at Jongdae strangely, carefully choosing his next words as if to soften a blow. “I know you weren’t comfortable with our whole soulmate thing at the beginning. I was-”
“Soulmate thing?” Jongdae’s heart rate increased, his breathing became more laboured. His grip on the pillow tightened like a vice. “Baek, we aren’t soulmates.”
“Yes… We are…” the brunet trailed off as he connected the dots. Eyes widening, he asked incredulously, “D-Did you not realize?”
No , Sherlock! “I think I would have known if we—two goddamn omegas—were soulmates, Baekhyun!” The tail-end of Jongdae’s voice was borderline shrieking.
Like Jongdae, Baekhyun’s voice raised, his eyes frantically searching the former’s face to find something. A tell he was lying, perhaps. Whatever he saw, Baekhyun stood up from his desk to start pacing. He ran his fingers through his caramel strands in a rhythmic motion. After a few moments, he couldn’t help but ask, “How did you not know? I thought you were just uncomfortable with the idea. Being omegas means nothing if our scents give it away? Hell, even your feelings and instincts should have given it away. Did you not pay attention in psych, Dae??”
Seeing the other act this way did nothing to help Jongdae’s nerves. His head began to throb, his eyes feeling an increasing pressure. Everything was too much and he nearly missed every question Baekhyun asked. Focusing just in time to catch the last question, he asked, “Instincts? What ing instincts?”
Me? How could it be me? No. It couldn’t. How could a disappointment like me be destined for someone like him? This has to be a prank. But Baekhyun isn’t the type to joke like this. He got something wrong. I don’t have a sense of smell. How the could I have a soulmate when the whole ing premise relies on stupid scents????
Jongdae was not dumb. Every single romance author worth their salt and their mothers knew how soulmates worked. It was the universe’s vague matchmaking system that paired every alpha and omega. He wasn’t sure how beta soulmates worked, but he digressed. Generally speaking, soulmates were defined as people with complementary scents, as they will balance each other out in both a physical and emotional sense. Keyword: scent. Hell, even people with working noses rarely meet their soulmates. The universe’s instructions were too vague! Logically speaking, how the could Jongdae have a soulmate if he didn’t even have working scent glands?
“Dae, that’s only one part. There’s more. You know, the desire to always be with the other person, always making sure they’re okay, the pure happiness from being with them? The escalating stages of a soulbond?????” The visage of Baekhyun disappeared, leaving Jongdae to recount everything.
Their first meeting. Their growing friendship (bond?). The last ing year of happiness Jongdae had grown to rely on. Their uncanny ability to just know when the other was feeling down, and knowing exactly how to make it better. Whether he liked it or not, the pieces of the puzzle seemed to fit together. Oh .
“I thought you knew.” Baekhyun eyed the ground shamefully. “You let me scent you and everything…”
He did?
“Baekhyun, we can’t,” Jongdae borderline hissed because what the . “I can’t. We are omegas. Your- my parents won’t accept this.”
With a hysteric yell, Baekhyun cried, “I know that, Jongdae!” The younger flinched at the tone, eerily reminded of his mother. Seeing this, the brunet softens his voice, tinged no longer with a slight anger, but remorse. “I know that. I thought… , you didn’t know…”
Jongdae didn’t even notice, his eyes trained on his fists clenching the pillow.
“My life is already decided. Mother and Father already arranged a wedding with the Kang family alpha in a couple of months,” he whispered to himself. The room started to close in on him. He couldn’t breathe. He gripped the pillow tighter, his knuckles paling to snow. Focus. He needed to focus. But on what?
Lights. Bright, bright lights. Too bright. No. What was it again? Five things you can see? Hear? Taste? What was it?
He did not notice himself crying until a strong tug pulled him forward toward a hard, yet soothing chest. A hand rubbed circles on his back, rocking him back and forth as Jongdae sobbed. “I’m sorry… Shh… You’re okay…” It will not be okay. He ed up again, and this time, he’s bringing Baekhyun down with him. How can he not see that nothing will be okay again? “Everything is alright… Deep breaths, Dae… There we go…”
Baekhyun.
