Tao lazily rubbed his eyes looking around. He couldn’t sleep well again that night, therefore he was still tired.

He sunk back at the soft mattress under him, signing in distress. He was all alone, again.

s had probably left long ago, to attend their schedules.

He frowned at that thought.  Tao had noticed how everyone else had a very busy schedule, unlike him. He should be happy, having free time for his own, but he couldn’t escape the feeling of anger as it seemed that the reason for his flexible schedule was his lack of popularity.

Yes it didn’t go unnoticed by Tao that he wasn’t as talented as the others.

He wasn’t as handsome as Kris.

He couldn’t dance like Lay.

He wasn’t as cute as Luhan.

He couldn’t sing as breath-taking as Chen and Xiumin could.

To sum up, Tao felt useless.

He sighed as he slowly got up. He headed to the bathroom, rubbing his neck.

He splashed water on his tired eyes, watching his reflection on the mirror as he did so.

Ugly.  His eye bags looked horrible.  He was sure that if anyone ever had the bad lack to witness one of Tao’s morning’s, he would scream in horror. With those looks he could totally pass for a zombie in the apocalypse.

He quickly washed his teeth, as if a clean breath would lessen the burden he felt in his heart.

He skipped breakfast, not sure if he deserved food at all.

He headed to the practice room turning up the music as loud as he could.

If the music was loud enough, maybe Tao wouldn’t be able to even think about his miserable self.

So Tao danced, and danced, till he couldn’t feel his legs anymore, till his breath came out so uneven that he felt like crying.

Nevertheless, he didn’t stop.

This was his personal way of punishing himself.

Punishing himself for his lack of natural beauty and good looks.

Punishing himself, for not being able to dance as professionally as Lay did, and sing as perfect as Chen and Xiumin did.

Maybe this was god’s way showing him his place.

He didn’t belong to the group, he could feel it.

He wasn’t even close with the members.

They would only greet each other, and occasionally chat.

 As Tao remarked, occasionally.

He couldn’t even have a proper conversation, with their leader Kris.

He did feel a rather special connection with Kris but he didn’t dare to talk to him about his childish problems.

Cause in reality, they weren’t real problems at all.

Well, that was until Tao started losing more weight and cutting himself.

After a long day, Kris was finally done with his schedule and could go back to the dorms.

Their personal driver dropped him off in front of the gates and allowed Kris to walk from there.

Kris and his troubled mind, walked in the dorms finding no one.

He thought that at least Tao would be there.

He felt like spending his spare time with the maknae as he had long time to do so after their debut.

He was tired and felt like sleeping but he couldn’t just throw away the opportunity to spent time with his Tao.

After all, the leader had a soft spot for him.

So he decided to just look for him, maybe Tao was training.

He walked to the practice rooms, checking them one by one, finding them all empty.

‘Weird’ he had thought.

He decided to look at the shower rooms. Maybe Tao was taking a bath.

He casually walked in, but stopped dead in his tracks.

The most heart breaking scene was taking place in front of him.

His maknae, his Tao was crying in front of the sink.

No, it wasn’t one of those silent small cries; it was hysterical sobs and endless wiping.

It broke the leader’s heart seeing his favorite member looking so fragile.

“Tao” He silently muttered not wanting to scare him.

Tao jumped up in surprise, looking scared at Kris, with the pair of the most innocent eyes anyone could ever wear.

His upper lip trembled and he tried to wipe his tears away with his sleeve.

“Ye-s?” Tao asked uncertain, voice broken.

“Come here.” Kris said calmly opening widely both of his arms.

Tao quickly obeyed, hugging tightly the leader and clenching on his shirt, watering it with his salty tears in the process.

Kris, having Tao in his arms, felt a wave of relief wash over him.

If Tao was always secure in his arms, nothing could harm his fragile boy.

He patted the younger’s head lovingly, having a sad smile plastered on his face.

He led Tao back in the dorms and in his room. He texted Xiumin that he would have to sleep in his room for tonight. He hoped that no one would question it.

He let Tao change clothes in the bathroom as the younger was way too shy to change in front of him.

He smiled at the obvious innocence of Tao.

He wondered why Tao was crying but decided not to ask anything just yet.

