Looking back, maybe I shouldn’t have done what I did. Maybe I shouldn’t have left. Maybe… maybe things would have been the way they were before.

Should I come back?

Should I say sorry?

Should I be the one to say sorry?

Should I be sorry?

I shook my head and thought about where I was now, sitting on the bench, wet because of the rain that had long stopped pouring few minutes ago while I was in trance. The post light made it easy for me to see that the road was empty. I didn’t know what time it was, but I know it was late enough. The sky was dark, patches of red clouds covering the town.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes in the process as I willed my body to stop from shaking.

I remembered screaming at you before leaving. You probably wouldn’t understand the sense of satisfaction I felt as soon as I slammed the door shut in your face, before running away from the suffocating place we called home.

I felt my phone vibrating in my right pocket. I didn’t answer. Instead, I stood up and got myself ready to board the bus coming my way. It stopped in front of me and the door opened.

I walked right at the aisle, mildly observing the passengers when the driver asked me whether I’ll sit or not. I ended up sitting at the far end of the bus, appreciating the silence for a while.

There were two older women at the first row, bored and were probably about to fall asleep, if the bobbing of their heads was any indication.

One man who was probably in his forty’s was seated in the middle, already asleep. If he was snoring, I wouldn’t have heard it because of the distance we had.

I realized it started drizzling again when I turned to look outside the window, raindrops sliding on the surface of the glass.

The bus stopped at the next station and the door opened once again, letting some cold air inside. But I didn’t mind the chill at all.

I suddenly felt a weight beside me. I shifted my gaze, subtly taking a glance at whoever chose to sit beside me instead of the empty seats before mine.

“Home from school?”

Hearing the question, I fully turned and looked to examine the stranger.

He was wearing a red beanie, some strands of his fringe were sticking out from it, a brown scarf firmly wrapped around his neck and a black jacket zipped up to the top. He was wearing dark-rimmed glasses. His breath was fogging his specs, not giving me a chance to fully look him straight in the eye so I could tell him that it was actually Sunday. So I just settled with a simple, “No,” as an answer.

“Going out?”

I tried searching for any malice in the way he was looking at me, but surprisingly, I saw none. So I looked straight ahead to avoid any eye contact and answered with a curt hum.

“I’m Kyuhyun,” He said, offering a handshake and I couldn’t help but furrowed my brows in pure annoyance. I might’ve gone for it in some other instances, but I didn’t feel like introducing myself to a stranger so I just looked out the window and acted as if I didn’t hear anything.

I felt my phone vibrating again, and this time, I looked at the caller and saw that it was you. I tried to ignore the bubbling feeling I felt when I remembered how I walked out on you, on how you tried to hit me, and how I tried to hit you back.

“Dad?” I nearly jumped at the voice that woke me up from the series of what happened a while ago. I immediately hid the phone back to my pocket and crossed my arms against my chest, intending to ignore the guy sitting beside me. “You should answer that, you know. It might be an emergency.”

I shot him a glare after hearing what he said. Great. Now there were two people I wanted to punch in the face in just one day.

“It’s none of your business, sir.” I said. But he just smiled and said his name was Kyuhyun, not sir.

He didn’t say anything after that so I kept silent, trying to keep my calm as I glared daggers at the window.

“Are you running away?” I heard him ask and I had to roll my eyes.  It hasn’t even been five minutes before he started talking again.

“So what if I am?” I challenged, a sickening thrill running through my veins as I waited for his retort. I waited, and waited and waited and oddly enough, I didn’t get a single word out of his lips. So I leaned back and calmed myself once again, realizing how pointless it was to start a fight in a bus.

But then I heard his voice again.

“Nothing, I was just… wondering what kind of a father you have for you to want to run away.”

I let out a snort and looked at him with my lips formed in a smirk.

“The kind of father that I have.”

I was expecting for Kyuhyun to give a snide comment, or even smirk back. So my eyes widened in surprise when he suddenly burst out laughing, so loud that even the old ladies sitting in front turned to look at us. And that was when I noticed how rich and lightening his laugh was.

“What’s so funny?” I asked in amusement, my smirk replaced with a small grin.

He shook his head, laughs turned into muffled giggles when he looked at me.

“I got kicked out of our house by my own father.” He confessed. I tried to say I was sorry but he held out his palm, signaling me to not bother. “I guess my dad is the same as yours.” He wiggled his brows and I had to laugh at how stupid he looked that moment.

I shook my head, “It’s different.”

“Different how?”He tilted his head, curious at what I was about to say. But I didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t want Kyuhyun to know what I said to you.

“It just is.”

And the surrounding was silent again.

It was the type of silence that we both had ever since I turned 16 two years ago. I was guessing that that was the time you figured out that I’m quite different from you and everyone else.

Because that’s how you saw me. Different.

But you have to understand that I tried not to be. I was dying to be one of you. To live ‘normal’ as how you put it. But I realized just how pointless and hopeless it was.

I remembered you telling me to stand up and fight like a ‘man’ when not all men could even stand up for themselves.

So I threw everything you said, forgetting who you wanted me to become, who I thought I wanted to become and just… just be who I am.

And this is me, dad.