Like magic, it took a few minutes for Jongdae’s breathing to slow down, his sobs quieting to mere hiccups and sniffles. Though irrational, he buried himself into the brunet’s shoulder, craving to just have a whiff of that sickly sweet omega scent, wondering what specific notes dictated Baekhyun’s. Rosemary? Peaches? (He so wished it was something sweet like honey…) It didn’t have to be much, just something. Yet he was met with nothing but the plain, generic scent of body wash.
A hand ran through Jongdae’s ebony locks. “It’s alright, Jongdae. We’ll be okay. We have each other, like always. Okay? It’s alright…”
Still uneasy, Jongdae mumbled, “It’s not alright. What the are we supposed to do? This isn’t in the ing script.” Maybe it wasn’t too late for things to go back to normal, to convince Baekhyun to repair his relationship with Chanyeol. Maybe, just maybe, he would be forgiven and live his life, unlike Jongdae.
“-and I know you are scared. I’m scared too. But it’s okay. We will figure it out, you and I. Hell, if you wish, we can run away to Canada and elope. Wherever you go, I’ll be there.”
Jongdae knew he was a disappointment, the single flaw in his family’s picture-perfect life. He accepted his life. Omegas like him don’t get happy endings. Baekhyun though? He has Chanyeol. He has his mother’s company. His only mistake was trying to throw that away for Jongdae, a good-for-nothing, broken omega boy who should not have been born.
“-don’t worry. I can empty the trust fund Mama left in my name without Eomeoni knowing. I promise that no one, not my mother and definitely not your parents, will hurt you again. They’ll have to go through me first.”
He may not know it now, but Baekhyun would soon see all his flaws for what they were: obstacles holding him back, blemishes to his otherwise picture-perfect life. He couldn’t understand. Why the did the universe deem Jongdae as Baekhyun’s perfect half? God must have made a mistake.
As usual, Jongdae must fix his mistakes. He couldn’t mess with Baekhyun’s perfect life. No. Jongdae refused to ruin one of the only good things in his life.
It’s better this way, he reasoned.
“I’m sorry, Baek. I can’t… I’m sorry. I have… I have to go.”
He didn't remember pulling himself out of Baekhyun’s warm embrace, nor did he remember fleeing the scene. What he did remember, however, were Baekhyun’s strained calls after him.
He never looked back, because if he did, he would have crumbled at the image of Baekhyun’s broken figure hugging the door frame.
RECENTS All Missed 큥이~ (14) Friday 큥이~ (5) Sunday 큥이~ (2) Monday 큥이~ Tuesday … 큥이~ Yesterday
::큥이~::Fri, May 17, 22:28(From: 큥이~) i’m sorry 22:28(From: 큥이~) i didn’t mean to scare you off 22:30(From: 큥이~) i hope you’re okay 22:31(From: 큥이~) good night 22:45::큥이~::Sun, May 19, 07:34(From: 큥이~) i know you haven’t read my messages 07:34(From: 큥이~) but that’s okay 07:35(From: 큥이~) i’ll be here when you want to talk okay? 07:35(From: 큥이~) good night 22:32::큥이~::Wed, May 22, 14:09(From: 큥이~) popo sent a pic of mongryong 14:09(From: 큥이~) thought u would want to see it 14:09(From: 큥이~) 5201314.png 14:10(From: 큥이~) good night 21:44::큥이~::Fri, May 24, 16:15(From: 큥이~) congrats on the full ride scholarship 16:15(From: 큥이~) you deserve it 16:15(From: 큥이~) good night 23:11::큥이~::Mon, May 27, 19:59(From: 큥이~) good night 19:59::큥이~::Wed, May 29, 00:02(From: 큥이~) we graduate today 00:02(From: 큥이~) yip yip 00:02큥이~ is typing…큥이~ is typing…큥이~ is typing…(From: 큥이~) i miss you 00:10Read 00:11
Four years. He had waited for this moment for four years. All his studying rewarded him with receiving a piece of paper at the end of a three-hour ceremony. It should have been a special night, the end of his childhood. It should have been the start of his new life into adulthood.
