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❧ Spring 2017 ❧

 

The soul music playing at the coffee bar blends wonderfully with the light pitter patter of the rain outside. The young man in early twenties closes his eyes as he routinely does his usual calming breathing exercise. Four, seven, eight. He counts slowly, taking his time with the eight. Aromatic scent of coffee brewing invades his senses as he takes in another breath. He could hear the quiet catching up conversations of the group of girls behind him amidst the soulful music in the background.

 

Le noir, if I never knew you, if I never knew the love hmmm.

 

His eyes flutter open, he thought of someone. Just a tiny glimpse of thought that he decidedly ignores and pushes back to the part of his brains where things needn't matter. He chooses to ignore the thoughts because it really is nothing big and would not affect him in any way except for just the tiny bit sympathetic feeling rising in his chest. But it goes down quickly, almost as quick as the way it came.

 

Being too busy with his university life, what with all the projects and never ending assignments, he never had the time to look back to his past and reminisces all the good times and the not so good times. Truthfully, they weren't many not-so-good times, it was all in the past anyway and so far, he thinks everything was a sweet memory of his youth and he had made his way here today without any regrets.

 

Last week, his half-brother phoned him and their weekly conversations had brought them to this particular someone, and that was why he suddenly thought of him upon taking note of the lyrics of the music playing. It is playing over and over again, the playlist in a loop.

 

Le noir, if I never knew you, if I never knew the love hmmm.

 

Now that he actually thought about his phone conversation with his brother, he decides to see it for himself, if what his brother said was true. After all, his brother was quite the prankster.

 

He loads the Instagram application on his phone and instantly goes to his brother’s profile, before going to the tagged photos section. And there it was; a scanned picture of the infamous junior class of 2010. The picture had lost its glossiness and the 35 faces of the members in the class were blurry. It is ironic how none of the people tagged were actually in the picture.

 

Youngjae squints his eyes to study his own sixteen year old self, sitting in the front row, a wide grin plastered on his young face. He muffles back a chuckle when he realizes how he looked so small next to his high school best friend, Junhong.

 

He clicks on the picture to see the tagged usernames and just like his brother had told him, that person’s username was tagged at his face while the rest of their friends-his brother’s friends- were tagged randomly on his classmates’ shoes or hair. “He left a comment.” His brother had said. Curious, he goes to the comment section and sure enough the first person to comment was him - ‘He is always the prettiest. :’( ’

 

A sad smile finds its way to Youngjae's face as he exits the application.

 

-

 

Jung Daehyun was the alpha male of their high school, class of 2010. The captain of the basketball team, the leader of his own gang, the most popular senior, the ladies’ boy who has it all.

 

Youngjae's half-brother, Himchan, was one of his closest friends. They were troublemakers and definitely caused Youngjae's parents quite a headache especially during their senior year. Youngjae was often being compared to his brother, but Himchan could care less.

 

Their parents weren't the only ones comparing them; Daehyun and his friends would often jokingly asked Himchan if Youngjae’s father was extremely handsome because according to them, Himchan who only shares the same blood with Youngjae through their mother, was nowhere close to being as pretty as his half-brother. They were just joking, of course -Himchan too, was just as good looking- but he wasn't really pretty.

 

Youngjae was their eye candy, the only pretty face among all the dull faces they had in their all boys’ school. Every day after school, they would take the same bus home. When they reached Himchan and Youngjae's stop, the boys - Daehyun's friends- would shoot flirty words at Youngjae, words such as “Goodbye pretty” or “Take care Youngjae baby” or “Bye bye dear, see you tomorrow.” Himchan would always raise his middle finger at his friends or cursed at them while his pretty younger brother would just ignore them and walked ahead. Very seldom, Youngjae would turn to wave at them and they would cheer louder.

