Chapter 5: Of Tidal's Grace and Nocturnal Delights

The Winter Land: The Rise of an Empire (Quadlan Series: Part II)

 

Joohyun

After entering Dimland, Seulgi changes completely. She’s brighter, happier, but also more paranoic. She gives Joohyun a list of recommendations, like not leaving her side (as if she was really going to do that in the most dangerous place in Quadlan). She can’t even see where she’s heading, let alone plan her escape; so she sticks like glue to Seulgi’s side for the most part. 

 

Seulgi, on the other hand, although living many years in the darkness, never really developed her vision past some degree, so she still helps herself from time to time with a torch. She could see better if she were to turn into her shadow form, but Jimin’s monsters did some damage that she’s not sure if it’s permanent or not. 

 

Dimland is a land wrapped in a never-ending night. Most days, it's like the world forgot to turn on the lights, with only a tiny bit of sun peeking through for a short while. Glow-in-the-dark mushrooms light up the darkness, creating a spooky yet enchanting vibe. People there have learned to see in the dark or use special lights fueled by magic just like Seulgi does. Everyone had learned to live with that. 

 

Dimland isn't just mysterious—it's also a busy place, from what Joohyun can see. She feels weak, dragging her feet along as dead weight. The darkness makes her sleepy. 

 

They've probably walked for hours when they finally get to a stop. 

 

“Are we there yet?” Joohyun murmurs against Seulgi's shoulder. 

 

“No, darling, we are some towns away. I have a friend here in Frogs where we can stay the night. Staying in the out is dangerous.” 

 

She's heard stories before of the land of the dead, of the creatures and the venomous spores in the air at night; of the forced labor, slaves, and hallucinogen fungi cultivation. She's also heard of the influence of dark arts in the land as a survival mechanism and the subsequent conversion of people into criminals to survive. She wonders if the state of the land was caused by her father—by Baekhyun. 

 

Although Seulgi said she had a friend, she still makes her around the house to enter through the back, very suspicious if you ask Joohyun. She doesn’t even knock on the door, but she assumes they are at such a level of closeness that she knows how to get into the house. 

 

The house is poorly lit inside, with just one candle burning in the middle of a table. It’s not enough to see around, and also not nearly enough to see the owner approach them with a small shotgun.

 

Seulgi sees it when it's already touching Joohyun's head. 

 

“Brave of you to come back here, Marchioness.” 

 

“Is the violence necessary?” Seulgi asks, slowly turning around to face her. 

 

“I don't remember you as being nice, either.” She shrugs, pushing Joohyun with the shotgun. “Now you come here without threats?” 

 

“Seul,” Joohyun murmurs, but sounds furious enough to make Seulgi gulp. “Is this the friend you were telling me about?” 

 

The girl pointing at her laughs. 

 

“You have some balls,” 

 

Seulgi sighs. 

 

“I thought you would be more open to welcome me here if I came in good company,” 

 

Joohyun briefly thinks Seulgi is betraying her, but quickly disregards it when the girl points at her face with a flashlight. She uses her hands to cover her eyes while she gets accustomed to the light. 

 

“...Joohyun?” she finally looks at the short girl in front of her. She believes she’s seeing ghosts. 

 

Yerim?” The name gets stuck in , leaving her speechless. “But—you died.”

 

“I could say the same about you,” the girl says, a soft smile on her face. “I should have known Yixing was bluffing.” 

 

Yerim hugs her after that, taking her by surprise. They were never really close because of the , but she always made sure to play with the little girl and made her feel included.

 

“Are you her hostage?” Yerim continues, quickly pushing Joohyun behind her, and using her free hand to aim the shotgun at Seulgi’s head.

 

“No, no. She helped me escape. I wouldn’t have made it without her.” 

 

Yerim hesitates but quickly lowers it, fixing her stance to a more welcoming one. 

 

“Then, I suppose I owe you a thank you. We’re even now.” 

 

Seulgi nods, moving around the house like she knows it. She starts lighting every candle she finds, finishing with the one in the middle of the table, and replacing it with a new one. 

 

“I assume you won’t be here for long?” Yerim asks, although it also sounds like a threat as everything that comes out of . 

 

“You assume correctly. We only need to stay the night. I expect to reach Death Valley in two nights.” 

 

“And where are you going to stay the night you have left?”

