Hiatus
Hello everyone. MeloMera here :) I've already said this on twitter but I figured I should at least say again on aff.
Since I injured my hip and have been getting writers' block much often these days, I thought about writing a lot.
I've been reading some sapphic books these days, and then started reading classics from authors like Charles Dickens and F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Korean novels and so on. I know I still have a lot to learn and maybe not even capable but I decided I should try writing a story with original characters.
None of what I've written so far seems enough lately which is sad because I did work hard. I kept wondering why I felt that way aside from the fact that I'm my worst critic, and I realized writing fics wasn't quite enjoyable lately because I always stress about what stories I have to finish. And I always had this pressure I have to update at least something even when I'm not confident with it.
I really feel bad because there are about 6 fics that need to be finished but I felt so unmotivated I didn't know what to do. And I didn't want to rely on feedbacks and upvotes because I know it'll only make me miserable. I don't want to think only a feature will prove that I'm a good writer or someone close to it.
What I regret is that I should have posted the story after it's completely finished so I won't leave the readers hanging. I'm very sorry for my irrational decision of posting just because I wanted to.
To be honest I still have more ideas I want to write. From big complicated ones to small ones but I didn't want to make the same mistake again.
So I decided to focus on writing this one story. Like I'm writing a real book which I've always wanted to try but never had the courage to.
I think almost all my readers know how insecure I can be about my writing. And I'm ashamed of it. I want to be good at what I love doing but it all seemed endless and well, I don't think I'm improving. Or not improving enough.
So I really am thankful for all readers who waited patiently, encouraged me whenever I was down by not just commenting but reaching out to me on twitter, curiouscat and so on. Even though it's been so long since I've got featured(and I was honestly expecting this penname to be forgotten because it doesn't seem like I haven't written anything good enough since then), I'm grateful that some people remember me and still read my stories. I never would have imagined being here writing for this long.
I'm not going to abandon my fics. It's just going to take some more time to be finished since I want to be happy again when I write. I don't know how long that will take but I hope it won't take too long.. Or maybe come back one day with a completed story you can all enjoy while waiting for other stories to be finished.
Writing is honestly very important to me. It's one of the things I thought I had to let go and I don't want to do that again. Writing fics did help me realize I still love writing and I hope I can at least finish what I've written halfway for the sake of those who supported me till this day. I'm sorry if you got tired of waiting, or felt disappointed because of this announcement and felt annoyed by how insecure I am. I find myself very frustrating so I don't blame you lol.
I won't be visiting this site much but if there's anything you want to ask, you can follow me on twitter @melomerafangst. I'm often there so.. yeah :). Feel free to message me on dm or curiouscat.
Anyways, until next time :). Hopefully there'll be a next time.
Thank you.
-Sincerely, MeloMera.
Comments