Chapter 3

“Seungwan, where were you last Friday night?” Joy ambushed her by the lockers, holding her by the sleeves of her elbow, a deep frown maring her face. Shaking her head in disappointment as she's reminded of another thing, “… scratch that! – you were gone all weekend! We were supposed to hang out at your apartment!”

“I wasn’t home,” Seungwan simply said, gently prying Joy’s grip on her arm and trying to act casual as she faced her friend. She knows she has some explaining to do after she completely and without regret, stood up her friends not long after planning to hang-out with them.

Seungwan’s a horrible friend, she knows. She’s beyond help, she knows that too. She had turned into that kind of friend; her chest only ached at the choices she made. But she can’t control her feelings when it comes to a certain person.

And it’s not even for someone who’s exclusively, officially dating her.

“I know that!” Throwing her hands in exasperation, Joy glared at Seungwan who barely flinched at her reaction but looked away from her, she caught the guilt in her eyes. "It's not like you to disappear on us without any notice, Seungwan."

Seungwan remained quiet, throat clamming up with poor excuses that never made it past . When she’s at the receiving end of a confrontation, there's not a word that she can say that will make her situation look better. Force won’t make her talk. Pressuring her will only make matters worse – maybe a week or two of Seungwan ignoring her more or less.

This is why Joy would always choose to be patient with her, sighing at her friend, waiting for something, for that reason, reminding of her presence, trying not to antagonize Seungwan and that she’s not rushing her. “We went over to your apartment yet no one’s there. Where were you?” Joy asked again, gentler this time.

Seungwan played with the hem of her hoodie, looking anywhere but at Joy. Seungwan is a tough nut to crack. No matter how they pressure her into speaking, into opening up, Seungwan only ever lets them see tiny cracks in her shell, bits and pieces of herself and already solved math equations and riddles. She pursed her lips, refusing to talk.

Patience wearing thin, she just wants an explanation – it’s not very Seungwan to stand them up much less leave them hanging.

Noticing an incoming student, bulldozing his way into the hallway, Joy suddenly pulled her roughly by the arm, Seungwan yelped in surprise, eyes widened in fear that Joy might lay a hand on her but her friend only brought her closer to her, shielding her from a student-to-student hallway collision when the running student nearly hit Seungwan.

Seungwan should trust her best friend more. She’s not gonna hurt her even if she puts her walls up too high for them to climb.

That only fueled Joy’s anger on top of her ire to Seungwan. That was unforgivable. Nobody should ever hurt her friend – accidental or not.

“Hey! Watch it!” she yelled at her, the disappearing figure not even slowing down to apologize. What are the rules when none of the students ever follow it, she gritted her teeth, muttering a curse before turning to check on Seungwan if she’s fine. She’s gonna punch that student if she sees her again.

But she’s never very good at controlling her emotions, much less her anger at that. Trying to keep a firm hold on her composure, Joy balled her hands into fist. Feeling her nails leave tiny indents into her skin, tingling with pain as the blood failed to circulate into her hands, making it pale, white-knuckled. Joy can’t take her eyes off of the sight in front of her, her anger grew tenfold. 

She should’ve known. She knew those glances, those yearning, those unmistaken hitch of her breath at the mere mention of a certain someone’s name is an indicator. But she felt like an idiot, nonetheless. This is a huge secret to bear and she felt more angered now that she finally confirmed her suspicions.

She should have known.

The tight lipped denial. The lunch hour topic they had last Friday. The supposed sleepover at Seungwan's that could've knocked some sense into her friend's stubborn head. Yerim's anger masked as cold indifference when they realized no one was at home.

Joy knows it's not her place to tell Seungwan how to live her life. It's not her place to demand answers and explanations but she's the best friend. In the two years that she's known Seungwan, how long has she been carrying this?

Now, she understood Yeri's anger.

As if struck down with a sudden realization, Seungwan watched in fear as Joy’s facial expression changed, from annoyance to quiet, seething, anger masked behind indifference. Nervous as she felt cold sweats trickle down her forehead and nape. Thinking Joy must’ve hated the guy pretty much for her to be this mad. How wrong was she?

Joy eyed the exposed skin of her neck down to her collarbones, Seungwan’s hoodie failing to cover that patch of skin, her face darkened the more she stared at it, chuckling mirthlessly, muttering, “Ah … Now, I know.” It doesn’t take a long look to know that those are fresh and not even 24 hours since it's put there. That explains the hoodie.

Seungwan has braved Canadian winter, wears shorts and thin sweaters on breezy spring but is wearing a hoodie in the middle of summer. She loathes to imagine the other places it could be found.

Not when, just last Friday afternoon, Seungwan would proudly strut around campus in the thinnest V-neck in her wardrobe, a cardigan slung carelessly in her right arm like a piece of clothing that she decided to bring on a whim, having found it draped over her couch. The chilly spring air can’t even fluster the wide smile on her face, a spring on her feet as she joined them for lunch.

Pulling the scruff of Seungwan’s pullover roughly as if possessed by an angry spirit, chest warming in mild satisfaction at hearing the slight whimper of fear (maybe embarrassment) from Seungwan, to reveal small bruises that still look new, violets and blues mapping her skin like an ugly tattoo – and some red hues, some faded and some new, she can’t distinguished if it’s all from Seungwan’s natural body reaction to flush or – Joy didn’t bother finishing the thought. 

Seungwan twisted her body away from Joy’s prying eyes – but it only brought Joy to fix her gaze at her, judging eyes underlined with an angry glint—and fixed her clothes, glaring back at Joy’s sudden impassive look. Seungwan shook with the cold realization that word might get out. She looked around the hallway, unable to register the distant murmur of ongoing classes and light shuffling of feet towards the destination she’s privy of. Seungwan shakily breathed, tension leaving her body, relieved to know the hallway was pretty much clear of other students except them, no one was around to witness them.

But still.

“If you hear a word about a murder in a few days, know that I’m behind them,” Joy calmly said. To know her best friend is having an affair with someone well known around campus – how long has this been going on? How long since they’ve been meeting? When did this start?

“Not a word, Joy,” Seungwan hissed at her, eyes nervous and worried, hoping that Joy could learn to wait a bit more patiently with her, to understand that she can’t control this – wordlessly, silently pleading – begging her. It’s unfair to ask this of her. 

“I just wanna ask one thing, Seungwan,” Joy