Many people have said before that Kim Taeyeon have abrupt, and usually extreme, mood swings because she's a genius.

“Her brain functions differently. The way her thoughts flow must be like a bullet train shooting on the train tracks.”

“You know how she suddenly comes with an answer after a glance at the question? Research says that the thought process of those kinds of people ‘jumps’, like a heartbeat after a flat line. She could be rambling about Mt. Everest, then suddenly give the 50th number of Pi because a little tidbit about mountains caused her brain to function like a search engine; keywords and all that.”

“It must have been frustrating to look at the world with eyes that no one else, but her, have.”

There was so much more explanations and stories other than those three. However, Hwang Tiffany doesn't believe any of them, not a squat.

For her, Taeyeon loses sleep over the thoughts in her head because she's sensitive of everything and everyone around her, which fuels her genius.

It's like submerging a sponge in a bowl of water.

“Fany-ah.”

“Hm?”

The room was pitch dark, as if the four walls never knew what sunlight is, and it was in this very room where she found the small woman awake and clearly disturbed.

“I'm tired.” Taeyeon replies. The scratch evident on her voice, along with the heaviness of her words, proved just how fatigued she felt, even though it was Tiffany who still smells like an airplane cabin.

“I know.”

Tiffany hummed in the middle of the silence that came after, as she wheeled her luggage by the foot of the bed.

“Don't you find it weird that when someone says ‘I understand’ or ‘I know’ to another person, especially in the terms of emotional state, they're unknowingly lying?”

“What do you mean, Peanut?” Tiffany asked after settling herself beside the blonde woman, their backs pressed against the headboard. The blanket thrown over their laps was a tad warm for Tiffany, who was still wearing layers of clothes appropriate for Winter on another country, but she instead pulled the other closer to her, as if tomorrow will never come.

“It's impossible to ‘understand’ the heart of another person because everyone is different. We could be happy, or angry, or sad, but the intensity will never be the same even if it was caused by the same person, the same reason, or the same consequences. Like right now. You will never ‘know’ or ‘understand’ the tiredness I feel because you are not tired out by the same reasons that I have. You respond differently to the same stimuli. We have varying stamina, along with our mental states. What you have overcome may be a wall for me, and what I enjoy can be a fear to you. This stems from the reason that we're different people with different backgrounds, who came from different cultures that grew up in different families with different sets of hearts and brains. Even twins don't have mirrored personalities. In simpler terms, I will never be you, and you will never be me. Yet, I feel comforted by the lie. Does this mean human lives are built from a foundation of lies?”

Tiffany looked around their room. The allotted space has become their haven for so many years that, even in the darkness, she still remembers every story behind each picture, she could even recount the color of the sunset or the number of stars on the night sky with every memory—both good and bad. It was these little things that turned their newly bought house back then into a home. Which is why she refuses to label all of it as lies.

“It's called being human, Tae, and there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all.”

All of the sudden, Taeyeon started curling on herself with her fingers burying their nails on her scalp and her knees drawn to her chest, as if she was hiding from a terrifying monster only she could see, as if she didn’t want to be called a human.

“I'm so tired of myself. My head just won't shut up no matter what I do, and, and earlier I snapped at Sooyoung. I called her an idiot because she was processing the information slowly for the third time. What kind of friend am I, letting her receive the brunt of my mood swings?”

Taeyeon groaned, then started pulling on her hair. She was beginning to shake, as well, in response to the cold hand that speared through her chest then gripped her heart.

“Hey, hey,” Tiffany gently whispered, hiding her alarm, as she repositioned herself in front of the other's knees. She hurriedly discarded her jacket, folded it to a small pillow, then poured the contents of the water bottle she'd brought with her earlier on the fabric. In their home, leather and cotton are a must, as well as plastic, so long it can still cut meat.

Inside, she hated herself for expecting the breakdown.

“I just want to sleep.”

Tiffany bit her lip—someone has to be strong, right?—then pressed the wet fabric on the back of Taeyeon's neck. With her other hand, she drew light circles on the skin of the girl's right knee while scooting closer.

The question from before then becomes ‘what happens to the sponge after it had all of the water?’

“I'm here for you, no matter what. The same goes for the other girls. They're your friends, still your friends, for a reason. We can ‘understand’ your pain simply because we feel it. We know how much it hurts, and just how the suffering could break a person. Why should we let you shatter to pieces, then? The intensity doesn't have to be the same. It doesn't matter. What does is the fight you put up against your demons. You're brave, Taeyeon-ah. It's just that fighting can wear you out. So, that's why we're here, with you, to help. Please don't ever run away from us, from me. Never ever hurt yourself ever again, alright? I wouldn't know what to do with my life if I lose you.”

Taeyeon could only shudder. The warmth that caressed through her being was like a new life that breathed into her. If humans really do have a soul, hers is probably all bundled up like a kid about to play in the snow.

One wobbly circle drawn on her knee pushed her to open her claws. With a small hiccup, she wrapped the same arms around Tiffany's neck before pulling her closer as much as possible, her knees laid beside the other girl's legs; her girl, no one else's.

The answer to that question is that the sponge begins crying, but, when it’s squeeze, it begins to weep.

With the realization that Tiffany is actually there in her arms again after a month-long absence, Taeyeon felt like she was holding the heaven Tiffany always prays to. Pulling back, she watched as caramel orbs begin to shine under the moonlight due to a rainstorm within. All she could give was a small kiss that reminded her of doves, church bells, and a new future together.

“I'm sorry for being a luggage that you have to bring 'till the end of your life. Relationships are supposed to be balanced, yet here I am. I know I'm heavy and impossible to deal with. There were also so many others, yet you chose me. Thank you.” Taeyeon said with the softest voice her heart could sing, even though her loud sobbing began to rattle her small form.

“I promised you, didn't I, that I'll take care of you both in sickness and in health?” Tiffany mumbled from the blonde's shoulder.

Taeyeon smiled, only a little stretch because her heart's still healing, as the memories began painting itself on her eyes, “I know. I couldn't stop crying, remember?”

The day itself will remain fresh in her mind, no matter how long ago. She had found it odd how an elusive emotion such as love could actually be summoned so easily by just uttering two words.

“I love you.”

Ah, Taeyeon mused, it's three words today.

She then tightened her hold around the love of her life when tiny droplets drew patterns on the left sleeve of her shoulder, “I love you, too.”

---

A little something. I’m still quite overwhelmed by TaeNy in Instagram. My TaeNy heart! And their songs! I love how you can somehow combine it. Stay, I have something new over my skin.

P.S.

My family’s about to memorize the lyrics in all three songs (actually, every song in Taeyeon’s 3^rd minimum album) because I kept on repeating them! (I’m not allowed by the doctors to wear headphones or earphones so…they have to deal with it.)