Tao should just relax and sleep.

As Tao came out Kris could only stare at the perfection standing in front of him.

Yes, Kris had admitted to himself that he found Tao the most handsome man he had ever met in his entire existence.

Maybe that had to do with that Kris had also discovered that his feeling for the younger appeared to be more than friendly.

So, he watched as Tao gave him a small smile before lying on his bed.

Kris did the same at the opposite bed, never his eyes leaving Tao.

Seeing him crying, had triggered more one-sided feelings for the younger.

It had awakened his protective and loving side over Tao.

Well, that’s a lie. All those feelings were probably always there, but the older had decided that the best choice was to ignore them completely.

Obviously, it didn’t go as planned.

As the time passed, he grew more and more attached to Tao.

But the oblivious side of Tao wouldn’t let him get his message over.

Maybe it was for the best.

So for a long time, Kris tried to cut off any special connection he had with Tao.

That didn’t go as planned either.

“Kris-ge.” He heard Tao’s low voice calling him out.

Kris snapped his head up and looked at Tao questioningly waiting for him to continue.

“Can we sleep together?” He asked looking down, realizing how suggestive in every wrong way he had sounded, a faint pinkish color, covering his cheeks.

Kris nodded as he got up.

He laid down, next to the younger, head facing Tao’s.

He smiled at the pure innocence of the maknae.

“Tao, why were you crying earlier?” Kris asked, deciding it was the best time to ask what had been bugging him for the past minutes.

Tao widened slightly his eyes, and opened lightly his mouth surprised.

He bit his lip and shut his eyes.

“Kris-ge, why do you have to be so handsome?” Tao asked, more like stated.

He surely didn’t wait that kind of answer.

“What do you mean?” he asked back.

“Why does Lay has to dance that well?” Tao asked again.

“Tao, please open your eyes.” Kris said gently pushing away Tao’s bangs as they were covering his beautiful face. But Tao refused to do what he was told as he continued.

“Why Chen and Xiumin sing that well? Why is Luhan so pretty and cute? Why am I so useless?” Tao said finally bursting in tears.

Kris quickly hugged the sobbing mess and held him tightly.

He kissed the tip of Tao’s nose and then his forehead.

“Tao you are not useless. Everyone in the group is useful in his own way. You can rap, and dance, and sing, and just be perfect. You are pretty much good at everything you do.” Kris reassured the younger. It broke his heart seeing the object of his love affection shattered in pieces in front of him.

“But I’ll never be the best.” Tao muttered looking Kris finally in the eyes.

His eyes reflected all the sadness and pain the word could hold.

“It doesn’t matter being the best at everything you do. The only thing that matters is your happiness and only. And you were trained for less than a year. Why do you expect to be able to do everything perfect in such a sort time? You are still young, you have time.”

Tao seemed to be calmer now, nodding slightly.

“But I’ll never be more handsome. I’ll always be ugly.” Tao said looking away.

“Tao are you serious? You are already handsome. You are not ugly.” Kris replied angry.

Why Tao was saying he was ugly all of a sudden?

“I see myself every morning in the mirror and I want to puke. Kris I will never be pretty enough for anyone.” He said, sounding so broken that Kris just wanted to hug Tao forever, and never let go.

“Shut up. You are the most handsome man I have ever met.” Kris said

“Kris stop lying to my face. “

“Shut up.”

“I have my own eyes. I can see I am ugly.”

“If you won’t shut up, I swear you’ll regret it.” Kris said, face serious.

“What do you mean? And why are you telling me to shut up? Wait, what are you doing?

Kri-” Tao was cut off as Kris’s lips where on his own kissing him.

Tao was frozen, neither responding, neither pushing him away.

“Well at least you shut up now. Good night pretty boy.” Kris said smiling and hugging the other.

Yes Tao had indeed shut up.

He smiled as his head was resting on Kris’s broad chest.

Things weren’t perfect, they had many issues going on, Tao was still having problems, that maybe he could never share with Kris, but maybe, just maybe Kris would be the one to save him, and finally bring him home.

For once, Tao fell asleep easily, with the sweetest lullaby on the world.

Kris’s heartbeat.

well, the did i just write?! lol anyways, i hope you guys will like it!!!XD