Chapter 18                           

Yu An.

“Aren’t you studying too much? I think you need a break Yu An.”

“You think so?” I reply. But if I don’t study, I’ll think about him. How what happened hurts and how I’ve hurt him all this time. “I think I’m fine.”

“Oh my goodness! No you’re not. You’re nose is bleeding!” Yeon Hee exclaimed. I touched the tip of my nose and it is bleeding. Yeon Hee immediately took me to the bathroom to wash the blood away and placed tissue on it. “Never hold your head up okay? That’s not good for you. Just press on it.”

I smiled. It’s nice to have Yeon Hee by my side. She eases the pain that I feel. I’m glad she’s here.

“Thank you Yeon Hee.”

She sighs and leans on the wall next to me as we wait for the bleeding to stop. “I know you’re doing it to distract yourself from what happened but you’re straining yourself too much.” She groans and sighs for the second time. “I mean, why did he even think that you’re just saying that because it was the last time? Didn’t he even think that you’re at least genuine when you told him you love him?!”

I chuckle. “Yeon Hee, you’re getting mad for me huh? But that’s okay, I’m not mad at Baekhyun or anything. It’s okay really.”

“Are you sure?” I nod.

“Shall we go back?” She nods and we head back to the classroom.

“Oh? Baekhyun.” Yeon Hee mumbles. I look straight and he’s there huffing. It’s the first time in a while that he looked at me ever since we broke up. He’s just staring but he’s not saying anything.

“Baek-“ I was about to call him when he walked pass through me.

“Why that guy! What’s he’s deal?!”

I grab Yeon Hee and pull her to stop her. “He must’ve been on his way somewhere. Let’s go?”

--

Baekhyun.

She’s fine.

I sigh in relief. I’m glad she’s fine. It’s just her nose bleeding. My heart just stopped when I saw blood from her desk. I thought something bad happened to her.

“If you’re that worried about her why did you just walked pass through her?” I turn and saw Chanyeol.

“Chan.”

“You broke up with her but you’re still affected by her. Damn too much Baekhyun and it’s frustrating to watch.”

I chuckle. “That’s why I told you to date her already. We’re already done.”

“I told you I can’t do that! I have my reasons and it won’t work out because she li-“ he stops and bit his lower lip and I stare in confusion. What is he doing? “Ugh, just talk to her okay? You’ll understand.”

“We already talk things out. I don’t think I can look at her for a while even. I’ll just be missing her again.”

“Oh! There you both are.”

“Coach!” Chanyeol and I said in unison.

“Good news! Here, there has been a letter for the school that scouted you both. I think they want you both there after graduation. Isn’t that great?”

“That soon?” I say.

“Mm! You guys think about it and let me know okay?”

We both nod and hold on to the envelope that coach has given us. The first time I’ve heard of it, I was fine with it. But what is it that’s stopping me now?

--

Yu An.

“Alright! I’ve got something to tell all of you. So as you all know, our school prepares a field trip for graduating students. And this year, we’ll be going to Nami!”

We all gasped in awe. I’ve heard of Nami Island but I haven’t been there yet. I can say that it’s like a dream come true for me. Yeon Hee turns and we both squealed in excitement.

“Okay okay. Now let’s settle down shall we?” Our homeroom teacher grabs the paper that she has on her desk and started passing it out. “I need you all to fill this form out and pass it to Baekhyun or Yeon Hee tomorrow okay? The trip will be this weekend and the assembly time will be five thirty in the morning okay? Don’t be late!”

“Yes!!”

I grab one of the forms and read it. I’m so excited!

“Say Yu An, want to buy some stuff to bring for the trip?” Yeon Hee asks.

“Mm! I have lot of novels in mind that I would like to bring!”

She chuckles and shakes her head. “Are we even talking about the same thing here? Are you seriously planning on taking books with you when it’s Nami island that we’re going?!”

I laugh. “But I love to read especially on trips.”

She sighs and stands. “Oh whatever. You buy your books and I’m gonna buy all the food that I can bring for the trip!!”

I smile and we both headed to the department store. “Looks like we’re not the only ones excited for the trip Yeon.”

“You’re right.” We both chuckle seeing some of our batchmates around the place buying things that they’re going to bring.

“Alright Yu.” She places both of her hands on my shoulder. I laugh looking how determined she is. “We only have an hour to buy our precious things. Let’s meet at the cafe afterwards okay?”

I nod. “Mm. Sure.”

“I’ll be going then!!”

