Since he was very young, Yunho knew that he was second place in importance in the palace. You could never really say that he was mistreated or unattended by the palace’s maids; Yunho had all the food he needed, new elegant clothes, constant attention for anything he needed, private teachers that took care of teaching him everything he needed to know… yet he knew for a fact that he was second. An outsider would say that the prince was complaining just because he could. It wasn’t like that…

Sihan, his older brother, had exactly the same commodities that Yunho had, yet it felt different. Sihan had been born as the son of the king and his queen, which automatically made him the crown prince. Yunho, on the other hand, had been born of one of the king’s concubines who had died giving birth. Even if both of them, Sihan and him, had been raised by nannies like it was the tradition, Yunho had always felt more alone. Even if the two of them spend most of their times with strangers that had the obligation of taking care of them, Sihan could actually visit his mother whenever he wanted to and he also spend long hours with the king.

Yunho on the contrary, was hated by the queen for being the son of her husband with another woman while the king practically didn’t talk to him nor did he care to know anything about him at all. And even with that happening, maybe he wouldn’t have felt so alone had it not been for his brother… Sihan had always taken care of letting him know that he didn’t belong there and that he was less than him.

When they were little, Sihan took special care to always been taken care of first in every aspect while always smiling at him in a terrifying way. Nobody else was capable of seeing it, his lips had a perfect little smile on them but his eyes… his eyes had been dead, full of challenge, mockery and disdain.

In front of their father, he always behaved in the same manner with him; attentive, loving… just like an exemplary brother. When the princes reunited with the king and he offered something to eat to the crown prince, Sihan will always offer whatever it was to Yunho first before he took a bite of his own. The king and all the maids saw that gesture of the prince as kindness and love towards his younger brother but Yunho knew the truth… Sihan wasn’t doing it for kindness; he was doing it to let him know that he will eat only what he wanted to give him.

If he tried to explain something like that, people would tell him that he was just being bad to his brother without a reason, but it wasn’t like that. Yunho knew very well that he wasn’t crazy. Sihan had invited him to eat together when he had been very little and Yunho had gone. As soon as he had sat down, Yunho had said that he wanted to eat some meat but when Sihan heard him he said the same thing. Being the crown prince, he had been served first and Yunho wasn’t allowed to touch any of it until Sihan was satisfied or give his consent. He could eat any of the other things on the table that the crown prince didn’t want to, but not the meat that he had been craving so bad.

The maids had brought enough meat to feed four people, more than enough for two young kids. Yet, piece by piece, Sihan had eaten every single piece of meat that they had brought and cook for them, without taking his eyes off of Yunho… smiling softly. When he had finished enough meat to feed two adults, he had stopped swallowing it… he simply put the meat on his mouth, chew on it and then spit it on a bowl that one of the maids held for him… always staring at Yunho strait in the eyes. When there was only a single piece left of grilled meat, Sihan had taken it on his chopsticks and smiling warmly he had put it on Yunho’s plate saying “You can have this one”. Yunho had understood the message loud and clear… “Everything here is mine and you’ll only get whatever I decide to leave behind for you”. After that, it was impossible not seeing a remainder of that day in his cold eyes every time he offered him food…

Because of that, the young prince never dared to want something at all, because he knew that the moment Sihan got to know about it, he would take it before Yunho could even tried to reach it. In that way, without wanting or hoping for anything, prince Yunho had lived a quiet life… until Jaejoong arrived at the palace.

The first time that Yunho had seen Jaejoong, all the air in his lungs had scape like he had just been punched. Never in his life had he seen something so beautiful… so perfect. The young man of seventeen years old had looked like an angel that had come down to stroll through the palace’s gardens. His dark silky hair, his big expressive eyes, his red full lips, his pale soft-looking skin… the only thing that could make him more beautiful was his smile. When Jaejoong had looked at him, he had smiled like Yunho was the most magnificent view he had ever come across. He had never felt so full of happiness than when he had seen those dark eyes full of warmth and those pale cheeks blushed with happiness just from seeing him.

