ANOTHER ONE OF MY RAMBLES SO SINCE U CAN TELL ITS BARELY GONNA B RELATED TO KPOP AT ALL THEN BYES^^

So North Carolina (im not sure if u guys know) had some kind of Junior Beta Club convention in Greensboro this huge city place in NC. So like a buncha schools went and stuff and the hotel and convention center was connected and was just HUGE there were like 28 floors and yeah bla bla. BTW beta club is idk like some kinda service/leadership club or somethin yeah.

Well i just got back from that place 2hrs ago and i feel SOOO different. and idk...empty? I feel empty yeah. Maybe it was cause leaving FOR the greensboro seemed like a motnh ago, and now the ACTUAL convention seemed like a year ago, technically everything felt like a dream...everything there was sooo different. There were millions of people, the atmosphere was different and adventerous feel, the mood was serious yet again adventerous, and well the people were different. I felt different. Like it was an entire different life for me after being cooped up in the same routine of events daily/weekly for months and going to different places just makes me feel like 'HEY! I DONT HAVE A LIFE'

and you know what more=.= when i actually WANT a different life/lifestyle than now sorta...well idk anymore. Truthfully after discoverin kpop nd ffs i havent crushed on or sorta liked a guy or went "ooh he's cute" these past months. no one just ever appealed to me in that way after (one: there are freaking y hot korean guys in the kpop world YESUNG!) and (two: fanfics have showed me life/love lessons lol) and (three: the guys around me have HUGE turn offs=.= sorry yall but stop being jerks and players) and i guess they just never appealed to me. and ive never truly "fancied" someone until i saw a random ASIAN/(POSSIBLY KOREAN) stranger at the convention yesterday!

I noticed him at a glance first and my reaction was:

1) OMG HOT ASIAN

2)OMG HE LOOKS LIKE YESUNG+EUNHYUK MIXED INTO ONE

3) OMG WHY AM I SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW

And well my friend and i (shes a huge eunhae fan so ofc she got excited over the hyukkie part) started stalking him at the mall in a way (the mall is like within 2mins walkin distance from the hotel) and i just had the time of my life stalking him OTL I SOUND LIKE A CREEPER but it felt soo good to have feelings like that again even though its just a "oh a cute asian" kinda liking, it was fun. So yesterday and today i just had a blast with my friends and all the recovered emotion i found just by seeing  a YEHYUK HOTTIE! and it gave me a sorta being reborn and finding myself all over again (?) feeling...

BUT now im back home....to continue on with my daily routine again...every single thing the exact same every single day every single week for HOWEVER many months X(  the SAME! i dont ask for the exact same feeling nd life i experienced in one day at the convention...i just want to have that feeling again of feeling alive and not a robot thats just going through its motions. now i feel empty cuz I HAVE TO GET A LIFE! not meaning getting rid of aff and kpop in the process but how am i going to get a life when im stuck in the one im currently in...?

NO IM NOT THINKING SUICIDAL NO NOT SUICIDAL HERE! but i just want this emptiness to go away cuz right now...I WANNA SEE YEHYUK GUY TT TT we didnt even talk=.= he didnt even look at me=.= WAT IS WRONG WITH ME! crushing on some stranger=.= ugh

well thats my ramble for today :/ now imma get back on with my routine cuz schools tomorrow and hw needs to be done=.= but since i have this emptiness inside of my i might update XD yayyyyy~ ok more randomness:

EVERYWHERE I LOOKED/WENT/AND DID I COULD RELATE EVERYTHING BACK TO KPOP O.O it was scary...like

pink shirt: SUNGMIN

turtle thingy in the playplace in the mall: DDANGKOMA! (i took a pic of me sittin on him)

sushi: donghae

candyworld: this kyusung i read called candyland >:D (yes! Dani if you're reading this! lol i already told you)

photobooth: the japanese photobooth suju did in japan and made their eyes SUPER HUGE

kpop has taken over my miiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddddddd O.O