Disclaimer: I'm not knowledgable about leukemia at all. Anything that I've written about the disease, I got from scholarly articles. And since I don't have all the time to read and understand everything, I took a lot of liberties writing about it. I already apologize in advance for any inaccuracies. Also, I reference 'Fox Bread' in this chapter. Shout out to the best winrina story out there. Enjoy!

 

 

Winter was diagnosed with acute promyelocytic leukemia (APL) at the age of 21. 

 

It would have gone undetected if it weren't for her routine physical exams. She gets work done once a year to make sure she's on track with her health. 

 

However, prior to her examination, Winter had been experiencing symptoms that she brushed aside because it was winter (the season) and she was stressed from finals.

 

She disregarded her frequent nosebleeds, fainting spells, and fatigue to her doing all nighters developing Bibi. 

 

A fever that lasted more than 3 days was the nail to the coffin. Giselle was beyond mad that Winter wasn't taking care of herself. She personally drove the girl to a nearby clinic and waited for hours until Winter was seen.

 

If not for that visit, Winter would have had life threatening blood clots, as if cancer wasn't already life threatening itself. APL, if untreated, could develop into bleeding problems which would make treatment harder.

 

When Winter got her prognosis after numerous lab tests, everything moved so quickly. She thought it was somewhat psychosomatic with how quickly her health deteriorated upon learning about her condition.

 

The more she thought about her illness, the more she grew weaker. It wasn't just nosebleeds or fainting spells. Papercuts became an emergency situation because her blood gushed out like a dam and no matter how many band aids she put, it would just seep through. And it would bleed so much that if she didn't go to the ER, she would've had complications — blood clots. All because of a papercut. 

 

It all felt like a blur. Winter doesn’t remember much of it but she remembers the pain, the endless needles that impaled her skin until it bruised. The tubes, the medications, the chemotherapy and the way it was so hard to breathe because she caught an infection from being out in the cold for a little too long. 

 

And Giselle was just there, sitting beside her hospital bed, praying to whatever gods it is up there that Winter's body would fight back — that her lung infection wouldn't lead to a pulmonary embolism, a blood clot in the lungs. 

 

Their frequent visits to the hospitals for Winter's treatment is where they met Mijoo, an oncology nurse. Being a fellow Korean, Mijoo grew close to Winter and took care of her whenever she was around. 

 

After three months of intense treatment, Winter was finally in remission, just a few days shy before her 22nd birthday and new year. Winter believed so much in the power of positive thinking. All throughout her treatment, she refused to be miserable about it because in the beginning, she just fell off when she wallowed in self-pity and hatred. 

 

Instead, she worked on Bibi, programming it into giving her all-around assistance instead of just being a voice assistant that gave limited answers. 

 

She continued with that mindset, even arguing with Giselle how irrelevant it is to even tell her parents about her condition when she is cured. 

 

"You have to tell your parents!" Giselle argued. 

 

"There's no point, Gi. I'm all good now. I don't want them to worry about anything." 

 

"They need to know, Winter. You almost died!" Giselle cried. 

 

Winter knew the weight Giselle carried seeing her so helpless during her treatment. She didn't want that with her parents. They were old. She was the only daughter. It would've been too much. 

 

"But I didn't. I fought, Giselle. I'm still here."

 

Even when Winter needed supportive care, she was quick to enlist Mijoo to become her personal nurse. She wanted to get better quickly and she wanted the best nurse to take care of her.

 

But even with that attitude, she's still scared. It wasn't death that scared her, it was the pain. It's the pain of seeing Giselle worried sick about her; it's the pain of being so helpless and weak; it's the pain of her body failing her.

 

So with shaky hands, Winter presses the phone to her ear and listens to Dr. Kwon's voicemail.

 

Hi Winter, it's Dr. Kwon. 

 

Dr. Kwon's voice echoes in Winter's ears. It's unnerving hearing the doctor sound so serious when she always had a happy lilt in her voice whenever she talked to Winter. It made Winter's heart drop. 

 

We have your results from your latest CBC and I would just like to go over this with you. Call me at your earliest convenience. 