“I’m gay,” I confessed when Kyuhyun was staring at nothing in particular. I felt his gaze focused on me when I said those words and I knew I wasn’t about to stop there. “I told him I’m gay and we sort of… fought. At first he was trying to give me reasons as to why I think I am who I am, then I just got angry…”

I paused, heaving a sigh when I saw patches of memories in my head. I closed my eyes, remembering how they looked when I looked at you back there.

I was so angry.

And you were so angry.

I felt Kyuhyun reaching for my hand and I flinched, realizing how shaken I was. It broke me how disgusted you looked at me that time. You told me to stop with all the dramas but you didn’t realize, did you? How every moment of every day I tried giving you signs. But you were too stubborn for your own good. So I had to slap you with the truth.

“I walked out of our house before anyone could get hurt. Physically, that is.”

I was finally able to look at Kyuhyun and I saw him gaping. Well at least he didn’t run away, right? He still stayed after I confessed it to him. I saw how you wanted to run away.

But in the end, it was me who decided to walk away. I did it for the both of us. Because I know you didn’t have anywhere else to go if you did walk away. Mom’s with her new husband and my sister’s in college miles away from home. I’m sure it would have been awkward for the both of you anyway.

“Some story, huh,” He gave my hand a squeeze and I squeezed back. I didn’t even know why he was holding me. His hand was cold, but I had to admit it was comforting.

“Yeah…” I looked at him and was surprised to see pride in those eyes, the kind of eyes I was longing to see in you, daddy.

I cleared my throat before speaking again and I grinned when I saw the look on his face as soon as I told him my name.

“Sungmin,” I breathed, “My name’s Sungmin.”

“I’m proud of you, Sungmin.” I heard him say. And for all the reasons I couldn’t come up with, I smiled at him. Those were the exact same words I wanted to hear from you.

How saddening it was to hear it from a stranger instead of your own father?

“Thank you, Kyuhyun.” I said, meaning it.

I looked outside the window once more, and this time, I wasn’t shaking with anger anymore.

After few minutes of silence, I felt my phone vibrate again. It was a text message. It was from you-which was odd, because I remember you not bothering to text a single word to me, ever. You said it was more convenient to just call or leave me a voice mail. And I believed you until I was in 8^th grade. I realized that you probably thought that it was just a waste of time and effort to text me. It’s whimsical, I know.

 But what would you expect from a son you avoided for the rest of his teen years? The time when he was confused the most? The time when he needed a father-or even just a friend.

Because daddy, I didn’t have one. A true one. Maybe (hopefully) not until now.

“Well? Aren’t you going to read it?” Kyuhyun’ voice resounded around my ear. I hesitated at first, but decided to it up. I drew a deep breath and read what you sent me.

And I almost choke back a sob the first time I read it, and I couldn’t help to run my eyes in those written words of yours, which probably took you some time to think about.

‘Sungmin, I know this has been a difficult time for the both of us but please, son, wherever you are, I want you to come back home. We can fix this, right? We’ll try and fix this, you and I. And I’m sorry. For all the years I’ve wasted as a father. I know I . I messed up big time. But now I realized that it’s not you who should change. It’s me, Min. I love you. I’m sorry if I didn’t show it enough, or that I didn’t made efforts to let you know. But I’m letting you know now, I love you. Please come back. We’ll talk this over with a cup of tea that you like so much to drink every afternoon. Just please, son, come back.’

I tried to reply, but really, I couldn’t even lift a finger because of the swirl of emotions I was feeling. I felt another squeeze on my hand and looked up at Kyuhyun, feeling vulnerable and dependent for the first time when I left the house.

“Go home, Sungmin,” He whispered, and I suddenly felt like doing what he told me to and more. There was something about the way he said it, on how he looked back at me.

I felt like a kid, lost in an amusement park and he, Kyuhyun was there, who found me crying in the middle of the crowd as I was looking for someone, looking for affection. He was there, willing to take me back to you.

And then I suddenly remembered his story, who’s going to take him home, daddy?

“But you…” I trailed, “How ‘bout you? Where will you stay?”

He shrugged, keeping an easy smile on his lips.

“Wherever this road takes me.”

I looked at him questioningly and noticed just how gorgeous Kyuhyun actually was.

 I shook my head, reminding myself that this wasn’t the right time to find something as complicated and beautiful and powerful as this. Whatever this was.

“What?” He asked, and I noted how fidgety he became under my gaze.

“Stay with me.” I said on impulse.

“What?” He asked again, incredulous and I almost laughed at how comical he looked like right that moment.

“I mean just for tonight. It’s raining and you probably have nowhere else to go and… and…”

“I might be a serial killer for all you know,” He challenged.

“Yeah right,” I snorted, “A serial killer who’d want me to go home and fix things with my dad. Of course you are.”

He laughed at that and I can see the hesitation in his eyes. “What will you say to your dad? I mean, you ran away for a few hours and suddenly you’re bringing a stranger to your doorstep?”

I curled my lips upward; already have an answer in mind.

“You’re not a stranger. You’re the one who brought me home.”

He drew a relieved sigh and curled his fingers between mine.

And I couldn’t forget the look on your face when you opened the door for us; you probably had a mild heart attack, seeing me holding hands with another guy. But you know what? Despite of it all, I was proud of you. Not only did you let him stay, but you let him in our lives as well. And nothing could ever change the fact that you loved me that much, for letting me love him, in a different kind of way of how I love you.