As you were rushing, you didn’t realize you only dressed in one layer of clothing, while you run to the airport arriving terminal, waiting for BTS to arrive from Japan. You continuously rubbing your palm together as a habit whenever you’re anxious, and it also warms you up from the cold breeze. Just this morning you read an article that their concert was cancelled because two of the members have been hospitalized, and your heart sank as you found out that one of the two is your boyfriend Min Yoongi. How sick is he that he ends up in hospital, you still haven’t find out, the managers haven’t answered your call since this morning, and you are desperate for any news about him.

You look around and finally find familiar face, he is wearing a beanie with a phone attached to his left ear, his face searching the crowd. “Jung Hoseok!” you called out, he is one of the BTS member that you’ve grown very close to because you two were the same age. “I’ve been calling you, wait why aren’t you wearing thick clothes? Its still freezing here” he protests at your choice of fashion. “Where is he?” you throw a really worried look to Hoseok ignoring his comment and still searching the crowd “Young-ah..” Hoseok starts to calm you down by holding both of your shoulder forcing you to pay attention to him, and that’s when you lay your eyes on him, Min Yoongi, with his faint mint hair, looking like he is going to pass out anytime soon, he is obviously beaten from the schedule the group have been following. He saw you as soon as he got through the door and walk towards you with a tired smile, trying to convince you that he’s ok. Your heart aches at the sight, and you automatically closed your eyes, trying to recall his figure from the last time you saw him

You were washing your dishes when he came in to your studio apartment. “Hey there, want me to fix you something to eat?” you asked him while still finishing the dishes, when you felt hands on your waist, but instead of hugging you he helped you wash the dishes, his chin resting on your shoulder. “Nggg, not hungry. Btw, tomorrow I’m leaving to Japan, do you want me to buy you anything?” you let go of his hand and turn towards him so you could face him, once you two were face to face, you studied his face, you could see an obvious sign of weariness on his pale face, and his bloodshot eyes, not to mention the dark circle under his eyes. You cannot help but worried, but he understands you enough to avoid eye contact, limiting your chance to keep observing how tired he is. “Just stay safe, and stay healthy, I know you love your job, but you need to know your limit, Yoongi” you told him as you wrapped your arms around his neck, then pull him in for a hug, he respond by burying his head to your hair, breathing in to your scent, in case he misses you he wants to remember every little detail of how you felt on his embrace. “I know, I’m sorry I made you worried” he muffled an apology then he kissed the tip of your head, as his last attempt to reassure you.  “Now go get some sleep, I’ll lend you my bed this time seeing you like this” you say breaking the hug, and trying to get away from him, while he stuck on you refusing to let go. “Why don’t we just use the bed together?” He teased, which only receive a scoff from you. The next morning, you wake up on your sofa bed, finding a note saying Yoongi is already on his way to Japan.

When you open your eyes, Yoongi was already in front of you, replacing Hoseok. You held your breath. As you find his eyes, you felt cold hands cupping your face holding you altogether, preventing you from crying your worries out right at the moment. His face was a lot paler than the last time you saw him, his dark circle too got worse, but instead of weariness, all you could see in his face was pain. You don’t know whether it was from his sickness or from the fact that he caused so much disappointment to his fans. “Hey there” he said, the usual greeting both of you often use. Even though you could feel his cold hands on your face, his stare spreads warmth to your cheeks, you scold yourself, how could you even blush with his condition like this, he always have that effect on you. “You ok?” you asked whispering to him, couldn’t muster a bigger voice from all of the mixed feelings he caused you. “I think am now” he chuckled, while taking off his jacket and drape it on your shoulder, you just realize you were trembling the whole time he talked to you. Yoongi, just sigh while your arms, trying to create friction that could warm you up a bit “will be much better, if you take care of yourself. Wear some thick clothing in this weather Young-ah” he said avoiding your stare, he hates himself whenever you forget about your own health just because of him, there is no more smile in his face, just regrets that he caused you all these concerns.

“Hyung, lets go to the hospital, taehyung and the rest of the members are already at the van” Hoseok interrupt both of you

“Where’s your car key? You’re coming to the hospital” Yoongi asked you.

“How do you expect to drive with this condition, go join tae and the others, hoseok here can take me there” you answered while handing Hoseok the car key. “She’s right hyung, lets go I’ll take you to them first” he looks hurt by your rejection but you just can’t stand the sight of him always trying to protect you even though he’s the one that is needed to be protected right now. “I’ll be with you soon Yoongi” you assure him, while holding his hand. You watched them as they walk away from you, holding yourself together as you actually craving for his presence beside you. A few minutes later Hoseok came back, he saw you spacing out, not noticing him until he fix Yoongi’s jacket around your shoulder making your body warms up a little bit “Let’s go, wear it properly, it’s cold outside”

On your way to the hospital you and hoseok stay silent, drowning in both of your thoughts. You could only think about Yoongi’s condition, while Hoseok worrying about Yoongi, their fans, and you at the same time.