 

Seulgi takes a sit on the sofa, dragging Joohyun along with her. Joohyun ends up sitting on her lap, the sofa too small to accommodate them both. Yerim briefly thinks that they look like a loving couple, but if Joy found them like that would probably kill the three of them. 

 

“The mining town is on the way. I think we can find an empty place there to stay the night.” 

 

“Are you crazy? Castle Rocks is a graveyard now. The mines collapsed, didn’t you hear? It’s not safe there, not for your health or your physical wellbeing.”

 

“We don’t have any other option. We are heading towards the sunless season. The Luminara Festiva won’t be for another couple of weeks. We don’t have that much time.” 

 

Yerim paces around, raising dust from the ground. Joohyun notices that the floor is black sand. 

 

“And if… I join you?” 

 

“What? Why? We don’t need your help, your hospitality tonight is enough.”

 

“I don’t care what you want, Kang Seulgi. I’m worried about Joohyun. Who gave her the love potion?”

 

“What are you talking about?” Seulgi interrupts.

 

“I can see it, the black magic in her. It’s dormant, but it’s there. She’s not from her, she won’t be able to manage it.” 

 

Joohyun sighs, moving to better accomodate herself on Seulgi.

 

“I’m here, you know?”

 

She feels like a child being reprimanded by her parents all over again. 

 

“Don’t look at me, it wasn’t me!” Seulgi continues, ignoring Joohyun. “Okay—I may have thrown a little of it at her, but it didn’t work. She already had another substance on her, and that person is already dead so I can’t really go and ask her what she gave her.” 

 

Seugwan’s mention breaks a little more of her heart, making her stop the pointless conversation. 

 

“Stop!” She huffs, hitting Seulgi in the shoulder. “I’m not some kid you can decide about without consulting me first. And Seulgi, you need to learn to receive and ask for help from others. Yerim is not like Minjeong, she’s a good person. Even Minjeong, with everything that she did, didn’t really hurt me.”

 

Seulgi opens to interrupt, but Joohyun puts her hand over it. 

 

“And even if she has evil intentions, I can also take care of myself. It may seem that I can’t, and you have your reasons to think that way, but I still managed to guide two people through Sproutland and get them inside Minjeong’s palace, all that while being half dead. I deserve a little credit, don’t you think?” 

 

Seugi opens it again but decides against it. It’s the first time she hears Joohyun explode like that, and the girl is right about everything. She pushes whatever she was going to say to the back of her mind. 

 

“I’m sorry,” she smiles, squeezing the princess’ thigh. “I think it’s settled then?”

 

Joohyun hums and Yerim nods, directing her attention to the kitchen where the dinner awaits to be prepared. 

 

“Care to help me?” 

 

The two girls nod, getting down to work. 

 

“What is this?” Joohyun asks, looking at the bioluminescent mushrooms and the goat meat on the counter along with a lot of grains, herbs, and products she’s never seen before with rare names such as lunar thyme and nightshade leaves. She takes a jar that looks like standard salt. “Twilight salt?”

 

Seulgi laughs, taking the jar from her hands. 

 

“It’s just normal salt. We like to have mystical names around here. It makes us more interesting.”

 

“What are we preparing?” She asks again, still dumbfounded at the very different dishes from what she’s used to. Waterland and Winterland also had strange dishes, but not as strange as Dimland. 

 

“The national dish, Nocturnal Delight.” 


Seungwan

 

After that night, Wendy’s interactions with Yeji turn friendlier. The pink-haired girl makes an effort to get to know her and treat her as a friend, at least. Lucas is delighted with it, going as far as thanking her sister for it. Seamless, she becomes part of the Wong Family. She tells them about her dream, about her name, the next morning, and they integrate it without effort into their daily life, but Yeji keeps calling her Hamster from time to time, making her and Lucas laugh. 

 

It’s a day like any other, except for the storm. 

 

“By Tidal’s grace, we are going to lose all the crops!” Lucas yells over the rain, trying to salvage as much as he can. “Quick, quick, quick! Harvest the mature corps and cover the rest!”

 

Wendy does as she’s told, trying to save as much as she can too. Now that she works there, she knows it’s all hard work and the family’s livelihoods, so she feels it as her own. 

