I never experienced such a complicated emotions like I was experiencing right now.

I used to fully aware with my own emotion, whatever they were: happy, sad, angry, dissapointed, annoyed, shame, uneasy, joy, and a lot of it. I can always giving a name to all of those feelings, understanding it, and being able to controlling it. And yeah, I consider my self to have a high score on emotional intelligence.

However, seems like my emotional intelligence score reached its lowest point today.

It was all started yesterday though, when Irina dropped the bomb saying she has a boyfriend. I mean, I was okay with that if she said it one or two day ago. But she said it after a strange thing happened between us, at the hiking trails in Jeolmul Oreum Forest Park. And I would never forget the connection that I felt when we stared to each other.

I was feeling so sure there's something happened between us, beyond a friendship, to the point I finally admitted my love-interest feeling for her (sorry June-yah, I won't use your 'hormonal interest' term for this). Yet she was cutting that connection off and told me she. has. a. boyfriend. Then she left me alone just like that. Girl, are you kidding me?

Afterwards, this morning. When I went to Bobby's room, which was used as our basecamp while we were in the hotel, I found her in the room. Like the hell she was doing in there! Turns out she was drinking with Bobby and the maknae last night. Moreover, I could tell she overslept in Bobby's room as well because she still wore her yesterday's clothes.

And I was experiencing this unknown emotion that made me feeling so angry to her. I had felt angry, indeed— just ask the members because they've been the victim of my fury. But this time it felt different. The feeling was growing strongly and taking a control of my mind. Hell, it wasn't even angry nor fury. It was rage that consuming my self at that time.

Even I said a forbidden word to her: I mocked her as an 'easy' girl. If my Mom knew about it, I'm sure she would hang me to die because I dare to treat a woman like that. But like I said, I was consuming by unknown emotion and my body seems moved by its own. It was when she slapped me and finally I realised my mistakes that I would regret forever.

She looked really hurt. I could see the pain in her wide eyes and it felt like my heart was pierced. And now, when we made an eye contact— all I could see was her cold expression. No more bright smile showing her cute dimple and bunny teeth everytime she saw me. Even worse, she was running away from my sight like she didn't want to see me that much— like I was some kind of bugs to her.

You really are a stupid jerk. I mocked my self on my mind for a thousandth times today.

"Hanbin-ah, how long do you want to be like this?" asked Bobby, who suddenly appeared in front of me.

I was sitting silently at one of the table inside the café. Fortunately, it wasn't my main turn to be shot so I could hiding from people. I didn't really in the mood to meet people and faking a smile. The members had already noticed my dark mood though, but they thought I was just being sulky because the drinking incident.

"What?" I asked coldly to Bobby. Jeez, seeing him made me more irritated somehow.

Bobby sat in one of a chair on my table. "You. Being sulky out of nowhere since this morning. Do you still angry to me and the maknae? We're really sorry!" he pleaded me.

I sighed heavily. "I trust you, Hyung, to be a grown up man in our team. But you crossed a border last night. How could you agreed to drink while you knew we have to wake up early today? And let a woman overslept on your room as well! What if someone knew and made a scandal to our group?"

"Oh, man. I swear the only reason we let Irina sleep in my room because she was too drunk last night and we didn't know her room number! And for the drinking, I really am sorry. I shouldn't agreed to them when they wanted to drink Soju. I promise I'll act better next time."

Wait. Why did he say 'them'?

"Bobby Hyung, whose idea was it? To drink Soju." I asked.

"Of course it was the maknae's idea." he answered while frowning.

What kind of joke is it? I thought confusedly. "So it wasn't Irina's idea?" I asked.

Bobby laughed. "What? Of course no! She's not even a real drinker. Heck, she tried to stop us for drinking Soju too. But we were kind of forcing her so she joined us instead."

I was dumbfounded. Nice. What a great way to make me even more felt guilty to her. Why did she lie to me, saying it was all her idea to drink l