The dark blanket of night hung over the city, cars slowly drove home as lights began to turn off one by one, the windows darkening as time slowly slipped away. With one window still lit just as the clock ticked past midnight, a figure moved through the one-bedroom apartment. Pushing yourself up off of the bed, you slowly shuffled across the floor, your hand gently lifting and running through your hair while you moved into the living room.

Pulling a blanket from the nearby couch, you moved a large bean bag over to one of the large windows. Easing yourself down onto the bag, you folded a leg underneath you as you carefully moved the blanket over your exposed legs. Leaning back slightly, the beads inside the beanbag accommodated your body and curves. Adjusting the blanket over your legs, you lifted your eyes slightly to see the lights of distant buildings, some lights turning off allowing the stars and the light of the moon to reflect over the glass.

Raking in a deep breath, your eyes lowered to your fingers playing with one another, a tightening feeling in your throat began to grow as your heart started to ache slowly, your stomach tightening and your mind churning with thoughts. Pulling one of your hands out from under the blanket, you slowly lifted your phone, sliding your thumb across the screen, your phone came to life as your eyes looked over the apps that filled the pages on the home screen of your phone.

Tapping on the Gallery, you pressed the first album of pictures that you had, thumbing through the pictures you had. Transported to the past, you smiled at some and skipped over others, yet when you got to a picture of your latest boyfriend, you paused, your breath, your heart, your mind went still. Expanding the picture slowly, you focused the enhancement on his face.

The way his eyes twinkled in that picture, the way his smile seemed to show nothing but pure happiness. How he held himself, so proud and tall, yet he was still so handsome. A pounding began to pulse in your chest, closing your eyes, taking in a deep breath the memories slowly rose to the surface. Dust covering the distant memories lifted as your mind replayed the vague memories that you kept.

Still remembering the whimsical feeling, the way you felt when you received a text from him, when you saw him smile or heard him laugh, the love, the friendship and the pain began to arise within you. Wetting your lips with your tongue, you dropped your eyes down to your phone, flipping through a few of the moments that followed.

A painful tightening in your chest grasped your heart and began to pull. Knowing right where it would hurt the most, your mind kept reeling, your heart beginning to race while the thoughts of him clouded the peaceful night. Reliving all of the memories from when you told him you didn’t make the team, to your first date.

Still remembering him walking up to your front door, his nervous hands slid into his pockets as he took a deep breath. Watching from a nearby window, he pulled out his phone, his thumbs typed against the screen that he was here. Telling him to knock on the door, he did so and you opened it happily. From then on, the two of you went bowling, went and got ice cream, burned the midnight oil on a dock overlooking a beautiful lake that took your breath away. Date after date, you two went on several adventures, finding a hidden lake, laying under the stars and cuddling in a sleeping bag. Laying under a tree and talking, the two of you couldn’t be any happier. Always holding hands and never wanting to leave each other when it came time to go.

Looking back on it, he always said “see you later” when you two had to part, but on the very last night you two would ever be together, he said “goodbye”. That single word stabbed you in the heart, adding a tint to all of the beautiful moments turning them into a memory. Not even being able to tell him at all how much he meant to you, everything that you had shared, every secret you entrusted with him. He was your world but that world didn’t want you.

Feeling salty tears rolling uncontrollably down your cheeks, your chest tightened just like it did that night, the night you watched his tail lights leave you, wondering if you could find someone, anyone to gaze at you like you gazed at him.

The story of your ex, your first love, haunted you on calm nights like this. All alone in your house, with only the creaking of the floorboards under your feet to keep you company. Sitting with your memories for an hour or so, your cheeks were stained with fresh tears that kept falling uncontrollably. With too many tears falling, you had given up wiping them away and just letting them drop to the blanket below.

Not being able to stand the silence anymore, you tapped another app on your phone and hit a random playlist through your tear filled eyes. Letting a song begin to play, you dropped your head, wishing it was any song but this one. It was his song, your ex’s favorite, yet it painted the picture of your break up perfectly.

Save your heart, for someone that’s worth dying for,
Don’t give it away.
Torn apart, never getting what you’ve been crying for,
It’s always been the same.

Listening to the song, more tears rolled down your cheeks as all of his secrets that he had told you came back, the flashbacks and memories were getting too much for you now. Your hands nervously bunching up the blanket and squeezing it between your hands.

Hearing the song slowly fade, you forced yourself to breathe in, holding it in, you slowly let it out before you heard the deadlock on the front door unlock. Pausing the next song that was about to play, slipping your hands underneath the blanket, you lifted the corners of the blanket and tucked them behind your shoulders. A groaning of the hinges on the front door alerted you of his entrance. With a slight pause, a different groan came from the hinges as the shuffling of shoes and the soft sliding of the locks back into their place filled the quiet apartment.

Dried tears felt crusty against your skin, your thumb moved over your phone, feeling the edge of your screen protector. Running your finger along the slight ridge you felt, your eyes closed as your mind felt blank and empty, exhaustion of your emotions were catching up to you.

“Sweetie, what are you still doing up?” Peniel questioned, squatting down next to you as his hands remained to themselves.

Opening your eyes, you mind formed words yet your mouth didn’t listen, turning your head to his. Peniel’s eyes slowly moved over your face, the dried tears on your cheeks catching his attention before a few new ones rolled down your cheeks. Trailing his eyes up the tear marks, he peered into your eyes, the soft light from the moon lightly highlighting your eyes.