 

Yeji throws some sandbags her way, pointing to where she needs to put them. Still, it’s not enough. Most of the crops already flooded and many of the animals in the ponds were dragged down towards the town hours before. Yeji doesn’t give up, still harvesting some of the damaged crops, leaving the judgment about whether they are in good condition or not for later. 

 

Wendy can see her crying, even with the rain, same for Lucas. It breaks her heart to watch their effort floating around. 

 

“It’s going to be a hard month to go by,” Yeji says, looking at Wendy. “I’m sorry.” 

 

She wants to tell her it’s not her fault, but the girl looks at her research and development lab for the last time and leaves for the ranch. Wendy and Lucas follow. 

 

The ranch is in no better shape. The water reaches almost the kitchen counter and most of their belongings are floating around, including Wendy’s mattress. Yeji put sandbags and many other prevention mechanisms, but their ranch is still way below the normal ground level and the floor is the soil in most parts, essentially creating an artificial pond with the storm. They use buckets to throw the water out, but at that pace, the water will be absorbed by the ground at a faster rate. It sounds eerily familiar to her, but she doesn’t know why. 

 

“This is of no use,” Lucas complains, floating on his back. “This is going to be fixed by itself. We should focus on how we are going to survive now for the rest of the season.” 

 

“Well, I’m open to suggestions then. Last time we barely made it past the first month. We are not really the most social people. No one’s gonna help us at Havenshore and River Pond is not there anymore to ask for help again.” 

 

She ends up floating on her back just like her brother. The water is really cold and makes her shiver. 

 

“Wen, what do you think?” Lucas asks, her question met with silence. He stands, looking around the room for her. “Wendy?”

 

But Wendy is way past the crossroad sign, this time going towards Havenshore instead. She’s determined to help them, even when she doesn’t know how she’s going to do that without money. It doesn’t take her long to arrive in the city thanks to the water practically dragging her. However, the town sewage system, although not perfect, holds good enough for the storm. The houses are not flooded, not even remotely, but the ground is muddy as expected. She takes her time to appreciate it in all her glory. 

It’s smaller than a city but bigger than what River Pond used to be. It’s not as tall but it gets quite close. The Badlands stand tall at the back of the town. 

 

She sees bakeries, shops, a lot of business, and a very thriving market. They seem to welcome the storm, singing and jumping and playing around. A child pushes her and doesn’t even apologize or look her way. 

 

She understands now going there without a plan wasn’t her best idea, but there’s no going back empty-handed. She mixes with a group of people, getting into the market with them. She looks like one of them and they don’t even bother to acknowledge her. It’s at least a ten people group so she goes unnoticed. They stop in front of a hat seller, quickly passing the hats to all the members of the group to buy them. She takes the opportunity to act as if she’s part of them, receiving the fisherman hat quickly putting it over her head, and quickly slipping away, far from there. 

 

“Why are you charging for an extra hat? We are only ten…” 

 

She leaves the group behind, pleased with her quick hands. It brings memories to the back of her mind, of some shiny eggs and jewelry in a dark room. She’s too quick at stealing for it to be merely a casualty, but her past doesn’t matter if it comes in handy now that she needs it. 

 

She extends her hand towards every stall she passes by, grabbing bread, fruits, meat for Lucas, and some seeds for Yeji now that she can tell them apart. She’s glad she took one of the farm sacks for harvesting, now doing the same but to other people’s belongings. Still, is not nearly enough to feed the three of them for the whole storm season and she can’t make a habit of stealing without risking getting caught. She needs a permanent solution for the season. 

 

She wanders a little more, filling the sack a little more, until reaching the end of the stalls. A man looks at her with his good eye, and an eye patch in the other. He looks like a pirate, although she doesn’t remember ever seeing one. He offers her a toothless smile, not for lack of trying, but his mouth is missing half his teeth. 

 

“I hope you don’t try what you tried with the others, kid. I may have one eye but I see better than all of them.” He smiles again, knowing of her activity. 

 

His table is filled with shiny, little jars. She doesn’t recognize the substances inside, but look similar to the herb jars Yeji has in the cupboard. The Ecliptic Harvester reads as the business title. 

 

“I see you’re in a big predicament, and I may have a solution for you.”

 

“What do you know old man?” She says rather harshly, protecting the sack with both hands. 

