oo5. Of Werewolves and Megaton Bomb
Pandromeda Reviews [BUSY! HIRING AGAIN - COME HELP ME]
Username: morinomnom
Story Title (&link): Of Werewolves and Megaton Bomb
Main Characters (+pairings): Wanna One, OC
Genre(s): Romance, Fantasy, Slice of Life, Comedy
Current Length (No. of Chapters): Prologue + 3
Rated?: No
Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl
_______________ ✦일번; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________
I take it from the description and foreword that this fic will entail a few things: cliche points made your own, humor and lots of it (presumably), lots of 4th wall breaking /cue f(x)'s 4 Walls.
_______________ ✦이번; the second part; the seam.✦_______________
Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;
Foreword:
I giggled at "youngling" because it makes me feel old.
For "feast room 101" try capitalizing it, since it's a room name. Feast Room 101.
Try not using parentheses so much. It takes away from the story. If you want it as a thought of hers, italicize, or put it as part of the rest of your narrative, since it is 1st person. Parentheses are usually like... a side note-type of thing. Like if you were saying something (and had something to add) but didn't want to use dashes. [See my example? OTL]
Some descriptive words were a bit... I'm not sure. For "anxious" and "nervous" those are so similar that you may want to change one of them or remove it. I know there is a difference in them, but together like that, it seems a bit much.
What does "one four vampire" mean? One-fourth? And then starting with "Is" after that sentence is a bit misleading. Usually sentences starting with "Is" is a question-related one, not a statement.
*spokesperson
*telltale of the birds and the bees.
*Six-Minutes Breaking News [needs to be capitalized since it is a title of a show.]
There is a lack of "a, an, the" when announcing nouns. Make sure to capitalize sentences, also. There were also a few errors in regards to proper word placement. In the prologue (for example) you wrote "Yes, I collected as much." When it would probably be more efficient to say she "assumed" as much or "gathered" as much. It's just a simple misplacement that is common, especially since the words are so similar, but in technical terms, you wouldn't use "collected."
...holy though. Your description, from Soojung, on how they process blood as vampires. Where did all the medical talk come from? I mean - I'm overly pleased on this, but it seems like as you progress through your story, you start letting your vocabulary flourish, whereas it was small and plain near the beginning. Try to make your vocab flourish throughout, as we aren't watching her mature in knowledge, so if she already has this inner dialogue that speaks so eloquently... it needs to be a fluid thing, not just spotty. Because honestly, I applaud the vocab skills.
"Gape like Mokpo fish" I'm crying.
I noticed that you did tend to mix up your tenses. That is the most common thing in the world, I swear. I have a list here regarding resources if you ever need help with the tenses (or anything). But even for that, if you'd like more help from me, I can do like I did some other reviews and make a note in my Google Docs highlighing how to tense things, etc. ^^ Either way is fine.
I think you're trying to have them say "ahem" and not "amen" because "amen" is like a blessing at the end of a prayer, or a praise, so... yeah, I've been giggling over that, sorry.
Chap 3., I don't know if it's the wording or not, but I didn't really get the conclusion of the urban legend she told...?
Overall, you have some mishaps with grammar, but your vocab and how you portray things is really done well.
Characterization;
This was like a K-drama. Our main gal, Hara, deadpans about the world, is very blunt, and often informs the reader of her opinions by breaking that precious 4th wall. But... who in their right mind would allow 11 kids? This is like Yours, Mine, and Ours, and those other movies regarding big families together, mixed with a Korean drama. So, that's what I really judge this on is how much
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