After that day Mingyu’s mom came to pick up the rest of his things and when she was leaving she gave him a tight hug and a letter with his name on it.

 

He studied like mad for his exams to stop him from thinking about Mingyu and everything that had happened, he avoided anyone that made him think of Mingyu and the only people he actually talked with was his family.

And when he finishes his exams he is glad that he can finally go home and rest for a while, take a moment to breathe. 

It’s when he's putting his stuff into his bag that he finds the letter that Mrs. Kim gave him. He sits on his bed and stares at it for five minutes before opening it. 

 

 

Dear Wonwoo,

Is this even how you start a letter? Is it okay like this? I don’t really know, but that’s how they told us we should start a letter to the people we love when I was in school, so here it goes.

I’m sorry I left you the way I did. I’m sorry all I left behind was a broken heart and a post it with ‘sorry’ written on it. Ever since I left all I can think about is your laugh when I say something dumb and the way you scrunch your nose when you laugh, the smell of chocolate on your body when you would lay next to me on my bed after a shower, the way we fit together when we hug and the way you feel like coming home whenever we kiss. 

I wish I could make it right by you. I wish I could just get rid of all this fear and just be with you. I’ve never felt so free and happy as when we were in our flat together, laughing and saying ‘I love you’ to each other between eating banana pancakes with chocolate chips and you kicking my in videos games. 

Do you remember when we went to the fair and I won you the pink bunny I know you’re holding right now? When we were at the ferris wheel all I wanted to do was kiss you and tell you how much I loved you. 

I’m transferring to a university in America and my dad let me quit medical school for architecture as long as no one finds out I’m gay (one day when I was talking to my mom about all of this he overheard everything and well, it didn't go too well). He even said he would find me a wife so I could marry as soon I finish my degree. How ed up is that? 

I’m leaving after the New Year’s eve. 

I guess it’s not fair of me to ask you to wait for me, so please promise me you’ll be happy. Promise you’ll let go of me and that you’ll let yourself be happy without feeling like you’re betraying me.

Never forget how much I love you and that I always will. 

 

Forever yours, 

Mingyu 

 

 

 

After reading the whole letter Wonwoo realizes he’s been crying and there are tiny drops on the paper he’s holding.

Dumb dumb dumb Kim Mingyu, how can he think Wonwoo will be happy without him? How can he think that he could ever let go of him? 

This is it, he figures. He got a letter and this is the closure he needed, right? Then why doesn’t it feel like it? Something is still missing. Mingyu is missing.

But there’s nothing he can do now. Mingyu is gone from his life, he’s going to America and he is going to get married to a girl who matches his life status, there will be no space for Wonwoo in the younger boy’s life, not if Mingyu’s father can avoid it. 

He grabs his phone and decides to send the younger boy a text. 

 

 

To: Mingyu

i hope you’re okay.

i miss you. 

 

 

 

He goes home and everything is automatic. He wakes up, tries not to think about Mingyu, eats, thinks about Mingyu, engages in minimum social activity, tries not to think about Mingyu, eats again, and goes to bed thinking about Mingyu. Wash and repeat. 

Christmas passes and nothing really happens, but he makes sure to text Mingyu wishing a happy Christmas but he doesn’t get a reply. 

His parents and his brother keep asking the same questions and his answers are always the same. 

(“I’m okay.”

 “This semester was just a little bit too rough on me, that’s all.”

“I’m just tired.”

“Me and Mingyu are fine.”)

The truth is that it’s not fine. Nothing is. 

Mingyu being trapped inside his house with a man that hates him. Mingyu leaving. The thought of Mingyu being miserable and alone. So on New Year’s eve he takes his parents car and tells them that he’s going to Mingyu’s and that he will be back later.

 

He gets there and suddenly all his courage turns into fear. He breathes and tries to calm himself down. 

This really is my last chance, Wonwoo thinks. 

If nothing comes out of this he knows he has to let Mingyu go, no matter how hard it is, no matter how much it’s gonna break him. 