I chuckle watching her run. I turn and make my way to the bookstore heading to the romance section. I look for my favorite author and stopped. I didn’t know Baekhyun read books too and he’s holding the book that I’m supposed to buy. I turn and walk to the section before it to hide. Both of us bumping to each other right now is the last thing I want to happen.

I hear him sigh from the other side and I turn around when I saw him leaving. I walk back to my section and saw that he didn’t take the book that he was holding earlier. “Did he start to like this book too? I was planning to buy it the last time we went here.” I mutter.

--

Baekhyun.

That was just the stupidest thing I’ve attempted to do. Buying the book that Yu An wanted to get the last time we went here. What am I planning on doing after I give it to her? What will I even say if she asks why did I have it for her?

“Oh you wanted that the last time we went here right? I heard you want to bring books with you for the trip!”

Will I say that? That’s so stupid! I broke up with her and I’m planning on stepping in her life again. I sigh and make my way out of the bookstore and headed to where Chanyeol is.

“Oh, did you buy it?” He asks sipping in his milkshake.

“No. What am I even thinking on doing that?” I reply and take the milkshake that he’s handing to me.

“You could’ve just bought it for her and tell her you got it for her.”

“And then what?”

“That’s it. You both agreed to be friends right?”

“Yeah but things are sill awkward with us. It’s just a month past when we broke up.”

Chanyeol stops walking and flicks my forehead. “I’m just curious why you broke up with her when she told you she loves you already?”

“I told you she just said that for the sake of us breaking up.”

He sighs and shakes his head. “Hey, do you really like her?”

“I told you I’m getting over her.”

“You sure you don’t want to get back with her?”

I stop on my tracks. I want to. I want her back. I miss her so bad. Hugging her, making her laugh and kissing her. I miss her so bad. But I can’t have her for my selfish reasons knowing that I’m not the guy that she likes.

“Let’s just go home.”

“Alright! Everyone get to your seats!” We all decided what seat to take inside the bus. Chanyeol occupied the seat near the window and I near the aisle. I sigh relaxing on my seat when I saw that our seat is across behind Yu An and Yeon Hee’s seat.

“You chose this on purpose did you?” I mumble to Chanyeol.

“What are you talking about?” I pointed where Yu An is. “That’s pure coincidence. Can you see the probability of us seating near them? We’re only thirty in our class.”

I sigh in defeat. “Whatever. I’m not even in the mood to listen to your math.”

“I won’t even do math because I don’t know how to. That’s just logic.” He sets his earphones on and neck pillow. I chuckle.

“Getting comfy aren’t we?”

This is just all pure coincidence.

That I chant to myself every time I notice Yu An. She’s a seat away from me and my heart is reacting towards her like this. Pretty much crazy.

After a while, we reached the rest stop and all of them went to the comfort room which I do too. When I return, I saw Yeon Hee waking Yu An up.

“Yu An? Aren’t you going to pee?” Yeon Hee asks but she’s in deep sleep. “Oh well, I guess I’ll leave her a while.”

I return to my seat and saw couple of guys staring at Yu An. “Look! Yu An’s sleeping! Shall we take a photo? She’s so pretty!”

“Is that okay? Yeon Hee might come back in the middle of it!”

“Oh it will just be a b- Baekhyun’s here. Let’s go back.”

I sat beside Yu An. I guess I should just be here until Yeon Hee comes back and I’ll tell her that those guys plan to talk advantage of Yu An’s sleeping face.

I place my earphones back and looked at Yu An when her head suddenly fell on my shoulder. I gasp in surprise. Should I place her head away or should I just let her? But if I touch her she might wake up right? WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I DO?

“Oh!” I freeze seeing Yeon Hee.

“W..Wait! I was just-“

She smiles. “It’s fine. I’ll just be in your seat.”

“Wait-“ she walked to my seat and placed her neck pillow on. Oh great just great.

I turn back to my seat and looked at Yu An who’s sleeping comfortable. I bring my hand to cover my face in embarrassment. This girl, how can she sleep so comfortably like this?

--

Yu An.

“We’re in Namiiiiiii!” Yeon Hee and I squealed in joy.

“Yu! Pics! We have to take pics!”

“Oh right!” She takes out her phone and raised it above us as we take our selfie. “1, 2, 3!”

“Oh my, this girl, how can you look so cute?” She says playfully pinching my cheeks and I chuckle.

“Having fun huh? Don’t be too noisy you girl.” Chanyeol says patting Yeon Hee’s head.

“Why? We only get here once in a while! Right Yu?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah.” I still can’t act normally in front of Baekhyun. This is harder than I thought.

“We’re about to take our lunch. Wanna go with us?”

“Chan!” Baekhyun whispered but I think he didn’t realize I heard that.

