Guys, you might take long of reading this stuff so, I'm warning u and be patient please.

I'm so tired leaving here. Since the day that i was born, I'm freakin' so UNLUCKY! >.< all stuffs isn't meant for me!

Ever since, I know that I was not the real daughter of my parents but they never knew about it. Of course, I'm not that showy u know.

I cried in silence, I hide in any corner, and I don't even dare to told them but my heart is in pain. Always in pain. I can't help but to cry always because of that. I have siblings. One sister and one brother however, we aren't that close. They have their own lives. I was the younger one so what am I supposed to expect from them? They never ought of what I felt but I really want to shout it out! How many times I tried to approach and jam with them like we're happy family but it doesn't mean to happen. I'm so envious and jealous of some family w/c is happy and full of hangouts and fun time. I'm so ridiculous to felt it, Am I?

When time passed by, I start to learn to stand on my own that I don't even dare to ask for my families help. I always encourage myself to do best and better day by day but as I grow up, I also start to ask for happiness. At least for awhile, who won't?. Back then, I'm a believer of happy ending and happy family but as I learned a lot, I start to doubt about it. My siblings isn't good enough to make my parents happy and then, as the younger one of course I want them to be proud of me and be happy like what I've wanted ever since but then, those are dreams.

My siblings doesn't finish their school because of they actually fall in love, that for me is a crap! a damn thing that I supposed not to feel ever! They are the most favorite one. My dad loves my sister and brother so much that he gives everything they want. My mom loves my sister like she's the only one. When they have known this of course they get mad but they want to kill themselves?!!?? I thought that they are just kidding but they are not! >.< I felt that I actually lost. I won't be able to be number one or at least be part of it. I always wanted them to be proud but as I graduated in high school, no one even tried to give me hug and kisses or make a simple celebration though, I only get TOP5. My heart torn into pieces as I saw my mom drinking wine's and other alchoholic drinks that she musn't drink because she's already 48. I try to hide my tears but I really can't that makes my heart in pain. I walkout and lieve for awhile but I can't get mad. Why should I? I don't have any right. They give me food, clothings, house and a family that I musn't have that I know I'm not that worthy of all of this good stuffs.

When I met my best friend, I learn to let go of my pains. I share it to my best friend name Justin. We both are so much OPPOSITE. We don't know how we find each other, it just meant to happen but as I start to get along with him, it seems like I start to be dependent to what he does, to what he says, and for what we have. I always ask him for what to do in some cases like family problems, school problems and many more. He never complain but I do. I do complain that it isn't right and when he met someone whom he call as "special" I really felt something weird on my heart and in my mind. I can't control it that I always give him poker face and shout like " off!" I never knew that I was like massachist. Yeah, I turned out like that since I met him. I don't know but I always care for him and easily get jealous and envious when someone gets his attention. It's not me in any way but those times already passed. Now, I can't regret of that. Of course, what kind of feeling is that? Yeah, it's what I call Love. I fall for him without my permission. I never knew it. I just fall for him and in that way, I start to avoid, forget and lost him. I really must! Though, he's single but still, we're friends, not just friend but best friend. I don't want to lose him but I also, does'nt like to lose a best friend that once in a lifetime to exists.

05.22.2013

That date [above] is my best friend's birthday and my grandfather's death anniversary. I always avoid my best friend but he never stop on hoping that we will hangout again and be together once again as best friend BUT MY HEART CAN'T HIDE IT ANYMORE! I always want to tell him whenever that I have the chance but I really can't. I can't tell him for I was afraid. Tomorrow? It's just ordinary day, I think he already give up for he was not yet inviting me coz before, he always ask me to come over his house to hangout with him and his family. I'm really crying.. I can't help but as I remember the days that I'm with him... I feel so much contented living here even though, a lot of things are lacking and confusing.

The End.