Seungyoun had gone to his parent’s home for the weekend, so I was all alone in our dorm room tonight. This was going to be the longest night of my life because I was extremely afraid of the dark and even more afraid of being alone at nighttime. But since the hyungs had made fun of me for being a scaredy cat before at our Beijing fanmeeting, I didn’t want to ask them to keep me company. That would mean admitting I’m a chicken and giving them more opportunity to make fun of me. I am just going to go to sleep with the lights on tonight I guess. I wrap the blanket tightly around me and scoot as close to the wall as possible. Usually Seungyoun would sleep on the outer edge of the bed and (as silly as it may sound) keep the monsters and bed bugs away, but tonight it was just me and the sound of my own breathing.

I keep looking around making sure something won’t jump out at me and I wish I could control my imagination, all the horror movies I’ve watched coming back to haunt me. I curl up as small as possible. I feel my eyes tear up. I miss my parents. If I lived in China, I could visit my parents too like Seungyoun & Sungjoo hyung. But I was here in Korea so far away from home…alone….in the dark…at night.

Suddenly a creaking sound startles me, I hear the door screech and my breath stops, I am just about to scream as I recognize the shadow as Wenhan ge.

“Yibo,” he whispers quietly. His voice sounds a bit different than usual. I am still too shocked to respond. He walks closer until he’s sitting on the edge of the bed. I feel his rough hands wipe tears from my face, which I didn’t realize I had shed.

“Awe Yibo, come here.” He pulls me into the warmth of his body. I smell alcohol on him. He doesn’t usually drink, but when he does, he becomes really touchy and feely and extra emo. He pulls my head and lays it on his lap gently.

I am kind of embarrassed to say anything because he saw my tears. And usually Wenhan hyung is the first to crack jokes and make fun, but tonight he remains quiet, maybe it’s the effect of the alcohol. Slowly he starts singing a song that I’ve heard him sing for four years, “White Moonlight” by Jeff Chang. I love it when he sings this song, it has become one of my favorite songs because Wenhan hyung sings it so beautifully. One of his hands plays with my hair as he sings. I feel relaxed, all the scary thoughts are gone now, replaced with memories of Wenhan hyung and I over four years we’ve known each other.

“Yibo, why are you crying again,” he whispers softly wiping tears off my face again.

“Do I sing that badly?” he jokes. That makes me laugh. But these tears are different than before, these are tears of happiness. I don’t usually get emotional and I don’t know how to express my feelings to him right now. I look up at Wenhan hyung. He looks especially beautiful tonight, his expression softened by the alcohol, he has no makeup on and his skin is glowing and his gaze is softly looking back at me….waiting…patiently waiting for me to say something.

A lot of thoughts are going on in my head right now that I am not sure I can express into words. I try to tell him with my eyes. Tell him thanks for being there for me not only tonight, but all these past four years by my side. Even though he jokes all the time, these moments when I am feeling the loneliest, he’s silently by my side without judgement or questions or asking anything for return (although I wish he’d ask me for somethings in return, I’d be only too glad to give).