“I’m.. I’m just going to eat here. You guys go.” I say.

“Is that so?” Chanyeol replied. “Then take this one with you. You noisy person will go with me as I satisfy my cravings.”

“What?! Hey!!”

“Hey Chan!” “Ah wait!” Baekhyun and I mumbled.

I hear Baekhyun sigh. “Really, what is that guy doing?”

“I’m..I’m fine. You just go with them.”

“Nah. I’ll just eat here too. Let’s go.”

I flush and nod as I follow him from behind. I wonder if I will be able to digest my food well enough.

--

Baekhyun.

She’s eating casually.

While I am here having a hard time not only in digesting my food but first of all swallowing it. I stop when I suddenly hear whispers around us.

“I heard they broke up already?”

“Yeah that’s what I heard too!”

“Then why are they eating together? Did they get back?”

I look at Yu An and she’s now slowing down getting conscious of the whispers around us. I sigh and stood up.

“We’re eating somewhere else. Let’s go.”

“Ah but-“ I grab her bag and we both headed outside. “Baekhyun wait.” I stopped and turn to her. “I’m sorry. We shouldn’t eat together after all. There might be new rumors that’ll start and I don’t want to bother you. I’ll be fine on my own so-“

I grab her hand when she’s planning on going. “I’m fine with it.”

“W..What?”

“I’m the one who ended our relationship so I should be getting this at least.”

She takes her hand back forcefully and I’m going to be honest, I was held back by that. “No. I should be getting this. I’ll be going now. Thank you.”

“Yu An!” I called but she didn’t turn back.

Ever since that incident at our school trip, Yu An has been avoiding me big time. She even avoids my look and I think us being friends is impossible at this point. I know she’s doing this to avoid rumors spreading but it hurts me to see her alone like that now that Yeon Hee’s busy being one of the committees. I always see Yeon Hee with me so she goes home alone.

Yu An smiles whenever she’s with Yeon Hee and it completely fades when she’s alone. I see all of that. Because I’m still looking at her. My eyes locked only at her. This is the first time I’ve had my eyes on a girl this long.

“That will be all for today. Don’t forget to ask your class who will be willing on participating for the after party for the graduating batch this year.”

We all stood up and I noticed the rain suddenly poured. “Baek, you go on ahead. I’ll need to stay for today to get some things done.”

“Are you sure? Is it class related?”

“Oh no, it’s college dash application related.” I chuckle and pick my things up.

“Alright. See you tomorrow then.”

“Mm.” I push the chair back and headed out. “Oh my, it’s raining. I wonder if Yu An got her umbrella.”

Is Yu An still here? Oh right. She may have stayed at the library to study because today’s her cram school. I walk downstairs with my umbrella in my hand. Well, it’s not like I’m hoping that she doesn’t have her umbrella with... her.

Damn she doesn’t have her umbrella with her.

--

Yu An.

“Oh rain?” I sigh and stopped on my tracks. I set my bag down and looked for me umbrella. I realized this is futile. I don’t have my umbrella with me and if I’ll wait for the rain to stop, I’m going to be late for cram school.

“I have no choice then.” I raise my bag up to my head and decided to run up until the bus stop. It’s not that far anyway. When I was about to take the step, I felt shade above me and saw him. “B..Baekhyun?”

“Use this.” He grabs my hand and gave me the umbrella that he’s using.

“Ah, then what about you?”

“I’ll run to the bus stop.”

“But you’ll get wet, we can just use it togeth-“ I pause realizing what I’m saying is insane. We can’t possibly walk together in our situation. Afterwards, he runs and I stare as he disappears on my sight.

“He’s gone.” I mumble and smile.

I’m happy that still cares for me just a little bit. I walk on my way to the bus stop and waited.

“Byun Baekhyun?” I take my things out from my bag, as our teacher takes the attendance. “Is Baekhyun not here?”

“He caught a cold and is down with a fever.” Chanyeol replied.

Is it because of yesterday? Did he catch a cold because of me? “Nam Yu An?”

“Yu An, he’s calling you.” I flinch at Chanyeol’s voice. I look up and I just spaced out.

“Ah! Here!”

I was lost as the lesson goes on. I just write everything on my notebook but I am not processing any of it. I’m really worried about Baekhyun. It’s hard to handle yourself when you’re sick. The lunch bell snapped me out of my thoughts and I turn to talk to Chanyeol.

“Um Chanyeol? Is he okay? He’s alone at home right? Do you think he’ll be fine?”

Chanyeol smiles and pats my head. “He will be. Time for lunch. Let’s go.”