Yunho had informed himself about the angel’s identity and what was he doing in the palace as soon as he could. It was not necessary to clarify that when he had gotten to know who he was and what was he doing there… his whole being had withered away. It was unbelievable the how Sihan could take away what he wanted before he even knew that he wanted it. The angel had entered the palace to marry the monster that was his brother and even if he didn’t become his husband, he was destined to be his entertainment… and Yunho would have to watch it happen from the shadows that had become his home…

The young prince had spent hours hunting after that, trying to relieve the hatred and frustration that he was feeling. Every time he aimed with the arrows, he would imagine Sihan on the target. But even after spending hours and hours at it, he didn’t really feel any better. He still felt powerless and full of a sadness that only made him angrier because he had swear that he wouldn’t let Sihan do something like that to him again… but once again, his brother ended up getting what he wanted.

Finally he had decided to give up… after all, if he didn’t want anything then he wouldn’t lose anything either. He just needed to keep living like he had done so up to that moment and forget about the beautiful young man that was simply not destined to be his like many other things on his life. But, it was too late not to want… too late to pretend he wasn’t affected.

Even though he tried for hours to fall sleep that night, he just couldn’t do it. He had tried to forget and rest it importance. He had tried to erase from his mind those beautiful big eyes with long dark eyelashes but it had been totally impossible… they were engraved deep within his soul. So, taking advantage of the fact that his brother was too busy to meet his suitors just yet, Yunho had decided to go see Jaejoong just one more time, just one… but it didn’t turn out like he had planned.

When he had sneaked in to see Jaejoong, he just couldn’t stop doing it. The boy had notice he was there the moment Yunho had arrived at the place where he was eating with the rest of the chosen, it was like he could feel his presence. The instant those dark eyes found his and that pretty smile appear on his lips… Yunho was lost. Totally lost…

Every afternoon, Yunho found a way to be near Jaejoong. He sat down near where they were playing or just stroll around the area. Every night, the prince sneaked in to see him and spend a few hours talking about everything and nothing at the same time. Yunho knew that there was nothing he could do to change Jaejoong’s future and that he should stop torturing himself and the boy with something that simply couldn’t happen… but when he thought about stop visiting him; his heart would tighten on his chest. Nobody had ever been so adorable like him…

He had never wanted something so much like he had wanted to be with Jaejoong. He didn’t really understood what people meant by saying that they wanted something so bad to the point that it hurt… but now he understood perfectly. He could have given everything he had, his place as a prince included… just to be with him. If he had Jaejoong… nothing else would matter. Or so he used to think…

So, like an idiot, he hadn’t been able to stop looking at the beautiful boy while he was being introduced to his brother. He had tried to pretend in front of Sihan, but he had seen it. He had seen the way in which Yunho looked at Jaejoong and the way he looked back at Yunho. Then, the hideous smiled that he knew all too well to his liking, appear in the man’s face. No… NO!

All of a sudden all of his dreams had come true in the most repulsive and horrible way possible. In a minute, Jaejoong was his. Jaejoong had become his fiancée and his future husband. But Jaejoong wasn’t really his… Jaejoong had become another of Sihan’s leftovers to him… Jaejoong… had become that piece of meat that Sihan had allowed him to eat. And while the young man smiled at him with those dark eyes full of happiness, Yunho felt like throwing up. Because while looking into those dark eyes, all he could see was Sihan’s smile.

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The moment Yunho was married, with the decoration of his wedding being another of his brother’s leftover, the young prince went to see the king without even changing out of his wedding clothes, to ask him to let him go to the battle that was taking place at the border.

In another point of his life, he would have cared that the king didn’t even ask him anything at all and had cared nothing about him risking his life in the battlefield, but not at that moment. No when he was feeling like he was drowning with every gulp of air he took.

He needed to get out of that nasty contaminated place as soon as possible, to be able to get away from Sihan’s smile that mocked him in every corner of that damned place. Nothing really belonged to him ever… and nothing ever would. That was the message… and all he wanted to do was run away. Run away from that ing palace where everybody worshiped the very ground Sihan walked in. Escape from the father that had never even thought of asking him how he felt or what he wanted.

Escape of the only person that he had ever wanted and that his brother had contaminated with his poison like everything else in his life. In Yunho’s eyes… Jaejoong wasn’t really his. Jaejoong was simply something else that belonged to his brother and that he had thrown at him like a mock momentarily… and that hurt.

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The prince spent months at war before everything was over and yet, while all the men around him celebrated and hugged, Yunho felt like he had lost it all.

