The soft sound of the music arrived my ears. Usually the music has the power to calm me down somehow. This time it’s different. I can´t concentrate on neither that beautiful voice nor the scratchy voice of the vocal as the next song started.
The only thing I could concentrate on is the letters in front of my eyes that vanished away by the tears.
It is the only way I could go. I have to do it, just to save that what still could be saved. It was a mistake from the very beginning. I should have known that. I shouldn´t had let that happen Right now I sit in that stupid room with my laptop. I try to write with the hope to save something. I knew it from the beginning that it was a stupid idea. He didn´t give in, he got everything he ever wanted. In the end I couldn´t say no to him. Yet I´m the one that didn´t know what words to use. I´m not that good with words, to be honest I´m miserable at words. Whenever I tried to explain myself it . Most oft he time people couldn´t understand me. To express my feelings was never my strong point. I always hated that fact…
The only thing I hope for is that he might understand what I want to tell him. I want him to understand and because of that I read the letters over and over again.
‘I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. It was a great time…But as the saying goes, you should go if its as its best. I would like to take this love in my heart.
Forgive me but I can not carry on.... ',  I read it one more time and form of each letter in the words  my lips to whisper to the empty room.
 How could he understand it if he could never understand my motives? It is not easy and it will not be easier if I wait any longer. I need to finish this game before it comes to any other end. Now the pain is on my side, it is too fresh as if it could hurt him and with these thoughts I send the message to finish everything off.
I couldn´t say it to him right into his face. Just to see in those eyes as the words of farewell to slide over my lips. I just can´t do that.

 For hours as it occurs to me now, the phone rings. It is not just my phone that filled the room with the droning sounds but also my cell phone's ringtone.
Toneless sighing I turn off the sound. Until I got a better idea and turned it off.  I don´t think he will give up. He will continue to terrorize me by phone. So I won´t give him my cellphone as an option to phone me. If its off I just could pretend to not knowing who wants to call me.
Sooner or later he will give it up because he should know that it´s in vain. There's no point wasting strength for it. He has more to do than to chase after me. We both knew that it wouldn´t go well. I told him I don´t really believe it that it would find a happy ending. Believed he wanted me and nobody can change anything.
Long enough, I was located there at night and thought about so many things while listened to his breathing that has slowly driven me to sleep. Always be with knowledge of the sweet pain in my chest as my constant companion. I know the truth, just as he knows it. Unlike me, he's stride, as if it were nothing.
After another 5 minutes in which the phone is ringing the sound died. With a look at the laptop I realize that I got a new message. And other than the phone than I have consistently ignored I rise to read the message I just got.

‚Can´t I meet you?
Even though I love you more than anything else…why?
All I ever wanted was to stay with you forever.‘

I read every word that resonates with his voice reflected in my head. Why can´t he understand that I had to go this way? Why can´t he accept that I had to do it?
It was never what I wanted!  Whenever I wanted to make me know it is so, that's not what I want. I wanted to find happiness with him. But there was no happiness for us and that’s the reason that brought me so far.
Nevertheless, I can´t do it. I can´t even get myself to say goodbye to him. My heart calls out for him, pathetic. It hurts in my chest and reminds me how much I was up to this lie. I can´t erase the feelings.  All I can do is keep going.
If I venture this stepI should have the power to tell him everything to hisface or not? It should be so. I'm not a kid anymore, I'm an adult.A man should stand by his words. I have always been to what I said.I stand by this decision I have made. I refuse to be swayed, not byphone or by any messages. What I've had written it decides the fate of this love which was nothing more than a lie. Ultimately, we both fell to the drug inside that was buried in this love.  A lie could be hold much, manyforget the fact butI´m awakened from this dream in which he and lived all the time.
With all the raindrops beats against my window a tear falls down and wets the keyboard of my laptop. Could they write, what would it write?
Would it ask him to come back? To slap me for these words and to hold me in his arms in which I always found what I was looking for?
Who knows, tears can´t write anything they still haven´t any meaning. I wipe them off of my face so rudely and trying to make a stiff smile on my features. It does not work. Not in the least. I'm mad at myself so I got up and went to the window that I open. I simply ignore the rain that hits me. I see the people under their umbrellas as they walk down the street.  Each of them in their own way. Here and there a couple that shares an umbrella with a laugh while exchanging stories with each other.
He will also have such a future ahead of him. His parents have found a wonderful girl for him, he goes with it. That is a luck you don´t find every day. that you do not find everyday. You should use it, that's why I withdrew from this lie.
I've always hated lies and live with a lie that long was too much of a good thing. Even for him, whom I love so much, I can´t do it. Nor can I watch these people as they walk through the rain. I turn around and let my gaze wander through the empty room in which I seek the memories

