I was about to make my way back home. I was near my ex's place. The night was starting to get colder, and my stomach growled, remembering that I had been all day running errands, and haven't eaten something yet. I remembered the street I was in, this is near that place, I guess I'll go there after two years and a half...

I opened up the door to the same little burger place I used to go so much time ago, back when I was in a relationship, but now that we weren't together, I had no reason to come here, to our secret place. I was greeted by the owner...

"Sungjae? Is that really you?" he was really surprised as he left the counter and came to hug me.

"Hyunsik hyung, it's been so long" I hugged him back. He was one of my dearest hyungs and the owner of this place. We let go and I marveled at how much has changed this place.

"The business is going well hyung"

"Yeah, remember Minah, the girl who was at the counter, now she's in the kitchen making the burgers, and I have three more girls helping me with the clients"

I turned my head and saw the girls taking orders, and most of the tables were occupied.

"More tables, more customers, more personal, more work" hyung said as he took me to our usual table. My expression changed instantly, I can tell he noticed.

"Right, you are not together anymore, my mistake, I'm sorry" I haven't told him anything yet, but he already knew.

"How?"

"He comes once per week, we always talk, he always tells me about his life and we chat about everything"

"Ohhh" I said.

"But what about you Sungjae, you never come to visit me, or just to grab something to eat" he said and it made me felt like a bad donsaeng.

"Life's been crazy for me this past few years, after I finished college I found a job, it was a great job and the pay was great, but it was overnight.  At first it was all cool, arranging documents and typing stuff, the company I worked for process information and databases for other companies around the world, and I was assigned for the south american division. Hence the overnight shift."

"Uhmm sounds cool, I guess that you met a lot of foreigners too"

"Actually yes hyung. But as the months passed by, my body started to became ill. Suddenly I started to sleep less and tense more. I had this panic attacks due to the lack of sleep. two months ago I told my mom that I wouldn't be able to continue working, so I had to left the company, I've been resting and having a rigurous psicological treatment since then"

"I'm sorry Sungjae ah, I had no idea"

"No please hyung, don't worry, I'm fine now" I told him, reasurring him that everything was fine now.

"So... Now since it's an special occasion I'll bring you your usual order, this one is on the house, since you made me happy today"

I smiled while nodding "Thanks hyung, I can't wait to taste one of your burgers again"

"Since it's for you, I'll go and make it myself" he said and went to the kitchen, my eyes traveled the whole place, it changed so much, but I couldn't forget what he said *he comes here once per week*  I don't want him to ruin this moment. He broke my heart two years and eight months ago.

*Flashback*

"I can't believe it Minhyuk, how could you do this to me" I cried as I went back to my table, leaving him and that girl behind.

My college friend Peniel came closer, he noticed my tears as I engulfed the last two shots of tequila from the table.

"What's wrong Sungjae ah, why are you crying?"

"I saw him Peniel, I was coming out from the bathroom and I saw Minhyuk kissing this girl"

"Minhyuk? But I thought you said that he was staying home"

"Actually he told me that, how would I knew that I would fin him at this party, and worst of all, drunk and kissing a girl" I cried as I grabbed some more shots from some guys passing by.

I left the glasses dry, as I felt one hand on my shoulder.

"Sung.. Sungjae baby, we... *hicup* we need to... to talk" oh god he was drunk as hell. I can't deal with this.

Peniel stood up "Leave him alone Minhyuk, you are wasted"

"No, no, I neeeddd to talk, talk to my baby" he can't even talk straight.

"I can't deal with you. I don't want to. I can't believe you did this to me, after all that we've been through, were done Minhyuk" I said grabbing Peniel's hand and leaving the party.

*End of Flashback*

Ever since that day, I never answered any of his phonecalls, I even changed my number, close my Facebook account and changed email account to. I never opened the door when he came to apologize. I avoided him completely.

You may be wondering *why are you so drastic Sungjae, he was pretty drunk, maybe it was the girl that kissed him first* Believe me, I've been going nuts thinking about it over and over, finding no possible explanation, not after all our years together.

Someone brought me back from my thinking spot.

"Here Sungjae, cheese hamburger with double cheese and double bacon, french fries and coke" he put the plate in front of me, the smell of the food, bringing back old memories of better times.