Like his classmates, he should have been crying, maybe? Laughing? Reuniting with his family? Yet he sat, waiting for his brother—the only one who managed to get time off his schedule—to find him in a sea of maroon and white.
He counted the empty chairs until a familiar alpha holding a graduation bouquet stood in front of him. His brother, still dressed in his work attire, immediately rushed to hug Jongdae, not caring about the wrinkles forming on the suit. Jongdae didn’t even realize he was crying until Min-hyung pulled away to wipe his face. Well damn, Min-hyung was crying too.
“Congratulations, Jongdae. You’re done! I’m so, so proud of you,” Min-hyung said in a quavering voice. “I know you wanted them to be here, but Mom and Dad send their wishes.”
At the mention of their parents, Jongdae turned his face to the side, leaning closer to his brother for another hug. “You’re here, hyung. That’s all that matters to me.”
The arms around him squeezed tighter. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world, Jongdae. Wait, let me take a picture for Mom and Dad.” With that, Min-hyung pulled away to hand Jongdae the bouquet while readying his phone camera.
He didn’t even have to try putting on a fake smile. Seeing his brother trying to take “aesthetic pictures” from multiple angles in a pressed suit was enough. It was then that he realized that this was the first time he had smiled that night. However, despite the mirth, the weight on his chest persisted—the feeling that something was missing lingered.
Jongdae shook his head. No more sad thoughts. Hyung is here.
“You sure you just want solo pics? Where’s that Baekhyun you were talking to me about? Aren’t you guys friends? I can snap some pics of you two together.”
Baekhyun.
Teasing the strands of ribbon that held the bouquet, the omega said swiftly, “Um, I think Baekhyun left with his family already.” Lies. Jongdae saw him taking pictures with Park Chanyeol a few minutes earlier on the other side of the auditorium. Good. They made up. Yippee. Everything was back on track.
Oops. Jongdae ripped one of the ribbons.
Min-hyung raised an eyebrow. “He left so soon? Well, I don’t know if you have any other friends-”
Jongdae quickly guided (read: shoved) his brother toward the exit, ready to just get out of there. “I’m hungry. We can just lea-”
“Jongdae?”
. . . He hadn’t heard that voice in weeks.
“Jongdae? Do you know-,” Ever so slightly, Min-hyung’s nose crinkled, eyes widening. “This is Baekhyun?”
Of course, he was in disbelief. Knowing Min-hyung, he probably was wondering how a specimen like Byun Baekhyun looked at Jongdae and said, “Yes, I want that one as my new best friend.” Don’t worry, hyung. Jongdae doesn’t know either. Not that it mattered anymore. He’d be lucky if they remained Facebook friends, but it was for the best.
“Jongdae. I-” “This is Jongdae?”
Goddamnit. He nearly forgot Baekhyun’s plus-one. Of course! Park Chanyeol was more attractive up close! How could he have ever entertained being a rival to that? Not that it matters anymore.
Why was it so hard to ing breathe?
No. No. No. He had to get out of here. Breathe in, then out. Then- oh no.
With all the strength he could muster, Jongdae let out a terse, “Congratulations, Byun. Good luck in the future. I know you’ll do good,” before high-tailing out of the auditorium.
This was for Baekhyun’s own good!
Nope. Nope. Nope. No looking back.
He made it to the parking lot before remembering that he didn’t know where Min-hyung parked. It was also then that he realized that he left his brother alone with Baekhyun and Chanyeol.
Great. Just great.
One last night in the room he had called home for the past four years. The boarding school gave graduating seniors a few extra days to move out. Min-hyung offered to help him with the packing process, yet Jongdae declined, wanting to be alone for a few days. It took much work to convince the overprotective alpha, but Jongdae had mastered his Little Brother voice years ago.
And so, he was all by himself.
Never had a room felt so quiet. The once cluttered room was stripped of its posters, pictures, and notes. Jongdae suddenly became aware of each tick of the clock, each thrum of the pipes, each step in the hallway. His roommate had left the day before, leaving Jongdae by his lonesome. Not for long though; his brother was coming to pick him up the next morning.
