Tell me a lie

Your heart hurts when he tells you, and you don't know why, but it sinks into your blood, a ache that grows with his explanation, every word slapping you but you don't care; it is what it is and you'll endure it later, you'll turn this pain into something else, something beautiful, another piece of art to hang on your lonely walls of your lonely existence.

Seunghoon has been the light of your life since you can remember, he turned up your world with just one laugh and, since then, nothing has been the same. Slowly, but unstoppable, he has walked to your heart until it was filled only with images of him, of you both together; shared smiles and lame jokes you find so amusing, writing songs and rapping battle that ended with a fight and more laughs, lots of them, laughs that you want to reshape into kisses.

But it's impossible now, because Seunghoon's chest has a new meaning to take care of, a new name he has found in the randomness way possible and you can't believe it, how easy was for him to let you go, to change you for a soul mate, to trade friendship for a boy who he barely knows but that can make his heart sings melodies that nobody else can understand.

He has tried to explain but you weren't listening at all, lost in his eyes, in his shining smile, blinding like the sun, the meaning of it escaping like sand between your fingers. You don't want to know, you just want it to end, this sweet agony that is seeing him happily with Taehyun, that pretty face that has become a regular visitor to your nightmares. He has stolen your friend and the love you didn't mutter the courage to tell.

And now you are alone, like you were before meeting Seunghoon; the colors that fade away because they belong to him, a life without sense, because he is the wittiness to your silliness, the vitamin to the energy you emit. You think you are the perfect match, but destiny played a twist on your, stealing him forever, giving him the love of his life.

Since Seunghoon has met and felt and made a fool out of himself with Taehyun, your existence has become dull again, turning off flashes, stars have felt down from the sky where they were writing his name. And the pair that was always together has became just one who can remember since Seunghoon seems to have forgotten about you, too. 

But after a month he calls you, searching for your company, to hang out like you used to do. But when you stop and stare at him, he is not alone, he is with Taehyun and someone else you don't know, someone else that take away your breathing.

“Mino! You came!” he greets you enthusiastically, just the way he is, and then he introduces to you a gorgeous boy that look lost as you “he is Kim Jinwoo, Taehyun's hyung and best friend. I hope you can become close” he pours his wishes and, for a second, you want to make them all true.

Your mouth works on its own, voicing things that are lingering on your mind but that you don't want to say it  out loud. And your lips come to live to embarrass yourself because, yes, he is handsome and yes, you don't mind knowing him better, but he doesn't need to know, not yet, not never, probably.

“What's wrong with you, Song Minho!” and Seunghoon looks at you pissed up, and Taehyun looks at his friend, ashamed, saying sorry for the that you turned up to have became.

“What an idiot” his voice is captivating, you think when these words reach your ear, even when they are insulting you, they don't affect you but make your heart melt away. They are beautiful just like him is. 

“That's so weird. Hyung, what's up with you?” Taehyun looks torn between you two, concerned at the way you both are acting, so strange and so unusual, but you can't keep your words, that pour from your lips mechanically, without a filter, and he isn't doing any better, replying to all your compliments with disrespects that shock the other pair as if he has grown another head. And your chest pounds, jumping in a trampoline, high and higher, trying to go somewhere else that is not between your ribs. And you feel your throat tightening, as if choking, as if missing air, but you are fine and it's annoying and Kim Jinwoo is pretty but also weird. And your head spins and you are dizzy, but you can't just shut up, you keep saying whatever that is in your mind, inappropriate things and right onces and nonsense all together, you are unable to be quiet, as well as your heart, that beats like in a battle, as if in war against yourself.

You say sorry to Seunghoon and Taehyun and whoever else that want to hear your sincere apologies. You wonder what's wrong again, because you are not like that, complimenting a total stranger, telling him truths you have kept secrets forever. You know how to measure what to say, you are a social butterfly, after all, never offending anyone, not seriously, at least, and it's so fortunately that Seunghoon knows you deep inside, all that there is on you to know, so he is surprised, but not totally mad.

“Mino, what just happened?” Seunghoon asks with preoccupation, and you feel touched by it, because it as been a while since last time he was close to you. For a moment you fear that you will mess up again, that your thought would come out like pouring rain, but it doesn't happen and you breath again, feeling like danger has passed and with Seunghoon you are safe.

“I don't know, it was as if I couldn't control what I was saying… I though he was handsome but I wasn't planning to tell him!” and this time you don't need a mysterious force to tell him the truth.

“Mmm… that's strange. And Jinwoo… He is so polite and rather shy. He was acting odd too, like you” but he let it slip, saying nothing else and you hope for not meeting this precious Jinwoo again.

You don't see him but you dream about him every night after that first encounter. Your sleep is now filled with his alluring face and you wake up smiling, heart nervous, tittering inside, butterflies landing on your stomach, nestling there as if homed. And you feel alright, as if dreaming daily about kissing a stranger, or loving him is normal. 

