Review for reikundesho // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

Awake My Soul (Completed, reviewed with 25 chapters)

Title: (20/20)

PURRRRFECT, I love what the title stands and means to the story. It completely blends in so well with the story's description and the story. The idea of your soul being awaken was just such a beautiful and amazing idea, I'm so in love with the story's title! It's also very short, simple yet give a sense of the right amount of angst and attractiveness at the same time. It feels very poetic and sorrowful as well! It may not sound original but it definitely is a wonderful wonderful title for the story and I love it so much I can't seem to point out what's not good about it.

Overall Appearance: (4/5)

I love the whole overall appearance of the story. The font and size was just right, the poster was really pretty and everything looks organized. The only thing I wanted to say is that the pictures used in the story kind of puts me off. The poster/picture with Sunny in it and the other picture with wordings about hunhan was rather unsuitable and the hunhan picture was a huge spoiler for me. I was about to read the story when the wordings of that poster caught my eyes and then I realized it's going to be some hunhan action going on and it gives off the great plot twist and surprise you had in store. I would recommend on getting a poster from graphic stores though because the current one in the d/f, doesn't have the necessary points in a poster.

Description and Foreword: (18/20)

I thought the quotes should be place after the short description of the story in description because readers would want to read the story's detail first before being able to understand the quote you chose was a bit confusing for me. If it wasn't for the brilliant 'Dead in spirit, will they awaken at the other’s return?' in the story's description, I wouldn't be interested in the story because that line draws me in and it makes a lot of sense and readers are also able to comprehend the story title with the plot. It hooks people in and it sounds so beautiful.

The foreword was quite unnecessary, for me, because it's all in the prologue anyway.

Plot: (28/30)

The plot was a rather difficult part to type because I have no idea where to start. I'm so completely in love with the idea of one's soul being awaken and I like how you portrayed that part. Of someone waking up another's person soul. The conflicts in the story was a bit weak but it was built up well. I really liked the conflict about hunhan and Sehun with Hyungsu. I thought it was original and interesting though it wasn't explored clearly well. During that point of time, I was always wondering of Sehun's true feelings, his thoughts and all which wasn't clearly explained in detail. The other angst conflict was about taoris tearing apart Hyungsu after killing Jongin which made the story really depressing but I was really saddened to the fact of them torturing or making Hyungsu miserable being skipped completely. It's a rated-m story after all and having that scene/part written would have made readers feel Hyunsu pain instead of reading it to us. The story was in fact a rather simple but complicated at the same time. I like how you managed to make a simple story complicated. It made the plot interesting to read and I was always curious how you'll end the story. 

The ending of the story was an expected one, I knew somehow Sehun will end back with Hyunsu again especially after they confessed with each other but it was a really satisfying and cute ending no doubt!

Originality: (14/20)

The main plot idea of the story isn't really original, a lot of angst story have plots about their love ones being dead and they couldn't move on. Neither the part about Sehun having a secret crush on his best friend's wife and about him knowing her first and feeling that it's unfair that she was taken away by his very own best friend. However, there are very original plot ideas and twists in the story that cannot go unrecognized. I love how the exo cameo in the story turns out to be really memorable and original. My favorite cameo has to be Minseok because in the end he played a huge part in the ending and it was really cute to see xiuhan together! The other original element I loved in the story, other than the awake my soul idea, was the idea of having Hyunsu forgives Jongin and know that Jongin wants her to be happy after he's gone. So often I'm irritated to read angst story about the oc being angry and furious and refuse to move on with her/his life after losing their love ones and in my head, I just want to shout back at them and let them know that maybe... maybe your love ones would really hate to see you this way and maybe you should move on. It was refreshing to read such a thoughtful and smart Oc like hyunsu. Also, I was squealing about Hyunsu becoming Sehun's assistant/secretary and they'll have a lot of cute moments together, but unfortunately it was almost skipped and fast forwarded completely. 

Language: (20/20)

I think you have a strong language ability and moreover you're very careful with silly mistakes. I could tell that you put in a lot of effort in proofreading and making each and every chapter perfect and it's proven! There's no mistakes that I can spot and those below are just my opinion to make the sentence sound better. Although I have to point out that you have some really long and draggy sentences to be careful of and also you can try to express anger better in conversations.

Chapter 2:

He hated how she tries to understand every time, hated how he had to let her down more than once, hated how she was patient.

(He hated how she tries to understand every time, hated how he had to let her down more than once, hated how patient she was.)

Chapter 3:

He says nothing, kissing the top of her head as they walked.

(He says nothing but kissed the top of her head and they continued to walk.)

