she watched the people getting off and on the train. everyone walks pretty fast so she barely see their faces, with their bags and jackets or phones, these strangers just go on with their lives. they all look the same to her, busy people. but then this is new york, not really a famous spot for vacations. most people that came here are doing business. why did father even chose this city to move out?

she remembered the answer of her father echoing in her mind, "this is a very good city for you in the future. lots of opportunity. i'm sure you'll enjoy here." her father even smiled proudly in his statement. little minjeong trusted that confident claims of his father and nodded all the way. two years after she sure did enjoy new york. there are a lot of fun places to stroll, not to mention the new candies she just discovered. but as she get older through years she started to feel something she can't quite explain inside her. senior year in high school, she would hang out with her friends, it was fun, but there still the void inside her that she could not contain. and with that, she starts feeling empty. something is missing. she just couldn't point out where exactly it is. 

when she started university, she moved in to an apartment, it is away from her parents but still in the city. that somehow relieved her. she can finally start to figure out what is that missing inside her. for years she have search, nothing really fulfills. she went on dates, be it a guy or a girl. went places every night with different set of friends but all she ever got is those highs. nothing is working out for her. that made her come up with the idea of moving out the city. new york was never her style anyway. 

the rushing on the train seems endless, she don't want to get into it but she had no choice. it is already 8:45 pm, and she still need to cook dinner for herself. getting on the train together with strangers that does not care about anything around them made her a little bit lonely. this city too big for the people to care about small things, she wished to be in a place where someone cared about the little things a bit. maybe somehow she knows why she isn't too fond of this city. it is just ironic how her, an empty person dislike the thought of city like new york. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"there would be a seminar in new york for two months," hearing the magic word, which is new york, jimin had her neck breaking looking up in their department head. she rise in her seat quickly, "i'm gonna go." she declared. everyone's attention on her, she usually hates unnecessary attention but for her dream place she is willing to sacrifice that. their department head awkwardly clears his throat while looking unsure at the tall girl who suddenly announced that she'll be going. he is too shy to refuse since the girl is one of the top employees in the firm. but she is not qualified since the program is only for those with experience of 7 years working in the company. 

"well, you should have at least seven years work experience," he said not meeting jimin's eyes. "you've been working here for a year and half."

 

that broke jimin's heart more than she imagined. she ain't giving up though. she argued and defended herself to be part of that seminar and fly to new york city, hell, she even submitted a petition and proposal for that. not backing up even if their department head is threatening her that he would file her (she knew he could not do it) so why would she be afraid? after days of desperately seeking permission to be part of it, finally, the child of the owner of the company that she been working finally notices her. turns out to be one of her schoolmate back in middle school. for the first time she was glad to be the former president of their school. aeri finally approved her request under one condition. (her pocket money is not covered by the company)

 

"mind if i ask why are you desperate for new york?" aeri asked jimin one time when they had their lunch together coincidentally. jimin thought hard for her answer. a dream? yes, it could pass. part of bucket list? no. a promise? she smiled particulary to no one. it was a beautiful one despite the fact that it is sad. the kind of smile you see when you ask an old person about their teenage years. nostalgic, but the pretty kind of it. 

"i needed to, i guess." the promise. it was made long long ago, but even after those years she never let it go. jimin made that pact she had with someone as a motivation to live and inspired her everyday. even though she is not sure about that person anymore. the thought almost made her life. maybe that person does not even remember me at all or i would not recognize that person anymore. but still, she know she should go. "never been into a big city after all." she shrugged after that simple answer. 

to give her my part that was long overdue and maybe, just maybe, if am lucky enough, i can get the whole of her. in exchange of mine. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

wooster street. 

 

it was almost 11 when minjeong decided to go on a little stroll in the street. it was just a random idea she thought then went for it. it was kind of weird at first but shrugged it off and went out. the weather this nigh is really good. the starts sparkling a little brighter than they should while the looked very pretty. for the first time, she realized how that distant ball looked. a good night perhaps. 

holding her ice cream she walks in the street freely. like a kid who had their teacher praised them for behaving well in class, that's what she looks right now. she may not show it anymore now, but kim minjeong is still a kid at heart who enjoys ice cream, candies and amusement park rides. 

 

what are the chances of meeting her again and be able to recognize her at that exact moment? jimin thought. she could start computing about it statistically but that would mean she would run out of time and missed the hopping girl in the streets just a few meters in front of her. she even stopped walking upon seeing her. her heart could jumped out off her chest but she breathes just fine. jimin never felt more alive than now. 

"are you alright?" said the girl she's been looking, now in front of her. the taller girl could not process anything, just looking at minjeong's face which made the other frowns. "are you perhaps lost? or sick?" she asked once again. her eyes flashed concerns on the taller girl, "err, i think she's deaf or mute." she whispered to herself but loud enough for jimin to hear. 

minjeong once again looks at jimin, longer this time. the longer she stares, the more complicated her face seems to be. to get that wrong, she thinks that the girl is pretty, beautiful even more but there is a complex. unexplainable how she get the weird feeling inside her when her eyes will fall on the other pair of eyes. how hollow she feels all these years. the missing feeling that sit inside her whatever she do. was it replace just now? 

"your ice cream is melting." all those words she wanted to say, and that's the best she could say. minjeong eyes widen both from her voice and her ice cream slowly dripping in her hands. she quickly turned around and eat her ice cream. jimin smiles fondly even though the younger clearly doesn't remember her at all. 

when she faced her again, curiosity dances in her stares toward the taller gir. "you can speak." jimin hid her smile. more than ten years had passed, minjeong is still minjeong. she felt ridiculous for thinking she won't be able to recognize her minjeong when even seeing her from the distance she know exactly. 