 

When he rings the door bell the last person he hopes to see is Mingyu’s father, and he figures it would have been more intelligent if he had texted Mingyu instead telling him to come down to talk to him. 

“I remember telling you to stay away from my son,” the way he spits these words at Wonwoo, so calm, so full of disgust, and it makes Wonwoo feel sick. “And now look, you made him a .”

Wonwoo wants to say something but all he can do is stay frozen in his place. 

“My son is destined for great things. You came into his life to ruin all his plans, to make him dirty like you,” and every word of Mingyu’s dad delusional speech it’s like a little annoying buzz inside his ears that he can’t get rid off no matter what he does. 

“You have no right,” Wonwoo finally says. “You have no right to dictate your son’s life for him, you have no right to tell him who to love, and you have no right to treat us like we’re dirt.”

Wonwoo looks at Mingyu’s dad and he knows the man was not expecting him to talk back. 

“You are an awful father, hating your own son for being himself and making him be someone he never wanted to. He hates himself because of you, he cries himself to sleep sometimes and it’s all because of you, the man that is supposed to love him unconditionally no matter what,” Wonwoo yells. “You disgusting human being. You ruined him. You broke him into tiny little pieces and you refuse to let him put himself together. He hates you!”

All Wonwoo can feel is a hard slap on his face and when he falls on the floor he can feel a kick on his stomach. He can barely make out someone saying “what did you do?” and he doesn’t know who it is because everything is fuzzy and this hurts like hell.

 

He has his eyes closed because his head is throbbing and then he can feel his hands. He knows it’s Mingyu because he has every trace of him memorized, every little detail, every scar and every mole.

Mingyu helps Wonwoo up, “What are you doing here you idiot? Do you wanna get yourself killed?” 

All Wonwoo does is laugh. 

“Ah, this brat. Stop laughing.”

It’s only when Mingyu’s dad yanks him away that Wonwoo remembers they are not alone. In fact Mingyu’s mom is outside too and Wonwoo can see how much she is suffering. Mingyu is begging his father to let him go please please let me go, dad please  and Wonwoo feels sick. He feels so sick that it has to be like this, that a father can’t love a son for who he is.

Mingyu gets away from his father’s strong hold and runs to Wonwoo, hugging him so so tight. 

“Hey Mingyu, it’s alright,” they are resting their foreheads together, looking into each other's eyes and Wonwoo can hear Mingyu’s mom pleading with his father to give them a moment. “Please don’t cry. It’s gonna take more than your father to keep us away from each other. I’ll text you every day, I’ll call you, I’ll write to you like in those movies. Those over romantic ones, you know?”

Mingyu starts laughing.

“God you have the most beautiful laugh. But I promise I won’t let you go unless you want me to.” 

Just as Wonwoo finishes Mingyu’s dad threatens to kill Wonwoo if he even dreams to reach out to his son in any way. As Wonwoo turns his back to walk to his car he can hear Mingyu sobbing and telling his father over and over again how much he hates him. 

 

Mingyu runs to his room as soon as he enters the house and refuses to leave even when his mom comes knocking on his door because it’s almost midnight. 

“Please, come down to celebrate the new year with us,” but Mingyu doesn’t even bother to give an answer. “Please, son.”

He knows he is making his mom sad but he can’t look at his father’s face without getting sick. 

All he can do right now is think about how Wonwoo must be feeling. He thinks that it’s not fair that something like this is happening to them. Why are people allowed to love but when it goes against society’s view of what is right suddenly you are forbidden, it’s like you’ve got a disease?

Mingyu grabs his phone and sends a text to Wonwoo. He smiles when he sees he still has his contact as ‘Wonwow'. The older boy had changed it because according to him “I’m so incredibly good looking I’m sure your first reaction when you first saw me was ‘WOW!!!!!!’”, and barely did he knew that he was right. 

 

To: Wonwow

I’m so sorry.

I love you and I promise I will never let you go. 

