Ilhoon’s POV

 

I couldn’t sleep the whole night after talking on phone with him. More exactly, after confessing my feeling to a guy. But I was glad that he was the one who brought it up first. If not, I will never be able to tell him that I love him so much. I will just give him a space which he doesn’t really need, and we will be far away.

 

I afraid of the distance. Now I really understand that the distance between two hearts is way worse than the distance between two persons. There is a hope in the distance between two persons but not in two hearts.

 

I’ve been thinking back all the things we shared as I smiled unconsciously.

 

I know that he loves me, but I just didn’t know how to continue this relationship. Should we date? Even we confessed each other that we love, it doesn’t mean we are couple. Life isn’t fantasy.

 

But if he is willing to, I am ready to embrace him.

 

We didn’t really talk for 7 days after we confessed each other feeling. I thought we are really over. I thought he was accepting the reality. I thought he was going away. I was sad the whole week. I didn’t know what to do. I was reading back the conversation we had as I smiled. I did really love that person. But I was relieved that I was able to tell how I really feel to him. At least, I won’t regret even if we will be really far away. If not, I will be living my whole life with regret and won’t be able to forgive myself.

 

I didn’t cry but my eyes looked really sad. I didn’t smile like I used to do. My laughers were fake. This is my first time feeling like that in my whole life. Is that called heartbroken?

 

“Ilhoon hyung, are you okay? You look sad”

 

Sungjae asked me. Well, I am not. I think my luck is being in the lowest place. I got several problems at the same time. I even fought with Sungjae for the first time. Well, it’s second time. He is nice but he isn’t accurate person. He didn’t tell me exactly about his plan when I have my own plan, so he collided with my anger as I told him harsh word that he almost cried. But I consoled to him back and explained things, so we got okay again. It was also one of my sadness since he is the one who I really love.

 

“Your eyes look like crying but you are laughing. Are you really, okay?”

 

He is nice. Just sometimes that he doesn’t really think about other side. When he wants does, he really does. He is also unpredictable.

 

“I am sad these days”

His eyes showed empathy and it’s enough. Even though he is not perfect, I can’t leave him.

 

I stopped drinking coffee. I started to drink back hot chocolate I used to drink. I am already caffeine addicted so my head is really in mess when I stopped drinking caffeine. I need caffeine for my body, but I like to torture myself, so I am good.

 

I was trying to go back to my normal life when he wasn’t in my life. Even though it’s hard, I need to go back. I should accept the reality. I didn’t sleep well or eat well that I lost some weight.

 

It’s just one week but my world is completely destroyed.

 

“Ring”

 

I heard the notification sound from my phone which wasn’t ringing for long.

 

“Kiddo”

 

My heard got crazy as soon as I saw the name on screen. It was from HIM. I was so excited and nervous. What is he going to say? To accept the reality or to face the love?

 

“How are you doing, Hyung? We haven’t talked for a week”

 

I replied real quick.

 

“I was thinking in this whole week”

 

He was typing as my heart was about to burst out anytime.

 

“Will you really let me go if I don’t come and talk to you?”

 

He asked as I shook my head as my tear fell on my cheek. I have been holding on the whole week.

 

“I have to accept what you decided”

 

I replied while crying. It was so sad. The tears I have been holding on for a week is nothing as I started to talk with him.

 

“Well, you can let me go but I can’t”

 

He replied.

 

“I am not strong enough to let you go. You’ve been very important to me”

 

He continued.

 

“I was so hurt, hyung. I was sad”

 

I replied. I was really sad.

 

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

 

His message made my heart so hurt as I couldn’t stop my tear. I’ve been waiting for this for almost 9 years, and I can finally hear it.

 

“I love you so much, Hyung”

 

I believed he was crying as well.