Looking in the distance he had wondered why he had put so much effort in fighting when because of that he had to go back to that hell once again. If he could only pretend he died in service and just leave to a faraway land… but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t do it. He had as much control on his own life as he had on everything else after all… none. And there was also the fact that Jaejoong had been in the palace. Yunho couldn’t get anywhere near the boy now without seeing his brother, but he didn’t want him harmed either and if he was gone leaving him behind, only god knew what could happen to him.

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The moment he arrived at the palace, Yunho was informed about the illness of his father and his brother. Something like that should have been informed to him in a letter sent to the battlefield, but that just showed how little he meant to those two men and to everyone else. But it wasn’t like they were much more important to him to begin with.

While the king’s eunuch was recommending him to visit the men, Yunho simply had left to take a bath and to sleep. It had been a very long time since had been able to clean up and rest properly. The prince didn’t even try to lie to himself by denying that he slept soundly only because he knew that his brother was sick.

Jaejoong got to know that he was back the very next day and had started to ask for an audience with him ever since, but he denied them all with any excuse he could come up with. He didn’t want to go through that again. He didn’t want to see his husband’s beautiful face, just to see Sihan in him. Just to see that idiotic piece of meat being offered to him… In his mind, Yunho knew that Jaejoong hadn’t change that he still was the same beautiful boy that he had fallen in love with, but he simply couldn’t tell him apart of what he had become. Jaejoong had become something out of his reach in the moment that he had been given to him like everything else had… second-handed.

Even that tiny little bit of happiness had been ripped away from him by his brother.

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Yunho was already sleeping when the eunuchs enter in his room to communicate him about his brother’s death. At the beginning he hadn’t really understood correctly and then he thought he was dreaming. It just couldn’t be true… Sihan couldn’t die before he became king. It just simply couldn’t happen. The mere notion that there could actually exist a world without his brother in it was unthinkable.

But it was true. Sihan was death and a few weeks after that, his father was dead too. While people offered him their condolences to him, Yunho had just sat there, present only on body, feeling absolutely nothing. He knew he at least should feel a little bit bad… even if Sihan had been twisted and sadistic, and his father had been an absent figure… it still had been his family. They had been human beings that had been breathing a few days ago and that had been present there since the moment that Yunho had been born.

But it didn’t matter how much he tried, he just couldn’t feel bad. On the contrary, he felt free and light, of course he was also a little stunned by the suddenness of it all but… finally in charge of his life.

And when everyone finally left and he was all alone standing in front of the throne that now belonged to him, Yunho laughed. That sit that his brother had been so proud of… he hadn’t even been able to get his anywhere near it. The reason why he had always made Yunho’s life miserable… he hadn’t even been able to enjoy it once… how ironic.

Yunho had won in the end… or that was he foolishly had thought.

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The days that followed the burial of his father and brother, had been the most relaxed and quiet of the prince’s life. Nothing had really changed… the maids still attend him in the same way, the food was still the same and so were his clothes… but Yunho now knew that Sihan wasn’t there and that he wouldn’t have to see him whenever the er decided to call him to mock him some more. Yunho knew that he wouldn’t need to eat with them and hold it in while Sihan fed him only whatever he wanted Yunho to eat. He wouldn’t have to put up with sitting hours just looking at Sihan practicing with his bow. He didn’t need to do anything with him ever again… and that was simply incredible.

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The day of the coronation came and there was Jaejoong. It felt like he had not seen him in years when it just had been a few weeks. He… shined. He was a little slimmer; his features looked sharper after losing the baby fat of youth and more beautiful than he remembered. The clothes he was wearing only enhance how beautiful he looked and yet… when he smiled shyly at him, his beauty blurred out and he could only see another smile. The smile he hated the most in the world… and that made his inside churn of pure hatred and his face reflected it perfectly.

Sihan was dead. Dead and buried and still… he was there. He was there in every piece of meat he ate, in every piece of clothing he wore; in every corner of that palace where he had lived and most of all… he was in the husband he had chosen himself for Yunho… Sihan lived in Jaejoong. And if only for that, the er deserved to die again.

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The first months as the king had being really difficult. The young king almost didn’t leave the throne room, trying to learn as fast as he could to be able to govern properly. It was later on that he realized that all that preparation had been a waste of time…

The kingdom was ruled by the ministers.