 

And with a comforting voice, Dr. Kwon ends her voicemail telling her to enjoy fashion week and she looks forward to seeing her and Karina's pictures.

 

Winter releases a shaky breath. She closes her eyes, trying to calm down her nerves as she thinks about how the doctor ended her message.

 

She didn't sound too urgent, Winter thinks. 

 

"Hey Bibi," she calls for the virtual assistant in her room. "What's Dr. Kwon's office hours?" 

 

"Dr. Kwon ended at 6pm today. Would you like me to call her after hours line?" 

 

She shakes her head and remembers that Bibi isn't a real person so she whispers a 'no' and proceeds to lie on her bed. 

 

A million things are running through her head, all of which is about her damn cancer coming back. 

 

What if it won't? 

 

But what if it will? 

 

Winter tries to look at the positive side of things. Dr. Kwon didn't sound somber. Serious but she didn't sound like someone just died. She said she should have fun at the fashion show.

 

But her mind keeps going back to those times she was immobile and she groans. 

 

Positive thoughts, positive thoughts, Winter chants in her head. The last time she was so miserable about her health, she almost died. 

 

So she mentally lists the things that she likes and the things that made her happy recently. A habit she has been doing since she got better. 

 

Giselle, Mijoo unnie, Bibi, Harry Styles, tteokbokki, that laughing maltese meme she found on Twitter, cats falling off things, the new start up she onboarded, breakfast with Karina —

 

Winter suddenly shoots up from her bed remembering what Karina had said about Bibi feeding her.

 

What if?

 

But Winter only shakes her head and silently laughs at herself. It's ludicrous. Winter would have to build her own hardware for it and she doesn't know anything about that.

 

She can always update Bibi and hook her up in her other kitchen appliances. Bibi's already hooked up on the fridge, microwave, dishwasher, and coffee maker. 

 

What's one more, right? 

 

Winter decides to spend the remaining hours of the night in her home office than overthink about Dr. Kwon's phone call.

 

It's all psychosomatic, she thinks. If I think that I'm sick, I'll actually get sick. 

 

She stands up from her bed, ties her hair up and puts on a cute floral bandana and heads out of her room.

 

Winter expected Karina to be asleep or in her room (considering she never leaves her room whenever she's home) but she's pleasantly surprised when she sees a bespectacled Karina tiptoeing in the kitchen. 

 

Cute. 

 

"Need something, friend?" 

 

Karina lets out a cute yelp and jumps in surprise at Winter's sudden appearance. ", Winter! Are you trying to kill me?" 

 

Winter giggles, amused at Karina's face. "My bad. You looking for something? Why were you tiptoeing like a burglar?" 

 

She tilts her head, looking at Karina with a small smile dancing on her lips. Winter finds Karina absolutely cute right now with her dinosaur printed bottoms, oversized tee, messy bun, and round glasses. She's always seen Karina so made up so this is an entirely new look for her — one she doesn't mind seeing everyday. 

 

A comfortable Karina in their home makes Winter a little bit happy on the inside. 

 

Progress.

 

"I didn't know if you were asleep, I didn't want to make any noise," Karina explains. "And I realize I don't know our house at all. Do we even have tea? Where do we put our mugs?" 

 

Winter beams, happy to be of help and beelines to the cupboard next to the fridge. "You can just ask Bibi next time, you know. She'll tell you where everything is." 

 

She pulls out a mug and a box with assorted tea.

 

"Okay, I still find Bibi weird. I'm talking to the air and it's freaky when she just talks out of nowhere," Karina complains. Walking closer to where Winter is, she inspects the contents of the box and points to the bag of green tea.

 

"Have you not used Siri before? It's basically the same thing." 

 

"At least I know where Siri is coming from, Winter," she argues. "I can see my phone lighting up. I can see it talk. Bibi has no physical form." 

 

Placing the teabag in the mug, Winter makes a mental note to update Bibi's software so she can make tea for Karina. 

 

"So you want a robot, then?" 

 

"God, no! Even freakier!" 

