"Relative of Miss Moon Byulyi?" A doctor who seemed to be in his late 40s announced to the long hallway full of people waiting desperately. With that, Yongsun sat up, too sudden that Wheein had to hold her hand to stop her from falling. Moon Seulgi, Byulyi's sister, who sat just on her right gave her a press on her shoulder, then on one second Seulgi was in front of the doctor. Yongsun, Wheein, Kang Seulgi, and Hyejin didn't waste a single second and went after her. Yongsun was held by Hyejin and Wheein and was already full of tears but she tried desperately to muffle her sobs. She needed to hear what the doctor says, she thought. However, just as they approached the doctor, Yongsun immediately thought she wanted to be dead right then and there.

"We call it... brain dead."

Yongsun felt her whole body collapse, letting her tears fall down. She couldn't blink, or breathe properly, the surroundings blurring as she drowned in her own tears. She felt the whole world crumble, as if there's no more tomorrow and she's dead now or something. And she wanted to die, so, so much, because what's the point of living now that Byul is half dead and the reason is her?

Her breathing was ragged, messed up, like a thousand elephants were stomping their feet down on her chest and it's so hard to even take a breathe as if every air she consume pierce a dagger deeper into . She had no care if she'd hurt herself when she lost control of her knees,, all her attention was just on Byulyi and how the younger girl looked the moment her car stopped turning. No, no, no, no, no.

Her shouts filled with agony echoed in the busy hospital halls and a few glances with pity written on them were thrown at her. She didn't care, she couldn't possibly care, nothing was even important anymore. Her mind was solely focused on how she was the reason and how she deserved lying cold in that hospital bed where Byulyi was. No. She didn't notice her hands helplessly punching the stone cold tiles until a nurse came to hold her still.

It was Kang Seulgi, their friend, who crouched down and took Yongsun in a tight, warm embrace and kissed her forehead despite how hard Yongsun tried to push her away, as if saying that she's here and it's going to be okay. And for one moment, Yongsun believed her, until she remembered Byulyi wasn't just in a simple accident but was brain dead and the chances of her living was barely a percent. The nurse who had let go of Yongsun then greatly regretted it when Yongsun continued to hit herself. He was about to restrain her again when Hyejin hugged her from behind to stop her.

"Please, unnie," Hyejin hopelessly tried to voice out, although her voice came out in a hoarse whisper. Byulyi’s sister, Moon Seulgi tried to get her to stand, holding her like she’s a fragmented mirror and one wrong move could break her apart. Yongsun tried to understand Byulyi’s sister’s logic, how she was still staying with Yongsun when all of this wouldn’t have happened if she were thinking, but no matter how much Yongsun tried to find the reason why, she still couldn’t. With that, she continued to blame herself even more.

Yongsun saw the doctor excused himself, and before Yongsun could try to run over to ask for a second medical opinion, her friends had her steady on the floor. It was only a matter of minutes when Yongsun fell asleep in her friends’ arms.

It was the fifth of February, about nine years ago, when Yongsun and Byulyi started dating.

Yongsun was about to turn 20, and Byul was 19, both still new to college. It was the afternoon of February fifth, a bit cold compared to the winters in the past year, Yongsun remembers it all too well. She remembers all the little details and every word they spoke.

Yongsun was in their university’s quadrangle. She had her long, thick yellow coat over her thick white hoodie and black jeans, her black small bag on her back, hair done in a messy bun and her lips slightly quivering from the cold. She even remembers how annoyed she was that day, because she failed a test and her research group was so messy, but Byulyi immediately lit her up within a glance.

See, Byulyi wasn’t always clumsy, but that day Byul was even clumsier with her words. She appeared, Yongsun remembers, with her black cap flying towards Yongsun’s direction and Byul almost losing her balance as she reached Yong, having to hug the older in order to prevent doing so, to which Yongsun reciprocated. Yongsun has it etched in her mind, a memory kept in her deepest stacks of other Byul related memories, but she’ll never forget it.

“Sorry,” Yongsun remembers Byul huff, steadying herself after picking up her fallen cap and placing it back to her loosely tied black hair. That was when Yongsun first saw what Byul was wearing, and it was never what she expected to see in the middle of winter. Just a light blue cardigan, a thin one, over a plain white shirt and leggings.

Leggings, in ing winter. Sure, Yongsun almost laughed. Instead she smiled to Byul, the sweet, genuine one, and spread her arms to the younger.

“Cold, right?” Yongsun remembers saying, and she doesn’t know what went into Byul’s mind, but when the younger replied, take note: in a very panicky and stuttering voice, “I-I like y-you, too,” Yongsun felt her whole body stiffen.

Funny.

Funny, Yongsun thinks, because now she’ll never know what was in Byulyi’s mind anymore.