 

Youngjae had never minded it very much, it wasn't as if they were bullying him or anything. No harm done. Though there wasn't any harm, Youngjae would still try avoiding them in the hallway because they were really loud and it embarrassed him to no end when the entire school had to look at his direction upon hearing the chaos of senior boys whistling and cheering. Sometimes when his brother’s friends came over to their house, he would hear them calling for him followed by Himchan's disapproving whines.

 

Daehyun, however, was always subtle. Whenever Youngjae alighted from the bus, he’d quietly muttered “Bye pretty”, voice drowning amid the others’ shouts. When they met at the hallway, he would just smirk teasingly, chuckling at his friends while Himchan nudged Yongguk who purposely block Youngjae's way by moving at the exact direction he was going. Sometimes when Youngjae's gaze met his, he'll wink at him and laughs when Youngjae blushed.

 

-

❧ Spring 2010 ❧

 

“Good morning princess!”

 

“Good morning pretty.”

 

“Youngjae, you look good today.”

 

Himchan flicks off his friends as soon as he entered the bus, “Well good morning to you too.” He says to Yongguk sarcastically, taking a seat next to him. Youngjae smiles softly, fluttering his lashes lazily at the senior boys who greeted him just like every other morning, only today it feels slightly different. There is a change in the air but he couldn’t quite put a finger on it. The way they stare at him and the way they nudge each other seem oddly uncharacteristic.

 

He moves to stand by a pole because the only empty seat is next to Jung Daehyun which is strange. The other seats were usually empty because the seniors are such gentlemen, they always prefer standing. But strangely, not today.

 

From the corner of his eyes, he sees Yongguk whispers something into his brother’s ear. Curious, he thought. Since when do they whisper, they were always loud and open.

 

“Youngjae, please sit down.” Himchan orders, reaching out an arm to pull his younger brother towards the empty seat. He complies, and out of courtesy, he bows slightly towards Daehyun.

 

“Good morning.” Daehyun whispers, voice soft and tender.

 

“WOOOO!!!!!!”

 

The bus cheered in synchronization, creating a chaos among themselves. Youngjae doesn’t know why. He looks up at Daehyun, the boy looks out the window, tongue sliding over his lower lips as he chuckles lowly.

 

-

 

“Something feels different today,” Youngjae states, putting on his round glasses.

 

“How so?” Junhong asks. The two are on their way to the school library, intending to spend their recess doing some extra studies.

 

On the other end of the hallway, the seniors are heading their way. “Oh ,” Youngjae curses under his breath.

 

As soon as they meet halfway, Daehyun’s friends push him towards Youngjae. “Hi Youngjae,” He murmurs, grinning handsomely. Youngjae responds with a quick hi and a light head bow, how unusual. After he walks away, he heard them cheers (the usual).

 

“See what I mean?” He whisper yells at Junhong, to where the other shrugs, “Don’t they always do that?”

 

-

 

There is a rumour spreading throughout the entire school; Jung Daehyun has a crush on pretty boy Youngjae.

 

Youngjae doesn’t believe it, he knows Daehyun has a girlfriend. He thinks the seniors are messing with him, probably some dare game, he won’t be fool easily. And so what if Daehyun really does have a crush on him? It wouldn’t change the fact that he is straight. So it does not matter.

 

The rumour spreads out fast like wildfire.

 

The rumour has somehow turns Youngjae into a target of a bully. A senior from another class called him a and hid a gay magazine inside his backpack. Following that, he was called into the principal office, and had to attend detention for two weeks for bringing such an inappropriate material to school.

 

Of course Youngjae didn’t do much about this, he was always too indifferent to care. He stays in his classroom during recess that day, resting his cheek on his palm. Glancing out the window, he sees Junhong and two other classmates run towards their building.

 

He heard rushed footsteps stomping on the stairs. Junhong bursts through the door, panting heavily, followed by the two other boys.

 

“Jung Daehyun kicked his . You should’ve came to the cafeteria, it’s sick! Jung Daehyun stood up for you. Man, you should’ve been there.” He yells gloriously, talking as if it was the fight of the century.

