I'm Tired
I'm tired of being called pathetic, stupid, ugly and worthless. I am tired of the words that come out of my dad's mouth whenever I say something to him. It's always the same words. You're not good enough, you didn't try hard enough, you failed again. I'm tired of it. I try my best to ignore him, saying that it's alright. But the words hurt and especially when I am going to a tournament and instead of encouraging words, my dad threatens me. When I go to a school golf tournament, I win it or do well, and come back happily because everyone is happy too. Then I get home to my dad fuming because I didn't do as well as he had hoped to. I can never feel happy about my accomplishments. If I do, I am asked the question "What is there to be happy about?"
I'm tired and it's sometimes too much. My teachers yell at me, calling me an idiot while handing me back a test that says "A" on it. I don't get it. Why am I the one that everyone seems to hate so much? I'm really trying.
Maybe I'm crazy. I should get a therapist. But I asked my parents for consulting and my mom was all on board with it. She said it's a great idea. My dad however, told me only people who are insane get counseling. He told me he'll lock me up in an asylum if I go get counseling. I'm worried, scared, and really tired. I start looking at friends as people who are strangers. I look at my family as if they are prison guards. I can't do anything right and I'm just so so so so so tired of it. If I was made to be imperfect, shouldn't I just die? I should.
I should just die.
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