Diary Entry 13.
Chasing the Wind
I am weak. So so weak. I knew I would be hurt. I knew I would be heartbroken. I kew I would be in pain. After all that’s how relationships always end: in pain. I knew that I would never be enough for you; and yet I allowed myself to fall to ruin; and yet I allowed myself to be spoilt by those fleeting moments of attention and love.
“I love you you know that? You are the only one I can trust.”
I felt content hearing those words. I felt satisfied. I felt happy. But it was not enough. It never is enough is it. Love makes us greedy. But I could be greedy. I did not deserve to be greedy. I had no excuse to be greedy.
“You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can always count on you.
Am I a burden?”
You were not a burden. You were never be a burden. The moment you stopped coming to me whenever you were in need of someone, was the moment I lost purpose in life. The moment you did not come to me in search for comfort, I became a no one.
And yet it was you who pushed me away. I refused to let you distance yourself from me. I had decided to stay. I was here to stay. Even if the stabs in my heart grew harsher, deeper every time you turned your back away from me, I could not abandon you.
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