Seunghoon says it might be something about soul mates, but you don't believe in it, because you have loved him for so long that it's impossible that he isn't it; the right person for you, but you have seen how he looks up at Taehyun, as if the sun and the stars shine for him, with a love deep and beautiful, and Taehyun clings to him, smiling as if truly happy, as if Seunghoon was all the joy in the world. And he is, you think, but it's not the same anymore, not since you met Jinwoo, who seems to have tamed your feelings for Seunghoon a little, freezing them, turning hot recollections into ice cubes you can drink with cola enjoying Jinwoo's company. Not that you want it, to be again with him, lips uncontrolled, truths spreading. But you feel empty lately and maybe Seunghoon is right and this Kim Jinwoo is something that is out of your mind. Because you need him in a way you never needed someone, and you breath the air that he is breathing because it has his smell, his essence. And you remember what Taehyun has told you about how he knew that Seunghoon was special, more than a captivating face in a sea of coldness; it was like a call, Seunghoon's voice screaming his name, a connection between their brains because no one was talking that day. The second time they met was when everything clicked, falling in place, falling into their hearts. And they just knew.

So maybe is this, maybe you should talk to him, convince him somehow that you are mean to be.

You ask Taehyun about Kim Jinwoo everyday and he tells you that he feels like the same and so, finally, after weeks of agony and sweet dreams and heartbeats that pulse his name through your veins, you see him again.

It is itching, being away but able to see him, so you run and when you reach him, you are breathless and he laughs and it's beyond beautiful.

“Thanks, I was missing you too” he says, smiling, flustered and precious with scarlet cheeks. The sun is melting into it, hotter than summer, you want to be there too, inside his lips, inside his eyes, been something in his life, too. “That's not very appropriate” he scolds you, but he is giggling and the sound is so pretty that you don't care. You don't mind at all if his voice keeps coming out like this, soft and sweet and mellow. 

“I want to kiss you” you say, bold and daring; this is not yourself, and he glances deathly at you, cold and mad and disappointed again.

Like a song in streaming, your chest beats with him, fast and quick and synchronised, harmoniously. Your hearts are not in peace but it's not aching, it's not hurting, it's ok, like reborn, with him everything feels new, different. 

“It seems like you have a problem with your though” he says, but then he adds “I'm… sorry for been mean to you that first time, but you were pretty rude, saying those obscenities to someone you just met” he says, humble, and you smirk at him knowingly. You want to say them all again, because damn, he is so captivating, like a summer on the beach, the sea kissing your skin, you want him just like this. Like a toy, you want him to play with you, using in ways you can't even think, ways that make you shiver in pleasure and delight. And you bite your tongue hard, keeping it all to yourself.

“But you are. I hope you won't hold grunges after we clear it… It's a misunderstand. When I'm with you I can't control what to say, just like now, I want to know you better, I want to kiss you everyday, all day and…” but he hushes you, his mouth brushing yours, feeling hot and fine and you kisses him back, just because.

“Shut up” he whispers, and it sounds as desperate as you feel, as if he wanted to kiss you again. Is it how soul mates work? You wonder. “I don't know, I never have one” he answers and you realize that, again, you were thinking out loud, that, again, your mouth still has no control around his pretty face. “Do I have to kiss you again to shut up all these cheesiness?” and just in case, he does it. And it sends sparkles and fireworks and turns on all the lights in your life, colors exploding in secuences of blues and greens and all the pastels tones. And the missed piece that you didn't know it wasn't there fits now like a jigsaw, maybe it's Jinwoo, maybe it's his shape the one that suits this empty spot just perfectly. “Do I?”

“It seems so, now I feel complete”.

“So do I” he agrees, and it's great. “Maybe I love you” and these words sound just so sweet when they leave his lips, those lips you are dying to kiss again. But you keep them quiet for a moment, because you have to say something else first.

“I love you too, Kim Jinwoo”. And you kiss him again.

“Don't lie” he jokes, punching you gently on the shoulder.

“I can't” you reply, nothing more than the truth.

“I know, that's why I'll give you a chance. A date. But, please, keep your dirty thought to yourself”.

“But you are so handsome, I might melt into you soon” you singsong, kissing his cheek slightly. “Thanks for the chance, pretty! I'll make you fall for me” you promise, and he giggles.

“Well, it seems like we are soul mate after all, been in love isn't part of the deal?” and that's right.

“So you love me already? I don't have to do anything else?” you ask amaze.

“My heart beats for you in a way I can't comprehended, I feel better when I think about you; Taehyun calls it love when I told him I was sick for you” he explains and you laugh and you kiss him once again, just to try, just because they look lonely and miserable and in need of you. “Should I thank you for been so considerate to my lips?”

“You don't have to thank your boyfriend for stupid things like kissing you all the time. It will happen again” and just to prove it, you do it, and Jinwoo tries to push you but also pulls you closer, so close that his skin sticks on you in a way that feels like you are going to melt together.

“Kiss me again” he asks and you rush to comply, lips brushing urgently, but sweet and slow at the same time. And the stars shine over you, cheering for this love that has been found accidentally and that feels just perfectly inside your heart.

“Tell me a lie” he whispers, smirking, into your ear, and you bite his lips, staring at him with adoration, as if he was the only one in the world. And maybe he is, probably, most certainly, absolutely yes. “I hope so because you are the one for me” he says, and his eyes gleams under the night.