 

Winter chuckles and leans against the counter while she waits for the water to boil. She carefully tucks in this moment in her box of happy memories: Karina having an actual conversation with her. 

 

"You'll get used to Bibi. She's nice and very helpful." 

 

Karina shrugs, uncaring about the virtual assistant. She looks at Winter curiously. "What's with the get up?" She points to Winter's floral bandana. "Are you going out or something?" 

 

"Oh this? I was just going to my office to work on Bibi's update. The bandana is kind of my thing…it helps me focus. I don't know. I feel like my brain cells function better if I have something on my head." 

 

The electric kettle whistles and Winter pours the hot water in Karina's mug. "Honey?" 

 

Karina pokes Winter's arm. "I told you not to call me that."

 

"I mean, do you want honey?" Winter laughs and Karina visibly turns crimson at her mistake. Karina nods and then keeps her head low out of embarrassment. 

 

Winter is enjoying seeing Karina all flustered like this. It's just something she hasn't been afforded to see before so to have Karina openly show emotion other than annoyance and indifference makes Winter feel good.

 

"What are you doing up, by the way?" Winter asks. 

 

Karina mutters her thanks when Winter hands her the mug. "I was reviewing some scripts."

 

"Oh nice, anything you like?" 

 

Karina opens and then closes it. The apprehension is clear on her face so Winter assures her that she doesn't have to say anything if she doesn't want to.

 

After all, it is none of her business. It's part of their rules. 

 

But Karina thinks about what Ningning had said to her earlier, that she should give Winter a chance. Perhaps, she can slowly let Winter in and be a friend. 

 

She did just make her some tea. 

 

"No, I mean — there is one that I liked. A sageuk. Well sageuk and modern," Karina says. Winter waits for her to continue, all ears. "It's about a gumiho who fell in love with a baker. It's definitely interesting. I think I'm going to accept it." 

 

"Are you the baker or the gumiho?" Winter prods further.

 

She smiles when Karina divulges even more about her future project. "The gumiho." 

 

"I can see it," Winter studies Karina's features, nodding her head in approval. "You definitely look foxy," she teases, smiling mischievously and Karina reddens again, absolutely taken aback by Winter's cheeky comment. 

 

"W-whatever," Karina stutters and she almost wants to slap herself for letting her mask down a little too low. 

 

"Well, I look forward to seeing it. I'm sure it'll be great," Winter sincerely says. 

 

They fall in a comfortable silence. It's a little weird that they're both standing by the fridge, Karina sipping her tea while Winter just looks at the ground. 

 

But Winter doesn't mind it all.

 

It's moments like this that she used to look forward to. She's going to cherish it. 

 

Winter is about to leave, thinking she's overstayed her welcome but Karina suddenly speaks up. 

 

"Thank you, by the way." Karina suddenly feels shy. It's been six months since they started living together and she's only saying thanks now. "I don't think I ever told you." 

 

"Thank you for what?" Winter asks.

 

"For setting up my room like that." 

 

Winter's brows knit, trying to remember what she did and then realizes that Karina is talking about her curtains. "Oh, no worries. I know how hard it is to sleep in the morning." 

 

"How did you know?" Karina asks because tidbits of information like that wasn't included in the profile her family passed on to the Kims.

 

"I read about it in one of your fanpages." Winter confesses. "I had to get to know you somehow." 

 

Karina feels bad. She has really been so y at Winter that she resorted to Googling her just to get to know her. "You can —" she starts, and then stops herself for a moment when she realizes what she's doing. But then again, it. If they're going to be friends, Karina has to be nice. "You can just ask me…next time."

 

To say that Winter's smile is blinding is an understatement. Her smile widens even more when Karina mirrors it, lips curving upwards, and it's funny how obvious Karina is trying to stop herself from smiling. Winter has to take a mental picture of this rare moment. Especially when she notices a small dimple surfacing on Karina's cheeks. 

 

"I'll keep that in mind, Karina. Thanks."

 

Before Winter leaves, she decides to annoy Karina just a little bit because why not? "Love the pj's by the way, friend. You look so cute." 