They rule and ordered and always have it their way. If Yunho wasn’t ok with something and said it, they argue with everything he said and slowly but surely they would drive him to a corner until he had no other choice but to give in. And if he ever refused any of their demands, they would refuse to work or they would organize a huge mess by making a manifestation in front of his door for hour “begging” him to change his mind.

Even with his father and brother dead, even when it didn’t look that way… Yunho still wasn’t in charge of his life not anything around him. Very late he realized that he was nothing but a well-dressed, well-fed puppet that they used at their will. It didn’t matter how much he tried to resist and to try to rule his own life, those ambitious old men always would find a form to have it their way.

So the king decided to give up. Just like it had happened with Sihan when he had decided to not ever want anything, Yunho decided to just do what was expected of him and nothing more. Then something happened that woke him up abruptly of his numbness… they started to suggest that he would dethrone Jaejoong.

At first he had just stand there listening at them while they lay the blame on Jaejoong of any stupid that would cross their mind, calling him a bad example. They lay the blame on him of everything and anything, but most of all, they lay the blame on him for Yunho’s lack of heirs. At the beginning they had been subtle with what they wanted but then they started to vocalize it openly without an ounce of shame or remorse. They wanted Yunho to repudiate Jaejoong and to take a wife on his place that would give what “the nation needed” in their own words.

Even if Yunho didn’t got close to young man, even if he never went to see him, even if every time he saw him he ended up being rude to him… their suggestion made his blood boil. His blood boiled when he heard them talking so much about someone they didn’t even know, ordering him to throw him away like he wasn’t worth it when he knew perfectly well that… that wasn’t true. But most of all, Yunho saw it all black when he thought of the possibilities of what could happen if he indeed let Jaejoong go.

If he actually decided to let the boy go, his father would probably marry him off to another person. Jaejoong would be someone else’s husband and that other would touch him and kiss him and… just imagining it, he wanted to kill that faceless person. Jaejoong wouldn’t, couldn’t be anyone else’s. Jaejoong couldn’t be anyone else’s because… because… because he simply couldn’t. Even if he wasn’t technically his, even if in his eyes he was Sihan’s… even if he couldn’t be anywhere near him because he wasn’t his… Jaejoong would remain his in name at least. Even if it was a lie...

That was the curse that his brother had lay on him, the one that he couldn’t be freed of. His curse was to live wanting Jaejoong, wanting that beautiful sweet young man… just to see Sihan on his face every time he tried to reach towards him. Completely unreachable even thought he was at an arm’s reach… always there and never there.

His and yet... not his at all…

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With the passing of the months, the complains on his husband just wouldn’t stop, on the contrary, they would just keep coming. The minister had started to question his right to the throne for being a bastard son that didn’t have sons of his own. So in the end, Yunho decided to accept a second wife to have a child. That would be the only way they would stop bothering him about divorcing Jaejoong.

The chosen, like it was to be expected, was one of the ministers’ daughters and Yunho just accepted without giving it much thought. After all, she would only be the second wife and her only duty would be to give him a son. It was what he needed to do to keep Jaejoong in his rightful place…

The day of his weeding with Minyu, the king saw Jaejoong again for the first time in a while… and everything inside him writhed. The young man looked skinny, way too skinny and his face was white like a piece of paper, the only color coming from the dark circles under his big dark eyes. During the whole ceremony, Yunho had been unable to stop looking at him. He looked miserable and his hand was white because of the firm grip that he held on his maid’s hand.

The king didn’t even hear a word of the ceremony, until the very end, when he had to get closer to Jaejoong to introduce him to his new wife. Up close he looked even sadder and desolated. Like always, Jaejoong behaved like the perfect husband and did everything he needed to do. He even presented Minyu with a gift before she was taken to her room to wait for him.

Yunho couldn’t move. He stood there, inspecting every detail of the boy’s aspect. He wanted to say so many things, ask him so many others… but when he opened his mouth, he had a horrible vision of his brother wrapping his arms around Jaejoong while smiling triumphantly because he knew that Yunho had dare to care. Then, something rude came out of Yunho’s mouth and his soul shattered in pieces when he saw the pain in those dark eyes rise even more.

And then Jaejoong was leaving, leaving Yunho frozen cold inside with every slow step he took away from him. His fingers where aching for pulling on him but he didn’t move at all. He was almost hoping the boy would hate him but at the same time the mere idea shattered him. Although it was probably not a bad idea… after all, he knew very well that he deserved the hate.