“He wouldn’t stop working, making sure everything’s perfect. He would rehearse even when we suppose to rest. Sometimes even taking too much energy drink him and Tae, it starts to worry the members. Probably that’s why both he and Taehyung got nauseated in the first place. Can you please talk some sense to him, he’s a hyung he wouldn’t listen to any of us, even Namjoon, and Jin hyung has no power over him, he’s just one hell of a rock.” Hoseok spills his frustration over his fellow member with a clenched jaw, while raking his hair. “I’m pretty sure after all of these he will constantly blame himself for the concert. I need you to convince him, that we would choose this option whenever wherever, because the members agreed to take care of each other. He shouldn’t let those affect him. It will just bring harm to everyone, to him, the members, and you. I can’t let him torture you like this.” He continues with a softer tone, after seeing you stare at him with a sad look on your face. You stay silent, don’t know how to respond to his concern, and it stayed like that until you both reach the hospital.

Both of you met the rest of the members. As you appear in front of them, Jimin quickly rose and walk towards you to pull you in his embrace, you were a little overwhelmed by his gesture all you could do was patting his bright orange hair while smiling to the rest of the members, “Nuna, thank God you’re finally here, hyung keeps mumbling your name in his sleep, he felt nauseated again as soon as he reached the car so we force him to get some sleep” Jungkook explains to you while he lead you to your seat, beside him and Jimin. “How is Yoongi and Tae’s condition right now?” you asked Namjoon or Jin, whoever besides the two maknaes, that seem really scared for their friends right now. “Taehyung seems to feel a lot better than Yoongi hyung, but they are both having examination right now, we will find out soon” Namjoon answered, while Jin crouching in front of you and stare at you with his round eyes saying everything will be fine, Jin has the ability to calm people down, probably because of the fact that he is always the oldest around.

All of you waited for hours but the examination seems like it was taking forever, until at one point you fell asleep and waking up with your head resting on Hoseok’s shoulder, finding Jimin and Jongkook already asleep, taking six chair for themselves to support their body. Namjoon sitting next to Hoseok sleeping with his mouth open, and Jin is nowhere to be found, probably buying some food for the guys, that’s when you realize your stomach making hungry noises, and Hoseok chuckled next to you. “It’s about time you wake up, your stomach has been making those sounds for awhile. Wait a bit, Jin hyung is buying snacks for all of us”

“Still no words from them?” you asked ignoring his light joke to cheer up the mood, that was just Hoseok, all positive and giddy, usually you respond to that, but now you don’t have the energy to take in his spirit.

“Nope. Listen, how bout this, after you eat something let’s get you home, it’s getting late. And I think they will finish with Yoongi and Tae in the morning. You need proper sleep” you were about to protest when Namjoon suddenly chirped in “he’s right Young-ah, you need to be fit before you meet Yoongi hyung, he needed a lot of scolding from you” you know that it’s no use to wait here at the hospital, Yoongi needed his rest, and you could be the distraction that he doesn’t need, and face it, Namjoon has spoken and it’s hard for you to ignore him as a leader, so you agreed to Hoseok and Namjoon’s plan as they took you back to your apartment after you inhale the snacks Jin brought back. “I promise you will be the one I called first as soon as we heard anything from Yoongi hyung” Namjoon told you while Hoseok just stood there probably too tired to calm you down, he has already been there for you since the evening, and you basically ignore him, too occupied by the thoughts of your boyfriend.

“Thank you, you guys. I don’t know how I’d be if without you two and the rest of the members, send my love for them” you replied, feeling bad for your selfishness, you know Yoongi’s friend probably worried just as much as you do, but still they put in some efforts to calm you down not like you who didn’t budge all day like a statue. As soon as you closed the door, your knees buckled. Your emotion has been drained for today and you can’t hide it anymore, you hate that you can’t be the one Yoongi see when he wakes up, but you don’t really have a choice either. You wish that a warm shower and a short nap would at least bring you comfort even if its just a little.

You woken up at 2 am in the morning after hearing noises from the front door, your heart lit up, because Yoongi was always the one that comes home at that hour.  You ran to the front door, and see that mint hair you miss so much you gasped, his eyes immediately found you. He can’t suppress his smile. You always had that effect on him just like he does to you. He still couldn’t understand how you could make him fall for you even more than he already has.

“Min Yoongi! You’re home!” you whispered can’t contain the excitement, but at the same time confused.

“I just finished my examination, and I told company the only way I could rest is when I’m with you, so I asked manager hyung to drop me off here” he answered, with a weak voice, coming towards you and then place his hands on your waist, taking a full look of you, pulling you closer to him capturing your figure against his. You put your hands on his arms, trying to find any trace of sickness from him, that turns out to be all over his face, “you ok? What did the doctor say?” you his arms in a circular motion.

“I’m just tired from work, too much energy drink I guess. My body can’t handle the fluid without proper rest, and the dance move doesnt help either”. He explained, fixing his gaze on you capturing your face in his mind, while your focus was to his hair, you ran your fingers through it, amazed that he could pull off every hair color. “Your mint hair is fading.” You comment, followed by his usual chuckle.