As he hauled the last of his boxes toward the front door, a shiver wracked his body.
Dammit. He left the window open again. He swore those things never stay latched for long. As he reached to shut the window pane, he paused. Of course, the sky on his last night in this godforsaken school was free of the usual L.A. smog. He basked in the gentle moonlight, a phantom hand guiding him to each constellation as he gazed up at the stars. The colours of the galaxy swirled in a comforting, familiar pattern.
For a brief moment, Jongdae felt the wisps of fluffy hair tickling his neck, the hints of a warm cocoon surrounding him.
Crap.
Jongdae, ignorant of the blurriness in his vision, shut the latch close. He slept with his back facing the window that night.
“I’ll bring the last few boxes down. Is there anything else you need to do?”
“I just need to do one last sweep. I’ll meet you in the car.”
With great hesitation, his brother turned the corner, leaving Jongdae to give one last glance at his dorm room. After four years, his high school career was officially over. No more tests. No more stress.
He leaned against the wall.
No more cramming for the next exam because he fell asleep studying. No more Facetime “study calls” after curfew because the admin would blow a fuse catching students “sneaking around.” No more little thieves stealing the strawberries from his plate, despite knowing that Jongdae would give them up if asked. No more brunets interrupting his reading annotations because oh look, Popo sent a pic of Mongryong being so cute! His corgo waddle!
His vision became blurry as he stared off into nothing.
No more hoodies for him to steal. No more warm hands threading through his messy hair after a long week. No more stupid comments made about his way of writing papers while the other refused to even start.
No more rants about how the jungler was “feeding” and his mid was “getting diffed so hard” during League of Legends. No more factoids about the latest Mars Rover updates. No more…
He saw the faint outline of a boy facing away from him, hair like caramel shimmering under the fluorescent lights of the dorms. Within a blink, he was gone. The boy was out of Jongdae’s sight, the boy… Baekhyun was out of Jongdae’s life.
It was for the best. It was for the best. ItwasforthebestitwasforthebestITWASFOR-
Oh god, what did he do?
What did he do to deserve this? He tried to be a good son, obeying his parents’ words. Yes Mother, of course, I will take etiquette classes. I will not disappoint you, Mother. Of course, I will marry a man twice my age, Father. Anything for the family. Me? I would never question what my beloved parents think is best for me. After all, what right did he have to question them? His purpose in life was theirs to decide. He couldn’t afford to disappoint them by deviating from their carefully crafted plan.
God knew he ed up already by becoming an omega instead of his parents’ prized second alpha son.
Unnatural. Immoral. Disgraceful.
What’s the point of having a son like you? After all your Mother and I spent on having you?
“SHUT UP!” A voice shrieked, “Please… just shut up…” For a second, the world paused. Blood rushed to Jongdae’s ears. Everything was muted but his laboured breathing, mind spinning.
It took a moment for him to register that the voice was coming from him, if his sore throat was any sign.
Why weren’t they ever happy with anything he did? He tried so hard to be like his brother. He kept his head down. He obeyed their rules. He did well in school. He tried so hard to be normal. Why couldn’t he just be ing normal?
“Jongdae?” A faraway voice called. Beyond the haze of never-ending tears, the blurry, but familiar silhouette of his older brother materialised in front of him. The concern bleeding from the elder’s eyes completely broke him.
“H-Hyung!”
He chased after the safety of his childhood, the only person who cared for him, that loved him in that godforsaken household. He wanted nothing more than for the black hole in his chest to go away, for his Min-hyung to make everything better again because that’s what he promised when they were little. Please go away, please please go away. Why wasn’t it going away-
It hurt. It burned. Ohgodithurtssomuchpleasemakeitgoaway-
“Shh.” Warm arms cradled his body, rocking back and forth like he was seven again and crying over a bruised knee. “It’s okay. Hyung is here now. I am so sorry, honey. I didn’t know. I thought I was protecting you, but I know better now, okay? I was a coward against Mother and Father, but not anymore. I can’t see you like this anymore. Hyung messed up but he will make things right again, okay?”