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Yunho went to Minyu’s room and fulfilled his duty. He kept on doing it for many nights but without any results. The woman simply wouldn’t get pregnant. And to make matters worse, she wouldn’t stop parading around like she was the queen and mistreating everyone.

For months and months, Yunho had to deal with all of that without any results. It didn’t matter how many times he went to her, the woman seemed incapable of getting pregnant.

Frustrated with everything and disgusted with everything he was and he felt, Yunho had gone to stroll around to burn off some of the unsettled energy inside him when he heard some maids talking. In another situation he wouldn’t have paid attention but he stopped on his tracks when he heard Jaejoong’s name. They were mocking him. They were saying that there was surely something really wrong with him to be completely ignored by the king like that and that they were surprised that he was even in the palace still. When they started to laugh, Yunho lost it and entered the room screaming and threatening all of them with death before he fired them and kicked them out of the palace while they cried asking for forgiveness. He had to hear every morning to the minister talking ill of Jaejoong, he was not going to hear it from the maids too… he was not going to hear it from anybody else.

After that, his feet had taken him on their own towards Jaejoong’s room, but he didn’t make it that far. When he got to the garden where they had met for the first time, he found Jaejoong sitting in a bench with a man. Yunho recognized the man as the tailor that it had been assigned to his husband.

A tailor should never sit down with the king’s husband to chit chat. More less all alone like that. His job was to make clothes and to get the out of there. Yet, there was Jaejoong, sitting in that bench and talking to that man that looked at him like Jaejoong was the most perfect thing he had ever seen.

Yunho saw it all red. How did that man dare to lay his eyes on Jaejoong? Why did Jaejoong even permitted it, knowing that he was married? Had he gotten tired of waiting for Yunho and had decided to replace him? Could he possibly dare to…?

Yunho left fuming, feeling confused and frustrated by his contrastive feelings. It couldn’t happen. Jaejoong couldn’t want any other. Jaejoong couldn’t give himself to any other… he… couldn’t. After everything that Yunho had to put up with to keep him on his legit place… after everything… no.

That was the first night that Yunho slept with a maid. He couldn’t even remember her face, more less what had happened in bed, but he had done it. And every night after that one, he had taken another and another.

Minyu was useless to have kids, Jaejoong let that tailor sit very close next to him and he didn’t even bother to try to talk to Yunho anymore. He didn’t try to contact him to ask him to visit him anymore. Jaejoong had forgotten about him.

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After days and days of ignoring her, Minyu went to his room and refused to leave. Yunho didn’t pay any attention to what the woman was babbling about until he heard her talk about Jaejoong.

Yunho was about to shut her up when she mentioned that she had heard that Jaejoong had left the palace accompanied by a man named Yoochun. It couldn’t be true… of all the things that had been invented about his husband that one had to be the most absurd. If Jaejoong had really done something like that… then what he had been suspecting could very well be true… and then Yunho was not sure he was going to be able to keep his composure.

The king sent someone to call the young man over immediately and Minyu only left when Jaejoong arrived.

Yunho asked Jaejoong about the rumor and his body went cold the moment the boy didn’t deny the accusation. Almost immediately the cold was replaced by red fury and Yunho started to scream. He screamed at the young man about how hard it was for him to keep him in his place without him doing anything wrong, with something like that it was almost impossible. He screamed at him that he was going to kill that er Park Yoochun and his maid too for helping him and then Jaejoong kneeled and Yunho hated himself for it. He hated himself for making his husband kneel on the floor but most of all he hated the fact that he was doing it to save that ing tailor’s life. Jaejoong murmured something about visiting his mother’s burial but all the king heard was that Jaejoong had preferred to go with Yoochun than to go with him. He had never asked Yunho to go with him to his mother’s burial or even talked to him about the death of the woman at all… and when a part of him started to whisper that he wouldn’t have listen had Jaejoong tried to talk to him, Yunho shut it down immediately.

Finally, Yunho decided not to kill the bastard, but to send him far away where Jaejoong would never be able to see him again.

Right before the black-haired left, Yunho asked him to go unnoticed. He really needed him to do so because if he didn’t, the minister would start all over again with the topic of casting away his husband and even if his whole body was fighting all the feelings he had for Jaejoong, the only thing he was sure about was that he didn’t wanted to let him go.