 

“I know people steal food because they need to eat.” He shrugs like it is something obvious. “And I also know you’re not from around here, and no one goes too far if it is for food. Also, I’ve heard the rumors. You come from Wong’s Dwelling, if I’m not mistaken. Someone saw a young boy working there, but I bet your hair doesn’t help.” 

 

It takes her a second to understand that is a joke. Still, she keeps her distance, not able to trust anyone besides the siblings. 

 

“Tell you what, I’ll give you these potions for free. They re-grow crops even in the worst weather. Almost a radioactive crop. It will be just enough for a small patch of land and its effect will last for two weeks at max, but it’s still better than stealing daily, right?”

 

Wendy looks at him suspiciously, not believing for a second he’s going to gift it to her just by the high price tag on each jar. 

 

“For free? What’s the but?”

 

“Not a but, an if.

 

“I knew. What do you want in exchange?” 

 

“I need a little favor. It’s just delivering a small package. It fits in the size of your palm even.”

 

“And why can’t you do it? Why would you give something for free over a delivery?”

 

He smiles, extending her leg and pulling his pants up. There, a wooden leg. He rolls his pants down again. 

 

“You see, I can’t walk fast enough, and I’m feeling generous today, so I wanted to help a lost soul, but if you don’t want to…” He says, leaving the jar where it was.

 

“No, I’ll do it.” 

 

“You sure?”

 

“Yes, I’ll do it, but you need to keep quiet about this.”

 

He mimics a zipper over his mouth and closes it, throwing away the imaginary key. He kneels, disappearing under the table for a few seconds before resurfacing again with a big box, not of the size he had told her. Its package is brown, not allowing her to see anything. It doesn’t take a fool more than a second to know she’s not supposed to open it, but it doesn’t scare her either, since on the top there’s a red ribbon, suggesting it’s a birthday gift. He gives her the coordinates and instructions, simple enough to look like any other birthday. 

 

“Thank you, dear. And if you ever need more of this, I’ll have other deliveries for you waiting around.” 

 

She nods, hoping she won’t have to talk to him again, but thankful she won’t return to the farm empty-handed. 




 

Ningning

She’s too late, but it’s not her fault. Frogs is ing far away and she had to free dive again, this time through the tunnels thanks to Winter’s attack and Jennie’s poor response. It would have been way easier to infiltrate, but her aunt was so paranoid that she still had to go through the tunnels. She could breathe in the water, of course, but it didn’t mean she liked the wet clothes on her skin and the obscene amount of moss those underwater tunnels had.

 

And the cherry on top—she’s late. In her defense, she didn’t think Yerim would join them, but apparently, even someone as evil as her is keen on the family love bull. The good thing is that is very easy to know where they are going which is where Joy is, and that’s Death Valley. She doesn’t know Dimland that well in reality, but she was part of the army so she knows what she needs to know, which is the coordinates of important places like the castle where Joy spends all her time. And since Seulgi is a simp for her, and the worst mercenary she’s ever seen, she can bet her life she will be going there. 

 

She plans to let them feel safe there for a few weeks until the Luminara Festiva takes place, and then kidnap Yerim that same night. Her plan has some holes, though, for example, how is she going to carry her over The Front? Mmm, she can’t. She can’t use the tunnels unless she wants Yerim to drown, and if she drowns they won’t have any leverage, and it’s even possible that if Jimin dies, Winter will go crazier than she already is. That’s why she likes Jennie better than Yixing because she uses her brain instead of brute force. Even if she didn’t agree with the new queen in letting the attack happen, it had served its purpose—identify what Winter knew, document along the way the strategies she had used to kill her army and keep her distracted enough to think she was winning that war. So far, everything was going according to the plan. 

 

It takes her a whole day to find them. It’s night already, and they are dangerously close to that mining town that was destroyed in an unfortunate tragedy. Even with the economic blockade and the lack of accurate information from media outlets in Dimland, that tragedy managed to sneak out. Many dead, others missing to this day, and the few left were displaced, finding solace in the most low-life towns, including The Ruins in Sproutland. 

She follows the trio, always making sure to stay at a safe distance from them but close enough to use their guiding light to her advance. She reluctantly stops at the entrance of Castle Rocks. There’s no way she won’t be seen there, and also, she’s heard the stories and is not in the mood to die young. 

