Bexter

II. Our Verse [Dahyun]

It’s already been a month or so since I’ve enlisted and I’m not quite sure if it’s because of my happy-go-lucky nature, but I’ve been adapting into this new lifestyle way better than I had originally anticipated. Then again, it might too early for me to say anything. It’s only the beginning of basic infantry training so who knows what could be coming down the line. Sometimes I’d think about it and honestly it never worried me much because I had made a promise to Chaeyoung that I’d make it home safe, and I wasn’t planning to break that promise. Ever. I won’t make the same mistake twice and disappoint her twice.

“Hey, Dahyun-ah!”

I turned around to see one of my comrades from my platoon. I scored myself a pretty good bunch of people to be in a platoon with. They were all very determined, diligent and loyal people and I couldn’t ask for more. Some people mightn’t see it in me but I’m someone that took loyalty very seriously, so the idea of comradeship in the military was easier to understand than a piano score.

“Hyeri unnie” I greeted back with a smile as I stood up. Since it mealtime after the morning exercise routines, there was really no need to call friends by their ranks and be so formal about it. We only ever did that in front of our supervising officers because no one enjoyed punishments.

“Today’s breakfast is pretty standard don’t you think.”

Lee Hyeri and I turned heads to see another familiar face making her way over to our table. My smiled widened, “You just eat too much Bomi unnie.”

Yoon Bomi looked somewhat offended as she placed her food tray on the table and pointed at Hyeri, “Yah, I eat way less than Hyeri.”

“Why do they keep switching out the shrimp burgers from our meal plan?”

There was only one person who had wanted shrimp burger since they entered this place and it was Im Jinah, who preferred to be called Nana. Nana just would not let it drop. The tall soldier-in-training had been counting how many times they had written “shrimp burger” on our meal plan but ended up changing the menu last minute. She had totaled to the amount of four. The shrimp burger had been switched out four times.

“We’re going to be stuck here for a while, I’m pretty sure we’ll get to eat it one day” I said as everyone had taken a seat and settled down for their first meal of the day.

“Thank you for the food” we chanted before digging in. It was the usual breakfast at the training base as we would chat with each other, but never too loud because that’d just be asking for trouble.

“Have you guys gotten any letters and stuff?” Bomi asked as she swallowed a large handful of rice with a Kimchi on top.

They all shook their head, “Nope.”

Of course everyone would’ve wanted to get a letter from a family, a friend, or a significant other but oddly enough no one had received anything yet. It made me wonder though, if we had been receiving letters what would everyone outside be up to? Would the letters make us think of what life would’ve been if we weren’t enlisted? Would we start hating this life we’re living in here? Surprisingly I don't think we would.

“It’s not as bad in here as some people make it out to be,” I suddenly blurted out.

The other girls fell silent, and for a second they actually all really thought about it. I was the youngest of the bunch but we were all generally pretty young. The oldest was twenty-four in my platoon and people “out there” would say that we’re at our primes, that we could’ve gotten so much more if it wasn’t for the military but they wouldn’t ever really understand unless they’ve been in here.

Nana nodded, “Yeah… it’s actually not bad at all.”

There’s a certain friendship that you can only form in the military. You can never get the friends you get in here if you were out there. It was just way too different, our environments.

It was the first time I’ve actually ever these words and it felt so right to say, “I kind of like it here.” 

More time had passed and I had gotten used to the idea of missing people, especially Chaeyoung. By now, Chaeyoung was probably preparing for her CSATs and I’d often wonder what the girl had wanted to study and which university she had applied for. If I were there, would I have been of any help to her decisions. Would she feel more confident walking into her future? I don’t know, but I sure hope she was more confident than I was now.

“Kind of intense to be deployed right after training, yeah?”

I laughed, “Yeah but it can’t be helped that they lack people.”

Yes, I was in a military helicopter been flown away to a country that was politically unstable and needed some military aid. After the initial training, it seemed like the higher-ups had taken a particular liking towards me and transferred me into the Overseas Deployment Group of the Special Forces Brigades. It was truly an honor for them to see such talent in me and, surprisingly, I was completely fine with the idea of an increasing chance of death for myself.  

“Hey, what’s your name?”

I looked across to the guy that had been chatting with me in a friendly manner, “Kim Dahyun, you?”

