I stand behind your smaller frame in the dimly lit side of the stage. The stadium packed with fans and filled with our signature blue lights somewhere in Japan. After more than a dozen concerts in the land of the rising sun, the cities and names have become a blur.

At the other side of stage, I could make out the silhouettes of our Seungs. Their faces too far for me to see but even without looking, I knew Hoon would be doing his little bounce, warming up, and preparing to unleash boundless energy as Winner's concert moodmaker. Yoon's face most likely pensive, his trademark thick lips pressed together as he waited for our cue.

Your shoulders stiffen as I step closer, invading your personal space. I softly blow the back of your neck, teasing the ticklish skin, making you quiver. Unlike the others, you were always slow to anger and patient with my antics. Always laughing at my jokes and equally playful.

But tonight, I am rebuffed and ignored as you continue to look ahead. The stage manager to our right raises her eyebrows at me equally surprised by my rejection. By now, she is used to our little backstage games, which Hoon prefers to call my desperate attempts to get your affection.

Humans are truly absurd. While thousand of women pay for the chance to shower me with attention, here I was wanting even just a look, a reaction from that pretty face of yours. 

Before I could make another attempt, the concert hall becomes pitch black and deafening screams fill the stadium. Anticipation fills the room as our opening video begins to play.

I wait for our cue as the music builds up, growing louder and faster when your hand suddenly finds mine.

Our left hands touch, hidden by the black curtains, away from the prying eyes of the people to our right.

Not that anyone would see in this darkness. Not that it mattered.

Without sight nor words, we communicate by touch.

You squeeze my hand. I love you.

And I squeeze back. I know.

My thumb caresses your palm. I want you.

"Later" you whisper and disappear into the flashing lights.