 

The once-thriving town, fueled by the extraction of the flammable precious metal, Luminite, remains ablaze. Months have passed, yet the fires sparked by the material show no signs of abating. The structures, shadows cast in a perpetual dance with the flames, stand as enduring witnesses to the relentless burn. The once-valuable Luminite, now a curse, has turned the town into an eternal pyre, a testimony to the cost of chasing brilliance in the relentless dark.

 

Although the fire as her light is useful, she can’t risk getting caught. Besides that, the Luminara Festiva is too far away yet, and it won’t make a difference if she follows them up close or simply uses another road to get to Death Castle too.

 

She has a decision to make: risk it and get cougar, or worse, burn in her sleep, or use an alternative road instead, surrounding the town to avoid any issues. 

 

Yixing would have told her to risk it and some part of her still hears her dad pushing her to follow. Sometimes she even hears his voice as if he were there with her, talking to her ear. She wants to get rid of his influence once and for all. 

 

She’ll surround the town, and it’s final. She needs to find a place to sleep and some clothes anyway. The cold is giving her an allergy already. 

 

She watches as they enter a house. She’s not sure which one but the light is enough to locate them. She waits, making sure they stay there, before leaving

 

They are smart, she will give them that. 

 

It’s just a bad assassin, a powerless ex-princess, and a low-rank witch, what’s the worst that could happen if she gives them a few more weeks of enjoyment?

 

With that thinking, she leaves them behind, going back to a small town they passed on the road. 



 

Minjeong

Although they are partners in crime at this point, Minjeong rarely asks Jimin about her visions and Jimin rarely tells her out of the blue, so she had gotten to a point where she thought Jimin stopped having them because of the black magic corruption. She doesn’t really believe in predictions and future readings because she’s adamant about building her future and modifying the odds in her favor, but she’s not stupid to reject one of Jimin’s visions if it can help her anticipate it. 

 

As promised, Jimin sleeps almost all day and doesn’t leave her side at all, except for going to the bathroom. She doesn’t like thinking about that, but she’s scared of losing her if she can’t find Yerim on time. 

 

“Good morning, baby,” Jimin murmurs, hugging her from behind. She keeps her eyes closed, unused to the bright, almost happy light of the former Night Palace of Sproutland. She wonders how could someone name something so inaccurately. Celestia Palace, which was how they renamed it after rebuilding it, was much, much better.

 

“Someone seems happy today,” Minjeong says in the same tone, quickly turning around to peck her on the lips. “I’m still mad, you know?”

 

“I know,” she murmurs, sneaking her hand inside Minjeong’s pajama pants. “But I also know how to make it up to you.”

 

Minjeong laughs, pushing Jimin by her shoulders.

 

“Let’s say you know how,” she says. “But now I need to have that conversation. What did you see?” 

 

Jimin huffs like a little kid, sitting on the border of the bed. 

 

“They are, or will be, I don’t know, in a sanctuary. I think it’s a church. It looks familiar but I barely saw an altar so I wouldn’t know. There was some blood ritual going on, similar to the one I used to create the creatures. There was a body in the middle.”

 

“Who’s they?”

 

“Yerim, Joohyun, and Seulgi,” 

 

Minjeong raises her eyebrow in curiosity. 

 

“What could they possibly be doing with Yerim and a dead body? It doesn’t sound logical,”

 

“I’m not sure, either. I… I may be wrong. The black magic affects my thinking, sometimes. But it seems important if my vision returned because of it. Not sure why that would be relevant, but it’s worth a shot.”

 

“I agree. In the best case, it just means they will be in some church, reducing our search area. In the worst, it’s just a dead end.” 

 

Jimin nods, frustrated for not being more useful. 

 

“There was another thing. I saw a mercenary. I think she’s Jennie’s right hand now, but I’m not sure. I didn’t see her face.”

 

Winter hums, supporting her weight on Jimin’s shoulders.

 

“That must be Yixing’s child. What was she doing?” She guides Jimin’s hand back to her previous position—inside her pants. She seems to understand what she wants.

 

“Just watching them. Surveillance, I imagine. I saw her again in a different place, I think it was The Front, but again, with the amount of things happening around here it may as well be a different place.” She says, pushing her hand further and inside Minjeong’s underwear. “I wouldn’t worry until we have more information.” 

 

Minjeong groans, pushing the black-haired girl on the bed. 

 

“Let’s discuss it over dinner,” 

 

“But—” she speaks between kisses. “It’s not even three in the afternoon.” 

