wrote this a couple days ago

again, not as good as my other pieces

but i tried

this time the feelings i had while writing this

were towards my older brother

he went to this thing called QuizBowl

and it's where all these smartass people meet up

and play something like Jeoporady

now i know im not the sharpest

colored pencil in the box

but im not freakin stupid either!

and i was upset that i wasn't part of this goddamn quizbowl crap!!!

lol, so when my brother came back home

he told us that their quizbowl team was moving on to state

and in my head im just like, "dammit."

don't get me wrong, im proud of him

but i wanted to be on that team so i could be proud of myself

...more at the bottom

enjoy!

I hated him. Why did he get everything? All the intellect. The looks. The fame.
They were all his. Not a drop shared.
Anger swelled inside of me. A dangerous tumor, threatening to take over my life.
A fire, wishing to never be blown out.
False smiles suggest congratulations. But inside. Inside is where the true feelings lie.
The burning in my chest. I can't cough it out. It wants to stay in the prison of my heart. It does not want to be released. It stays there. Waiting for the right moment.
His happiness is my fury.
I wanted it. His happiness. Not the stress of striving to become better and utterly failing compred to him. I wanted success. I wanted to see the actual results of all my hard efforts.
But that was a bar too high to reach.
Something I was too short to grasp.
Why was he related to me? I don't want this competition. This comparison. We're different.
Yet we're expected to be the same.
We're not alike. Let me be.
I want to cry from frustration. Yell from the depths of my desperation.
Help.
Free me from this pain. Free me from this misery of constant comparison.
My eyes squeezed tightly, hands holding my head. Trying to let the headache escape.
Whimpers leave my lips.
I give up.
I don't want to be like him.
To be like you.
I'm my own person.
And I want to be left alone.
My jealousy towards him may be infinite, but my love for him goes beyond that.

"but i wanted to be on that team so i could be proud of myself

...more at the bottom"

continuing on from that

i wanted to at least give myself an ego boost

and doing this would probably help

but when my brother came home that day

and i just felt upset with myself

i was disappointed that i wasn't considered "smart"

enough to be on this team

but oh wellsies

there's some moments in life

where you have to it up

and move on :)