For some time now I'm sitting on a bench which is somewhat remote from all others. It´s a lonely place to which many don´t come over. Mostly it is people like me who come by here.
You want to find peace and have some time for yourself before you threw yourself back into the wild and bustle of the city. It is hard in such a big city to live. You meet so many people every day, all the strange faces. It is depressing ...Who could still say that he knows the difference between a friend and an acquaintance? Who is a friend or much more when someone is a friend?
Is someone a friend because you have the phone number of the other? No, certainly not.
This isn´t friendship, at least not for me. I detest this kind of thinking which many have. They defend this naive way of thinking which is not justified. People feel lonely light of this reason, they are forced to call other friends to displace their loneliness.I've always opposed it which was the reason why I didn´t found many friends. But honestly, I prefer to convince me I have real friends than friends because I had just collected a bunch of numbers from various people in my phone because unlike others I can say that I've found a few good friends. They are not always easy to bear but who is already...
Right now they are too much for me so I enjoy the silence of this place. A few buildings surround the small park that is submerged by the evening sun in an orange light. It is a beautiful picture, especially the colorful flowers decorate the park. Freesia, if I'm not mistaken. I remember that my mother liked them but I'm not sure. With the thought of my mother, I just close my eyes and see her right before my eyes. Her warm smile and soft features that I have inherited only part of it. I find it difficult even now that I´m not able to meet her as much as I want to. Ever since I moved to Seoul, a lot has changed. I wanted to study and make something of my life to finally make them proud but I have not considered that it would be so hard.
In these moments I have only one true friend and that's the music. My whole life it accompanied me, and I slowly lifted my head and look at the birds fly away twittering over the roof. Only with their chirping, I start to sing.
"I wonder what it is.
Among all these people...
I am looking for somebody I can´t find.
What is it what I want?
They say that you shouldn´t search for love, you find it...
How can such words be true?
I have never found it ... ", I sing the lines that have gone through my mind freely. While I sang I didn´t notice that I have forgotten everything around me. What I've noticed were my feelings. I only feel this feelings when I´m able to sing.
When I sing my heart opens and I can express what is otherwise denied. I find it difficult to put my feelings into words or what I want. My wishes are carved in that lonely song to comfort myself. Sooner or later I'd like to share these songs with someone because that person could hear my feelings and it would be the persons I have this feelings for.

I don´t know how long I've been sitting on this evening in the park. For a while I had the feeling that's been in this park yet another person, or at least close. I've somehow felt watched by somebody but I told myself I just imagined. It wasn´t true. On that evening I discovered a man who has seen through a window and was watching me.
He isn´t older than me maybe even younger than me.. For a while I was watching him too but then he left and I stopped myself by looking at that window like some weirdo.
I think I just went home because of my phone. The ringing sound brought me back to reality and the excited squeaking Hyunchul told me to come home because dinner was already ready and just waiting for me.
He is a loving man and without him I would feel very lonely here. Among my friends here in Seoul, he is the one who can understand me best. Hyunchul says sometimes it's because we have the same birthday, same height and also still have the same blood type. I´ve never believed him even though much of what it´s the same about us we´re simply too different in many ways, our characters aren´t the slightest alike. He is lively, affectionate and loves to talk a lot. I'm the completly opposite, quiet, reserved and avoid to talk much mostly because I don´t know what to talk about. Especially when I meet new people it´s very hard for me to converse with them, of course, I've tried it many times but one day I came to the conclusion that a conversation that´s forced through and through isn´t better than just say the formal things at the beginning and keep up with saying only the most necessary things. Not necessarily the best way to make new friends but whatever. I said earlier ... it is not easy and sometimes I curse my own character for it.
"You´re totally absorbed in your thoughts Hyung!"
The brown haired nudges me in the side and tries to tear the guitar away from my hands on what I've just played a song.. He´s engaging because when he wants attention he get the attention, mostly because he also gets on my nerves for so long I tried to ingnore him instead of dealing with his boredom. In the end I´ve always gave up. Not one of his best qualities, but it belongs to him and I still admire him somewhere for it. For me it´s really something special and I had always thought that he is going to win my heart. He it is who I could sing these songs to but he isn´t.
I tried it but this friendship was worth more to me than anything else in the world, especially since we were both sure that we want nothing more than our friendship.
"I was just thinking about some new lyrics. We should have done that until tomorrow but I have no idea."
I'm trying to get my guitar back to me which was removed from Hyunchul that now plays a few notes on the guitar which sounds very wrong. A little skeptical I lift an eyebrow and took back my guitar by a grinning Hyunchul.
"Oh shall I help you? We can even write something together. Sometimes it helps if you listen to music and get inspired by other musicians. How about if we are watching a TVXQ concert? You will promptly bubbling over from all the good ideas. ", he makes me a proposal and his sparkling eyes make it hard for me to say no to him but I know that I will get no inspiration by watching some concert.
"I'm sorry, but I already know how I will get an idea."
I give him the guitar in his hands and the pocket for it so that he could wrap it into it. Meanwhile I was searching for my notebook and a pen, both I pack into my bag that I shoulder.
I take the wrapped guitar and bow down to Hyunchul to give him a kiss on his dark locks.
"See you later.", I say goodbye to him and not let it him the chance to ask me some questions where I want to go. I know where I want to go and that´s enough and as long as I do it´s okay.
"Don´t come late. I´ll prepare dinner at the usual time Suhoon-ah.", he shouted so that I could hear him before I leave the apartment.

