Took a shower.

Ironed my dress.

Made my hair.

I need to look presentable for him. I want him to be proud that I am his girlfriend. I want him to go speechless and not utter a single word after seeing me. I want him to be . . . . .

"Y/N-ah. Are you ready to go??" Jimin said knocking at the door.

" Yea. Coming out in a moment" I replied.

"WOW!!! Are you sure you are not trying to attract the attention of other guys??" Jimin teased me.

"Shut up! This is only for Jungkook to look at" I said twirling around.

"But Y/N-ah. Are you sure about this?? After all you are gonna see him after 4 years for the first time" he said

"Yea! It is now or never" I said smiling

"But you know. . The weather is also kinda rough. It is gonna rain anytime now. How about we do this next time." he said trying to change my mind.

"Jimin-ah. I told you that this is now or never" I said and he just turned around looking almost sad and uncomfortable.

The ride was painful. I kept on fidgeting with my dress. NERVOUS. SCARED. All of this would be an understatement to describe my emotions. Finally we arrived.

I got off the car. The sky was dark as if it was casting a spell on me. Rather a curse.

But the surrounding was peaceful and there he was, the love of my life lying peacefully in the middle of the green, plain ground.

Before I could move ahead, Jimin pulled me roughly and hugged me tight and mumbled, " Y/N-ah. . Lets go home please. You would not want to see him and hear what he has to say"

But I pushed him away and headed towards Jungkook.

Towards his GRAVE.

I sat in front of his grave and said, "Babe. I am sorry that I never came to visit you even once. I was scared. I was not ready to accept the fact that you were gone."

Jeon Jungkook ( 1997-2017)

This view just broke my heart and tears came rolling down my cheek. Visions blurry, my eyes fell upon the epitaph. The inscription. The inscription about Jungkook. About his thoughts.

First I couldn't read it properly. So, I wiped my tears and moved closer to read the inscription.

It read:

"The bravest thing you will ever do is love again. My Brave Brave Girl "

For a moment I was stunned. I could not utter a single word. I could not move at all. And it felt like someone took away the breath out of me. I couldn't breathe.

"Kookie!! Tell me you do not mean this. Tell me that you don't mean it. Tell me that I am yours forever" I yelled like a mad woman and started crying out loud. More than a cry it was a mix of anger, pain, suffering, disbelief and longing. Longing his love, his beautiful smile, his soft kisses, his warm hugs, his everything.

The rain started falling and it was like the sky was letting out a huge burden from its shoulders.

The rain kept on falling, mixing with my tears. Endless tears.

"Babe. Please tell me this is not true. This is not what I came here for. This is not it. ANSWER ME " I yelled.

But he did not reply. He did not utter a single word.

" Y/N-ah Lets go home. Please!!" Jimin begged and pulled me.

"Jimin. Just see what he is telling me to do. Just look what he is asking for" I cried and collapsed in his arms. I kept on crying. I don't for how long.

I stood upright and faced his grave and answered bitterly, " No matter what you say, I will never in a million years replace you. I will never forget you. I will never stop loving you. I will never . . . . I will never leave you"

The tears didn't stop. It kept on falling. It kept on reminding me of him.

I turned around ready to head home with Jimin.

Just then the rain started to fall even more and the wind blew even stronger and the message rang in my head,

" The bravest thing you will ever do is love again. My brave brave girl"

I ignored every single thoughts and walked towards the car, following Jimin and all the way the only thing I whispered was, " I am not Brave. I am not Brave."

"KOOKIE. I AM NOT BRAVE ENOUGH"