 

“Don’t think for a second you’re going to leave this room before at least seven. You owe me.”

 

Jimin smiles against her, her eyes turning darker if that’s even possible. She can solve the mystery of her visions later. 

 


A/N:
I managed to finish this for this long weekend (today was a holiday here and I come back to work tomorrow)
I guess I should have been clear. Illustrations = AI-generated images by me.
I know many have abandoned this story since the first part but I wanted to keep being faithful to
myself and continue working on developing other characters along with each land's lore,
which is something I'm passionate about. I'll put images from time to time. 

As usual, I planned this Part II with an outline that I'm low-key not following because
I kind of overestimated my plots (? I have chapters with more than 10 bullet points and
I only end up developing 3 and push the rest to the next chapter. Idk what was I thinking,
but with 10 bullet points, I would end up developing 10k chapters. Instead of 3.5k-4k words. 
I don't think you guys would stand 10k+ chapters of me developing my lore instead of focusing
on advancing the plot which is what I should be doing!!

As always, thanks for reading. I'll try to keep updating on the weekend and not to go crazy at work!
Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

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areytrea #1
Chapter 7: damnnnn wow, what about joohyuns real surname huh....very confused and intrigued. so joohyun did have powers as it turns out. i rmb asking you before if she will and you disagreed immediately! joygi is quite sad and it's even more disappointing for me since im in love w them usually but now I'm sure seulgi at least has smth for joohyun then, that seems to be the case, but yes joohyun is stuck up on seungwan who's doing her own crazy btw. all in all I'm looking forward to next ch and the whole story
Justified
#2
Chapter 7: Take your time everyone has personal life.
Hope they can heal Joohyun. And know what power she have
Justified
#3
Chapter 6: Oh . It like all the time Joohyun still thinking about Seungwan.

Thanks you for update
nouseridkarina #4
wenrene and jiminjeong yes!
nouseridkarina #5
Justified
#6
Chapter 5: I love your story. It interesting series .
Take your time write story.
Thank you for update.
areytrea #7
Chapter 4: Chapter 4: aww i did not expect the mention, but don't be daft do NOT put yourself down, you're a great writer and this is legit one of the most interesting fic series i have read okay? YOU'RE MY FAV and i am honoured to have that mention as always thanks for writing despite your anxiety and other things you might have gone through <3

also happy new year! i hope the next year will be even more amazing for all of us.

and now to answer your questions, i can see the chapter full name only when i open the page, otherwise i cant. and a big YES to illustrations. lastly, i do think this could be published, i vaguely remember you telling about how you might want to publish this series in the future and i am all for it however, it will get hard i am sure. now idk how the system works where you live but i had a friend who wanted to publish thier book as well and it was quite a hard task to do it traditionally but tbh go for it! why not, i do think it would be beneficial if you wanna go into the business, getting to know publishing companies and all that could really be helpful and a great learning experience so all for supporting you. (if we end up living at similar places or i come across your book then i will buy the book and support you as well!)

i wanted to talk about the story too but oh well i think i have written too much already, see you in the next chapter!
areytrea #8
Chapter 1: i have totally forgotten maybe or i prolly didn't understand but joohyun is not a bae???? then what is she? Was that not revealed last time. also i totally have no idea what happened at the end of the sproutland story, why did WENDY die of black magic and what has jimin become???? Sooyoung? Is she dead as well? Seulgi doesn't go meet sooyoung anymore??
txnchxtt
#9
Chapter 2: I honestly feel very sorry for Irene here, she has lost everything and the only person by her side is now a stranger, I really fear for her life, because she seems absolutely unhappy. I also feel sorry for Wendy, she doesn't have anyone either, she doesn't even know who she is, I wonder if she's less sad this way, without knowing everything she's been through and who she abandoned, her sacrifice was beautiful, but violent, isn't it? It's surprising that Yeji has a backbone with her.
Looking forward to the next chapter, I want to know how Wendy will get her memories, how she will achieve it amidst the confusion that is in the lands under Winter's domain.
Thank you for the good work author-nim.
areytrea #10
LET'S GO HAVEN'T READ IT YET BUT I AM SOOOO SAT FOR THIS, thank you for writing always and I hope you feel better soon, please take care of yourself ik what anxiety feels like (went through severe anxiety last year) but you got this! the bad days will pass you'll feel better again <3