 

She runs off before Karina could do some damage, like throw the mug at her face. She just hears Karina scream that she's taking back being friends with her but Winter only laughs thoroughly enjoying Karina's reaction that she momentarily forgets about the voicemail. 

 

"Good night, sweetie! I hope you have a dreamless sleep!" She calls out before locking herself in her office. 

 

Karina just huffs. She definitely doesn't feel bad about Winter Googling her anymore. 

 

Despite her obvious indignation over Winter's comment about her dino pjs (they are damn cute! What does she know?), the smile on her face doesn't go away until she goes back to her room and flips over the script to the part where the gumiho has sacrificed her tails for the human baker.

 

The things you do for love.

 

Maybe being friends with her wife wouldn't be so bad after all. 

***

Maybe it was a bad idea to program Bibi to literally snitch whenever Winter forgets to rest. Whenever Winter works late into the night, Bibi automatically comes on at 11pm, no later than that, to remind her to go to sleep.

 

And if she protests, Bibi threatens her to call Giselle or Mijoo.

 

Mijoo is alright, she's not too afraid if Bibi snitches on her. But Giselle? She wouldn't even think twice to barge herself in the couple's marital home and drag Winter to her bedroom. 

 

And Giselle is freakishly strong. It wouldn't take much to lift her tiny body. 

 

So after she updates Bibi's software so the virtual assistant can make tea for Karina, she gets up from her office chair and heads back to her room.

 

Winter passes by Karina's room and wonders if the actress is already asleep. She doesn't hear anything on the other side of the door and just smiles at it before retiring in her bedroom.

 

There, she remembers the phone call she has to make in the morning and sleeps restlessly through the night. 

"Give it to me straight, doc. No sugarcoating, please," Winter tells the doctor over the phone. Over the years, Winter has developed this defense mechanism of false bravado when it comes to her illness. It helps with the anxiety — that and she refuses to show how weak she is in front of other people. 

 

It's enough that she knows she is weak. It's enough that Giselle and Mijoo have seen how weak she can be. She hates the look other people give her when they find out. It's usually sadness. Most of the time it's pity and the last thing she wants is for people to feel sorry for her. 

 

"Alright," Dr. Kwon responds. "Your white blood cell count is a little higher than normal," she starts and immediately, Winter zones out. 

 

Winter feels dread looming over her head. It was just like three years ago when they broke the bad news that her fever was not just from a simple infection.

 

Her body remembers the pain so well that she couldn't stop the tears from falling. Is she supposed to go through all of that? 

 

Again? 

 

She could feel her breath constricting as Dr. Kwon continues talking. Winter already stopped listening when she heard that her white blood cell count was high.

 

To her, that was it — it was coming back. Everything else is irrelevant.

 

"Winter, are you listening?" Dr. Kwon's voice is laced with concern. Winter doesn't realize that she is breathing so heavily until the doctor starts guiding her through it. Just like that, her false confidence shatters. "Hey, come on, breathe with me, Winter. And I need you to listen to me, alright?" 

 

Winter in a breath and exhales shakily, nodding her head as if the doctor can see her.

 

"Your white blood cell count was a little higher than what you had the last time you were here so we will monitor you," Dr. Kwon explains once again. She's careful with her tone this time, making sure she isn't triggering anything. "Are you still with me?" 

 

"Yes," Winter whispers.

 

"Okay. It's not alarming but we want to be cautious so I will prescribe you with medication so that we can get it back to your normal level," Dr. Kwon continues. "And I want you to come back here in three weeks for a follow up. It’s rare for APL to come back —”

 

“But it’s not impossible.” Winter cuts her off. 

 

“Yes, it’s not impossible.” Dr. Kwon pauses. “That’s why we will try our best so that it won’t. You haven't had any symptoms lately, correct?" 

 

"No-no symptoms." And then Winter remembers how she felt a little too cold at the fashion show yesterday. "I-I was cold yesterday, doc." Winter closes her eyes, swallowing the lump that's forming in . 

 

"Anything else you feel? What about today? How are you feeling?" 