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The next time Yunho saw his husband was because of Minyu once again. The woman came fuming to him, screaming like a crazy person that Jaejoong had ordered someone to hit her like she was just another maid in the palace.

Yunho had found that hard to believe until he had seen the red swollen cheek of the woman. But when she had demanded for Yunho to punish Jaejoong in the same way, Yunho had shut her up and send her to her room. Yunho himself wasn’t in a very good mood because the ministers kept demanding that he would replace Jaejoong with Minyu as the queen. He had refused, reminding them that even though she was a woman she hadn’t been able to give him a son either. The last thing he needed at the moment was for Jaejoong to be causing problems that would make it all blow up on his face once again.

As soon as he had been alone, Yunho had sent someone to look for Jaejoong. It took more time than normal for Jaejoong to arrive and when he did, Yunho immediately notice that he didn’t look good. He was just a beautiful as always but the paleness of his skin didn’t seem natural anymore. Jaejoong explained to him the reason why Minyu had been punished and then to his complete surprise and consternation, Jaejoong offered his beloved Suhi to take care of his future child. This made all Yunho’s instincts to jump and without thinking, his feet took him to where the boy was standing to look at him from up close. Something was seriously wrong. He could feel it with every part of himself…

Being so close to Jaejoong, flashes of his brother and his horrific arrogant smile would blend in with the image of the young man standing right in front of him, but Yunho fought them as hard as he could. Jaejoong looked seriously ill, like he could barely stand on his feet. He ordered him to go get checked but when he was leaving at slow painful steps, Yunho had the bad feeling that he was not going to listen to him…

All afternoon, instead of thinking about what Minyu had done to the woman that had managed to get pregnant with his child; the king was passing around the room without being able to get Jaejoong’s sad eyes out of his mind. His lips, that had always looked red and inviting, had looked just as alarmingly pale as the rest of his skin. He tried to convince himself that if something was really wrong with him, the doctor would come to tell him immediately, but that would not happen if Jaejoong didn’t go to get check with them like he had ordered him to…

When he had not been able to deal with the suspense any longer and the knot on his throat didn’t seem to stop tightening, Yunho went himself to see the doctor to ask him about Jaejoong’s health but like he had feared, Jaejoong had never even gotten close to the clinic. A huge fear settled in the pit of his stomach while he rushed at high speed towards the man’s room. There was something there that he was missing. Something that was apparently very important…

Minyu intercepted him on the way and Yunho barely paid any attention to her. Later he would scream at her for accusing Jaejoong of doing something that wasn’t wrong in any way. He himself had the right to hit her, but knowing what was happening with Jaejoong was a lot more important at the moment. The insufferable woman followed him and he just ignored her. He needed to see his husband as soon as possible. He needed to know that he was fine and when all of that was clarified, he would scream at him for disobeying him and for scaring him like that.

When Yunho entered the garden that leaded to Jaejoong’s room, the king stopped instantly. He had a clear view of the young man sitting with Suhi in the benches. Jaejoong looked healthy and beautiful like the very first day. Could it be that had been exaggerating? No… it looked like Jaejoong was leaning in Suhi, letting the woman hold a big part of his weight, like he couldn’t stay straight on his own. Yet, when he saw Yunho at the entrance, he smiled at him like he didn’t do it since years ago… like Yunho was a gift. And for the first time, his brother’s ghost didn’t appear with that awful smile of his. As if the king’s worry for his husband’s health would have blocked that image for him.

A short and painful memory of their first week together filled his mind and his heart hurt. He remembered everything they had talked about and the hopes he had had about being with him forever. But destiny had twisted way of making your wishes come true. All of a sudden, his memories were abruptly interrupted by his husband coughing blood…

The world around the young king seemed to stop moving and his heart also seemed to stop beating for a few seconds. And then… everything started to move so fast that it made him dizzy. Yunho started to run towards Jaejoong, calling him, screaming his name, as if that alone could fix whatever was wrong with the young man. Hoping to have seen it all wrong, the king found his husband on the floor with his head lying on Suhi’s lap.

Taking his husband in his arms, Yunho started to scream to the maids to bring the doctors immediately. He needed them to move fast so that they could fix what was wrong with Jaejoong, because he didn’t know what was going to happen if they couldn’t do it… he couldn’t even think about that possibility. He caressed the boy’s face and talked to him without actually know what he was saying. He just wanted to calm him down or maybe he was trying to calm himself down.