"Thanks hyung" I said and take my first bite "Uhmm hyung this is amazing, it exactly the same taste, I love it" I said and took another bite.

"I'm glad you like it Sungjae ah, just eat slow, so you won't choke" he laughed as one of the waitress stood next to him and whispered something on his ear, "I'm sorry Sungjae, but the place is full and the girls need my help in the kitchen, please enjoy and maybe if you have some free time and wait for me, we can't continue talking later" he said and went back to kitchen. I wasn't even able to answer him because my mouth was stuffed with food.

I dipped one of my fries on ketchup and a man on his early fourties stood next to my table.

"Excuse me, but as you can see the whole place is full, and I have nowhere to sit, I was wondering since there's room in this table, can I sit here? Only if you don't mind" I eyed him from head to toe, he was good looking, just not my style.

"I don't mind, please sit" I said as I called one of the waitress and she took the man's order. I continued to eat, as he started to speak again.

"I've never seen you around here, it's your first time?" the man told me in a weird tone.

"No" I simply said trying to focus on my food.

"Ohhh where are my manners. I'm Eric Moon, and you are?" I notice it now.

"Yook Sungaje" he's trying to flirt with me.

"So, what are you eating Sungjae ssi?"

"Hamburger, double cheese, double bacon" I answered trying to make him see that I was feeling uncomfortable of being around him.

"Sounds good, I always order a plain one, I guess I'm old fashioned" he smiled and I must say he is really handsome, but I can't wait to finish my hamburger and go.

I started eating faster, I was feeling uncomfortable because he was always staring at me.

"Try not to choke little Sungjae" *little*? What the heck is wrong with this guy? I finished my hamburger and stood up.

"Excuse me, but I have to go, please enjoy you food" always being polite, but as I was going I felt someone grabbing my hand by force.

"Why are you going so fast my little Sungjae? My hamburger hasn't even arrived" he said with a freaking grin on his face.

"Please, let me go, I need to go" I said trying to take my hand off. Then a stranger's voice was heard.

"Excuse me, but, can you stop touching my boyfriend's hands"

Not this voice, I turned around and he was there in front of me, Lee Minhyuk.

I felt the Eric guy releasing my hands.

"Sorry I didn't knew this baby was taken" the old man said smirking.

"Just leave me alone" I told him, well actually both, it was for both of them.

"Don't worry, I think I'll be going now" Eric told me "You should have told that you were with someone else" what a douchebag, I just me him, and didn't even tried to know him but he was actually thinking that I liked him. er.

He left the table and I tries to leave to, I can't deal with Minhyuk right now, I knew that coming here was bad for me.

"Please..." He said in a low voice, as I turned away.

"Please don't go..." He whispered but I could hear him clearly.

"What?" I said turning around to face him. His head hanging low, ashamed to even look me in the eyes.

"Please don't go Sungjae" he said and look at me, geez, how can I escape from this situation, I still love him but I don't want to be weak.

I know I will regret this later. "Thanks" he said as I went back to my chair, not doing what to do or say, we just sat there for a couple of minutes, until the same waitress from before, came to take Minhyuk’s order “Can you tell Hyunsik hyung that I will have my usual order please” he calmly said, so he really comes here often.

“Okay, Minhyuk oppa” the girl said and left.

Another couple of minutes silent, I still couldn’t find any words. I was getting nervous, I wasn’t like this before, I was confident, outgoing, full of life, I was happy. Now after two years, I was a going nuts on a situation like this, I was trembling, my hands were sweating like waterfalls, I couldn’t say anything.

“Are you ok Sungjae? You look….”

“Nervous” I blurted out, excellent now my tongue betrays me.

“Nervous? You Yook Sungaje nervous? The nervous one should be me…” he said and took my hand trying to comfort me, but I quickly pulled away. “I’m sorry, don’t take this the wrong way, please, I’m just worried” he said, thankfully the waitress came back with his order, and I took the opportunity to order a glass of water.

Minhyuk started to slowly eat his burger, watching me, as my eyes wondered from side to side, waiting for that damn waitress, finally she’s here.