It took me some time until I arrived where I wanted. I do know Hyunchul wants to know where I went but that doesn´t matters now. He knows me and will understand that I don´t find my inspiration from other musicians but by my own feelings and this place that´s so special for me.
It is fascinating that my heart starts again to beat so quickly at this place almost as if it knew this place is something special to me. I don´t know. Naive, if you ask me, but I like this feeling. It´s so warm and inspiring. With that thought I grab the guitar and start playing a few slow chords connecting to the stillness of late afternoon. Again this strange feeling comes to me and I can see myself watching around with a frown. The tune my guitar goes and only the quiet sounds of nature can be heard. Again it is this man who looks at me with a warm smile on his lips. It´s the same expression with which he has already seen me the first time. It makes my heart beat faster and very quickly I turn my eyes away as I realize that he starts to grin and I feel like an idiot. Quickly, I'm taking back my guitar and try to forget everything again, only the beating of my heart remains with me when I start to sing.This time it's a completely different melody than it was before but it corresponds to what I feel.
"I wonder if he knew what attracted us to each other.
Gazing at each other with fleeting looks ...
He was smiling kindly...
Each time I noticed his sign and words were never exchanged..."
I open my eyes and return his gaze when I sing my last sentence and return to reality from which I fled for a short time.
He fled with a last smile, and let me hit the strings of the guitar again.
"Now the dream-like phantom is inside my memories of that time as the looks have faded ...", I end the song and feel something inside me that wasn´t there before. My heart beats no more quickly, it feels almost as difficult to suffer as if would.
Strange what feelings can do with you with it´s power. I am grateful to him and would like to thank him, he was the one who gave me this song but now he is gone. Maybe he will come back but if I'm honest, that´s kinda strange.
I felt this awkward, almost as if I'd known him for ages but I do not. He is a stranger who beat someone silly with a big smile and a warm expression and bringing my heart to beat too fast.
I felt so free when I'm singing this song almost as if it was exactly what I feel and on the other hand, there were of course my feelings. How naive of me to write to a stranger so much and nothing will ever happen between us.
Nevertheless I thank him for it...

Some ays have come and gone since then. The last day when I was in the park is just a long time ago. I've never found the right time for it because I was busy every time with the other, or the study has taken me. I am glad that today I finally can return back to it. At no other place I can drop as much as here. So I go quickly go through the crowd, going down the few stairs down in the small park. As always, it´s empty because no one visited it at this time. I've never met anyone in this place which I think is good. It's like a secret about my favorite place. Arrived at my bench I notice something is different than usual a very large canvas was left lying on the bench..
I made some steps forward to the bench to look at the canvas. Without holding the lookout for the owner of the canvas that´s left behind. It´s to engaging.
I immediately recognize the person who is on the screen. Dark black hair and pale skin. Even the eyes were perfect because they were painted in a light gray tone. Speechless, I look at the picture and ask myself who will paint a picture of me. Every little detail is correct, it's almost scary how well he has worked. I would like to learn more about this person ...It makes me speechless and with every second that passes the lump in my neck grown bigger to steal my words.
Carefully, I turn around the screen and notice that it is something on the back of the canvas.
'Deeply, deeply falling inside of the dream.
I only started to forget who I am, now,
les misérables
You who I loved too much are on the other side of the wall
Softly smiling...
Only this feeling that can not be fulfilled ... it's filled into sighs'
With a smile on my lips I nod slightly.
"La misère qui se cache dans la beauté ...I was hoping to be able to even look at you from nearby." A voice is heard behind me and I got a short shock.. I almost had to drop the picture if I had not yet responded quickly. I quickly turn around but I keep the words stuck in my throat. It is the man I saw in the window. He is tall and his smile is the same as that afternoon.
"Hmm ... I've made a mistake. You have blue eyes .. not gray," he sighs, then looks disappointed and contemptuous at the canvas.
"W-what? No, that's true. I just had other contact lenses that day."
It is the first thing that comes from me. Of course, I protect the painting. It is beautiful and never in my life have I seen something such as this painting of him and it must come from him after these words.
"I-I want to thank you.", I bow myself before him and hold on to the canvas so that he can´t take it away from me.
"But you don´t need to be thankful to me."
"But I want to thank you and thank not only for that. You have inspired me in my lyrics for it."
I bow again and ignore my rapidly beating heart.
"Nothing is there to thank me ah but there is something how you could thank me."
I look at him quizzically and slightly raise an eyebrow at such a grin on because it couldn´t be something good. I have gained enough experience over the years.
"Don´t look like it's nothing serious.Just tell me your name.", he explained to me his wish, and I just nod.
"Lee Suhoon", I answer him and just look at the canvas and then look again to him.
"You can keep it if you want. By the way I´m Woo Hyunmin. ", he calls me his name that fits so well with him.
"I think I´ll leave now..."
I turn off my view of him and hold the canvas firmly in place while I go to the exit of the park.
"Are you coming back Lee Suhoon?", he shouts after me and I turn briefly to bring him the following words to him contrary.
"Maybe when I need inspiration I´ll return."

That evening I left the park with a smile and that hasn´t changed. Since that day I'm still common in the park because I realized very quickly that I find nowhere as fast as my inspiration here, and every time I'm sitting on the bench, he came out and had a talk with me. After a while we went to eat ice cream and on a different evening we where drinking coffee.
Maybe it's true ... love seeks not it will be found.

THE END