>If it isn't really edited, it would actually mean he's kissing her temple as they walk on instead of a peck and walked on.

Chapter 4:

Horrified, Hyunsu lets out a blood-curdling “No!” as she watched her husband fall at her feet.

(Horrified, Hyunsu lets out a blood-curdling “NOOOO!” as she watched her husband fall at her feet.)

>You can try to express better by using exclamation marks or capital the letters to make it look like it's screaming while reading the story.

Chapter 7:
“You lie!” She begins to shout and repeat in an ascending timbre and in time with her vigorous writhing that it attracts a nurse’s attention. 

(“You're lying!/You're a liar!” She begins to shout and repeat in an ascending timbre and in time with her vigorous writhing that it attracts a nurse’s attention. )

>''You lie!'' sounded a bit weird for me.

Writing Style: (20/20)

Your writing style is so memorizing and captivating. I read the whole story in one sitting because it's that alluring with the way you wrote the story. Every chapter, there's a quote or sentence or word/vocab that you used that I love so darn much and it's just so beautiful and interesting to read. It helps to make the story comes alive. You used a range of vocabulary to spize up the story and it rarely see repetitive vocab in the story. 

Characterization: (20/30)

I felt that the weakest in your story is the characterization. With the story moving with such a fast pace, there's a lot of details about the characters that was missed. It made the characters in the story very simple and they don't stand out as much as the story's plot. Jongin and Sehun's character was very simple and mundane, there isn't a very interesting trait about them but I've got to admit that the oc in the story was surprisingly my favorite. She's very strong despite what she went through and I looked up to her. The connection between the characters was very lacking as well. It's believable about Jongin and Hyungsu because they're married and kind of have affection with each other but because there isn't any much details about their relationship together or why they fall for each other or how they spent their time before getting married etc, I believed in their love but I'm not so convinced or completed sure of them. It would be nice to have short memories of them together and all and I'm all in about the croong impersonation. It made their relationship real and the part about her saying it after he's gone was just breaking my heart into pieces.

Sehun with Hyunsu was alright. There's some parts revealed at how they first met, how Sehun is attracted to her there and then and the part where even Sehun's mother know about his little crush made me feel convinced of Sehun's feelings for Hyunsu but the part about him not even speaking up or fighting for her with Jongin made me curious. If he loved her that much, shouldn't he at least try even if it's his best friend?...

Sehun and Luhan was really special. It was a plot twist and even though I feel how much affection they have for each other, I'm not 100% convinced. It feels shallow and when Luhan was questioning Sehun about him sleeping with him because he can't have Hyunsu was good but how Sehun answered was a bit confusing. At these scenes, it would be good to have thoughts and feelings from the main characters to let readers know them and get to know them inside out.

I think what's lacking the most is inner thoughts and feelings from the characters. If it was written more, it would've definitely help readers figure them out and get to know them more and make their character stand out more as well.

Flow: (24/30)

The flow was disturbed quite often because the story goes back and forth but despite so, you did a great job in making us understand the story without confusing us. The date above the story was the main point, I had to refer to them back and forth. If I'm reading a new chapter and I couldn't understand which part of the story we're at, I'll look back at the last chapter and refer to the year. And although it helped, it would make the story's flow a lot better if you would to arrange them in coronical order. The current order right now goes something like current with jongin gone > jongin alive> jongin gone > back to past > sehun and hyunsu meet back > luhan suddenly appear > disappear > sehun with hyunsu again somehow even closer than ever > luhan > minseok somewhere and ending. If you would to rearrange them more, readers wouldn't need to refer to earlier chapters in the story to know the current time/era/process of the story. 

The pace of the story was too fast. I feel that if it was to deeply explored the characters and each and every incident being explained in detailed, the pace of the story doens't have to go so fast. I couldn't bare to end the story and I'm sure many was taken by surprised that the story has come to an end. I feel the story was placed in a ideal and suitable pace but the speeding up and skipping many details and parts have made it too fast. 

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment (5/5)

There's no way I'm not giving a full score here! I'm all in for angst stories and I really love and admired a lot of parts and elements of the story and how it can be claim as an angst and tradegy story. I enjoyed myself so much that I couldn't bare to pull myself away from the story! 

Bonus (+5)

Final Score/ Total (184/200) = 92%

A/N:

I think it's a memorable story and your writing style is just.... freaking good. I love the story so damn much that I can't believe it's over! I loved Sehun + Hyunsu and how I hope that there was more parts about them. They sound so cute together and I loved how cold sehun was to her at first! Great story! 

**