He smiled, “Jackson Wang. It seems like we’ll be working together for next few months so let’s get along.”

I smiled back, “Sure.”

“Okay, are you guys ready?” the “leader” of our batch stood up and looked at us, “Remember that we’re going to get home at the end of this alright!”

“Yes, sir!” we all chanted back as everyone stood up as well.

We all watched as the door of the helicopter opened slowly, “Let's go!”

Everyone jogged out tidily and that was when a new phase of my life started. I had no idea what could happen during these few months and what life had in store for me after these months were over. All I knew for a hundred percent was that I’d make it home in one piece with all the other soldiers around me right now. We were going to get through this like we always did. With a few laughs here and there, and maybe a bit of blood. Let’s hope there won’t be too much blood this time though.

“Do you have people waiting for you to get back?” Jackson asked.

I nodded, “Yeah…” a smile curved onto my face. It had been a while since I had properly thought of Chaeyoung, but I sure missed her a lot. I just hoped that she wouldn’t hate me too much when I finally got back.

“Let’s hope none of our wills will need to be sent out” Jackson joked.

I let out a chuckle, “Definitely.”

My next step was here. I wonder how Chaeyoung will be taking her next step?

“Let’s head to town for a bit” Jackson suggested.

Today had been a peaceful day at the base that had been set up for us. It was, essentially, one of the days we could take easy. There was no patrol duty for us and no emergencies had been called in.

I nodded, “Sure.”

Jackson beamed, “Yes! There’s some really cool stuff down there, I’ve always wanted to get a better look.”

Jackson was really just a big ball of energy, and I liked that about him. We hit it off really quickly and became close almost immediately – especially being in the same “team” as well. I watched him jump into the car that had been provided for us by the government and ushered me to hurry up.

“I’m coming!” I called out as I ran to the car. “Do you remember how to get there?” I asked as I hopped on.

“Of course!” he replied with his husky voice, “We pass that place all the time.”

I believed him because it was true. We did pass by the town a lot, especially when we went out for patrol or to go to a little village nearby with the medics’ team. The town had always fascinated me, as we’d often pass by some street stores that seemed to have a lot of interesting stuff inside just like Jackson had pointed out. Maybe I could get a souvenir here for when I get back home and visit everyone again.

The trip there was calm and refreshing, considering the weather wasn’t too hot or too cold. It was just right and the breeze carried by the car was a nice touch to the overall atmosphere of the drive there. Jackson would recall some funny incidents that had happened during our stay here so far and laugh about it.

“It’s amazing that you managed to survive that though” Jackson commented with a hearty laugh.

I laughed along, “I thought I was going to die too but who knew that they didn’t know how to operate their own explosives.”

Jackson’s laugh intensified, “Did you see the look on his face though when it didn’t work? He was so smug about it but nothing ended up happening.”

I nodded, “He just ended up shooting me.”

Jackson smiled, “He had aim though. It just scraped you really.”

It seemed to be a typical conversation with Jackson, but now that I thought about it this would’ve been a terrifying conversation to have with anyone else I knew back at home. How could we laugh about something like this? Maybe it was because during that time we really did fear for our lives. We really thought that was the end of the road for us. The relief that flooded over us, knowing that we were going to live through that day probably made us laugh. It was a whole new understanding of happiness.

“I really thought we were going to die though… that day,” Jackson said.

“Why are you suddenly so serious?” I asked with a chuckle, “It’s not like you.”

Jackson shrugged; “Really?” he flashed a grin. “I guess you’re right.”

We returned to our usual playful banter after that and within no time we had arrived. Jackson parked the car nearby and hopped off as I did the same. He looked around and pressed his lips together, “I’m not sure where to start.”

I agreed, “This trip might take a while.”

“Let’s start with the street stores first and work our way up,” Jackson suggested.

“Sounds like a plan.”

And, with that we headed into the first street store at the end of the “street”. The store seemed to have a mixture of stationary and small accessories. Jackson headed in to look at some pens and I followed. There were some really fascinating designs and some simple designs but what had really caught my attention weren’t the pens. It was a sketchbook. I shifted down the aisle a little to get a better look and smiled.