I’ll call you when I arrive in America, I promise you. 

 

 

To: Wonwow

Happy New Year.

Please never forget I love you.

 

 

 

He starts falling asleep waiting for a reply and part of him, a small small part of him, wishes he wouldn’t wake up again, but the other part pushes that thought away. He thinks about Wonwoo and how he needs to be strong for him, no matter how many times Wonwoo says the only person he needs to be strong for is himself, how he needs to work on himself and loving himself for who he is in order to be able to be happy and love Wonwoo whole heartedly; he thinks about his mom and how painful it must be to see her son in this situation and he thinks about his dad and how much he hates him for ruining his life, for dragging him down and refusing to let him get up. 

It’s like drowning. It’s like every time Mingyu is almost getting to the surface his father keeps pushing him further down. 

 

 

 

Wonwoo doesn't know how he gets home. The whole drive is a blur and when he stops in front of his house he grips the wheel tightly because he won’t cry, he won’t he won’t he won’t. 

He takes a deep breath and looks himself in the car's mirror, and he looks like a ing train wreck. His face is red where Mingyu’s father hit him and he thinks about what the hell will he tell his parents, he can’t really go to them and tell them what happened without telling about Mingyu and he would never break his trust like that, it’s not his secret to tell. 

He forced himself to look okay in front of his whole family, making excuses for looking so exhausted and sad (something that he’s been doing ever since he got home), but there’s so much you can do when you’re feeling like . So five minutes after midnight he excused himself and went to his room, his brother gave him a weird look and he knows that his brother probably knows something is not okay and that all of his excuses are bull but he is kind enough not to say a single thing. 

He grabs his phone and he sees he has two messages from Mingyu and it’s that that makes him lose it. Once he starts crying he doesn’t think he can really stop.

He’s so mad, so so so mad. He wants to scream, he wants to hit and break everything. 

After he calms himself down he grabs his phone and texts Mingyu back. 

 

 

To: Mingyu

don’t worry about me.

and happy new year to you too, you brat. 

i love you!!!!!!!!

 

 

That’s the only contact they have for the next few weeks. Wonwoo knows that Mingyu is probably getting himself acquainted with the new country and trying to get used to living somewhere where he doesn’t know anyone. 

Still he makes sure to send small emails and text messages so the younger knows that he’s not going anywhere. 

 

Classes start and Wonwoo finally makes an effort to see his friends and to hang out, but it feels incredibly incomplete without Mingyu there.

 

Mingyu hates the US. Mingyu hates everyone trying to be friendly with him. Mingyu hates being away from home. 

He gets every text and every email Wonwoo sends but he doesn’t reply to any of them. He doesn’t reply because he’s still trying to wrap his head around the fact that he’s away from home, away from everyone he loves, and because he doesn’t know what to say. 

 

 

“Hello, buddy,” he looks up and sees Seungkwan looking at him with quite the creepy smile. 

The boy sits on the other side of the table and keeps looking at him weirdly. Wonwoo shakes his head and continues to read his book. 

“Ask me what I’m doing here, Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo sighs.

“What are you doing here, Boo Seungkwan?” 

“Ah, I’m glad you ask, kind friend,” trust Seungkwan to put a smile on Wonwoo’s face, even when he’s being a little . “As you may know Chan’s birthday is this weekend and I know, I know ‘I’m not in a party mood’,” he tries to mimic Wonwoo’s voice.

“I don’t speak like that.”

“You really do, but that’s not the point, please focus, Wonwoo” and snaps his fingers in front of the older boy’s face. “As I was saying, Chan’s birthday is this weekend and we are having a little get together, nothing really fancy, it’s just our little group.”

Wonwoo thinks about it, and he really needs to get out of his flat or else he might go crazy, but on the other hand he doesn’t really want to go.

His friends always dance around him and treat him like he’s made of glass, that bothers him and makes him want to scream. 

“Come on, Wonwoo. You know you could use the distraction,” Seungkwan adds with a soft voice. 

