AoifeCross finished review of The Last of the Originals
Magic Shop: So show me(I'll show you) ๐๐ก๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ธ๐๐๐๐ก๐ฅ๐๐๐ ๐๐ฃ๐๐๐ฃ๐ค! ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ฃ โ๐๐ ๐ก๐๐ ๐จ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐พ๐ฃ๐๐ก๐๐๐๐ค/๐๐ฃ๐๐๐๐๐ฃ๐ค!Story Title: Persona: The Last of the Originals
Description: 10 out of 10 points
Forward:ย 5 out of 5 points Jimin is in pain *crying*
: 6 out of 10ย I felt like there really wasn't a point yet, so i'm waiting for it in the future chapters
Overall Appeal to reader(includes aspects such as posters and background): The poster is beautiful and very well made, the color scheme plays out well. The poster also fits the mood of the story and gives me a taste of who the characters are ๐ I love the description and everything else as well ^^ 20 out of 20 points
Alone:
Chapter Title:ย 5 out of 5 The chapter title describes the chapter quite well ^^
Grammar:ย 10 out of 10
Formatting (did you properly use quotation marks and did you space your dialogue out properly):ย 10 out of 10
Were you consistent with your points of view:ย 5 out 5
Did your overall chapter make sense: 25 out 25
Reviewerโs Comment: Iโm not crying, Iโm notโฆ. Ok nvm I am. Precious Jiminieโฆ.
Secrets:
Chapter Title:ย 5 out of 5 There were maaany secrets revealed in this chaper lol
Grammar: 10 ย out of 10
Formatting (did you properly use quotation marks and did you space out your dialogue properly):ย 10 out of 10
Were you consistent with your points of View:ย 5 out of 5
Did your overall chapter make sense:ย 25 out of 25
Reviewerโs comments: That was a lot unleashed right thereโฆ. Iโm scared for Jimin
Original:
Chapter Title: 5 out of 5 The chapter title really relates to the content of the chapter ๐
Grammar:ย 10 out of 10
Formatting (did you properly use quotation marks and did you space out your dialogue properly):ย 10 out of 10
Were you consistent with your points of View: 5 out of 5
Did your overall chapter make sense:ย 22 out of 25
Reviewerโs comments: Though it was a very well written chapter, I personally felt like is was a lot to take in and there was a lot of dialogue at once, it can get a bit overwhelming but itโs up to you whether you wanna change some things or not. Also, loved the ending of the chapter, very smooth.
Alpha:
Chapter Title:ย 5 out of 5 Just a thought, maybe you could name the chapter, His Alpha
Grammar:ย 10 out of 10 I gotta say, your grammar is quite flawless ๐
Formatting (did you properly use quotation marks and did you space out your dialogue properly):ย 10 out of 10
Were you consistent with your points of View:ย 5 out of 5
Did your overall chapter make sense:ย 24 out of 25 I have to admit I did get a bit confused at the beginning when Yoongi was entering, I thought it was like a different scene from a different time and place but maybe I wasnโt paying attention? I think a few minor details would be enough to make it clear.
Reviewerโs comments: I liked how this chapter had less dialogue, I like stories better that way. I did skip over some parts where I felt uncomfortable reading. I loved the ending though, it was once again really, really smooth. Overall, this was an amazing chapter.
Beta:
Chapter Title:ย out of 5
Grammar: 7 out of 10 I did notice quite a few minor mistakes like where you said โIt feels like there were two persons living inside of him and itโs turned him into an introvertโ Instead of โpersonsโ the correct word to use is โpeopleโ. Also, you said โWhy couldnโt he control him, like any other Alpha can control their wolf inside of them?โ there are a few grammar mistakes in this one sentence. The way that you should write this would be โWhy couldnโt he control himself just like any other Alpha controls the wolf inside of themselves?โ I highlighted the key points you should compare within both sentences.
Formatting (did you properly use quotation marks and did you space out your dialogue properly): 9 out of 10 Though most readers will not notice this (so you donโt have to worry about fixing this, itโs just little info) there were a few places where you used commas in the wrong places. Though I noticed it, it wonโt effect most readers so you donโt have to worry about fixing it.
Were you consistent with your points of View:ย 5 out of 5
Did your overall chapter make sense: 25 out of 25
Reviewerโs comments: That was an amazing chapter omg. Iโm guessing Beta(the chapter title) is referring to Youngjae? Anyhow, I absolutely loved this chapter, other than the grammar errors it was very well written and flowed really well. Youโre really good at ending the chapters tho.
Flirt:
Chapter Title:ย 5 out of 5 the chapter title fits well ^^
Grammar:ย 9 out of 10
Formatting (did you properly use quotation marks and did you space out your dialogue properly):ย 10 out of 10
Were you consistent with your points of View:ย 5 out of 5
Did your overall chapter make sense:ย 25 out of 25
Reviewerโs comments: The ending was once again, exceptional. Jungkook is so evil tho lol I ship Jungkook and Jimin more rn than I do Yoongi and Jimin, but istg if Jungkook hurts Jimin in anywayโฆ :โ(. Anyway LOVED THIS OMG
To Forgive or Forget:
Chapter Title:ย 3 out of 5 I feel like the title could have been better maybe something like Jealousy, but i find it hard to understand what the chapter title has to do with the content. So is it like should Jimin forget Yoongi or forgive him?
Grammar:ย 10 out of 10
Formatting (did you properly use quotation marks and did you space out your dialogue properly):ย 10 out of 10
Were you consistent with your points of View: 5 out of 5
Did your overall chapter make sense:ย 25 out of 25
Reviewerโs comments: I felt like this chapter was fairly short, but thatโs okay. I loved it though, Yoongi being sooo jealous :D I still ship Jungkook and jimin tho even though it feels like Jungkook is just using Jimin, maybe heโll develop real feelings for Jimin later? ๐
Confrontation:
Chapter Title:ย 5 out of 5
Grammar: 10 out of 10
Formatting (did you properly use quotation marks and did you space out your dialogue properly):ย 10 out of 10
Were you consistent with your points of View: 5 out of 5
Did your overall chapter make sense:ย 25 out of 25
Reviewerโs comments: The ending was once again, flawless. Your vocabulary selection is really strong and makes your story a lot more descriptive, which I love. Okie so new ship ๐ DK and Jimin or Jungkook and Jimin, Iโm still not really liking the Yoongi and Jimin โน Definitely donโt see Jimin and Jackson happening tho. SOMEONE COME SAVE MY PRECIOUS JIMIN T^T
The First Temptation:
Chapter Title:ย 5 out of 5
Grammar:ย 10 out of 10
Formatting (did you properly use quotation marks and did you space out your dialogue properly):ย 10 out of 10
Were you consistent with your points of View:ย 5 out of 5
Did your overall chapter make sense:ย 25 out of 25
Reviewerโs comments: Jimin is savage orz,
Comments