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Yunjae POV

One will never know how important some things are until one loses them

At one point of my life I thought I’ve found my love, my other half—Shiwon. We’ve known each other for as long as I can remember, and have loved her just as long. People say that you won’t ever forget your first love. That’s the point. Not all of us would end up with our first love. Some of us just stopped loving them one day and began loving someone else.

Then there’s Junhee. Another constant figure in my life or at least he’s been there since high school. He was the best best friend anyone could ever ask for. But because he’s a guy, we can only be friends. That was what I thought at the time. And when Shiwon came back to my life after years of disappearance, it only strengthens the thought. Junhee, realized that we could never be, pushed me and Shiwon together, and then left with the reason to give us some space. I let him go, knowing what the real reason was with hope that he’ll be able to forget me and move on. But instead it backfires.

I remember when he confessed the first time. He looked troubled, between to tell me everything or to continue keeping it a secret. He told me anyways, and me being the biggest jerk in the world, just shrugged it off as a joke. What a joke it would have been if it wasn’t true.

The second time was not exactly a confession, more like I overheard him talking to Shiwon about it. I couldn’t explain it at the time, but part of me felt disappointed when he told Shiwon he no longer liked me because of my lazy . Though I remembered feeling guilty when I heard it, my thought went back to the first time he confessed. That was the time when I realized that whatever this was, it wasn’t one sided.

Shiwon and I didn’t work out in the end. Regardless of all the effort both of us (and him) put in the relationship, it’s just doesn’t work. We just realized one day that we have fallen out of love with one another when our relationship got more on the brother/sister level than that of a couple. She went on dating a few men and I’d come home everyday to an empty house. I didn’t see him for a few years after he left, until we met again in another alumni meeting in 2012.

It was nice seeing everyone again. It was especially nice seeing him again. We greeted each other like we used to, plus me berating him for not calling me after he left. He changed his hairstyle, but he was still the Junhee that I know (and secretly loves—I’ve finally admit it). I didn’t expect him to be in a relationship. At least that was what I selfishly hoped for. I don’t like to think that his feelings for me were that vulnerable, but I was wrong. Before I could even think to ask him for a drink later that night, he had slipped a letter in my coat jacket. He told me to open it at home and smile that pretty smile of his before he went away, leaving me dumbly at the sidewalk. I went home as well, refused the offer of an after party at a bar nearby, eager to see the contents of the letter.

It was a wedding invitation. His wedding to be exact. For a moment my lung had failed to supply me with oxygen. I couldn’t breathe. My apartment suddenly felt so suffocating that I had to step out. I went for a drive to clear my head (not the best idea with a clouded mind but I couldn’t care less) all the while thinking about him. Reminiscing about our time together, I finally noticed how much he cared. How much he had loved me. Maybe this was punishment for ignoring his feelings last time. For a fleeting moment I felt like I deserved this. Junhee deserves someone much better than me. Someone that would love him as much as he used to loved me.

I stepped on the brakes. Luckily there were no cars around; otherwise someone would have banged me already. I shouldn’t be like this. I shouldn’t give up. I gave up on Shiwon once; I’m not going to give up on him too. So what if he’s getting married? They’re not married yet. And I vow that I’m the only one he would marry, in this life and whatever life that comes after. My conscious tells me not to ruin his happiness—he really did look happy just now, but I just can’t. I can’t give up without a fight. I never did fight for Shiwon but I’m for sure as hell will fight for Junhee.

I scroll down my list of contacts and called the first person that crossed my mind to be my accomplice.

“Shiwon-ah...”

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It was such a beautiful day. Perfect for a wedding. I looked out the window, just taking everything in. I can’t believe I’m getting married today. It seemed so impossible just a year ago, but its happening. Yes, I’m getting married. To my love for eternity, Kang Junhee. The past year had been ugly in the beginning, with me fighting hard for him, and breaking someone’s heart in the process; I’m not proud but I don’t regret it either. If I had decided to not fight for us the other day, we would not be here right now. And speaking of...

“Yunjae-ah”, my love’s sweetly calling to me.

I turn around with the goofiest smile on my face and beckoned him to me. He smiled and cat walked slowly towards me, like asking me if he looked ok (dang, he looked good in a tux). I wrapped him in my arms and whispered in his ear, “You look hot”.

I felt the shiver running up his spine, spiking my desire for him.

“Don’t tempt me love”, I grunted. “You won’t be able to stand on the altar later”.

“Hmm...” he pulled away slightly and held my gaze. “That has never stopped you before”, he chuckled. “So what’s stopping you now?” he teased.

I had to stop myself from pouncing on him right then and there. Damn this little vixen. Then he decided to continue teasing me.

He kissed me. Lightly at first (‘Tease’ I thought) and then full-on, open mouthed kiss that left me breathless. But before I could kiss him back, the little vixen pulled away.

I whined.

He laughs and said, “We got to save some ‘till after the wedding, don’t you think?” I would have wiped that smug smile off his face if I wasn’t so shocked to see this side of him. See, usually I would do the teasing.

“I see that your mind has gone elsewhere”, he pulled away from me completely and walked towards the door. “See you later”, he winked and left.

My soul has finally returned to me, and my heart started racing when I realized what he meant. We’re getting married. I love the guy to death and beyond but that does not stop me from being nervous. I looked at myself one more time in the mirror, straightened my bow (he must have tugged it when he was kissing me earlier) and make myself looked as presentable as I can. My mouth is slightly bruised red from the kiss, but never mind. It’s good to know that he wants me as much as I want him. I took one last look at the mirror; the man reflected looked truly happy.

I love you, Kang Junhee.

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