I sigh and nod following him and Yeon Hee. I feel guilty eating here when I’m not even sure if Baekhyun’s eating properly by himself.

“Call him.”

“Huh?”

Chanyeol slides his phone towards me and continues eating his noodles.

“Hey tall guy, are you even sure about that? They just broke up. It’s has only been a month.”

“Then do you plan on conceiting her spacing out for the whole day?”

Yeon Hee sighs. “Call him.”

I bit my lip in nervousness. Can I really call him? Will he even answer it? I think he will because it’s Chanyeol’s number but if he hears my voice...

“Damn it Yu An.” I gasp when Chanyeol takes the phone from me and called Baekhyun.

“W..Why? I’m..I’m not ready yet..”

“Hello?” I gasp. Baekhyun. Chanyeol gestures for me to talk.

“B..Baekhyun?” I hear clatter from the other end and I gasp. “Baekhyun? Are you okay?! You did not collapse did you?”

“Y..Yu An? Why are you..” I hear him sigh. “Did he make you call me?”

He’s voice is different and it’s because of the cold. “Ah yes.. but I also wanted to talk to you because I’m worried-“ my eyes widen. What did I just say. Yeon Hee and Chanyeol smiles and continued eating. I flush in embarrassment and looked down. “A..Are you okay?”

“M..Mm.”

“I..I see.” And then silenced engulfed our conversation. “Um.. I should probably hang up now.. you should rest-“

“WAIT!”

I was about to end the call when I hear him exclaim at the other line so I put the phone back on my ear. “Yes?”

“C..Can you..go here after school? I..I’m having a hard time by myself that’s why and Chan has a practice.. Mom will be late today so yeah! But if you can’t that’s fine too! Well then bye!”

“Yu, are you okay?” Yeon Hee asks.

I lay on the table and hide my face. Baekhyun just asked me to visit him at his place..

My hand is shaking. Chanyeol told me the passcode for the door but I am so nervous to go in on my own. I mean it’s been a while since I talked to him and.. will it even be okay?

I exhale letting out my anxieties and entered. “Pardon my intrusion...” I mumble and take my shoes off.

Nobody answered so I walk inside putting the porridge that Mom helped me make on the dining table. I walk towards Baekhyun’s room and found him sleeping. I saw medicine on the table but it’s not even open yet. I guess he didn’t take anything because of his condition.

I reach out and touched his forehead. “He’s hot!” I gasped and ran at the kitchen picking up a small basin and a towel. I placed water and some ice in it and returned to where he is. I dip the towel in the water and wiped Baekhyun’s arms, neck and face with it. I think he’s really not feeling well because he’s not awaked yet.

“I think I should get him a change of clothes.” I walk over to his closet and grab a new shirt for him.

“Yu..An?”

I turn and saw him awake. “Oh, you’re awake now? That’s good. Here change your shirt first. It’s already wet from you sweating. It’s good for you to sweat though.” I smiled and hand him the shirt. “Can you sit?”

“I’m so dizzy.” He replied.

“I’ll help you then. Here.” I help him as he sit up and he stares. “W..What is it?”

“I..I’m embarrassed to change in front of you..”

“O..Oh right! I’ll just close my eyes. Just hold on my arm for support so you don’t bump to anywhere.”

“Mm. O..Okay.” I shut my eyes closed and I feel Baekhyun’s hand on my arm. Even his hand is hot too.

“I’m done.”

“Okay. Oh right, I have some porridge for you. Wait a minute.” I walk back to the kitchen and reheated the porridge. I grab a bowl and spoon and placed some of the porridge in it then brought it back to Baekhyun. “Here. Take it so you can take some medicine.”

“Mm. Thanks.” He smiles and I help him sit up.

“U..Um.. sorry. It’s my fault that you got a cold.”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “It’s okay. It’s not bad to be sick once in a while.”

I smiled. When he’s done eating I hand him his medicine and he takes it. “Are you good now?”

“Much better.” He replies. I help him lie down on his bed again and take the bowl that he finished eating with. “S..Sorry to trouble you Yu An..”

“It’s fine. I got off cram school early today so I’ll stay here until someone comes in. I’ll wash the dishes and come back.”

“Mm. Thank you.”

I walk back to the kitchen to clean up and realized that it’s still early. When I finish cleaning up, I went back to Baekhyun’s room and find him sleeping. I smile and sat on the chair as I watch over him.

“I guess I can tidy his desk a bit for him.” I stand up and started tidying up to kill time. I think I got too engrossed in cleaning that I tidied almost his room.