Chaeyoung. She was the first person to pop into my head at the sight of a sketchbook. I wonder if she still doodled like she used to before. I wonder if her hobbies changed, does she still remember the basic piano skills I had taught her?

“You draw?” Jackson asked from the side.

I shook my head, “No… I don’t but I know someone who does.”

“Oh, are you going to get it for them?”

I shrugged. I don’t know. Would Chaeyoung appreciate it? Would she still want to see me? I haven’t been keeping in contact with her very well, especially now that I’m in a country that doesn’t have the best when it came to communication technologies. It had been so long since I had left. Has she moved on?

“You should get it.”

“I don't know…” I contemplated, “They mightn’t need a new one.”

“If they draw a lot, I’m sure they’ll use it one day” Jackson assured.

I still wasn’t sure. Chaeyoung mightn’t even want to see me once I return. What if our lives changed way too much and the girl had gone to study overseas or something? I have absolutely no idea what she’s doing, where she is, and who she’s with. We're not high school students anymore. Would our relationship remain the same?

“There’s no harm in buying it” Jackson continued.

He was right. There was no harm in buying it.

I bought it…

Time sure flies.

I had returned from deployment for a few days now and just received a week or so of military leave. There was so much I had to catch up on and so many people I had to make contact with. Of course, I had been keeping solid contact with my family because they had immediate priority in the system when it came to communication, but people like Jihyo must’ve been worried sick.

And… Chaeyoung.

It was awkward thinking about it now to be honest. I haven’t spoken to Chaeyoung for so long. It had been twenty-one months since I last spoke to her, and I could already foresee the potential awkwardness between us. But, that didn’t stop me from wanting to hear her voice or wanting to see her smile.

I stood in front of the phone at the base and took a deep breath. This was my chance. It was a perfect situation as well. I had kept my promise and came back safe and well – minus a few battle scars. I took the phone in my hand and dialed the only number I knew off by heart apart from my parents’ and Jihyo’s. All I hoped was that Chaeyoung hasn’t changed her number.

It was taking a while and I had contemplated hanging up before I heard someone pick up from the other line. There was a second of silence and I knew she wasn’t going to say anything first, “Chaeyoung?” Let’s confirm their identity first. That’s always a good first step.

“Dahyun?”

She remembered my voice. I hummed back.

“I thought I couldn’t call. I though you – ”

I had cut her off because I knew she’d only end up going in circles judging by the tremble in her voice, “I know.” I smiled; her voice was still the same. “I just wanted to tell you that I came back in one piece, like I promised.”  

“Did you receive any of my letters?”   

So she did send letters… It’s unfortunate that I didn’t receive any of it. Must’ve been because I was deployed and the communication had never been very reliable over there. “I didn’t,” I answered firmly. Oh, my military habits were slipping out.

Silence soon engulfed the two of us and I wasn’t sure if it was my cue to continue talking or if I should give her some time to digest the situation. I had lots of stuff I wanted to say, like asking her whether she had missed me as much as I had missed her, or if she would like to meet up one day because I was on leave. But, it was hard to get those words out of my mouth. They remain stuck at my throat and it killed me knowing that I didn’t have the guts to talk to her like I once did before. I mean… it had been ages since we last spoke. I was afraid we would be different people now. Would I still be here type?

The silence had dragged on for too long that I worried whether she left me hanging on the line or not. “Chaeyoung?” I spoke softly, making sure she was still there.

“I can’t wait to see you again.”

I heard the line drop on the other side and smiled.

It seemed like there was nothing to worry about.

Days had passed since the phone call with Chaeyoung, and honestly I never had the courage to call again. If the first one were to be that awkward, how awkward would the second get? I didn’t even want to think about it. I guess I’ll just leave the rest of what happens to us up to fate for now because I still needed to get myself together. Until I’m ready to face Chaeyoung, I don’t think I’d ever be able to pick up a phone again. I needed to plan out my apology and throw in a few lame jokes – which are totally her style. It’ll take some time.

I was tidying up my area in the military dorm until I felt a vibration from my locker. I looked up and saw an incoming call from my phone, “Hello?” I picked up.

“Hey, Dahyun! Come out for a bit, let’s go to an arcade!”

It was Jackson. Who else would be so excited to go to an arcade apart from me? Jackson would. I smiled, “Sure. But, just so you know I’m going to win this time… again.” Jackson didn’t like the sound of that.

