The room is dark with only the light coming from the moon shines through the window. Yixing runs his hands at the hair of the guy on his lap. The other slowly opens his eyes and Yixing smiles. Those eyes looked dead and empty, unlike the eyes of Yixing’s, filled with love and emotions.

“What time is it?”

“It’s 9 in the evening.”

“I have to go,” he stands up, almost tripping on Yixing. Yixing holds unto his wrist and fixes him with his hair and ties his shoes for him.

“Take care, Wu Fan,” he whispers as he wipes a tissue on his face too. There was no response. It’s not like he would really be answered by him. He should get used to it by now.

“I’ll just clean everything then lock this place. I’ll leave the key under the rag, just as always,” Yixing reminds Wu Fan before he leaves.

Yixing would be asked what he was to Wu Fan. He doesn’t answer it with words, but just a smile. He never tried asking Wu Fan for fear of what the answer will be. Their relationship cannot be explained and he doesn’t want it to be explained. No one can understand what Yixing is going through, living with the sparkle in his eyes when he sees Wu Fan. While Wu Fan is alive but does not live how life should be lived, as others would say.

“Do you know what you’re doing while you continue to live with Wu Fan?!” He remembers Luhan yelling at him. He shakes his head and chuckles.

“None of you will understand, but I don’t need to explain myself. I know what I’m doing.”

“Yixing—“

“And I don’t live with Wu Fan… I live for him.”

Those words summarize what Yixing has been doing for the long time since he met Wu Fan. The tall blonde had managed to capture the heart of Yixing. The once innocent and pure heart for Yixing went to Wu Fan, whose life is in the dark and should not be with those who are good. But Yixing didn’t want to. He let himself fall in the life of Wu Fan. He cared for him unlike any other person Wu fan has met, thus letting Yixing to enter in his life. Yixing pretends he knows nothing when Wu Fan is gone by night. His smile makes him look innocent and make people believe he’s okay.

“Wu Fan?” Yixing wanted to surprise Wu Fan with the bags of food he had bought. To his surprise, he sees unfamiliar set of shoes and clothes scattered. Moans filled the room and he closes his eyes. The hold on the bags tightens and his jaw clenches. It doesn’t take long when he hears the bed squeaks and sees someone out.

“Oh!” The person shrieks. Wu Fan steps out to see Yixing frozen. Wu Fan remains calm, dead in the eyes and shows no shame. He turns back to wear something as the other person immediately wears clothes and leaves. “Pay is on the table,” was the last thing heard before the loud closing of the door. Wu Fan shows himself back to Yixing with a black shirt and boxer shorts on.

“I brought food!” Yixing chirps in, making Wu Fan miss the hurt in the eyes of Yixing. Yixing takes out the food and settled it on the table fit for just the two of them. They eat in silent. Yixing hides the pain in his voice and tries to lighten up the mood by talking about work, how Jongdae plans to create a prank on Zitao again and how his boss, Kyuhyun sings in the toilet very loud during breaks.

“I’ll be having my sessions, are you gonna leave or stay?” Wu Fan asks and Yixing smiles at him.

“I’m going to stay, just like always.”

Just like always. Yixing would find Wu Fan sitting on the floor with his half-lidded close eyes, exhaling smoke and taking more of his cigarette. He takes a sit next to Wu Fan and pulls the latter to lay his head on his lap. Wu Fan’s eyes are nothing but black emotionless orbs. Wu Fan’s beautiful and Yixing thinks about how he’s the only one who gets to see him this up close and hold him like this.

But Wu Fan suddenly snickers and stands up.

“Wu Fan—“

Yixing tries to stand up but falls on the floor. Wu Fan jumps on his bed and covers himself with a blanket. Yixing remains on the floor and waits until he’s sure Wu Fan is asleep. He stands up and looks at the beautiful sleeping figure of Wu Fan. He knows he always has the choice to walk away from this life and come back to the once good life he has. But he just simply can’t. Despite what Wu Fan has done, he sees something beautiful when he’s with Wu Fan. He’s not blinded, as what others say. He just loves Wu Fan so much that he can’t leave him.

Yixing knows that Wu Fan does this. This is just the first time he walked in.He kneels in front of the sleeping Wu Fan and weakly smiles. He the cheeks of the sleeping guy and leaves a kiss before leaving Wu Fan’s apartment.

“You’re crying again. This is about Wu Fan, right?” Luhan asks Yixing the following day. Yixing’s eyes are red and swollen. The cheerful smile he always wears with that dimple of his is gone.

“This has nothing to do with you.”

“Yes it does! I’m your best friend, Yixing! I’m worried about you! Ever since you met Wu Fan, you always claim you’re happy, but each day, I see you get more tired and be in more pain than ever.”

“To be honest, I really don’t care. I love him and none of you can really understand how I feel because you’re not the one in love with Wu Fan. Luhan, please leave me when it comes to Wu Fan. I’ll come to you when I need you, but now, I don’t need you like before.”

Yixing doesn’t see that he just hurt his best friend, the person who is willing to be beside him always.

Yixing spends more time with Wu Fan, even if it means seeing Wu Fan with someone else, inhaling illegal drugs or smoking. Wu Fan becomes busy with each day that passes, ignoring Yixing. But Yixing doesn’t mind. He brings him food and cleans the apartment when he has time. He sees Wu Fan but he gets the cold shoulder at times. He’s fine with the thought that Wu Fan eats the food he prepares for him and when Wu Fan apologizes for bumping into him in the latter’s apartment. It’s like that for a while.

One day, Wu Fan gets sick. He dials Yixing’s number and it Yixing knows something is definitely wrong because Wu Fan never calls him. This is the first. The moment he hears the cough of Wu Fan, he runs out to the nearest drugstore and buys him medicine and food to prepare. He immediately goes to Wu Fan’s apartment and finds him on his bedroom floor. Yixing quickly carries him on his bed and covers him with a blanket.

He makes Wu Fan take the medicine and goes to the kitchen to make hot chicken soup. Yixing comes back and feeds Wu Fan with it. Wu Fan doesn’t budge and lets to be feed by Yixing. Soon, he drifts to sleep and Yixing looks at him. Tears were on the side of his eyes as he watches Wu Fan sleep.

“You’re so beautiful. Do you know that? Has anyone tell you that you’re a wonderful person? I don’t know if anyone has ever told you that but despite what others think about you, you mean so much to me. You’re just so special that you mean almost the world to me. No one understands it. No one understands how happy I am with you… How you’re the most precious person in my life… Do you know how much I love you too?”

He sits at the floor while his head rests on the bed with his hand holding unto Wu Fan’s.  Yixing knows he’s all Wu Fan has. Yixing knows he can always have a life to turn back to, an apartment to stay in, a job to make him pay for his needs and friends who are willing to always forgive him. Unlike Wu Fan, who has nothing, but him.

He silently cries with a mocking smile on his smile. It’s quite pathetic, he thinks. How he is so in love with someone who has no assurance that can love him back. He gets nothing or is sent away by the person he cares for more than his life.

It’s like a beautiful tragic novel… only it’s not a novel but his life.

I tried. Merry Christmas, everyon! >:D< I know it doesn't fit the mood of the season, but I really just felt like doing it. :p Merry Christmas! ^^