I sat to rest and found a letter lying on top of an envelope under his desk. I stand to pick it up. “Hm?” I accidentally just read something I shouldn’t have.

Accepted for Boarding.

Four years.

“Yu! Look at this part, I solved it like this but I got a different answer. How did you get it?”

“Oh that? You have to do this and-“

“Then will the end of the month be the earliest? Isn’t that the day after the graduation?” I turn and saw Hyungjoon from the track team talking to Baekhyun and Chanyeol.

“Oh, Baekhyun will be leaving first. I have some things to take care of with my Mom so I’ll be going after.” Chanyeol replied.

Oh right. I have seen the papers that Baekhyun will be leaving. But that early... I didn’t expect that.

“Yu? What’s wrong?”

“T..Toilet. I’ll be back.”

I run to the exit and stopped at the staircase when I was just going down. Why am I like this? Isn’t him leaving a good thing? I mean, he’ll be accepted at a good school and he’ll be a successful athlete in the future. That.. I’m happy for him but..

I felt tears on my cheeks then I suddenly realized why I’m being like this. “I haven’t told him yet...”

“Y..Yu An!” I gasp and turn seeing Baekhyun behind.

“B..Baekhyun.” I turn and wiped my tears and faced him again.

“I..I should’ve told you. You see Chanyeol and I will be going to Canada to be trained for a while.”

“I know.” I forced a smile.

“You knew?” His expression changes. “But why aren’t you doing anything?”

“W..Why?”

“Yeah! You should be confessing to Chanyeol! He’ll be leaving soon!”

My heart skipped a beat. I know he said you should be confessing to Chanyeol but my ears relayed you should be confessing to me to my brain instead.

“But I-“

“Hey Baek! The practice will start soon. You too Yu An.”

“Oh! We should get back.”

“Ah yeah.” I nod and followed him.

I should be confessing to him. I’ll do that at least.. before he leaves.

One week after..

I know I decided that I’ll be confessing to him. BUT I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR A WEEK ALREADY and I’m always interrupted.

First I tried confessing to him after practice but he got pulled back again by being asked to help cleaning up. Second, I tried confessing after our graduation practice but he got called by our juniors and got confessed by them instead. I will need that confidence that they have though.

This will be my third time confessing and this is our last practice before our graduation. I have to tell him now and not after the ceremony because I am certain that there will be even a lot of interruptions after.

I inhale and muster all of the courage that I can get. “Baekhyun, I-“

“Hm? Did you call my name?” I gasped and turned. HE’S HERE.

“O..Oh! You’re here?”

He nods. “Mm.. I was looking for you because I saw you got in here early.”

“O..Oh.”

Oh. That’s not what you should be saying right now Yu An. Not that one word but those three words!

“B..Baekhyun I-“

“W..Wait! I know there’s something that you want to say but I want to say something first.”

I’m expecting interruptions but I am not expecting that I will be interrupted by him. I chuckle and nod. Oh well, this will be my last chance. I’ll just do it after he says what he wanted to say.

“I um.. When I say that I saw you came in, I was actually following you. From our houses up to here.”

“Wait that far?” He chuckles shyly and nods. “Why?”

“That’s.. I wanted to tell you something. I figured this will be my last chance to be saying it. I tried to say it but I haven’t got the chance. I’m always interrupted.”

Would you look at that. I’m not the only one.

“So um.. I just want to say this. I don’t want to leave with regrets so.. um..” he looks nervous as I am as I stare at him exhale letting out his anxieties. He looks down on his feet and continued talking. “Yu An, I still like you. A lot. I’m not asking you for us to get back together. No. That is not the reason why I’m saying this. I just wanted to let it out. I still find myself staring at you. I tried to stop myself but I can’t. I still like you a lot and this is the first time I felt something like this. You’re the first girl who have done this to me. The first girl I have ever loved.”

I’m now crying but I covered my mouth so he won’t hear me sobbing from afar.

“I just want to thank you. For all of those smiles you gave to me. For being with me even when I know you loved Chanyeol more than I do.”

I shake my head in disagreement as I cry.

“Just.. thanks a lot Yu An. I mean it. Genuinely. You’ve given me a memory that I will never forget.” He looks up and smiles but his smile faded when he suddenly saw me cry. “Y..Yu An?! I’m... I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you cry!”

He walks closer to me and I shake my head. “N..No.. that’s not it.”

“It’s not?” He’s looking at me in worry now but I can’t say anything. I’m having a hard time with these sobs of mine because I’m too happy with what I’ve heard. That he still likes me.

“I’m too..happy.”

“Ha..Happy?”

I nod. “Because I still like you too Baekhyun.”