When it rings again I answered the phone.  I feel the pounding of my heart when I hear his voice. 
No matter how many times I hear it, he manages to make me addict to his deep voice. Goose bumps formed on my body when I hear his words made ​​it to my dried tears to bring them  to life again.
"I wanted to hear your voice. Whatever your reasons may be, I couldn´t understand anyway. I don´t know what to say to you .... "
"I'm sorry….I´m sorry….I´m…",  I keep repeating these words as a mantra. I can´t say anything else. Not when I hear his voice and struggle with my own.  This pain in my heart and the longing that I feel which I wanted to ignore.  I need to be strong!
"It's hard ... because I can´t find anything I could say to you, to you which always keeps saying I´m sorry over and over.”,  Hesaid and I realizethat it doesn´twork.  It´s up to me to draw the final line.
Final and different than before and how weak I am, I say goodbye and hang up so easily. 
I wasn´t even waiting for a response of him.  By the goodbye, he will only hear the hooting and know that it is finally over.

"I will never forget you.
I will not forget it.
My eyes filled with tears.
I will not forget the movie we watched together.
All the memories of you I keep in my heart ... "I whisper softly, leaning against the wall next to my window. Holding the phone in my hand and let my body do what he wants. He trembled violently through the tears which I unable to control.
I finished it but I don´t feel better.
When I look up to the heaven there is only one thing I would wish for.
 I want to meet him once again.
One day we'll meet again and then I'll be able to share his fortune with him.

Weeks passed and with each day that is gone, I realized that life carries more. The gray clouds still hang over the city. Slowly, I walk the streets that are empty now. No one wants to get wet. I don´t care if I get wet, it will just be like that. It no longer interests me. Its been a while since I last heard something from him..
This girl will have healed the wounds I have caused him. I finished it for him to go on. To make it more easily. He wouldn´thave tell me goodbye.
When I think about it now is laughable.In the end he could had tell me goodbye.
With my pitying chuckle the first rain falls down and hits me.  The first raindrop that hit my cheek rolled down on it, I remembered him.
"Thank you.
Only because of you alone, I started to live again by myself ... ", a sad smile creeps on my lips. One day we'll meet again. When we meet again I know it will be different.
We will make it as to different persons; No one is safe from change. We neither.

"Thank you.
Someone said to me once that love is difficult. Hold dear and protected should be harder than finding it. Right now I understand it.
Suhoon, there is no happiness without you. I got to know her, and yet there was no luck. Unlike you think they will accept you ... you understand my feelings ...
I beg you ... let me turn this lie into truth! "
I hear his voice.
It´s amusing to me that even my own head tricked me with a joke. Maybe it's the rain that confuses my mind to remember him. It is quite possible. I know, I just couldn´t forget it until now. All I did was to numb the pain in my heart.
A lie is not going to turn into reality and he would know that.
Suddenly two strong hands hold meand turn mearound to see in his face. I realize he isn´t an illusion and I have tricked myself.
No imagination wants to remind me of the pain that I wanted to survive.
The reality is that those lips against my own.Soft words whispering bring new tears to life.
This time the tears are different. Joyful ...

We can meet again.
When change comes in, they can be good or bad.
I was hoping that the sky would grant me a wish.
Today I learned that a lie can turn into truth when you just keep wishing for your something you really desire.

THE END