You amused him. Just being around you could make him feel giddy from your presence. You’re like a drug to him. Burying himself with loads of work was his withdrawal symptoms of being away from you, which also leads him to today. The day he carelessly caused harm to thousands of people, and it still terrifies him to face the people he has wounded. With the regrets of choosing not to perform, he winced, closing his eyes to just forget it for a while because you’re there with him. He swore that you, will never see his weakness. He’s just too prideful for that. You on the other hand could actually see right through him. Either he is too transparent, or that you love him so much, your empathy could reach his deepest emotions he tried to hide. “Lets get some sleep, you look terrible” as you rest you fingers at the nape of his neck, it to bring him back to you. Again, he smiles at your retort, still can’t get rid of the giddiness you cause him. That day you let him sleep beside you on the bed, his hands curled up on your waist holding your body closer to him, to the point that you could feel his warm breath on your neck.

After an hour, you heard a loud panting beside you and you find Yoongi, sitting on your bed, breathing hard.

“Is it a nightmare?” you asked, cupping your hands to his face. He breaks into cold sweats, his eyes frantically finding yours, as soon as he locked eyes with you, you could feel that he bears too much of guilt in him, for making you worried, and especially for not being able to perform on stage in front of the people he treasured, his fans. He choked, as he pulls you in for a hug. You could hear his faltered breathing on your ears.

“I .” he said still hugging you tight, you could feel something cold touch your neck, and you figure that it was his tears he finally shed in front of you. After a minute you break the hug, as he covers his face with the palm of his hands feeling defeated. He finds crying means losing.

“Hey there” you said, reaching for his hands, peeling them off of his face.

“If only I was stronger, if only I thought about them a little bit more then, I wouldn’t hurt them like this. Now they will only be regrets amongst us, and I hate myself for that. I would do anything to turn back the time and be there on the stage” his jaws clenched, showing how distraught he is to the fact that he let thousands of people down.

“If they love you and the boys, they would understand Yoongi” you smiled, trying to calm him down while your hand still hold his hand tight, not wanting to let go, as you lock your gaze to his lifeless eyes. You tried to explain to him over and over again whenever he’s having doubts about his job, but this time it’s different. This wasn’t just a malicious comment. This time he’s the reason of a concert cancellation, which thousands of people have been waiting for, that was more of a burden for him and Taehyung than just a couple of nasty haters ranting on them. You realize that and finally understand that those usual calming words don’t really matter anymore “Wait here ok? I’ll make you some tea” you were about to stand up but his hands suddenly grab your wrist lightly, restraining you from leaving. “Don’t go, please that’s the last thing I need.” He whispered closing his eyelids and buried his face on his knees. “I won’t go anywhere” you sit next to him pulling the fragile form Min Yoongi is right now to your embrace. You can feel his tense body starts to relax on your touch, then his shoulders starts to shake, and you can hear his silent sob. “You know, this doesn’t mean you’re losing. This only mean you’re strong enough to let go. The pain, the sorrow, and the burden you bear. For me you’re the strongest person I know. You have been doing your best adapting to the life you never even imagine, you learn, you try, you fail, but in the end you always succeed. You’ve been hiding your discomfort for the rest of your life even from me just to make everyone around you happy. For those, you have become the person that I admire the most.” You said softly to his ear trying your best to reason with him even though you don’t know how it feels like to be him, but you were the one that’s always beside him whenever he feels down, because he doesn’t want to be a burden to s, you’re used to this and it makes you proud at times that he trust you enough to show you this side of him, but it still break your heart to pieces whenever you see him like this.

He started to move under your arms, trying to break free from your warm embrace. That’s what he needs from you, a couple of words that says he is loved, especially by you. You’re the only one that could turn his world upside down, from tears to joy. You with your words could change his whole perspective on things.  

You move your hands in circle on his back. Hoping it will bring some spirit, you throw a suggestion at him, "you know there is a way that you could approach everyone, you got official SNS account right? just pour your heart out there, i'm sure with your writing skills everyone will understand the problem perfectly and you could let go of all these unnecessary insecurities" He suddenly sit straight in front of you, his eyes locked into yours, this time with a hint of determination intead of sorrows.

“Thank God I have you.” He said tucking your strands of hair behind your ears, still staring at you with his bloodshot eyes, but now a gummy smile adorn his flawless face. He cupped your face and place a soft kiss on your lips “what would I do without you” he whispered in between the kiss, and you could only smile with the change of mood. He changed his position, and placed his head on your thighs, trying to find a right spot to sleep, you could only sigh and his minty hair. He’s pretty stubborn so you can’t really do anything to stop him from using your thigh as his pillow.

“I swear if my legs go numb the next morning I won’t make you breakfast” you threatened him. “You love me too much to let me starve” he responded while having his eyes closed. “I guess you’re right” you surrender while bending your body so you could kiss his forehead “I love you too much” you added which makes him smile in his sleep “I love you more, Yoon Young”.