I took out a little blister from my pocket and took one of my pills, drank some cold water, and breathed, trying to calm myself, I knew I was on the verge of a panic attack, I shouldn’t have more panic attacks, as far as the doctor told me, it was because of my sleeping disorders, guess that wasn’t the case.

“Are you sick Sungjae?” Minhyuk asked. Actually yeah, I’m sick, not as bad like I’m going to die, but yeah, I feel like crap, and guess who I need to thank for making me like this.

I nodded slowly, putting my thoughts away. “Yeah, a bit”

“I now I’m in no place to ask anymore, but can I ask what it is?” he was right, he was in no place to ask. I tried to evade the question, but my brain still wasn’t working well.

 “Sleeping disorders due to my last job, and because of that I suffered from Panic attacks”

“So I guess you’re doing well now”

“What makes you think I’m fine?”

“You said *suffered*, from what I have witnessed a moment ago, I can say that you were on the verge of another panic attack; Sungjae, was it because of me?” He look into my eyes, his eyes were so clear with concern and I couldn’t lie to him.

I dropped my gaze and lowly said “Yeah”

“I’m sorry” he said “I knew it was because of me, I know it’s not the best moment to talk about this, but I’m sorry Sungjae ah. There’s no single moment I regret that kiss. I’m sorry for lying, for telling that I was going to stay home. I’m sorry for being drunk. I’m sorry for feeling jealous”

“Jealous? Why would you feel jealous? I never did anything to make you feel like that?” I said fast, almost choking on my own words.

“I was stupid, I was jealous of your friendship with Peniel” Peniel? That kid was straight as a line on the road.

“Why?”

“You were always so close, when we weren’t together, you spent time with him, and Eukwang and Changsub they started to fill my mind with this stupid thoughts about you and him. That day I was drinking at their place, depressed, they took me to that party, after that I couldn’t remember anything, until you slapped me”

He took a sip from his coke, never lowering his gaze on me, while I continued to stare at the floor.

“I know that it is no excuse, I know that I’m the one to blame for my actions, and I deserved all that came next. But you Sungjae, you were so confident and bright, I can’t believe my actions could have this consequences”    

I raised my eyes, breathing deeply “I’m still the same person Minhyuk, I just have no reason to feel bright or happy anymore… I don’t blame you for this” who was I kidding, it was your fault, all because you broke my heart you ing bastard, yet I can’t bring myself to hate you, for god’s sake, I still love you, but I can’t be with you anymore because I don’t trust you.

“Minhyuk!!!” Thank you Hyunsik hyung for stopping me from saying words that I will regret later.

“Hyung!” they shake hand in front of me, as Minhyuk and Hyunsik seated on the same side of the table, opposite to me.

“Sungjae… are you ok? Hyuna told me that you were sweating and breathing weird, is everything fine?”

“Yeah hyung, just one of the attacks I told you before” I really want to stay, hyung was always funny, and when the two of then joined, it was hard for me to take Minhyuk home.

But it wasn’t like that anymore, I grabbed my bagpack “I’m sorry hyung, but I’m afraid I have to leave, I still have some stuff to do before I go home, and it’s getting late” I said as I shook his hand. “See you around Minhyuk” I tried to smile, even when I was trembling inside.

I can’t believe, all it took was a few seconds around him, and I became like this, I was so afraid that I would end up crazy. I’m so messed up right now, I have to go home and rest, I can’t deal with today.

I was two blocks away, and someone grabbed my hand, I was about to scream, when I heard him again say my name “Sungjae ah” Minhyuk said, I turned around, and he brought his face closer to mine, he slowly joined his lips to mine, and all my nervous left me, I felt alright again, I couldn’t move, I still wasn’t in full control of my body.

He slowly touched my face, as he continued to kiss, a few moment later we separated, and he put his forehead on mine, I felt his hot breath on my nose, as I panted, trying to recover my breath, and my senses “I’m sorry, I couldn’t let you go like that, I still love you Sungjae ah” he said hoping to hear the same from me, I know he expect me to say that I love him too. “I’m sorry, I can’t” was all I could say, as I turned around, and left walking slow. Leaving a confused Minhyuk behind.

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but my heart is not ready today.