You scrunched your eyebrows because of the headache you were having, but you tried to pay it no mind. You remained still for a couple of minutes, trying to get back to sleep but to no avail. You didn’t really want to get up yet, much less open your eyes.

You started to wonder why you were having a headache in the first place. You didn’t even drink that much last night so it was definitely not a hangover, but then again, you sure did cry a lot. Maybe the headache was from dehydration, you thought.

You frowned as you tried to recall what happened the night before, trying to think of the reason why you cried. But because of your grogginess, your mind came out blank.

Before you could think further, you realized you felt warm even without your duvet.

Usually, you never feel this warm even during summer, unless of course you were wrapped in your beloved duvet. So waking up and feeling this way was strange for you. For some reason, anxiety filled you instantly. This wasn’t normal, this wasn’t right.

With a racing heart, you immediately got up and tried opening your puffy eyes.

The first thing you saw was Jongin looking ethereal as he slept peacefully beside you.

Only then did you remember requesting Jongin to stay with you last night, as well as the reason you asked him to do so. Your panic quickly subsided, however, it was replaced with pain and shame.

Naturally, you felt pain because, well, who wouldn’t? Especially when you’ve fallen so hard for your best friend who didn’t just reciprocate your feelings but also had fallen equally hard to a different person.

You felt shame too, because you let yourself fall this hard, only to realize it was futile when it was already too late.

Shame, because you let yourself get hurt this badly. And shame because Jongin saw it all.

Jongin saw you at your most vulnerable.

Sure, he had already seen you cry because of Baekhyun before, but last night was different. Last night, your heart had finally been broken down after all the instances where you let Baekhyun unintentionally leave cracks in it.

Last night was the final straw. Last night your heart had finally been shattered into tiny, little pieces.

If love was a war, last night was the night you had finally waved the white flag. You had surrendered.

You suddenly felt like crying again at the thought of Baekhyun. Tears were already forming in your eyes, but before they could even drop, Jongin had pulled you in an embrace.

One minute he was asleep and the next, here he was, consoling you. It was as if he could sense when you’re feeling sad. It was as if he had a sensor that gets triggered when you’re unhappy.

It was always like this with Jongin, he always came at the right time to whisk you away when you were in pain, no matter the intensity or reason of the pain. Most especially if the reason was Baekhyun.

Baekhyun had been in and out of many relationships already, each one leaving you more and more pained. While the girls — his girls — came and left, you were the one who remained, because you’re the best friend. And as much as it hurts you to admit, you know that’s all you’ll ever be.

Each and every time you cried over him, your mind would start to drift into a dark place. You’d hear voices in your head telling you how you weren’t as pretty as the last girl he dated, how you weren’t as experienced as the second girl he’d been with, how you weren’t funny, smart or nice enough, how you’ll never be his type. And each and every time this happened, you would lock yourself up in your room.

The four walls in your room were suffocating, but it was far more dangerous to be locked up in the cellar your mind built out of failure and shame. Your mind tended to get very dark sometimes; it was hard for any light to penetrate through it.

“Sweetheart?” Jongin called you.

You didn’t even hear it the first few times he called. You were too deep in your thoughts. Only when he started to rub your back and softly said, “It’s okay, you’re going to be okay,” along with the soft murmur of your name did he finally coax you out of your negative thoughts.

It has been a while since you last heard your name from Jongin’s lips. He has called your Sweetheart for as long as you could remember. And there was something in the way he tenderly said it that brought you back to reality.

With or without saying your name though, Jongin always found a way to bring you out of the prison you isolated yourself in.

No matter how bad your headspace got, he was always able to rescue you. No matter how dark your mind became, he would do what he can to bring back your light.

You feel yourself calming down a few moments later. “I’m sorry, I woke you up,” you murmured.

“That’s not a problem. Do you mind telling me what’s bothering you though?”

“Well…” You bite your lips. “I-I’m just s-so l-lame,” you say as your lips quivered.

“Sshh, you’re not lame, sweetheart.”

“But I am! I know what I’m s-supposed to d-do. I know I-I-I’m supposed t-to move o-on, b-b-but I can’t. I’m so ho-hopeless,” You stammered.

“Moving on is a long process… You’re already doing great since you know what to do. Admitting to yourself that you should move on is the first step. While that is hard, actually doing it is completely harder. Just take it easy. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

Was he right? Should you believe him?

“You know what, let’s do something fun today.”

You looked at him, hesitating. Jongin’s definition of fun was rather unpredictable. While yours was to get piss drunk and party, to him fun was building legos from dusk to dawn. Regardless of the differences, you wouldn’t deny that time with him was worthwhile.

“I promise you’re going to enjoy it!” Jongin urged.

“Fine. As long as it doesn’t involve being out in the open for an extended period of time.”

Just like that you started preparing for the day with Jongin.

He didn’t bring up Baekhyun or what happened last night. He didn’t question anymore why you were on the verge of crying a while ago. He didn’t force you to talk, instead, he let you know he’s