And there it is, the look of pity in his eyes. 

“I’ll think about it,” he says as he gathers his stuff and leaves. 

“You better come, you ,” Seungkwan screams still at the table. 

 

 

When he gets to his flat he’s thankful that his new flatmate isn’t there. It’s not like he hates the guy or something, it’s just that they are basically strangers and more often than not he likes to talk, a lot, and Wonwoo is never really in the mood for it. 

He takes a shower and he might take a little more time than necessary but it’s really the only thing that relaxes him these days. 

He starts making banana pancakes with chocolate chips, he still hates them but it makes him feel like Mingyu is a little bit closer. He doesn’t eat them so he always leaves them for his flatmate. 

It’s when he’s checking his texts (20 texts from Seungkwan saying ‘don’t forget. pls come’ over and over again) that he sees he has two texts from Mingyu and his heart starts racing like mad. 

Stupid heart.

 

From: Mingyu

I’m all settled, Woo. Oh, and my english skills are really A+++++

I hope you feel bad for all those times you made fun of me.

ly!!!!!!!

 

 

From: Mingyu

Sorry for not texting you sooner :(

 

 

He should feel silly for two simple texts like these making him feel the happiest he has been in a while but it, it’s Mingyu. It’s the love of his life and his heart is racing like mad, so he presses his name on the contact list and calls him. 

 

“Yeah?” God he really misses his sleepy voice.

“I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“Wonwoo,” and suddenly it’s like Mingyu’s whole body is wake. “Wonwoo.”

He repeats again and it’s the best sound Wonwoo has ever heard.

“Hi,” is all Wonwoo can say, and his heart is beating so fast he thinks it might jump out of his chest. 

“Hi,” Mingyu says back, and Wonwoo can hear a small giggle. “Wonwoo, how have you been? Have you eaten well? Are you peeing regularly? I know you often forget to go to the bathroom.”

“Ah, Mingyu, I’m not a child,” it’s all so familiar that Wonwoo can feel his eyes start watering and he almost wants to laugh. 

“But you sure behave like one a lot of the time.”

“Ah, this kid, really. Anyway, I called to know how my favourite person is doing?”

“Look at you being all cute,” and Wonwoo sighs at that. “But I’m doing well considering this whole thing. My dad got me a huge studio to live in because he thinks if I share a dorm with another guy this won’t go away.”

And even if Mingyu sounds like all of this is funny Wonwoo knows the boy is hurting, and even after what they’ve been through he knows Mingyu too well and he knows the boy doesn’t want to show his other side again. He prefers people seeing him as the bubbly, always too happy Kim Mingyu.

“Anyway, mom thought it would be a good idea to go to a psychologist to help me deal with everything and being away from home, you know,” and he gets quiet for a while. “I think it’s all a bunch of bull anyway, I’ve been going there since I got here and I still hate it here and the rest well…”

They stay for a while just listening to each other's breathing and everything feels so right, and this moment it’s just theirs. There’s no Mr. Kim to keep them away, there’s no one rushing them, no people to lie to; there’s just the two of them, enjoying each other. 

“Mingyu?”

“Hmmm,” Wonwoo just knows Mingyu is close to drifting off to sleep and for some reason that makes him smile. 

“I love you,” and it’s not what he wanted to say but it just came out. “Sleep well, Gyu. Don’t forget to eat and make friends.”

“I’m not a kid, you fossil. Also, before I go, a little bird told me you’ve been a recluse in our flat and you barely go out to do anything other than go to class, you overused paperclip,” and the way Wonwoo’s heart jumps when he hears Mingyu say ‘our flat’ makes him feel a little pathetic.

“Okay, did you just really call me an ‘overused paperclip’? What’s that even supposed to mean?” 

“Not the point, Wonwoo. The point is you need to live your life, go out with friends, be happy, enjoy yourself.”

Aish, why is this kid giving me a lecture on how to live my life? 