Right? How can anything be right again? He already ed up and now he will never feel the warmth of a bold, yet caring (so so so caring) omega again. He will only know that of the sleazy, nasty alpha from the Kang Corporation instead of a sweaty, but comforting omega holding him tight after the man dominates his hapkido tournament like it’s nothing.
He didn’t want to be the househusband of an ordinary business man his parents introduced at that damn restaurant. He didn’t want to be treated like nothing but an incubator and caretaker for his alpha’s spawn for the rest of his life. He wanted a young man bursting through the front door yelling, “DaeDae! You wouldn’t believe what our baby did on the way home!” as the tippy taps of a corgi quickly followed. He wanted wisps of caramel hair tickling his nose as he tried to focus on doing a uni paper but the person in his lap kept yelling at the Yuumi main leaving him for their 3/5 top with one item while he was 2/1 with one item and his boots. He wanted nights wrapped around a small, but firm chest after years of hapkido, digging his face into the other’s nape despite knowing damn well he couldn’t scent the man properly. Because his presence was enough. Because Baekhyun was enough.
But the universe was never so kind. For it was ordained that these two were to be on separate walks of life. After all, could he really believe that he and Baekhyun, two upper-class omegas, were really soulbonded like the latter insisted? Could a defective omega child like him, one who couldn’t even detect pheromones for crying out loud, really be so blessed as to be the fated one of a shining star like Byun Baekhyun? Especially when knights like Park Chanyeol existed?
God, what he wouldn't give to switch places with that lucky, lucky man. For Jongdae to be the one caressing the omega's soft strands as he sleepily purred in contentment. For Jongdae's arms to be wrapped against the other's waist as he played the night away on League. For him to… to…
For 's sake, why couldn't he have just been born an alpha?
Light scratches on his scalp brought him back to Earth. “Oh honey, there’s so much wrong with those statements but we’ll talk later, okay? There’s someone here for you now.” The warmth left him, and Jongdae nearly keened at the loss until-
“Hey.” That voice… “A little birdie told me what happened.”
Hold on. Baekhyun? That wasn’t right. Baekhyun should be on a flight to South Korea to officially marry Park Chanyeol by now. No. This had to be something conjured from his mind.
“Oh, Jongdae.” The vision’s voice cracked. It crept closer to Jongdae until it knelt directly in front of him. So close, yet so far. The vision—no, that was the real Baekhyun; No vision would be able to replicate that exact shade of caramel he had come to love—pleaded as sobs wracked his body, “I knew you were troubled, but I didn’t know how much until Minseok-hyung told me everything. I’m so sorry. You were so stressed and I hit you with that. I didn’t know you couldn’t ing smell it. I should have-” A sharp inhale cut the brunet off.
Jongdae’s racing thoughts braked to a full stop. Baekhyun was saying sorry? “W-Why are you ap-apologizing? You weren’t the one who ignored you for weeks or ran away like a .”
“Jongdae-”
“No, Baekhyun.” Jongdae scooched closer to the other, watching as Baekhyun’s body continued to shake in silent sobs. “My stress does not excuse how I treated you, especially when you were hurting too.”
The elder’s head snapped to Jongdae’s, meeting his eyes for the first time in weeks. Like him, his eyes were red-rimmed with tears pouring out. The heaviness in Jongdae’s chest intensified in a way different from what he was used to these last few weeks.
Underneath the pain, sorrow, and hurt, was longing.
Longing for him. Longing for Kim Jongdae.
Jongdae was always weak when it mattered.
Words nearly lost in tears, Baekhyun blubbered, “Jongdae, I made so many assumptions on your behalf because I thought you under-understood what my scent was telling you. Your scent was al-always responsive to mine… so I assumed we were on the same page. When we met, it took a while for us to start talking. You never… never brought up the initial soul meeting, but you never pulled away from me. Your scent always welcomed me, so I-I thought I was taking a hint. I-I could see you didn’t like my situation with Chanyeol, but you ne-never grew distant. You st-stayed. I thought I could make… both you and Chanyeol work. I was too-too ing arrogant in my ability to find a solution that makes everyone happy.