 

His detentions were retracted, the senior who set him up was expelled and the school managements apologized to Youngjae and his parents for causing the trouble.

 

-

 

The next day, Jongup pays Youngjae’s class a visit. “Stay here after class, Daehyun wants to see you.” He says, before reaching out to pinch Youngjae on the cheek. Right after he left, Youngjae rubs his cheek, not sure if he should stay or not. But they ride the same bus home, so if he bails, he’d have to spell the word awkward.

 

It is Thursday, the cherry blossoms lining their school garden had blossomed into fluffy pink bushes. The pavement scattered with pink confetti, spring is in the air more than ever today.

 

Youngjae waves his friends goodbye as he stays behind, flipping his biology text book page by page. A knock on the door startles him, and he immediately jumps down from the desk.

 

Daehyun approaches him with shy steps, the boy seemingly sweaty, his hair a windy mess. “…Youngjae…” He breathes. “Good to see you.”

 

The other responds with a nod, puffing his cheeks out of awkwardness.

 

Daehyun is standing an arm reach opposite of him, the taller boy tilts his head to get a better look at the pretty boy. “I guess you’ve heard already…that I like you.” He pauses to study Youngjae’s reaction. Youngjae’s eyes widens as he cautiously takes a step back. He knows Daehyun is pranking him. A fifty dollar bet maybe? That cliché stuff.

 

“…I really do. I’ve never date a guy before so I don’t know how this works. Would you be offended if I ask you out?”

 

Youngjae nods for the second time that day. “I’m sorry Daehyun. I’m not gay.”

 

Daehyun blinks in surprise, he backs away. There was hurt in his eyes, Youngjae notices. Maybe he was for real, but how can you tell?

 

“I’m not gay either.” Daehyun frowns, his voice lost its confidence. “I just like you. Can you give me a chance?”

 

He could be panual, Youngjae thinks. “But, why?” He swallows, mentally slapping his face for asking such question. What do you mean why?

 

“Because you’re so pretty.”

 

Youngjae feels all warm on the inside, and his face burns. His spirit feels like it was lifted, so light and high. He grabs his book, and politely bows. “I’m sorry, I have to go, I’m really sorry.” And just like that, he rejected the most popular student in school. He left without another glance at the senior – clenched fist, heavy breathing, and the saddest frown one could ever form. Daehyun is left devastated, it was his first rejection.

 

-

 

There are no greetings the next day, he heard Yongguk’s deep voice saying “Good morning beautiful,” but he was quickly shut by Jongup who nudges him on the stomach. Daehyun’s gorgeous smiley face is crumpled into a scowl.

 

Their encounters in the hallway are quiet from then on. Daehyun’s glares and eye rolls give him the chills. The playful seniors give him the look of pity as they mouthed inaudible words of greetings, looking as if they were dying to call out to him like they usually do.

 

When one of his friends slaps Youngjae on the playfully, Daehyun clenches his fist and storms towards the slapper, grabbing him by the collar. “Don’t touch him.” He warns with a low voice.

 

The rest of the months pass by quickly and it is finally time for the seniors’ graduation. Daehyun looks especially weary that day. He searches among the throngs of families and fellow students for the pretty face that had caused him his first heartbreak. When he finally sees Youngjae, he runs towards him, pushing away anyone who’s in his way.

 

He grabs Youngjae by the arm, and begs him to follow him to the back of the hall building. In confusion, the other let the older guide him there, glancing back to check on his brother who seems to frown in disapproval.

 

A silence falls between them.

 

When Youngjae finally looks up, he sees the other’s watery eyes. Daehyun sobs quietly, wiping away his own tears embarrassedly. “I’m moving to Busan.”

 

Another silence.

 

“…It’s my first time liking a guy, I’m confused and upset.” Daehyun sniffles, the tears won’t stop, his nose is red and his lips are trembling. “…you’re so pretty and I can’t help liking the way you look. Youngjae ah...I really like you…I really can’t help it.”