“Wonwoo, I don’t want you to stop leaving your life because of me. I’m in a completely different country and I’ll be here for the next three years or more, who knows, and the last thing I want is for you to be trapped because of me, because a problem that’s not yours.”

“Never was one to go out much, anyway. And what the hell, Mingyu?” 

Right now, Mingyu doesn’t feel like going back to sleep anymore.

“You could be on the ing moon right now that it wouldn’t make a single difference. I wouldn’t stop loving you and I wouldn’t stop missing you. Do you have any idea how it is to wake up and not hearing your obnoxiously loud laugh in the early morning while watching Shin Chan, or the fact that I don’t get to hear you ramble how chocolate chips make everything better or about every architectural detail when we walk around the city?”

Mingyu is about to say something but Wonwoo just continues. 

“Or how much it that every time I come back to our flat I go to your room and call your name because I want to tell you about my day, only it’s not your room anymore and there’s a guy I barely know occupying it because this flat has too many memories and I wasn’t ready to leave this place. Everything without you and whether you like it or not it’s my problem too because I love you and seeing you suffer makes me die inside a little bit everyday. And , I miss the smell of strawberries in your hair so much”

Wonwoo can hear a tiny sob on the other side of the line.

“And for the millionth time, you are not trapping me, Kim Mingyu. You are the love of my life and I will always wait for you. If I had to do this again I would, time and time again because you mean too much to me.” 

This whole phone call turned out a little more depressed than Wonwoo was going for, but if he had to remind Mingyu that he was not going anywhere every time they talk, he would. 

“Wonwoo,” Mingyu says in the softest voice. “I’m so lucky I have you. I have no idea what I did to deserve you, but whatever it was it must have been ing epic.”

Wonwoo giggles and Mingyu laughs and cries at the same time. 

They stay on the phone talking about everything they can remember and Wonwoo says he’s going to kick everyone’s for telling Mingyu he only got out of the house to go to classes and that he looked so sad people felt bad just being in the same place as him (he’s 99.9999999% sure it was all Seungkwan, specially that last one). 

When they say goodbye, with loud laughs and loud kiss sounds, they both think about how they have never felt this happy.

 

 

Mingyu’s adaptation to his new university and to this new place has been ing horrible, and he makes sure to say so in every consultation he has with his psychologist, between silences and complaints on how the consultations are not helping him at all.

He tells his mom it’s a waste of money but she asks him to keep going because he needs help and he stays quiet because he knows he does, but that doesn’t mean he can do it or that it’s making everything easier. 

Even though he still hates being away from home he managed to make some friends. They are all very loud and very happy and it reminds him of his friends back home. He likes that. 

 

 

 

Mingyu almost forgets his birthday. Almost.

The only reason he doesn’t it’s because he wakes up with someone knocking on his door with flowers and a letter in hand, and he is confused, very very confused. Either he is a lot more charming than he gives himself credit for, or they are giving it to the wrong person. 

“Are you sure this is for me?”

“Are you Kim Mingyu, sir?” and he feels like laughing because it sounds funny when people call him sir when he just turned twenty years old. 

“Yes.”

“Then these are for you.”

The girl gives him a smile and leaves. 

He looks at the flowers and whoever sent them knows his favorites are tulips and for some reason it makes him feel warm inside. It’s been a while since someone had made him something this nice. 

He places the flowers in a jar with water and opens the letter. 

 

 

Mingyu, MinMin, Gyu

Look, this is me writing you a letter like I promised I would. 

Just so you know, it was hard to find a nice florist near the place you live, and they almost didn’t agree with this (something about being a lot of work, which to be honest it isn’t, they just had to deliver the flowers and the letter) but thankfully they have a soft spot for people with sad stories like ours. 

Have you been sleeping well? Are you eating? Please tell me you’ve been taking baths regularly. 

I know you hate to talk about your appointments with the psychologist so I won’t ask about them, but I hope they are going well and I hope you’re doing better. 

Anyway, the guys told me to tell you that they miss you and that it wouldn’t hurt you to call or text sometimes because “this relationship works both ways, you moldy walnut”, and those are Seungkwan’s words, not mine.