“You okay?” He questioned in a whisper, the pain in your eyes telling all, knowing he had seen that pain in your eyes before.

Shaking your head from side to side, his eyes widened slightly. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Silence filled the room as you drifted your eyes from his and back to the print on the blanket.

“Think about it love” Peniel whispers, standing up without a touch or another sound, you slowly watched him walk away back to the bedroom.

Watching the bedroom light bleed into the dark hallway, a sigh left your lips as you closed your eyes trying to figure some things out for yourself. For what you could figure was a few minutes later, your phone chimed and vibrated. Part of you wanting to see what the chime was, while another part of yourself wanted to just be isolated, you took a deep breath waiting a little longer before you slowly lifted your phone from under the blanket and unlocked your phone before seeing you had an unread message.

Opening the message, your boyfriend, Peniel’s conversation pulled up as you read the message at the bottom.

I love you sweetheart, if you need anything please let me know. I know he hurt you beyond repair. If you need time I will give you all the time in the world, but if you need me, I’m here as well. I love you

The supportive message eased some of the pressure on your chest, feeling as though you could breathe now, you blinked away some of the memories of the past. Turning your head back to the light that illuminated the hallway, you watched at the bright light turned off and a softer light took its place.

Standing up on your feet, you looked over the expanse of the city as only one thing came to mind. Him.

Slipping your phone into your pocket, you folded your arms over you before quietly padding back to the bedroom. Approaching the room, noticing that the door was wide open, the lamp on your side of the bed was while his form was tucked under the covers.

Taking a step towards the room, you kept your eyes on his body as his figure moved slightly, his head lifting from the pillow and his body lifting to lean on his elbow.

“You can come in, don’t be scared” Peniel whispered loud enough for you to hear, nodding your head, he watched your hesitation, “Take your time”

“Thank you” You whispered back to him, nodding his head gently, receiving your thanks.

Taking your time, you finally made your way over to your side of the bed, sitting down and feeling the covers underneath your legs, you hung your head low while Peniel watched helplessly beside you, trusting you that you would tell him what was going on.

Waiting a while longer still, you slowly leaned back and eventually rested your head against his shoulder.

“Is this okay?” You questioned, your body stiff against his.

“Definitely” He whispered back waiting for you to relax before he wrapped his arm around you, his hand resting against your hip as your hand rested on his chest. Feeling the constant, soothing rhythm of his heart.

“I-I…” You started, feeling as though you had to explain yourself, “I-It was a flashback”

“I know” Peniel sighed, moving his body closer to you while reading yours, making sure not to startle you or bring back any memories that may have haunted you.

“How’d you know?” You questioned, feeling as though you needed a distraction more than anything at this moment.

“Remember when we first met, one of our early conversations was about signs and cues to one another?” Peniel inquired, you shaking your head slightly as Peniel brought over his phone and tapped a few times on the screen before pulling up what he wanted you to see.

“This was our second conversation together” Peniel let you hold his phone as you began to read the conversation between the two of you.

“I-I didn’t know you kept all of these…” You remarked slightly impressed that he kept everything from the beginning.

What are some signs or cues I should look for with you? -P

Well… when I am really quiet and I have been crying, please give me some space, I don’t want to be pressured or touched.

Reading the following questions and responses, you wrapped your arms more around him.

“I didn’t even remember… how did you…?” You questioned, letting his screen dim to black

“I have reread all of our conversations hundreds of times. When I missed you, when I felt just so in love with you, when I felt as though something was wrong and seeing you like that tonight, it honestly broke my heart.” Peniel tilted your chin up with his forefinger, locking his eyes with yours. “I hate how he treated you, all of the scars he left on you, all of the unfulfilled promises, all of the pain and heartache he caused you.”

Falling speechless, you leaned in and pressed your lips gently against his cheek. Your eyes moving over some of your personal favorites from way back then.

- Good for you! I’m doing quite well, talking with a beautiful girl, so life can’t get much better  - P
- Very nice, I bet she is blushing with all of these compliments you are giving her
- Sounds like quite the girl then if she gets as excited as I do talking with my cute girl - P

- I like you a lot… just how you are - P

- You are truly becoming my sweetheart - P
- As you are becoming mine” You replied, confessing the true feelings of your heart.

- You are a beautiful young woman and I am truly honored to know you for who you really are, and the amazing person you have become - P

- You must have some magic
- Not magic, just passion - P

“I know you loved him” Peniel whispered softly, snapping you out of your thoughts and the texts you were reading as he kissed the top of your head. “If I can help you heal in any way, please let me know. I want to help.”

“You’re helping, it just takes time” You whispered knowing it has been a year since you and your ex had met, this month would have been your one year.

“I’ll give you all the time you need”

Wrapping both of his arms around you, he the radio and let other songs fill your mind, relaxing you against him as he rubbed your back with his large hands. Eventually your eyelids slowly dropped over your eyes, letting you drift off into sleep.

Peniel still stayed awake, watching over you, making sure to guard your flashbacks and nightmares and help you work through them. Bringing the covers up to your shoulders, he kept his arms securely around you, your head cradled in the crook of his neck as your body rested on his.

Sometimes it takes two to heal