 

The whole situation is so overwhelming, something inside Youngjae stirs and he wants so badly to stop the other’s flowing tears but he’s scared. He freezes in place, his mouth is numb, not allowing him to speak.

 

“…can I hug you? I promise I won’t bother you ever again.” The saddest request Youngjae has ever heard.

 

They hug for the first time, and it’s safe to say that it’s going to be the last as well. Daehyun’s sob grows bigger, wetting Youngjae’s coat. He hugs Youngjae so tight, not wanting to ever let go if he could. “I love you,” He whispers.

 

If only Youngjae knew earlier how sincere he was.

 

-

❧ Spring 2017 ❧

 

Sitting by himself by the large lake surrounded by cherry blossom trees, Youngjae picks up a petal and places it in his book before closing it to mark the page he was last on. He sets the book neatly next to his hot chocolate. He bites his fingernail in anxiousness.

 

“…Youngjae?” The familiar voice rings in his ear from behind. He stands up quickly, turning to face the intruder.

 

“Jung Daehyun.” He gasps. He was expecting the man, but that didn’t help the fact that he was surprise. “How are you?”

 

The man grew up handsomely beyond expectation, his blond locks comb neatly to the side, fit body hidden under a large coat. “I’m great, today especially.” He grins, opening up his arms widely to welcome the other into a hug. Hesitantly, Youngjae walks up slowly into his arms. He expects a quick hug, but the other pulls him in for a hug that last for more than just a few seconds.

 

“Wow. Can’t believe you’re still the prettiest. After all this years.” The handsome senior exclaims. He observes Youngjae’s face, the pretty face cures the oldest longing of his heart with just one glance.

 

They sit on the bench, all the overwhelming feelings rain down on them.

 

“Why’d you call me out? How did you know I was in Seoul?”

 

“Himchan told me. …Well, no reason. I just want to see how you’re doing…” Youngjae states.

 

Daehyun nods. He bites him lower lip and tilts his head to get a better look at Youngjae who shyly glance away to avoid his eyes. “…are you seeing anyone?” He quietly asks.

 

Youngjae shakes his head, “…how about you?”

 

A playful smile carves into his face, “I’m not. But I’m interested in someone.”

 

“Good for you.”

 

“Do you know how hard it is to be in love with the same person for so long? Even after that person breaks your heart into pieces?”

 

Youngjae finally faces him, blinking innocent eyes at him, “I’m really sorry to hear that.” And he truly is. Daehyun is such a nice man, whoever breaks his heart is at a lost.

 

“Can you imagine how happy I was when I receive that message from you last night?” Daehyun chuckles, they are sparkles in his eyes. “…Hey, do you still remember that day when we hug and I cried like a loser?”

 

Youngjae laughs and lightly slap him repetitively on the shoulder, “…And you told me you love me.” It slips, how embarrassing, he didn’t mean to say that out loud. He bites his tongue, and studies Daehyun amused expression.

 

The other laughs and wiggles his brow, “Interesting fact, I still do.”

 

-

 

“You’re really pretty.” Daehyun whispers, caressing his lover’s soft cheek.

 

Embarrassed, Youngjae buries his face into Daehyun’s chest. “What time is it?” He mumbles sleepily, pulling the blanket over his head.

 

“It’s 5 a.m. dear.”

 

“Then get back to sleep.”

 

“You must have no idea how happy I am to have my long time crush snuggling up with me in bed.” His heart is beating fast as he utters those words, he wants so badly for Youngjae to understand how much he had long for him. For Youngjae to know that the day he cried, it was only the beginning of his long wait.

 

Daehyun’s scent is addictive, Youngjae hugs him tightly, rubbing his face on the man’s chest aggressively.

 

“I love you, Youngjae.” Daehyun whispers, receiving an answer only a few seconds later.

 

“I’m sorry for not telling you this before, but I love you too.”

 

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The end.