Jaejoong was trying to say something but before Yunho could understand, his young husband coughed more blood, making the little color he had left go. Yunho cleaned the trail of blood off his lips as best as he could, as if he could get rid of whatever the sickness was with just erasing that terrifying trail of his lips. Feeling desperate, Yunho ordered once again to the maids to bring the doctors.

But then something changed…

Jaejoong went limp on his arms and Yunho froze. Jaejoong… he couldn’t…

Looking down, he found his husband unconscious and lax in his arms. Faint… he had just fainted… it couldn’t be anything else.

Putting an arm behind the back of his legs and his back, the king got up with Jaejoong on his arms and he started to run. If the doctors wouldn’t hurry, then he would do it.

He found the men half way through and he lowered Jaejoong to the ground quickly so that they could examine him. The king stood there, while the doctors took care of Jaejoong, with his hands covered in blood and his heart on his throat. Jaejoong couldn’t go… Jaejoong had fainted. Jaejoong would be ok… Jaejoong had to be ok.

• Majesty… - Started one of the doctors, turning towards him after examining his husband – He has been poisoned… we didn’t make it in time… he is dea…
• DO SOMETHING! MAKE HIM WAKE UP! IT IS AN ORDER!

The doctors just stared at him with a mixture of terror and pity on their faces and Yunho lost it. He pushed them away from Jaejoong and he picked his husband back up before he started to march towards the exit of the palace. If they couldn’t do anything, then surely there was another doctor out there that could do something to help. While he was walking, Yunho could hear that they were following him but he couldn’t care less. He needed to get Jaejoong to a doctor. He needed to get Jaejoong to wake up. He needed to apologize…

When he got to the entrance, his path was blocked by some guards.

• MOVE OUT OF MY WAY!
• Majesty, there is nothing to be done… - started one of the doctors at his back.
• JAEJOONG IS NOT DEAD! HE JUST NEEDS A DOCTOR THAT ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING! MOVE NOW!

And then the unthinkable happened, Suhi appeared right in front of him and slapped him hard enough to knock him. Everyone seemed to be holding their breaths while Yunho looked at the woman like he was seeing her for the first time ever. The woman’s eyes were full of unshed tears and her cheeks were wet.

• You never cared about his majesty… now is not the time to pretend. Let him rest in peace.

Yunho shook his head while the strength slipped out of his body. Slowly, his legs gave in and he ended up sitting on the floor with his husband firmly held on his arms.

• Jaejoong is not dead… Jaejoong needs a doctor… why doesn’t anyone understand? My Jaejoong… my Jaejoong can’t leave me… my Jaejoong… - murmured the king in a voice that would have suited better a crying child.

Then, the knot on his throat tightened so much that he couldn’t speak anymore and he just hugged Jaejoong to his chest, trying to give him the warmth that he had lost, while the most horrible pain settled on his chest and the tears started to flow down his face.

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For hours, the king didn’t do anything but cry without letting anyone take Jaejoong away from him. He couldn’t let go of him, he couldn’t let anyone take him from him again. Maybe if he hold him for long enough, the warmth would finally go back to his body and he would open those big dark eyes to look at him with the kindness that he had looked at him with in the past.

When Minyu got close to talk to him, the sky was dark already and Yunho wasn’t screaming anymore. The tears were still flowing but not a sound scape from his lips. Yunho couldn’t hear anything the woman was saying and he really didn’t care at all either. He just wanted to wake up from that horrible nightmare he was in. He just wanted to wake up…

Then Minyu made the mistake of touching Jaejoong. Her filthy hand closed around his husband’s arm and started to pull to take him away from Yunho. The king looked up and saw that her expression seemed completely relaxed. Like everything was ok in the world when in reality everything was over and done with. When in reality there was not a single reason to keep on living… and Yunho understood.

• It was you… - murmured the king.
• What? – Asked the woman with surprise.
• You took my Jaejoong away from me. You hurt him to take his title as the queen. You killed my Jaejoong…
• What? Of course not!
• GUARDS!

Immediately, a group of soldiers got close to surround the king and he pointed at the horrible woman that was standing in front of him.

• Arrest her! That woman is to be killed for poisoning my husband!