With each hiccup, Jongdae couldn’t take it anymore. “Baekhyun.”
“I assumed that you would… would always be there for me no matter what I did, but… but I never asked whether you were in for the ride.” A wet scoff. “Hell, it took your brother yelling at me after you ran away to realize that I wasn’t the only one who would lose something, and I had no right to decide that for you.”
They were nearly touching, the air between them rigid, stifling.
“You… You didn’t know,” Jongdae finally said, not bothering to rub his raw red face with tears again. “I knowingly hurt you by running off and ghosting you for weeks, Baekhyun.”
“And I unknowingly hurt you for months because of my assumptions and hubris. If you are willing, the past will be the past, and we will work things out in the future. Actually together this time.”
Last chance to be strong, Jongdae.
He turned his gaze back to his lap, his fists clenched around his pants. “I don’t understand… Why are you doing this for me? Clearly, you have realized that the universe made a mistake in making me your soulmate. How could I be your perfect half when I’m me?”
His vision blurred for the nth time that day. Cold, wet plops land on his fists. Through the hazy veil, a pair of warm, calloused hands gently rested themselves on his knuckles. In an instant, his grip loosened. The hands took this as confirmation to fully cradle Jongdae’s, thumbs rubbing comforting circles on his skin.
“Jongdae, I’m not perfect either. No one is perfect. No soulmates are perfect. And that’s okay. I don’t want you to be perfect. Soulmates are not about perfection, it’s about a willingness to face the odds together. In the past year I have known you, I have never felt more sure that I want to experience that with you… if you’ll have me.”
The grip on his hands tightened—a promise.
“That’s it? After everything, that’s it?”
A breathy laugh. “Of course not, but has to start somewhere. You don’t need to decide now, but I’ve made my choice, and it’s you. No matter your decision, no matter how long it takes, I’ll support you.”
How long would that last?
“You won’t regret it?”
You won’t regret wasting precious years on me for an uncertain future?
“I won’t. Even if I do, I would rather try and regret it than to have never tried at all.”
Ringing. Everything was ringing. Then nothing.
“I’m not an easy person to be with.”
Just give me one thing to refute.
“Jongdae you say that as if I signed up for anything else. As long as you can deal with all of me, too.”
At that, Jongdae broke. He was always weak, so weak when it came to Baekhyun, when it mattered.
The tension between them snapped as Jongdae rushed forward, finding purchase in Baekhyun’s secure embrace. It was awkward, especially how they were arranged on the floor, yet Jongdae couldn’t care less as he buried himself in Baekhyun’s chest, pressing an ear to listen for the latter’s heartbeat. The brunet, meanwhile, found himself planted in the space between his neck and shoulder.
At that moment, it was just them. Just Jongdae and Baekhyun.
They remained this way for who-knows-how-long, basking in each other’s heat, unwilling to let go, barely pulling away to stare into each other’s eyes.
“We’re so stupid.”
“And dense.”
“And need to communicate!”
“Hyung? When did you get here.”
“Just now. You were taking too long. I see you have made up. Good. Now, let Hyung do his job.”
Min-hyung turned to leave until he paused, probably remembering all the boxes that Jongdae had stuffed in his backseat.
“After I get your to my place.”
Seeing his brother’s form disappear down the hall, Jongdae couldn’t help but burst into laughter. Baekhyun joined soon after, even when tears of joy and wet hiccups entered the fray. As it died down, Jongdae further buried himself into Baekhyun’s shaking hold. He didn’t realize he was purring until he felt a hand pet the nape of his neck, comforting.
For the first time in a while, Jongdae allowed himself to float, knowing that Baekhyun would be there to anchor him.
They might not be perfect right now, probably never. They still had their baggage from their past, and issues to settle, but there was no rush. They had their lives to figure each other out. In the meantime, Jongdae would be content with the moment.
ENDING NOTES:
All that's left is the epilogue! ─=≡Σ((( つ•̀ω•́)つ
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