“No way man, we’re going to bet this time alright.”

“Deal, you better bet big.”

“Yah! You think I’d back out? I’m Jackson, I stick to my words!”

“Alright, I’ll be there in a bit.”

“Okay, I’ll go eat first so you can take your time.”

It was a short conversation but it gave me a purpose for the day, which is great because I was just about to ask myself “what should I do today?” Trust Jackson to always be out during leave and playing around all over the city. When bored, Jackson was always a safe bet to go to. He’d always be free for some fun.

I straightened my uniform, grabbed my beret and headed out. People would look every now and then because I took public transport… in uniform. I had always preferred not wearing uniform out but we’re not technically on our leaves yet, it’s just our platoon leader gave us some rest after the deployment mission.

The subway arrived at my station and I got off, letting everyone else off first. Ever since I joined the military pushing and shoving had never been my “thing”. I’d rather let way than fight my way through. I had never been good at shoving people for the subway either, so it plays to my favor.

The streets of Seoul had never felt so nostalgic until now. It had been forever since I last wondered around these busy streets. I used to walk along this street with Jihyo and my other club members to get street food after school. Past memories flashed before me and I couldn’t help but smile. I must’ve spaced out without realizing until I had bumped into someone. I reacted fast and looked down to see a girl looking at the ground. She had dropped what seemed like a notebook because of me.

“I’m sorry” I apologized quickly as I bent down and picked up her notebook. I handed it over and looked up to get a glimpse of the girl’s face, “Chaeyoung?”

She looked at me surprised. I was too.

“D-Dahyun?”

Chaeyoung had stuttered a bit. She must really be taken aback. Was it because I was in uniform and it felt weird for her to see me in it? Maybe. If I were Chaeyoung, I’d find it weird and fascinating to see me in a uniform.

I snapped out of my thoughts. I needed to say something. We couldn’t just stand in the middle of the street and stare at each other forever. “Do you want to go get some coffee?” I asked. It was a standard invitation for a friendly chat, and I hoped she wasn’t too busy to refuse my offer.

“Okay…”

She didn’t answer immediately but she got there. I smiled, “Great. Let’s just go to the one down the street then.”

Chaeyoung nodded and walked down to the café with me. It was a short trip but it felt like it took forever because of how quiet we were around each other. However, it wasn’t awkward. It was just very quiet. She didn’t say anything and I didn't either.

“What do you want?” I asked as I opened the door and let her in.

She smiled for the first time and I was so relieved to see it. What had me so nervous wasn’t her; it was because she hasn’t smiled the whole time. I was worried she had been forcing herself to hang out with me out of a feeling of obligation. Thank god that wasn’t the case.

“Why? Are you going to try paying for me again?”

Ice cream. She remembered when I had taken her out for ice cream. It was essentially our first “date” because I invited her with that idea in mind. I smiled, “Is this an invitation for me to do so?” I looked over at her. She was scanning the menu.

“I feel bad for not been able to contact you for twenty-one months” I explained, “Would you forgive me if I bought you a drink?”

Chaeyoung’s smile widened, “Do I look easy to you?”

“No” I answered honestly, “I had been chasing you for nearly a year and you thought I was a joke the whole time.”

Chaeyoung had looked up from the menu and stared back at me. Was that joke too much? I wanted to slap myself for being so insensitive. How could I say that to her during our first meeting? And it wasn’t even a planned meeting. I took a deep breath, “I’ll go up and order now then. You like strawberry frappes right?”  

Chaeyoung gave a simple nod as she placed the menu away. I walked up to the counter and placed in my orders. Chaeyoung had gone to get a seat as I waited for our drinks. Soon I heard my number been called out so I walked over and took the two drinks with a smile and a polite bow.

“You look really nice in that uniform.”

Okay, that definitely took me off guard. I smiled at the young woman who had handed me the drinks and bowed again, “Thank you.” Does this normally happen? Do soldiers just randomly get complimented for wearing a uniform? What a strange world…

I made my way carefully to where Chaeyoung had taken a seat, handling the drinks with care in order not to spill any. I placed the drinks down before sitting down opposite Chaeyoung. She simply looked at me. Did she want me