While the soldiers grabbed the woman from the arms, she started to fight back and scream with hatred… but Yunho registered just one thing she said. “My father won’t let you do this!” Damn… she was right.

Taking the sword of one of the guards, Yunho buried it in Minyu’s stomach to the hilt. The woman gasped with her eyes wide opened.

• He won’t be able to do anything about it now… - commented the king before he picked up Jaejoong in his arms very carefully and made his way slowly towards the throne room.

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It was almost dawn and Yunho was still sitting on the floor of the room with Jaejoong in his lap. The king couldn’t stop caressing his husband’s face and his soft silky hair. His eyes didn’t seem to have any more tears to shed anymore and he felt empty… because Jaejoong deserved more tears than the ones he had cried. He deserved it all…

• Jaejoong… why won’t you wake up for me? I’m so sorry… I’m sorry… please, tell me you can hear me… tell me that you hate me… anything is better than this…
• He won’t be back. Let him rest.

Yunho looked up to see Suhi in the entrance. The woman had a bouquet of lilacs on her hand and her eyes were as swollen as Yunho’s, but unlike him, she had a serious expression like she was resigned to what had happened.

• Suhi… Jaejoong…
• I poisoned him… it was me, not miss Minyu…

There was a moment of complete silence in which Yunho couldn’t take his eyes away from the maid.

• What…? – he groaned
• I poisoned him. He ordered me to do it after you called him here to this room to tell him that he was nothing but a bother to you.

Yunho shook his head, not believing what he was hearing. It couldn’t be true… surely he couldn’t have done that to Jaejoong…

• You didn’t value his majesty. He was the sweetest soul I ever got to meet in this palace and he loved you with all his heart until the last day even when you never deserved it. No, you just decided to put him aside for an idiotic trauma that you laid on him. His majesty Jaejoong was never the problem… it was always you. You and your stupidity. Crying over the body that doesn’t have his soul inside anymore is completely useless and even insulting.

The woman got close and let the bouquet of lilacs of Jaejoong’s chest before she walked away again.

• I don’t care what you decide to do with me now, but it you don’t kill me, I’ll leave the palace. I won’t ever take care of a child of yours nor any woman with whom you broke his majesty’s heart.

And while the woman exited the room, Yunho could only look at the face of the one that had been his husband. Suhi was right… and he was not going to hurt her for it. He had put his own traumas on his husband and he had made him pay for his demons. He had always had him close and an arm’s reach, but his own dumb issues had kept them apart. Sihan hadn’t lived in Jaejoong, he could have never touched something so pure… he had lived in Yunho’s mind and he had projected him on his innocent husband. There had never existed someone so stupid…

The king bended over the cold body of his husband and kissed his lips softly. With a huge pain in his heart, he thought about how different it must have felt to do that while he still could feel it… while his body was still warm.

• I’ll fix all the pain I cause you… - whispered the king – even if I have to be born again… I’ll find you and I’ll fix it all. I promise, Jaejoong.

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• …and then the king was dethroned and sent into exile. The ministers ruled the nation until the prince was born and was of age to take control. Now we will watch the documentary about… Yunho? Yunho are you ok?

While the history teacher called him, Yunho couldn’t breathe. The tears wouldn’t stop flowing down his face. His mind was a whole mess and he couldn’t focus in one idea. That king… the king that teacher had been talking about… that king had been him…

It wasn’t possible and yet… he remembered it all. He remembered every detail of what had happened. He remembered the palace and his brother… he remembered the years as king and the food, he remembered Minyu... but most of all... he remembered…

• Yunho? Hey… what is it? – Asked the guy sitting next to him while laying a hand softly on his arm.

The adolescent turned around quickly towards the voice that he could recognize anywhere. Jaejoong… Jaejoong was there too. Jaejoong was sitting next to him, looking at him with confusion in those big dark eyes that he had loved so much and that like a fool he had hurt so much too.

His hands flew on their own towards Jaejoong to cup his beautiful face between his hands and be able to check that it wasn’t a dream. He gasped in surprise when he felt the warm soft skin of his husband in his hands.

• You are here… with me… - murmured Yunho before he bended over to capture those rosy lips in a deep kiss.

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Hello! sorry about the delay. The day i wrote this, last wednesday, my computer got broken and i had to wait five to see the technician... u,u Anyway... another chapter to go and that is it! hope you like it! comment please!