Today I made banana pancakes with chocolate chips, and you’re probably making this weird face you make every time you get confused because you know I hate it, but I make them to feel a little bit closer to you (is that silly? it probably is), it’s not the same but sometimes when I’m making them I can almost feel you hugging me from behind and breathing down my neck. Sometimes it looks like I’m going crazy. 

There was this day when I was with Seungcheol walking around the city and I swore I saw you so I ran calling your name only to find a guy that looked nothing like you. I’m really going crazy aren’t I?

Do you remember the day we met? It seems like a life time ago. It was a much simpler time when all I wanted was to get in your pants (God I did think you were hot the second I saw you, but please don’t get cocky about it, it doesn’t suit you). Now I want to marry you, grow old with you, have kids and put up with your loud for the rest of my life. Do you think we’ll have that one day?

Oh, and did you know that Jeonghan and Jisoo moved in together? It looked kind of rushed, but they are finishing their masters degree and they are really in love, it’s kind of disgusting really, so I guess it was bound to happen. I always liked how people fall in love at a different pace, you know? Like some people fall deeply in love at 15, in the space of a month or two, and they end up together forever, or some people live an intense love but after a few months they fall out of it. I always thought it was pretty stupid of people to categorize your love as real or not real (and can you believe I just thought of that stupid THG ending? , that was awful, but anyways not the point) just because of how old you are.

Wow I just ended up rambling didn’t I? Did I bore you, Mingyu? Do you still love me after this? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life with someone this boring? 

Well, either way, jokes on you because I’m not letting you go ever. 

I love you more than I love Gale Hawthorne, and that’s saying a lot, I hope you know that.

This just got really long. Happy Birthday, Kim Mingyu! 

I love you so much and you have no idea how much I miss you and how I would kill to be with you right now, making pancakes and cuddling. I don’t know what I did to deserve you (even though I think it’s because of that time I helped my neighbor who was really really reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaally old carrying her groceries when I was twelve) but , I’m so glad I have you my life.
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you!!!!!! 

 

p.s. I sent some presents but they might arrive after your birthday. please don’t be sad that none of them are me at your door with a pink bow on my head. 

from you favourite person, the one you love the most, the cutest fossil, your one and only,

Wonwoo

 

Mingyu laughs. He laughs so loud he almost startles himself. 

Even on the other side of the world Wonwoo can still make him the happiest person, and this boy is the person he really wants to spend the rest of his life with, he realizes. Sure he said it before to Wonwoo, and he meant it, but now, now he is certain he won’t love anyone as he loves Jeon Wonwoo. 

He snaps a quick photo of the letter and the flowers and sends it to the older boy. 

 

 

To Wonwow:

Thank you  for everything

ly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

And it doesn’t take too long for Wonwoo to text back, even though it's o'clock back home.

 

 

From Wonwow: 

aaaaaaaa they really sent the prettiest tulips like i asked. 

you know, i told them i wanted tulips as pretty as you. 

love you too, you brat!!!

 

 

He keeps receiving presents for the next few weeks. First it’s just food Mingyu complained they don’t have in the United States, but then he receives a sketchbook with a note that says “For when you decide to start drawing again (and by that I mean my beautiful face and not stuff related to architectural )” and then he gets pens, and pencils, and he really wants to go to South Korea and smack Wonwoo because he must’ve spent a fortune in all of this. 

Almost every week he gets something, sometimes two presents in one week, no matter how small, and he keeps telling Wonwoo he needs to stop because he’s starting to get spoiled. 

Wonwoo gets photos of Mingyu with the silliest faces every time he gets a present, and that's always the high light of his day. 

 

---

I was just going to do 2 parts but alas it turns out it might be 3.

This is not as good as the first part so feel free to yell at me on my social media Twitter // Tumblr or just in the comments. If there's any grammar mistakes I'm sorry it's just that I've read this so many times it looks all good to me.