 

"I feel fine."

 

Winter hears Dr. Kwon type something on her computer before she speaks again. "Okay. If you ever feel anything out of the ordinary before you have to come see me, you call me right away, alright, Winter? Even if it's just a slight headache." 

 

"Okay." Winter feels numb. 

 

"If that happens, I can't let you travel all the way here for treatments. I need you to go to Yonsei, Winter. Now, I need your consent to release your medical history —"

 

"No!" Winter immediately objects.

 

Dr. Kwon sighs on the other line. "It's just not good for your health to travel for four hours. You will need immediate care if your symptoms come back. We would need to check you for blood coagulation," Dr. Kwon calmly explains. This is hard for her, too. She knows that as a doctor, she has to separate her feelings from her patients but she has grown so fond of the heiress. It's hard not to. Not when she has always been so positive about her illness. "Please give me consent, Miss Kim. I can't help you fight this if you won't let me. This is a very treatable disease and I want to make sure that we avoid any blood complications so it doesn't hinder your treatments." 

 

Winter can't fight her anymore. She has resigned the idea of hiding this from her parents — no, the world. If it comes to this, she has to come clean. And she doesn't know if she's ready for that. 

 

"O-okay." Winter finally relents. "But I-I want you to treat me, please. I want you to be my doctor. Will you come here for me?" It's a long shot but Winter already feels comfortable with the doctor. She has also come to trust her. 

 

"Of course." Dr. Kwon didn't even hesitate. "But for now, let's keep you healthy and take those meds I'm going to prescribe. Let's hope we don't have to go that far. Is that good, Winter?" 

 

Winter's breath shudders as she replies, "Yes." 

 

"Okay. We're going to get through this, alright?" 

 

Winter wants to believe it — she has to. Because she's done it before and she's going to do everything to keep herself healthy. "Okay, doc. Thank you."

***

A three-way video call with Giselle and Mijoo ended up with Mijoo creating a new health regimen for Winter and another round of argument with Giselle about telling her parents. 

 

Winter doesn't want to think about that right now because it's not back. There's no way she'll allow it. And she thinks that telling her parents would cause a domino effect of unfortunate events Winter doesn't want to happen.

 

So she stubbornly tells Giselle no.

 

But Giselle doesn't give up either and makes a deal with Winter to go out and do some physical activity with her at least once a week.

 

Because locking herself in her office in front of the computer all day isn't healthy. 

 

Winter agrees. 

 

Anything for the stupid cancer cells not to come back and destroy her again. 

 

Winter busies herself with work and anything else to keep her mind occupied. She's able to fill her day easily developing her new software. It's something she has been working on and plans to present to the board of directors soon. 

 

It's a version of Bibi that would be integrated in mobile devices. Right now, Bibi is like a glorified personal assistant to Winter. She only exists in Karina and Winter's penthouse. Bibi on mobile would be smarter than Siri, Bixby, or Google. The problem with these virtual assistants is that there are too many steps, too many follow up questions being asked until you get the desired answer. 

 

Bibi's algorithm would make it so that you ask a question and will get an immediate answer.

 

Think of it as a website with the best UI: how many clicks does it need for you to go to a specific page? The fewer clicks, the better. 

 

And with Mijoo's new healthcare regimen, Winter is able to keep herself on track without sacrificing anything. 

 

It's a strict 7am-3pm schedule but it allows her plenty of time to rest. And she's happy she made the right decision not to take on the COO role. The stress would've killed her. Literally. 

 

Winter gets surprised when she sees Karina come out of her room in the morning. Usually, Karina would still be on her way home from the set.

 

Winter doesn't want to question it anymore, happy to see that Karina is getting some rest and instead, greets her wife. "Good morning." 

 

Still groggy from sleep, Karina only nods at Winter before she goes to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

 

Oh, so she knows where things are now, Winter muses. That's good. 

 

Winter begins her routine of preparing breakfast. The way she moves around the kitchen is like a practiced choreography, her body moving on muscle memory alone.

 

Karina just watches her, intrigued, as her eyes follow