"of course i can, silly." the younger looked at her like she was amused. "i feel like this is a scene from a movie. i just don't know what it is exactly. anyway, my name's winter." jimin never wanted to punch the small girl except now. she wanted to yell at her that it wasn't from a movie, that it really happend between the two of them back then in the swing set of the park. but, at the same time she wants to cry. how could she say everything exactly like before?

"cliche." the only thing she uttered. "not planning to tell your name?" minjeong inquired playfully. 

jimin only smiles, "that's for you to find out." she whispers. 

"how? anyway, i am going to stroll down the streets. would you like to join me?" she offers a friendly smile to her. jimin didn't waste any second and nodded quickly. for her last night in new york, she finally found the one reason why she wants to go in this city. her promise is now fulfilled but why is she feeling a little bit sad now? will six hours will be enough for her to remember me? she asks herself. 

 

that night the two of them went strolling down the streets of new york. taking where their feet lead them. laughing at each other like they've known each other forever. minjeong never really minded how late it was despite having a 8 am class in the morning or the fact that she's with a stranger who wouldn't give her her name. in that moment she forgot about the emptiness inside her as she filled it with the small details she noticed about the beautiful stranger she is with. she was happy, like for real, not just the temporary highs she gets like before. the smile in her was the evidence of it as it never leaves her lips. 

"can i really not know your name?" she asked when both of them settled inside a pizza shop. jimin looked up from, she was writing on a paper god knows what but she did not reply. "a nickname? your initials?" that only earned a toothy smile from the older girl. 

"i told you. you have to find that out, winter." she bit her pizza while looking at the confused girl who trying to figure it out in front of her. at this point, jimin really don't hope that minjeong would remember her. she only got less than an hour before going back to the apartment to pack and go home. she spare herself from feeling sad about it and just live the moment that she get to be with her first love again. 

"how come i would? i literally don't anything at all. are you like famous?" a laugh escaped jimin's mouth that made the younger worries disappeared. how glorious is that? her laughters, i can listen all night. "do i look like some celebrity to you?" jimin chuckles. 

"no. you are actually prettier than them. you're more like an angel." minjeong said seriously. jimin could have blushed on that when minjeong did not burst out laughing after saying it. "sike." she playfully grinned which made the other girl rolled her eyes. 

 

 

the sight of the taller girl getting in to the taxi was the most unpleasing sight to look for minjeong. the night was perfect, why it can't stay like that? she wasn't prepared to see the girl leaving as she have thought earlier that this was their beginning. sadly, it wasn't. the older girl glanced back at her. minjeong could tell she was happy by the way her eyes sparkled. if she's happy why would she leave? she waved a small come here at her and minjeong followed her. 

she put something in her coat's pocket and pats minjeong's hair even she though she wanted to hug younger. that gesture made minjeong wanted to grab her and never let her leave her side. she's never really this needy at all but for the stranger she just met, she became one. 

"you can only read that once you're home." jimin whispered. minjeong touched her pocket and felt something into it. must be the paper she was writing in earlier. 

"i won't if you won't tell me your name." 

"i already told you." 

"then i won't read this."

"you will. and i'm sure of it."

"how come?"

the taxi cab driver horns at them. jimin smiled apologetically at him. 

"i just knew. i'll alway know," she said in the softest voice she could master. all those tenderness whenever she would spoke to her only. and for the last time, jimin stared at her minjeong, her first friend, her first love. she felt like crying but she stopped it before she can. "i will never forget this night ever. thank you, winter." as soon as she entered the taxi, the driver started driving. she didn't look back as she don't want to see minjeong. she is not that strong. she fulfilled her promise now, she is free. she finally could move on. but that small hoping in her heart still there, in the same spot where she used to put minjeong's love. i've done what i must. it's all up to you now, minjeong. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WINTER, 

minjeong. were you surprised i knew your name? i am not weird as i look earlier at the street. i am just really surprised to see you again. i bet you are really confused right now. hahha i am not telling you so cry about it. it is your fault you don't remember me. just kidding. i kinda know you would forget about me. we were so young back then. anyway, i would say you really get more beautiful (i was surprised) hahhaa kidding, i always know you will be beautiful even back then. i thought i would be having a hard time recognizing but i was wrong. you with an ice cream bouncing in the streets, i know exactly you are my minjeong. still a kid after all these years. you're voice become deeper (i'll blame puberty), you're still as gentle as before. and you still have a thing with those creepy birds. hahhaha. there are still a lot of things i wanted you to know but you are looking weirdly at me while reading this so i'll stop :((( main point of this letter is to let you know that i am giving you back your part that you've lent me when you said you are going to move out here. i was really thankful for that love you've given me back then even though you don't know that now. i made it through with your love and i've been good. and i wish i could've done that too. will this night be enough for that? if not then i am sorry. just know that whatever you'll do, wherever you go and whoever you with, i am in side with you. i'll always will be, minjeong. so don't you ever feel alone. i am just here, waiting for you to remember me. here, always. 

KIM MINJEONG, MY PUPPY, MY ONLY PLAYMATE BACK THEN, I MISSED YOU ALL THESE YEARS. (i am also in love with you with those years) I AM GLAD I'VE FOUND YOU AGAIN AND SPEND MY LAST DAY WITH YOU. 

                                                                                                                                                                             ----- i still won't write my name. you should really                                                                                                                                                                                             figure that out. 

                                                                                                                                                    ps. you've become mean!!! how can u me an angel and take it back?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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i feel like i misspelled a lot of words i am so sorry. this is raw but i'll edit this some other time.